Am I dating a stalker?

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:
he sounds like he's the kind of person that you can't leave suddenly you have to plan to do it, cause he just might retaliate.

I'd change passwords, cell number phone numbers etc., little by little start collecting anything and everything that you may have left at his place, take and inventory if necessary make sure nothing important of yours is missing like drivers license, credit cards etc., in fact apply for new ones he may have your cr. card numbers written down somewhere, you just never know ...he has proven that he cant be trusted so DONT trust him for a minute.
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Yea, I would try to make him break up with me.

lux10023 said:
very disturbing.

he sounds like some techie dude--beware of them

something similar happened to my homegirl---dude was some techie weirdo who was possessive---switching out her sim card---tampering with her pc...

she was so happy to have met a "safe" nerdy dude who wasn't like the players she had been dating

how are you nerdy yet dangerous it was a mess--he tampered with all kinds of stuff--keeping tabs on her due to his insecurity
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Yes, techies can be dangerous. Technology is a stalker/psycho's dream....
 
Yes, he is a stalker...Now that you know this, what are you going to do?

I would do the following:
1. Be nice one last time and gain access to his phone. Delete those photos that he somehow got...
2. Change your email & social media passwords. Get a password manager like LastPass and assign a master password so only you can have access to your passwords.
3. Check your email forwarding settings - sounds like he may have your emails forwarded to his account. (if you have gmail, check the Last account activity to see what IP addresses are accessing your account after passwords are changed.)
4. Assign a lock code to your phone.
5. Plan when you call him to let him know about the breakup.
5. Have some guy friends with you at all times for a while to ensure your safety.

Good luck...
 
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This sounds like something out of a Lifetime movie, OP. How did you meet this guy in the first place? Were there always signs of this behavior and when did it start? You don't seem to have been involved with him very long so it shouldn't be hard to part ways.

I would ask if he has any redeeming qualities but at this point I think it's irrelevant. Please be safe and heed the warnings. Someone mentioned getting the police involved and I agree.
No matter how silly it may seem, call them ASAP and let them know what's going on.

Get a restraining order if you have to. I don't know the "requirements" but look into it, especially if you are planning on ending things. It's better to be safe and prepared if the situation takes a turn for the worse.

Don't be alone with him if you can help it and let someone know where you're going. Keep your third eye open and make sure you're not being followed when you're out in public.

Is there someone that can stay with you or watch out for you, like a male friend or relative?

Please update us.
 
ambergirl said:
Yes OP, exit quickly and carefully. I ended it with one guy when I discovered he was building a dossier on me with my pic, social security number (where did he find that?) phone, address, driver's license number, parent's address and phone, medical card number (had to get that out of my purse), etc. I destroyed the file and never saw him again.

Curious to know what you would say about this Dartagnan ?
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ambergirl I don't think I can add much outside of what others have said. I agree with everybody else and dude is obviously off the meat rack. Dude sounds real insecure and like he has been played in the past and doesn't want it to happen again. Better decisions and self improvement would help that more than these things he doing. If you gotta do all that why even be with somebody?

I will say I don't get snooping (in a relationship context) at all even the stuff that most people are ok with like Adel10 does. It does nothing for me but I understand why people do it. I do it too but on silly things like reading some show/movie plots before they come out. With relationships I like to be surprised about knowing about a person (outside of craziness like this but I don't think most people are this type of crazy/insecure) so I don't like to snoop and get to learn about the person in real time. I think its more fun than already knowing how things are going to play out. Maybe that's just me though.
 
lux10023 said:
very disturbing.

he sounds like some techie dude--beware of them

something similar happened to my homegirl---dude was some techie weirdo who was possessive---switching out her sim card---tampering with her pc...

she was so happy to have met a "safe" nerdy dude who wasn't like the players she had been dating

how are you nerdy yet dangerous it was a mess--he tampered with all kinds of stuff--keeping tabs on her due to his insecurity
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Yup ,them nerdy ones will hack into your pic and phone , he can also gain access to private infos through a router via wifi connection or if you use a private wifi there are so called "sniffers" that can crack your code .
 
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He is taking snooping far beyond the "usual." All that would make me very uneasy. Carefully make your exit.
 
I'm dealing with two stalkers right now. Unfortunately they are my neighbors. They follow my every move. My advice, is the same given already. Fortunately he doesn't live with you.... (or near you?) I'd have the exit plan span at least two weeks though. Ugh I hate loser creeps :nono:
 
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Whoa, are you dating my ex??? That's more than an invasion of your privacy! Dude is NUTS!!!! Be careful with ending things... Very careful!
 
OP make sure that you scrub your phone, computer, etc... of any hidden programs that he may have put on there to track you. There is software out there that takes less than a few minutes to download and it tracks all of your activity including every keystroke! So locking your phone or changing your passwords would be useless because he'd be able to see what the new passwords are. Any posts that you make, he'd be able to read those also even if you delete afterwards.
 
He could have a spy program installed on your computer and phone. Please get your computer checked and get a new phone that he does not have access to. Before you go to get the phone, turn off the current one and remove the battery. Some programs allow them to remotely turn on the camera.

It happened to me.
 
Bublin said:
Also change passwords.
Keypad lock on your phone.
If your home is alarmed change the keycode
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Change the locks too. If he's as crafty as he sounds then he's made a copy of your house key.

DanitheBee said:
Delete this thread too :look:
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This is a good idea. If you get email summaries, he will read all about your plans.

SunRai Naturals said:
OP make sure that you scrub your phone, computer, etc... of any hidden programs that he may have put on there to track you. There is software out there that takes less than a few minutes to download and it tracks all of your activity including every keystroke! So locking your phone or changing your passwords would be useless because he'd be able to see what the new passwords are. Any posts that you make, he'd be able to read those also even if you delete afterwards.
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You need to start over with the computer. Make a backup so that you don't lose anything important but then reinstall the operating software so that its like a brand new computer. Do the same with your phone or take it to your wireless provider and see what they suggest.

It sounds like you definitely need to gain access to his phone and probably his computer before breaking up with him. If he's got random pics on his phone then there is probably a backup on his hard drive or the cloud. If its in the cloud then forget it unless you know what service he uses and can guess his password.

I'm really surprised you didn't dump him on the spot. He is waaay too comfortable invading your privacy. Letting it slip that he knew how much money you make was a power play. He was telling you that it doesn't matter if you tell him, he already knows like he's omniscient or something.

I know it doesn't matter but… what are his redeeming qualities? I'm only asking because its hard to imagine that this guy would be appealing so I'm wondering what attracted you to him in the first place.
 
OP what were you thinking to ignore all these warning signs?! Do you realize you have probably given him access to your confidential work information so you could probably get in trouble if he found out something he wasn't ,meant to know. I would honestly even consider calling the police and/or sueing him for violating my privacy so he just stayed away. He is an utter psychopath.
 
Naveah2050 said:
OP what were you thinking to ignore all these warning signs?! Do you realize you have probably given him access to your confidential work information so you could probably get in trouble if he found out something he wasn't ,meant to know. I would honestly even consider calling the police and/or sueing him for violating my privacy so he just stayed away. He is an utter psychopath.
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I was thinking that some of the things he's done are against the law. I'd talk to the police and find out. If nothing else, you can alert them that this guy may be trouble.
 
Kerryann said:
Uhm he has to go that's crazy. What u need to do is borrow his phone again and delete ur ex pics out of his phone. He will also start showing up places when u break up so get a restraining order and start carrying a handgun.
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Sorry but I had to add this part. There are too many women that get out of bad relationships that end up either dead or disfigured by their ex. Most of the time these women don't realize that they are in danger when their ex shows up and that is what the he is counting on. Please be careful and do not take any encounter with him post break up lightly.:nono:
 
OP, if he has access to your work emails, he is probably violating your company's internet policies. Can you get someone from the IT department to look at your work computer? Also, do you feel comfortable going to HR or someone else in the company to get some advice on how to handle this situation? See if they have a domestic abuse policy (i.e. calling the police if he shows up where you work, harassing you by phone or email, etc.) As the others suggested get your computer and phone taken care of, change and limit your online interactions and limit the personal information that you give out.

You may have nothing to hide but that doesn't mean that you want to lose control about how/when/why your information gets out.
 
I would suggest speaking to HR, the police, and a few close family members and friends. Put together a plan and bounce. I would not try to play detective. If he is as good as he sounds, you will not be able to find everything anyway. And I wouldn't want to spend that much time with him. I would focus on getting away from him, not getting information back. I'm sorry you are with a weirdo. Hopefully he is just nosey and creepy and not a psycho and violent. Be strong, firm, and positive. I think you will be fine.
 
Has OP responded yet with a plan of action? I was having a convo with a friend last night and stalking came up.. I thought of this thread. Men (people) like that sicken my soul..
 
Get a spy sector app on your phone. It will let you know if he has downloaded any spy devices on your phone...it will tell u the date it was downloaded and everything..

Please keep us updated OP
 
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Ms. Tarabotti said:
OP, if he has access to your work emails, he is probably violating your company's internet policies. Can you get someone from the IT department to look at your work computer? Also, do you feel comfortable going to HR or someone else in the company to get some advice on how to handle this situation? See if they have a domestic abuse policy (i.e. calling the police if he shows up where you work, harassing you by phone or email, etc.) As the others suggested get your computer and phone taken care of, change and limit your online interactions and limit the personal information that you give out. You may have nothing to hide but that doesn't mean that you want to lose control about how/when/why your information gets out.
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He doesn't have access to anything work related. The info regarding my new job's salary was obtained through my personal email account. That was the account that was placed on my resume and what was used for communication between the management team and myself.
 
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