YankeeCandle
New Member
Bach,
Here're my thoughts on "fetishes."
1. First off, to anyone who said above that Asian women don't worry about WM's fetishes....hooo, children, please get yourself some close Asian girlfriends or read about 30 years' worth of Asian-American sociological commentary. It is one of the number-one issues discussed in (second, third, fourth generation) Asian-American circles. In fact, they literally wrote the book on fetishes. The European Male Gaze traveled East before it went South; scholars have dissected the Euro fetishization of Arab, Persian, and South Asian women as far back as pre-Medieval times.
And the 20th century sexual exploitation of East Asian women/sexuality has taken the trend far beyond what is acceptable to many East Asian observers.
2. Fetishes, as I understand them, originated in the concept of an inanimate object that is so central to the fetishist's sexuality that they literally cannot become aroused or climax (or have a hard time doing either) without their pet fetish object nearby. Since then, people have started colloquially extending this term "fetish" to humans, as well, but if you retain the core concept of sexual arousal, it helps us understand human fetishes.
To me, a human ethnicity-fetish (or body size-fetish, etc) is distinguished from a mere preference in that:
-- a Preference is what you prefer or favor, and maybe even have exclusively dated or had sex with, but it can be overcome by "an exception" or someone who just takes your fancy for any number of reasons (e.g. like an African-ancestry woman having long straightened hair that mimics that of the European women one has a "preference" for). Even if the preference never IS overcome, it can be.Theoretically.
-- a Fetish is what you require in order to become mentally stimulated, sexually aroused and/or satiated. If you have an East Asian festish, for e.g., you constantly date or have sex with East Asians because it is the only way that you can find satisfactory mental stimulation and release. Everything else is like 3-day old leftover Thanksgiving turkey to you. Hence, the excessive, laboratory-like regard that luckiestdestiny mentioned above.
For an East Asian fetish, straight black hair, fair or lightly tanned skin, and epicanthic eye folds literally become the crux of one's sexual consciousness because without those external signifiers of the human object, the fantasy-fuel of your sexuality will never kick you into full gear.
Although in a preference, a person (especially women) can be and often are objectified for their gender or ethnicity, it is not in the same "fuel"-like sense of a fetish. With a fetish, you literally are an "object" to be used to achieve mental or physical satisfaction.
ETA: and don't underestimate the "mental" part of the satisfaction equation. The Euro-American man I knew with an Arab and South Asian fetish derived tremendous MENTAL satisfaction from being with women he perceived as Other, exotic, subservient, prized-as-objects, etc. He actually stated, without shame, "I can't be with another type of woman. My mind/body can't get with it."
I think of fetishes almost as disabilities for this reason.
However, please note that in the sexual sub-cultures/undergrounds of the West, fetishes are often praised and fostered as healthy forms of sexual expression.
Here're my thoughts on "fetishes."
1. First off, to anyone who said above that Asian women don't worry about WM's fetishes....hooo, children, please get yourself some close Asian girlfriends or read about 30 years' worth of Asian-American sociological commentary. It is one of the number-one issues discussed in (second, third, fourth generation) Asian-American circles. In fact, they literally wrote the book on fetishes. The European Male Gaze traveled East before it went South; scholars have dissected the Euro fetishization of Arab, Persian, and South Asian women as far back as pre-Medieval times.
And the 20th century sexual exploitation of East Asian women/sexuality has taken the trend far beyond what is acceptable to many East Asian observers.2. Fetishes, as I understand them, originated in the concept of an inanimate object that is so central to the fetishist's sexuality that they literally cannot become aroused or climax (or have a hard time doing either) without their pet fetish object nearby. Since then, people have started colloquially extending this term "fetish" to humans, as well, but if you retain the core concept of sexual arousal, it helps us understand human fetishes.
To me, a human ethnicity-fetish (or body size-fetish, etc) is distinguished from a mere preference in that:
-- a Preference is what you prefer or favor, and maybe even have exclusively dated or had sex with, but it can be overcome by "an exception" or someone who just takes your fancy for any number of reasons (e.g. like an African-ancestry woman having long straightened hair that mimics that of the European women one has a "preference" for). Even if the preference never IS overcome, it can be.Theoretically.
-- a Fetish is what you require in order to become mentally stimulated, sexually aroused and/or satiated. If you have an East Asian festish, for e.g., you constantly date or have sex with East Asians because it is the only way that you can find satisfactory mental stimulation and release. Everything else is like 3-day old leftover Thanksgiving turkey to you. Hence, the excessive, laboratory-like regard that luckiestdestiny mentioned above.
For an East Asian fetish, straight black hair, fair or lightly tanned skin, and epicanthic eye folds literally become the crux of one's sexual consciousness because without those external signifiers of the human object, the fantasy-fuel of your sexuality will never kick you into full gear.
Although in a preference, a person (especially women) can be and often are objectified for their gender or ethnicity, it is not in the same "fuel"-like sense of a fetish. With a fetish, you literally are an "object" to be used to achieve mental or physical satisfaction.
ETA: and don't underestimate the "mental" part of the satisfaction equation. The Euro-American man I knew with an Arab and South Asian fetish derived tremendous MENTAL satisfaction from being with women he perceived as Other, exotic, subservient, prized-as-objects, etc. He actually stated, without shame, "I can't be with another type of woman. My mind/body can't get with it."
I think of fetishes almost as disabilities for this reason.
However, please note that in the sexual sub-cultures/undergrounds of the West, fetishes are often praised and fostered as healthy forms of sexual expression.
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erplexed.
I don't understand how anyone couldn't be freaked out a little. My mind spazzed out when he said he didn't like white women. You're Irish?????
and then ask me, "Do you date white men?"
. So when I told him i had a bf he understood and as soon as I boarded the bus he says, "Have a nice day." and then in a low voice (as if he's keeping a secret) in my ear he said, "I like dating black women."
. I'm sure others can, but I can't hang. I tried taking the 'don't discuss politics' approach, but that didn't work. My ex was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, country boy who loved Bush and black women 
