Is having an affair really easier than dating?

[StarScream35]

I know of at least 3 ladies back home who are messing around with married men and one here in St. Louis. So I finally got the nerve to ask her why not just go out and date. She said, having an affair with a married man is easier than dating because most married men will treat like you wanna be treated and at least you know they have another woman upfront vs single men playing games and acting immature.

What do you guys think? I don't agree with this mess. I think a woman in this situation is setting herself up to get hurt.

 

[Highly Favored8]

No, no and no... Not worth it. For me IMHO when a man is in a committed realtionship is off limits. However, I know of women who do and I just SMDH.

 

[cre8]

Women who are with married men are just setting themselves up for failure. The wife always wins

 

[hopeful]

Perhaps it's easier to find a married man vs. a decent single man but I assume they have to sneak around, can't be seen together in public (so how do they really date a married man?), can't depend on him to be available when they want, can't be together on holidays, etc. So it may be easier, I guess...but a waste of time IMO. And immoral, humiliating, and setting yourself up for heartache.

 

[PeaceFlow]

It is easier for some women and not all women get hurt if they don't want anything more than the fling.

Just like casual sex is easier for some women than dating if they have had their heart/trust broken recently.

Perhaps she's been cheated on many times in past relationships. Being the other woman, the man will usually say most things and have it laid out on the table. So emotionally at that time it's easier than meeting a new person, getting feelings involved and having to trust they are faithful. I suppose if you're OW there's no threat of some text message popping up about "I'm sleeping with your man" because you don't have a man

Psychologically I get it because I've seen this attitude before in women that sleep around or are mistresses, but don't want more than that. They like that it's not going to involve the heart.

 

[sherrimberri]

The wife does not always win. Ive seen my uncle divorce 2 of his wives for his mistresses. His current wife confided in me and told me she recently caught him cheating as well.
Mistresses dont over think things the way wives do. Most dont want the man to leave his wife, lack certain morals, and are out to have a good time with your husbands at his expense.
I wouldnt date a married man because i wouldnt want someone to do that to me. But i know plenty of women who do.

 

[SmileyNY]

Dead end roads are always easier to navigate... because they don't lead to anywhere.

Your friend's philosophy is the same as saying it's easier to jump off of a mountain than to hike down. Um... yea sure... Go ahead and jump then

 

[ChasingBliss]

Women who are with married men are just setting themselves up for failure. The wife always wins

I think it's a loss really. You have a cheating arse husband. No winning there ....


The mistress is a fool. The wife gets played for a fool. The husband aint ish.... bad all around.

 

[Lymegreen]

I think some single women (I know) do this and I've suspected it for a while but of course there is no proof. But, I remember when the black candidate who ran for president (I can't remember his name) but he was an old pizza company exec.

Anyway, it turned out that he was having an affair with a (from the outside looking in) very successful black lady who would probably be the 1st to say that she couldn't find a decent man to marry her who was on her level.

But, how could she when she was not emotionally available?

Women who do this tie up their time and emotions to men who ultimately can't be there for them and leave themselves unavailable for real love in their lives.

my 2 cents.....

 

[LivingInPeace]

I think some single women (I know) do this and I've suspected it for a while but of course there is no proof. But, I remember when the black candidate who ran for president (I can't remember his name) but he was an old pizza company exec.

Anyway, it turned out that he was having an affair with a (from the outside looking in) very successful black lady who would probably be the 1st to say that she couldn't find a decent man to marry her who was on her level.

But, how could she when she was not emotionally available?

Women who do this tie up their time and emotions to men who ultimately can't be there for them and leave themselves unavailable for real love in their lives.

my 2 cents.....

I think a lot of the women who do this don't realize they are emotionally unavailable for a relationship because we're taught as women that we always want a boyfriend/husband. So when you don't want the emotional ties it's easier to be with someone who's taken because you don't have expectations and you don't have to worry about him wanting to be with you all the time.

 

[StarScream35]

Defintelty some interesting posts here and many made me see things from a different perspective. It does make me wonder if any of these women have been hurt in past relationships and feel a no strings attached situation is better? But is it?? One of the woman I know will sometimes slip up and start complaining about how emotionally unavailable the guy she is fooling with is...........I'm like ya think!!! I want so badly to ask her what did she expect but I'm so not bold like that. I'm not an in your face person but this chic needs a dose of reality. At the same time I don't wanna be judgemental because I don't know what I'm capable of. I'm single and would love more than anything to be in a loving, romantic relationship but as of now I just couldn't allow myself to be set up for hurt and pain like.

 

[Fine 4s]

Women who are with married men are just setting themselves up for failure. The wife always wins

Assuming they want a relationship at all.
Maybe it's about companionship and sex and lots and lots of SPACE! lol
But I don't think most women can do this for a long long time without catching feelings. Or at least I don't know of any.

You think you're taking a man 'off the market' and really, he's never been more 'on' SMDH.

ETA: Reminds me of that Michael Baisden book Do men Know What They Want.

 

[sistatv]

The wife does not always win. Ive seen my uncle divorce 2 of his wives for his mistresses. His current wife confided in me and told me she recently caught him cheating as well.
.

Looks like the wives did win after all...They no longer have to be disrespected by him any more. And the current wife seems to be getting her karma as well.

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

The wife does not always win. Ive seen my uncle divorce 2 of his wives for his mistresses. His current wife confided in me and told me she recently caught him cheating as well.
Mistresses dont over think things the way wives do. Most dont want the man to leave his wife, lack certain morals, and are out to have a good time with your husbands at his expense.
I wouldnt date a married man because i wouldnt want someone to do that to me. But i know plenty of women who do.

So you are saying that he married his mistresses and then cheated on the wife that used to be a mistress. If I was the ex-wife (and over him) I'd see that as winning.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I've never had an affair but dating was so much fun. Free food all the time!

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

Assuming they want a relationship at all.
Maybe it's about companionship and sex and lots and lots of SPACE! lol
But I don't think most women can do this for a long long time without catching feelings. Or at least I don't know of any.

You think you're taking a man 'off the market' and really, he's never been more 'on' SMDH.

ETA: Reminds me of that Michael Baisden book Do men Know What They Want.

Not all women - but I think some of them do it because they feel validated and desirable knowing that they can "steal" someone else's DH even if it's just for a time. Some women actually get off on that...

Signed,

Person that works in family law.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

She said, having an affair with a married man is easier than dating because most married men will treat like you wanna be treated and at least you know they have another woman upfront vs single men playing games and acting immature.

She's simple.

Do not take any advice from her about anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The 1 in a billion(th) time that I have advocated for messing with a married man is Naomi Campbell. That situation is such an extreme exception to the rules that people would be daft to put it into regular jumpoff status.

 

[SophieDulce]

The only women I know who dated married men did it only for financial purposes and no sex was involved. It was a win and easy for them because they didn't actually want the man they just wanted his money.

 

[Browndilocks]

I've known chicks who dated married men and claimed there was no sex. Yet I've never met anyone who was being truthful about it when they said it.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Not all women - but I think some of them do it because they feel validated and desirable knowing that they can "steal" someone else's DH even if it's just for a time. Some women actually get off on that...

Signed,

Person that works in family law.

Agreed.

I never dealt with married men, but I've dealt with guys who were in relationships.

To answer the OP, dealing with a married man and dating are not the same thing. When you date you are leaving yourself open to developing a fresh new (maybe) quality relationship with someone. With a married man, you get company, sex and hot meals/money. The latter usually goes nowhere because you have presented yourself as not just a side piece, but a person who will put up with someone who is not completely present (emotionally, physically etc). Although, there are some quality relationships that do spin off from infidelity.

Your friend is making excuses. She settled for a married man because she'd rather do that than be alone.

 

[StarScream35]

I've known chicks who dated married men and claimed there was no sex. Yet I've never met anyone who was being truthful about it when they said it.

I couldn't imagine a man risking his marriage by fooling around with someone he was simply just giving money to, paying her bills etc. Definitely sex involved, especially when you understand how men are programmed.

 

[miss cosmic]

The only women I know who dated married men did it only for financial purposes and no sex was involved. It was a win and easy for them because they didn't actually want the man they just wanted his money.

And what did he want/get? Companionship?

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[SophieDulce]

And what did he want/get? Companionship?

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I guess, Im going to assume they just wanted attention and doting upon by a pretty chick who knows.

 

[sunnydaze]

Easier? Yes. Right? Of course not. Where I am in my life right now, a married man would meet my needs; hot meals, likely fun "taboo" sex, plenty of space, no catching feelings..yep it would be easy and unfortunately know someone who is willing....

But my own moral code and respect for marriage cancels out any chance that I would ever do such a thing.

 

[pearcey]

Women who are with married men are just setting themselves up for failure. The wife always wins

or in those rare cases, where dude leaves wife for wifey...and then wifey starts acting like wife, complete with kids and the wife duties, dude looks for another wifey...

yupper-doodle