Is dating a man with a girlfriend/SO wrong?

[candy1214]

Damn im busted....

RED-HANDED!!!

 

[Blossssom]

The man you want... The man you sleep with... That man... The dishonesty and lies just make him all the more sexier... Is that what you look for in a man?

I dunno. I guess we all have our own opinions. When I get invovled with men its usually because Im seeking a relationship. But the way Im reading it is you dont really want him. Just another notch on the belt huh? Maybe thats why we have different opinions. Youre seeking something else while I assusme most of the ladies on here are seeking relationships. I think I understand now. I think people who have no feelings about things like that are empty inside. So if you feel nothing why even sleep with him in the first place. Why not just sleep with an available man?

I don't know how you gathered any of this from everything I've said.

 

[candy1214]

I don't know how you gathered any of this from everything I've said.

well u said that you felt NOTHING. maybe its b/c you didnt really elaborate (and i didnt ask) about the fruition of these relationships w/ dudes who are involved w/ other women. how long do they last? do they ever turn into 'committed' (and im using this term loosely) relationships for you?

and you say that they COMPETE w/ you (im assuming its cuz you're the baddest B and you're not on a leash so you date other men simultaneously)....what is in parenthesis is an assumption, so if you want to, feel free to elaborate on that as well.

 

[Blossssom]

well u said that you felt NOTHING. maybe its b/c you didnt really elaborate (and i didnt ask) about the fruition of these relationships w/ dudes who are involved w/ other women. how long do they last? do they ever turn into 'committed' (and im using this term loosely) relationships for you?

and you say that they COMPETE w/ you (im assuming its cuz you're the baddest B and you're not on a leash so you date other men simultaneously)....what is in parenthesis is an assumption, so if you want to, feel free to elaborate on that as well.

I wasn't talking about me, per se, but more in general. Refer to posts where I use the term "new girl". They shed a lot of light.

It has nothing to do with being the baddest anything. If a man who is 'supposedly' in a committed relationship decides to step outside of it, he bears a responsibility to his girlfriend; the new woman doesn't owe his girlfriend anything.

Anyone who is single has the right to date different people simultaneously. There's no moral law against that... not that I'm aware of.

 

[nu_nu_2002]

Never mind U can hump whoever you wanna hump. Hopefully we will never cross paths IRL

 

[Blossssom]

Never mind U can hump whoever you wanna hump. Hopefully we will never cross paths IRL

Thanks for your permission

 

[peacensoul]

If you never plan on settling down or getting serious or even falling in love then GO FOR IT. Because karma wont hurt you because you a criminal of the same defense. Now if you do want to get serious with someone I suggest you stay far far far away from a guy with a girl. If some ***** were to sleep with your man and you would be upset then I suggest you don't become a hypocrite.

Thats my 2sense....

But I never said if some chic is just talking to a guy you can't ease ya way in cuz he is still fair game.. Yes I'm a culprit of that offense

 

[treybaby2005]

I think anyone who knowingly will date a man when he has a girlfriend has no self esteem whatsoever.I haven't even read all of these posts but imo I just think its wrong period.Men lie all the time in relationships but if he blatently tells you he has a so from the jump,why bother with a dog no matter what the reason he tells you.It shouldnt matter if you are married or not if you are in a commited relationship,you just don't do it.If he really wanted you,he would come correct and leave his girl and persue you.We all know men wanna have their cake and eat it too.People are so simple nowadays.Sometimes women are trying so hard to have someone in there lives they don't even care about whose feelings are involved in the situation.This burns me up that women willingly share men.I don't know anyone personally that says its ok to share her man.Its a disgrace to black women in general.Thats why its so many baby mamas and no real families because women are just degrading themselves by dating men that are taken and not being patient for that single man.......Um Can you tell I'm a woman scorned?

 

[Kurlee]

Wow! this thread really grew from earlier today. I must say I'm shocked by what I'm, reading. Alot of the women who are down to date a man who is involved appear to be attractive and intelligent women. Thats why for the life of me, I don't understand why they put themselves in these situations. If a man wants to disrespect his situation, thats on him, but for a nother woman to participate, I can't respect that. its straight excuses and bs to rationalize it by saying he wanted me or he persued me, or hes not happy with her. Temptation comes in all forms, and its something that all relationships experience, but damn to encourage that is jus.........

Its sad to say it, but our race has the lowest marriage rates, lowest success rates for our kids in skools, most amount of single parents, poverty, crime, lowest everything rates and yet the few black people who are actually take an honest go at a relationship, have these desperate women who are willing to get in the mix. If he's a dog, thats his problem let the girl find out on her own, its not right to take it upon urself and and say well too bad for her she need to check her man.

There may be kids involved, one of the two women or both may get pregnant and that jus feeds so much of the problem our "people" have. Its sad, thats all I can say. Of all the things to do with ur life and with other people homewrecking and not giving a damn is on the top of the list. Its sad. There is truly something wrong with our people and there is clearly some underlying, unresolved issue, why some women are cool with this ad make so much excuses fro something that is unequivocally wrong on so many levels.

 

[patient1]

Hmm. People are not things. God gave us all FREE WILL.

I will never bash a woman for "taking" or "stealing" my man. I'll bash my man for going with her.

~sigh~ The sooner we absorb this one, the less Waiting to Exhaling we'll have to do.

p1

 

[DragonPearl]

(to all of the ladies): Can anyone tell me if they know of a woman who didnt mind dating men who were taken that ended up in a happy, long-lasting relationship??

I knew of 1. The guy was living with her boss. They began dating and the guy broke up with her boss soon thereafter. They both lost their jobs of course, but since they were techies, they found other jobs quickly.

This was the first time I had actually heard the "if he is not married, he is available theory". From her. They've been married for 16 years now. Been through up and downs like most marriages, but still strong last time I spoke with her 6 months ago.

 

[DragonPearl]

It has nothing to do with being the baddest anything. If a man who is 'supposedly' in a committed relationship decides to step outside of it, he bears a responsibility to his girlfriend; the new woman doesn't owe his girlfriend anything.

Anyone who is single has the right to date different people simultaneously. There's no moral law against that... not that I'm aware of.

I don't know about moral laws, since each person's morals is different, but there is no statuatory law in the book. While you may be able to prosecute your spouse for stepping out, you can't prosecute your boyfriend or SO for doing the same.

I think an unmarried man who sleeps with different women while claiming to be faithful to one of them is breaking his word to that one, and as such is a liar. But, the women he is stepping out with are not lying to anyone, so the moral thing is kind of subjective.

Okay, I just asked my DH. He said the other woman is not necessarily morally wrong, but he thinks she is stupid because the man will not treat her any better.

 

[Blossssom]

I don't know about moral laws, since each person's morals is different, but there is no statuatory law in the book. While you may be able to prosecute your spouse for stepping out, you can't prosecute your boyfriend or SO for doing the same.

I think an unmarried man who sleeps with different women while claiming to be faithful to one of them is breaking his word to that one, and as such is a liar. But, the women he is stepping out with are not lying to anyone, so the moral thing is kind of subjective.

Okay, I just asked my DH. He said the other woman is not necessarily morally wrong, but he thinks she is stupid because the man will not treat her any better.

In the end, it all depends on what the other woman expects. Again, I doubt these women are looking for anything lasting, at least in the beginning.

But if she does ever decide that she wants more, she'll have to move on if he's not willing to date her anymore and find someone who will exclusively.

Yea, and I wonder why THAT is (to the bolded)

Because the LAW doesn't recognize boyfriend/girlfriend relationships anymore than I do

 

[CoCoGirl821]

I don't know about moral laws, since each person's morals is different, but there is no statuatory law in the book. While you may be able to prosecute your spouse for stepping out, you can't prosecute your boyfriend or SO for doing the same.

I think an unmarried man who sleeps with different women while claiming to be faithful to one of them is breaking his word to that one, and as such is a liar. But, the women he is stepping out with are not lying to anyone, so the moral thing is kind of subjective.

Okay, I just asked my DH. He said the other woman is not necessarily morally wrong, but he thinks she is stupid because the man will not treat her any better.

I agree, its not about morals is about protecting your feelings. Lots of women believe that its impossible for a woman to use a man sexually. But let me tell u... it is possible. Like i said before and I will keep sayin, if you think that this can get u in his arms and in as his wifey, you can forget it...situations like that just dont happen daily. However, if u just in it for what u can get with no emotion attached...more power to you.

 

[DragonPearl]

In the end, it all depends on what the other woman expects. Again, I doubt these women are looking for anything lasting, at least in the beginning.

But if she does ever decide that she wants more, she'll have to move on if he's not willing to date her anymore and find someone who will exclusively.

Yea, and I wonder why THAT is (to the bolded)

Because the LAW doesn't recognize boyfriend/girlfriend relationships anymore than I do

Yep, the law does not.

There are laws in the book in many states whereas if I walk home to find my DH in bed with another woman, and I shoot one or both in a fit of rage, I may be able to get off because it will be called a crime of passion. They don't have applicable laws like this for boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, not that I am aware of.

 

[Priss Pot]

Man, responses in threads like these makes me happy to have the SO that I have. We've been together for 3 years, and we are committed even though we are not yet married. I have everything he needs, so I highly doubt that he would be "stepping out." Women who actively pursue an involved man (even if the guy doesn't want anything to do with her) must have some issues. I can't believe women would do that, but at the same time, I'm not surprised.

Blossom, you should be more careful. One day, you may mess with the wrong woman's man......and then it's over.

 

[cocoberry10]

Yes. And Hell no, I wouldn't do it. I play second fiddle to NO ONE!

 

[Summer_Rain]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I remember growing up - my GRANDMOTHER (been married for 57 yrs now) always told me that a man is "single" until he's married or engaged to be married. End of story. That was in response to her wanting to know why I had stopped liking a particular boy, and I told her that I found out he had a girlfriend. She advised me to never stop being "friendly" with him because you never know when that relationship will end. She didn't advocate creeping or playing second, but at the same time - didn't think it was a good idea to go burning bridges over what may very well end up being just a temporary relationship.

 

[cocoberry10]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I remember growing up - my GRANDMOTHER (been married for 57 yrs now) always told me that a man is "single" until he's married or engaged to be married. End of story. That was in response to her wanting to know why I had stopped liking a particular boy, and I told her that I found out he had a girlfriend. She advised me to never stop being "friendly" with him because you never know when that relationship will end. She didn't advocate creeping or playing second, but at the same time - didn't think it was a good idea to go burning bridges over what may very well end up being just a temporary relationship.

My mother also used to say this (her mother/my grandmother taught her this too--I think it's an old school philosophy), but she always taught us NEVER to date a man with a girlfriend/wife. She also said you don't have to cut all ties with a man that's not married, but if he's interested, let him come to you. And I agree with this philosophy. If he wants to be with me, he will dump her and then be with me.

 

[Summer_Rain]

My mother also used to say this (her mother/my grandmother taught her this too--I think it's an old school philosophy), but she always taught us NEVER to date a man with a girlfriend/wife. She also said you don't have to cut all ties with a man that's not married, but if he's interested, let him come to you. And I agree with this philosophy. If he wants to be with me, he will dump her and then be with me.

Yeah, that's how it was always presented to me as well. You don't have to go about creeping and what not, but they see nothing wrong with a friendly exchange of email addys to "keep in touch" - ya know? I'm not sure what the popular opinion is on that - but it's advice I'll never forget. Grams also said that until a man proposes marriage, or at least expresses SERIOUS intent to do so - never completely close my eyes to others. *shrugs* but that may just be old school...who knows.

 

[Mestiza]

Okay, that makes no sense to me.

Taken is taken- IMO.

ITA! There are far too many men to choose from for me to get involved w/ one who is already in a relationship.

 

[calliope]

If a man cheats on his girlfriend/SO to be with you, I don't believe that this is the type of man that you should aspire to be with because he will undoubtedly turn around and do the same thing to you.

 

[Priss Pot]

Yeah, that's how it was always presented to me as well. You don't have to go about creeping and what not, but they see nothing wrong with a friendly exchange of email addys to "keep in touch" - ya know? I'm not sure what the popular opinion is on that - but it's advice I'll never forget. Grams also said that until a man proposes marriage, or at least expresses SERIOUS intent to do so - never completely close my eyes to others. *shrugs* but that may just be old school...who knows.

That's a somewhat understandable philosophy, but when do you give up? Do you just keep being "friendly" to this man in hopes that he breaks up with his girlfriend so that he could be with you? Do you make passes at him? Do you come onto him; do you tell him you're in love with him?

I think that if a man is only interested in HIS woman, then the "other" woman shouldn't continue to pursue him just because he isn't married to his lady.

 

[Farida]

Well, I guess if he and his girl aren't exclusive, she knows it and is okay with it, he is okay with it and you are okay with it. Myself, hell naaw.

 

[Millahdoowop]

Speaking of opportunities presenting itself, just because the nana is available doesn't mean a man is going to take it. If you talk to some men, they'll tell you that all p*$$y ain't good p*$$y. jajajajaja

 

[Summer_Rain]

That's a somewhat understandable philosophy, but when do you give up? Do you just keep being "friendly" to this man in hopes that he breaks up with his girlfriend so that he could be with you? Do you make passes at him? Do you come onto him; do you tell him you're in love with him?

I think that if a man is only interested in HIS woman, then the "other" woman shouldn't continue to pursue him just because he isn't married to his lady.

@ the bolded, Grams ALSO said that "a man chases you - you don't go chasing after no man".

 

[angelk316]

I would never date man with a girlfriend/SO or even a husband. These females are Physco!!

 

[Poohbear]

I was talking with some of the ladies I go to school with a few days ago. Many of them said they would NOT date a married man but didn't find anything wrong with dating a man who has a girlfriend/SO. How do you feel about it?

BOTH are wrong in my opinion.

 

[Evolving78]

You dont think his dishonesty is a character flaw?

Its one thing to put to the side his attachment. But if he is in a relationship with her, she thinks its serious and he does not...what does that say about the way he may possibly treat you?

Your siggy pic is crakin me up! LMAO!

 

[Evolving78]

I wouldn't dae a guy with a girlfriend because I don't like to share. I don't put dating in the same catergory as being married. I think once a man decides to be just with you he is talking about getting married to you, making a real commitment. How is dating a woman for years and years a commitment? I think we as women settle for what we can get out of a man and men call themselves being with just you so he can continue to get whatever he is getting out of the relationship. If I ever had to be single again, I would even get serious with a man until he is really ready to settle down and give me his name. I'm not about to waste my time with a guy like that. People don't believe in friendly dating and courtship anymore. They will take a relationship however they can get it.