@CoilyFields
There are a lot of great points being made here in this thread.
I don't think there is anything wrong with questioning something you've believed/thought/or assumed your entire life. Life is about growth and understanding.
Sometimes our experiences confirm our beliefs/thoughts, and sometimes they defy them.
One thing I will say though is... I wouldn't start dating WM simply because you feel like there's "nothing better" around.
Why not just (as
@hopeful mentioned) start opening yourself up to ANY guys (regardless of race) who show you that they are GENUINELY interested in you, treat you well, want to be with you, and fit
your guidelines of what a bf should be and how you would like to be treated in a romantic relationship.
You might be surprised who you can fall in love with when you open yourself up
FULLY to love.
That's not what I meant.
I've always stated that a lot of human decisions are not as principled as we like to think, but many are determined by opportunity meeting circumstance. These WM brought themselves to my attention during a time in my life when dating is a reality so it sparked a question.
example; Pre-DH I always thought I only wanted a degreed white collar mate, but that had more to do with status quo expectations and my not being exposed to many alternatives. Marrying my Ex showed me a whole new option and that white collar wasn't actually important to me.
So now I'm trying to determine what I really want versus what sounds nice or what others want, or even what's simply a reaction to my new status. Questioning if my "only black men" stance was I making that statement because I was comfortably married and so wasn't faced with this as a real option? Easily dismissed because it didn't apply to me? Or is this truly something that would bother me?
I LOVE this. I think you have a very mature way of looking at things, and it seems like you're opening yourself up to possibilities and not just shutting the door on certain men simply because they don't fit the "mold" or image you used to have in your mind.
I too thought that I wanted a certain type of man as well a few years back. Now that I look back, I was very rigid in what I
thought that I wanted and what I
thought was important to me. But now that I'm older and have had more experiences in life, I find that what I
thought I wanted wasn't really all that. I even realized that I wanted certain things in a relationship that I didn't even know until I found it in a particular relationship.
Remaining open to possibilities allows you to truthfully see what is
really important to you in a relationship.
I second this entire post. As I've aged, I began to challenge my own "Black Only" requirement (and subsequently been treated badly by black men who have no problems dating outside their race AND bashing their own women ... all while claiming to be "woke"). As I opened my own horizons, I found that my perceptions of white men were quite wrong. I knew what I wanted from a treatment standpoint, and did not shrink the box by putting a race stamp on it, and surprisingly I came across a wonderful kaleidoscope of culturally aware men of varied races.
I even met a white guy (blond hair, blue eyed) from San Francisco that schooled ME on some cultural things. His parents were open-minded hippies that rode with the Freedom Riders and marched on Washington. You never know what you will encounter once you open your mind, and even if you don't make a "love connection", you may learn something about yourself and IR dating.
Swirl onward and upward!!!!!
This has been my experience as well.
In fact, one of the best relationships I had (in terms of how I was treated) was with a wm. One of my exes. Treated me like a queen. He was so attentive and open w/his feelings for me. For the first time in a long time, I felt so chill, easy-breezy, not anxious, not chasing, etc. in a relationship. I felt so feminine.
It was wonderful. Unfortunately however, he was not what I was looking for spiritually in a husband, so I eventually had to cut it off. But he was a great guy though. We were friends first for years. Never knew he was crushing on me for years lol.
Anyway, I say all that to say...that sometimes people can surprise you. I never saw myself dating a wm either before I dated my ex. Now days I definitely wouldn't rule them out. I'm open to men of
all colors, shades, backgrounds who love Crystal.
I agree with you.....I find that sometimes my assumptions about white people are wrong as well. I think we're so used to seeing all of them as "the devil", that we don't realize that all of them might not be that way.
My motto these days is to treat others the way I would want to be treated (without suspicion, fear, or hatred), but at the same time, protect myself from unnecessary danger if someone turns out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing.
We as women should always be discerning (while remaining open of course)
regardless of who the man is or what his ethnic background may be imo.
I’ll wait and see what happens...
