Im dating a flirt addict... And i dont care

indarican

indarican

Well-Known Member
My SO and me have been going out for a little more than a year and a half. And ever since I have known him he has been an off the wall flirt, excepting naughty pictures from anyone he can get them from, flirting through text messaging, the sneaky phone situations, and the occasional story that just dont make sense. none of this actually bothered me, it was all the lying and sneaking that really bothered me, because to be quite honest, im ten times worse then he is but im so slick and experienced in mine that he never can tell the difference. My question is will this way of life really hinder our relationship if we make it for the long run? Are we just lying to eachother about what we are really going to do in the future. This question is new in my mind because we recently just moved in together. any input is appreciated.
 
im ten times worse then he is but im so slick and experienced in mine that he never can tell the difference.
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Yall deserve each other :naughty: Seriously, I don't see this working out.

You guys really have MAJOR trust issues to work on before moving forward, if you really want to be committed to one another.
 
awhyley said:
Yall deserve each other :naughty: Seriously, I don't see this working out.

You guys really have MAJOR trust issues to work on before moving forward, if you really want to be committed to one another.
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Uh, yeah, this.

You can't expect honesty if you don't offer honesty, and I can't see any consciously dishonest relationship lasting for very long.

People tend to not enjoy being lied to. :ohwell:
 
Sounds like neither of you are ready for a committed relationship if you both aren't ready to be faithful to each other.
 
so, you have an open relationship. as long as you guys identify it as such, i guess maybe it will work?? trying to pretend that it's a monogamous relationship and sneaking behind eachothers back is pointless.
 
You say you don't care. Well why be together? out of familiarity?

If you are 10x worse..what does that entail? Neither of you sound the least bit dedicated to this relationship.
 
Well let me say this, I dont believe that he is actually having intercourse with other woman, or dating other woman, and i have never heard or read that he told other females that he didnt have a girlfriend. I also have never cheated on him physically and will and have never denied him as being my boyfriend. I am 22 years Old and and he is 25 Years old. i guess i dont really care because, i sort of believe that this is the point of his life were he should be flirting and me as well. My thing is I dont want to go all the way with this guy and then when hes 35 he feels the need to flirt because i tied him down when he was young.
 
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TayMac said:
You say you don't care. Well why be together? out of familiarity?

If you are 10x worse..what does that entail? Neither of you sound the least bit dedicated to this relationship.
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10 times worse just means i do it better then him, and i have more people that i flirt with then he does. Im dedicated to having a healthy relationship and a whole life. I want to make him happy as well as keep myself happy. I dont want to become so wrapped up in what should be right just because most people say it right. I hoped i explained that right.:perplexed
 
If you don't care, why are you posting about this?

If you are both cool with what you are doing, then what's the issue?

The fact that you're posting means you do care, and the "nanny nanny boo boo, I do it 10 times better than him," thing is just frontin'.
 
indarican said:
Well let me say this, I dont believe that he is actually having intercourse with other woman, or dating other woman, and i have never heard or read that he told other females that he didnt have a girlfriend. I also have never cheated on him physically and will and have never denied him as being my boyfriend. I am 22 years Old and and he is 25 Years old. i guess i dont really care because, i sort of believe that this is the point of his life were he should be flirting and me as well. My thing is I dont want to go all the way with this guy and then when hes 35 he feels the need to flirt because i tied him down when he was young.
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Is this his goal also? Sounds like a lot of growing up needs to be done first. Also you say you don't believe that he is actually cheating. Do you know for sure?

There is too much going on in this relationship. But as you say if you don't care then it should not bother you that these things some of us see do not make a lasting relationship. Of course, unless, you both are okay with an open relationship.

I would not invest a lot emotionally until you both understand what it is you both want short term and long term in this situation.
 
indarican said:
10 times worse just means i do it better then him, and i have more people that i flirt with then he does. Im dedicated to having a healthy relationship and a whole life. I want to make him happy as well as keep myself happy. I dont want to become so wrapped up in what should be right just because most people say it right. I hoped i explained that right.:perplexed
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As of now the relationship isn't healthy from my standpoint. Saying you have more people you flirt with is like you all are competing and you feel validated by one upping him in that area.

What is it you feel most people say is right that you want to do differently?
As a PP said, open relationship is fine if both parties are on board.

Do you want him to stop with the flirting and are you prepared to do the same?
 
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Bunny77 said:
If you don't care, why are you posting about this?

If you are both cool with what you are doing, then what's the issue?

The fact that you're posting means you do care, and the "nanny nanny boo boo, I do it 10 times better than him," thing is just frontin'.
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This.

If y'all are cool having boundaries in your relationship that aren't 100% 'normal' - go y'all!! :woot: even! :lachen: I'm not one to say that every relationship should stick to traditional guidelines.

But - those boundaries have to be agreed upon and stuck to by both parties. Which means you have to have an honest conversation about what you are doing, what you have done, and what you want the freedom to continue doing.

If you can have that open, honest conversation, then - okay. I can see two 'uber flirts' lasting for life.
If you can't - as I said initially - no one likes being lied to. :ohwell:
 
Bunny77 said:
If you don't care, why are you posting about this?

If you are both cool with what you are doing, then what's the issue?

The fact that you're posting means you do care, and the "nanny nanny boo boo, I do it 10 times better than him," thing is just frontin'.
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Bunny77 your posts are always on point.
 
So are you guys shooting for a Monique style relationship or a open marriage. If this behavior doesnt bother you why question it now? Yall just undercover cheaters! Lol
 
I've digested what you said, and here is my take on what I think you guys need to do :

1. Get his/your crap out of each other's living space- You might be cool with living with a man with a wandering eye, and sexting all over the place...but whoever he is sexting with MIGHT NOT. If he is actually lying about your existence, you might have to go toe to toe with whoever he's getting those bucket nekkid pictures from. That is not your job. He can keep his drama to himself.

2. Agree to be friends with benefits- you want to text, email and do all that and just be exclusively intimate with him? Cool, but from his behavior, don't take for granted that he would do it for you. Keep him at arms length, and keep your pain to a minimum.

3. You should work on trying to find out why you need all the attention you get outside of the relationship, and then still want "a relationship". What do YOU WANT? To enjoy the company and experience of different "friends" or to form a mutual bond with someone who respects you, and the time that you spend with each other? It's hard enough to do one, and near impossible to do both IMO.

If this is the understanding you have together, and you don't actually mind him "flirting" with other women, then let the good times roll, you're so very young.

BUT if you are thinking LONG-TERM, understand that you built this relationship upon a YEAR+ of him being free with his attention and affection...you just think about it and let common sense be your guide.

You are Intelligent, you are beautiful, you have so much more life to live, and you deserve EXACTLY what you want. If an open relationship is what you want, go for it. If a meaningful, respectful, long-term relationship is what you want my advice would be to start over and find someone who wants to flirt and sext with YOU.

Please take my two cents with a grain of salt, and I wish the best for you.
 
indarican said:
My SO and me have been going out for a little more than a year and a half. And ever since I have known him he has been an off the wall flirt, excepting naughty pictures from anyone he can get them from, flirting through text messaging, the sneaky phone situations, and the occasional story that just dont make sense. none of this actually bothered me, it was all the lying and sneaking that really bothered me, because to be quite honest, im ten times worse then he is but im so slick and experienced in mine that he never can tell the difference. My question is will this way of life really hinder our relationship if we make it for the long run? Are we just lying to eachother about what we are really going to do in the future. This question is new in my mind because we recently just moved in together. any input is appreciated.
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:perplexed

Is that a serious question?? Do you really think that your relationship sounds healthy and/or stable? You already know the answer, right? :look:

Many people have already said what I was going to say, but I just HAD to ask that question.
 
indarican said:
My SO and me have been going out for a little more than a year and a half. And ever since I have known him he has been an off the wall flirt, excepting naughty pictures from anyone he can get them from, flirting through text messaging, the sneaky phone situations, and the occasional story that just dont make sense. none of this actually bothered me, it was all the lying and sneaking that really bothered me, because to be quite honest, im ten times worse then he is but im so slick and experienced in mine that he never can tell the difference. My question is will this way of life really hinder our relationship if we make it for the long run? Are we just lying to eachother about what we are really going to do in the future. This question is new in my mind because we recently just moved in together. any input is appreciated.
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It sounds like you guys are a perfect match.
I think it's much better for two people who have similar outlooks and behavior to link up rather than deceive partners who do not find that behavior appropriate.

In the situation you described you both are on the same page so I see no reason it can't last since a lasting relationship is fundamentally about two people who are on the same page and getting/giving what they need within the relationship.

As to whether that will hinder your relationship in the future. I think it only hinders the relationship if it were to stand as a betrayal or if the two of you don't meet eye to eye, but since you do it shouldn't be a problem. Honestly you guys sound sort of like swingers so why not make it official? Basically I don't understand sneaking around if each side is cool with it, unless it's a situation where you get at thrill from pretending to sneak around ??
Either way it sounds like you guys are perfect for each other. A person who likes to entertain other women on the side and a woman who doesn't mind is the best combo. A woman who likes to sneak around with other men and guy who doesn't mind, again a great combo.
 
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I like what everyone else has already posted but to simply answer your question OP, I do think what you both are doing will hinder a fruitful relationship.
 
indarican said:
Well let me say this, I dont believe that he is actually having intercourse with other woman, or dating other woman, and i have never heard or read that he told other females that he didnt have a girlfriend. I also have never cheated on him physically and will and have never denied him as being my boyfriend. I am 22 years Old and and he is 25 Years old. i guess i dont really care because, i sort of believe that this is the point of his life were he should be flirting and me as well. My thing is I dont want to go all the way with this guy and then when hes 35 he feels the need to flirt because i tied him down when he was young.
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Because he tells them he has a girl, means NOTHING. This flirting leads to opportunities to cheat when things are not going well at home. IME, the flirty guys are big time cheaters! They crave attention.
 
I have read and digested what everyone has said, first I would like to say thank you, from those who said they didnt see the point of the thread to those who gave solid advice. I know that traditionally most couples try very hard to make sure that they are completely faithful to the other person, they dont look at others, they dont give there number out, nothing. Im not saying that this is not a great way to have a relationship because it is but for an early twenties couple that is almost impossible. I definetly dont want to stay like this the rest of my life or even for much longer, so eventually i do want a completely committed relationship. My question now is since we have already started the relationship and I have been lenient to where i let his eyes wander and his conversations with others go, do yall think it'll will be too much in the future to ask him to stop at least the majority of his flirting. Yall are right, I do care. I want to make the right decision, and even though I love my semi-freedom and the love and attention that he does show me, I want to make sure that i am not blind sighted and ten years down the line figure out that im not happy. Hope that was clear. :-/
 
indarican said:
I have read and digested what everyone has said, first I would like to say thank you, from those who said they didnt see the point of the thread to those who gave solid advice. I know that traditionally most couples try very hard to make sure that they are completely faithful to the other person, they dont look at others, they dont give there number out, nothing. Im not saying that this is not a great way to have a relationship because it is but for an early twenties couple that is almost impossible. I definetly dont want to stay like this the rest of my life or even for much longer, so eventually i do want a completely committed relationship. My question now is since we have already started the relationship and I have been lenient to where i let his eyes wander and his conversations with others go, do yall think it'll will be too much in the future to ask him to stop at least the majority of his flirting. Yall are right, I do care. I want to make the right decision, and even though I love my semi-freedom and the love and attention that he does show me, I want to make sure that i am not blind sighted and ten years down the line figure out that im not happy. Hope that was clear. :-/
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It depends on him, honestly. Does he agree with you that as your relationship gets more serious, those behaviors should be reduced/stopped altogether?
If he does - then, yeah, you can sk him that and expect him to comply.
If he doesn't - well, there's your answer, as you can't force him to stop. :yep:
 
JustKiya said:
It depends on him, honestly. Does he agree with you that as your relationship gets more serious, those behaviors should be reduced/stopped altogether?
If he does - then, yeah, you can sk him that and expect him to comply.
If he doesn't - well, there's your answer, as you can't force him to stop. :yep:
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I have asked him, and he says that he will infact the more I show him that I am not gonna flip out on him everytime a woman says hi to him or sends him a text he calms down a bit. If i had to scale his flirting from 1 to 10 it would be a 5 compared to the 15 it was when we started.
 
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