I like him alot, BUT....

[Sassy29]

He"s no good for you. where is the silver lining. Ok the no job part could be temperary, but no high school diploma is a problem because u know he will never have a career . Do you really want to start a relationship like that. HUGE HUGE HUGE RED FLAG!!!!!

 

[Sassy29]

I hear you LISA LISA

 

[Sassy29]

LYCALL YOUR SITUATION IS ONE IN A MILLION BTW IF HE HAS A CAREER IN TWO YEARS HE MAY HAVE ALREADY HAD A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA.

 

[Sassy29]

Ok lycall this is not about money really and cars. you have to read between the lines...This man has nothing nothing nothing not even an education and he has spend time in jail. He should not be looking for a girlfriend he need to advance himself first. If you're in a relationship and things happen you already know ur man and his potential. You can't start a realationship by bringing nothing but a damn record to the table lets be for real here.

 

[LovelyPiratess]

I'm glad that you finally see the light mz tracy. Your Mr. Right will come in time...you don't want to miss him by dealing with this loser.

 

[LBoogie]

Okay, this is my situation. I met this guy about two months ago. He's really nice, respectful, honest,gives me mucho attention (im an attention whore), cooks for me, and loves spending time with me. Plus, he's hella sexy. BUT..he has no job. He says he's working on it, but I have the feeling no matter what kind of job he finds, if we do get married (hey, im always thinking long-term) I would have to be the breadwinner because he doesnt have his high school diploma or GED, and he has a record.I have no problem working and contributing, but I don't want to be the major contributor. Is it wrong to wanna be taken care of ??? Love or money? What do ya'll think? Oh yea..he doesn't have a car either. But he has no kids. Something else that has me a lil worried is he gets an SSI check. And I think that's why he isnt in a rush to find a job. He has his own place and all his bills are taken care of, he just has no extra cash. For every positive, there seems to be a negative. I'm confused. HELP! lol

After reading this he really sounds like a bum. LOL. But you know how it is when ur trying to view a situation while ur in it. Some feedback would be great!

Are you serious?

How do you even get to the point of "liking" someone like him?

That's odd.

 

[LBoogie]

This shouldn't even be a conflict and I have no idea what you would be confused about.

No job, no high school diploma and no GED and a jail record? Are you serious? You're seriously considering a man like this? Why????

Hell no. Move on.

Since I can't that you twice!

THANKS!

 

[LBoogie]

I was in the same situation when I met my SO of 2 years. He now has a career, car, we live together and he pays the rent.
I thought the same as many of these women and so did my girlfriends, especially when he told me he already had a child, I thought to run lol, but I knew in my heart that I loved him for him, and I could hear his determination for what he wanted for himself, and not just saying stuff to keep me on side, and now we have made a life together.
So I guess I am saying do what your heart tells you to.

PS he still treats me like we first met, I couldnt ask for more ;o)

You probably could...

 

[LBoogie]

Thank all of you guys for your responses. I'll answer some of the questions ya'll asked. Okay, he has a criminal record yes, BUT it's only a misdemeanor and he spent 2 months in jail when he was 20 (11 years ago) for busting windows on a car with his friends. He told me and I looked him up.

I'm sorry....I can't read the rest of yuor post. I can, but I refuse. Simply because this is a 31 year old child you're talking about.

It doesn't get anymore pathetic than that.

 

[LBoogie]

Okay everyone is saying he's a loser. What about no good men with careers and cars who treat their women like ish? Screw around with other women, child support, baby mama drama, disrespectful, controling? Aren't those the real losers? Isn't there a such thing as a good man with no job or car? Okay let's say I kick him to the curb. The next week he gets a job, and a month later a car. Then he'll be everything I want. Smart, down to earth, great sense of humor, loyal, family-oriented, and he makes me feel like a queen. Even though he's been through mess with his mom, he still loves, and respects her. Isn't that worth something? Or should I call him a loser b/c of something as simple as not having a job or a car. That situation can change at any moment. Then what?

Those men are losers as is the man you're dating.

What was the point of this thread if you're going to defend him left and right? Do you pity yourself THAT much that you need to hold on to....nothing but hard d*** and bubblegum.

Oh well...some of us may be around to feel a bit bad for you when he bleeds you dry financially and emotionally....or worse. (If I'm around, I won't feel bad for you).

Have fun.

SMH

 

[kandake]

Those men are losers as is the man you're dating.

What was the point of this thread if you're going to defend him left and right? Do you pity yourself THAT much that you need to hold on to....nothing but hard d*** and bubblegum.

Oh well...some of us may be around to feel a bit bad for you when he bleeds you dry financially and emotionally....or worse. (If I'm around, I won't feel bad for you).

Have fun.

SMH

I see you haven't read the thread in its entirety before making comments.

 

[mz tracy 25]

Okay ya'll here's the update. I told him I was giving him 2 months to find a job...any job. I mean come on, it doesn't take 2 months to get a job at McDonald's so I was giving him a break. The whole while I'm telling him how I feel he's like in "whatever world" not really paying attention. So i'm thinking this negro is getting upset b/c im telling him he NEEDS a job. He should already know that. I'm not asking him to climb Mt Everest! So anyways, last night something tells me to drive by his apartment. My friend and I were coming from the bar around 1am.

As soon as I get out of the car I see him and his friend exchanging dap so im like okay he's up. So he sees me and comes to the door (I'm thinking to let me in). Guess again. He blocks the door and won't let me in. He says him and his boy is chillin with some friends. I'm like "so I'm not invited in to chill"? Then he asks me to leave!! So i'm pissed off. We're going back and forth arguing (the whole time not able to look me in the eye),and guess what he had the nerve to tell me. That i'm trying to change him and he can't deal with that! I'm like "trying to change you into a better person by asking you to provide for yourself?" So obviously he planned on never working, and when I gave him that ultimatum he knew what it was.

So we're arguing and his friend comes out of his apartment and says they're all going back upstairs. So I see his friend, his friend's girlfriend, and this pregnant girl! Like 7 months. So I tell him, "Oh you hit the jackpot! A pregnant trailer trash @$* who needs a daddy for her baby. So long story short, well not really, lol. I curse him out, slap him, let him know how he's a lazy bum with nothing to show for himself and how lucky he was to have had me in his life. My friend and I leave.

It hurt to know that he was such a liar. I mean he was the main one talking about how he can't deal with cheating so I thought he never would. I guess you really never know.

 

[Love Always]

Thanks for the synposis...nothing else can be said but after this incident hopefully you'll leave him alone and move on with your life.

 

[~VicTorIAn~]

I knew he was worthless from your first post.

Good for you.

 

[Makenzie]

Stop trying to save grown men. That fool was content with $700 a month and had almost convinced you it was a good thing because all his bills were covered. Please. You are an adult, with adult responsibilities. Listen to your instinct. You knew he was a worthless loser before you posted your question. You see he even asked to borrow money from you. Girl, if you had loaned him the money that would have been the beginning to an empty bank account…for you.

Use this as a learning lesson, get some self esteem and look for a good man. Don’t be so quick to accept nonsense because you are lonely.

Take care!

 

[tatiana]

Okay ya'll here's the update. I told him I was giving him 2 months to find a job...any job. I mean come on, it doesn't take 2 months to get a job at McDonald's so I was giving him a break. The whole while I'm telling him how I feel he's like in "whatever world" not really paying attention. So i'm thinking this negro is getting upset b/c im telling him he NEEDS a job. He should already know that. I'm not asking him to climb Mt Everest! So anyways, last night something tells me to drive by his apartment. My friend and I were coming from the bar around 1am.

As soon as I get out of the car I see him and his friend exchanging dap so im like okay he's up. So he sees me and comes to the door (I'm thinking to let me in). Guess again. He blocks the door and won't let me in. He says him and his boy is chillin with some friends. I'm like "so I'm not invited in to chill"? Then he asks me to leave!! So i'm pissed off. We're going back and forth arguing (the whole time not able to look me in the eye),and guess what he had the nerve to tell me. That i'm trying to change him and he can't deal with that! I'm like "trying to change you into a better person by asking you to provide for yourself?" So obviously he planned on never working, and when I gave him that ultimatum he knew what it was.

So we're arguing and his friend comes out of his apartment and says they're all going back upstairs. So I see his friend, his friend's girlfriend, and this pregnant girl! Like 7 months. So I tell him, "Oh you hit the jackpot! A pregnant trailer trash @$* who needs a daddy for her baby. So long story short, well not really, lol. I curse him out, slap him, let him know how he's a lazy bum with nothing to show for himself and how lucky he was to have had me in his life. My friend and I leave.

It hurt to know that he was such a liar. I mean he was the main one talking about how he can't deal with cheating so I thought he never would. I guess you really never know.

I am glad you find out the truth BUT...
Where you two in a committed relationship? If not, he did not cheat.
In the future, never give a man an ultimatum. They normally will choose the ELSE.
Never nag a man about getting a job. he should of have one in the beginning.
She may be using him to be a daddy but he is using her for her money because he does not
have any. The Pimp.
Finally, men who complain about cheaters, are the main ones that cheat. Men who complain
about liars,are the main ones that lie.

 

[awhyley]

Finally, men who complain about cheaters, are the main ones that cheat. Men who complain about liars,are the main ones that lie.

EVERYTHING about that post was spot-on, but I just wanted to highlight the above, because that is God's honest truth.

 

[Xavier]

I hope you do a better job with your selection in men next time.

 

[LBoogie]

I see you haven't read the thread in its entirety before making comments.

I commented WHILE reading the thread in it's entirety as opposed to commenting after the fact.

 

[treybaby2005]

He must have some super good crayon. Super.

They all do when they ain't got ish.

 

[Jewell]

Stop trying to save grown men. That fool was content with $700 a month and had almost convinced you it was a good thing because all his bills were covered. Please. You are an adult, with adult responsibilities. Listen to your instinct. You knew he was a worthless loser before you posted your question. You see he even asked to borrow money from you. Girl, if you had loaned him the money that would have been the beginning to an empty bank account…for you.

Use this as a learning lesson, get some self esteem and look for a good man. Don’t be so quick to accept nonsense because you are lonely.

Take care!

Thanks for this! I loaned money to a man in a similar situation, feeling sorry for his ***. After 2 years with not a dime repaid, I took him to court. Don't you know this negro lied, and said it wasn't a loan. Although I had proof, the judge sided with him and ruled for the Defendant. Don't fool with this man girl. If he's acting like $700/month is living because all his bills are paid, then he will certainly try to eat off your plate, especially since you are a professional woman getting paid. NEVER LOAN MEN MONEY UNLESS THEY ARE YOUR HUSBAND or FAMILY. Even still, family will screw you.

 

[Makenzie]

Thanks for this! I loaned money to a man in a similar situation, feeling sorry for his ***. After 2 years with not a dime repaid, I took him to court. Don't you know this negro lied, and said it wasn't a loan. Although I had proof, the judge sided with him and ruled for the Defendant. Don't fool with this man girl. If he's acting like $700/month is living because all his bills are paid, then he will certainly try to eat off your plate, especially since you are a professional woman getting paid. NEVER LOAN MEN MONEY UNLESS THEY ARE YOUR HUSBAND or FAMILY. Even still, family will screw you.

Like you, I learned the hard way. I don't loan money. Especially to no man!

 

[Bunny77]

 

[Makenzie]

The building I work in has quite a few food options on the main floor. Yesterday I'm in Potbelly's staring at this guy wondering where I'd seen him before. Turns out he ALSO works at Starbucks in the same building! Him and another Starbucks employee got 2nd jobs at Potbelly's.

I thought of Mr. $700 free money and these two men who are willing to take on two jobs.

 

[mz tracy 25]

Thank all of you ladies for your words of wisdom. Some a little more harsh than others, lol, but I feel you. I'm glad it's over and now I can finally do me. Next time the man that pursues me better have his ish together or it's a no go. If I can have mine together, he should have his together also. I'm tired of the drama.

 

[Avyn]

Do you know why hes receiving a check? If its doesnt seem obvious it could be a mental problem. Be careful, this guy doesnt sound right. What was he in jail for? And why doesnt he have a car? If youre even considering a continuation of the relationship you should seriously find out what he was in jail for and why hes receiving the check! Could be something youd want to know sooner than later. Im actually a bit worried for you.....

i was going to say the same thing. if he's not physically disabled he might be getting a crazy check!! although it doesn't mean he has mental health issues bcuz my brother's mother in law gets one because she plays crazy.

seriously, maybe the psychiatrists working with him in the penal inst. have found him to be mentally unstable. do you know what's on his record? i would say no...actually run.

eta: just red ur last post. glad u moved on!

 

[FluffyRed]

All of you are right. And I know this deep down inside. I know I deserve better, but I'm afraid my Mr. Right doesn't exist I guess. I see it all around me. Women with kids who are lonely, angry and desperate, and I don't want to end up like that. I really don't know why i'm settling b/c I meet men all the time with their ish together but sometimes I feel they are too good for me, and that I would end up getting cheated on or left. With this guy it's like I don't have to worry about that. And if he did leave, oh well. I wouldn't be missing anything. It would be his loss. Another reason why I think i'm drawn to him is b/c I know he needs me, and likes me more than I like him. I don't want to be the one in a relationship who's head over heels while the guy is just "feelin me."

OP, this resonated with me, and I know that is your comfort zone and what makes you feel "safe" in committing to someone. I have made decisions on that same basis, and it's a mistake.

As you have seen, this does not protect you from being lied to, hurt, cheated on.

It is scary sometimes, but you have to have confidence in your ability to handle whatever comes. Choosing beneath you does not control for the fact that men - people - disappoint each other sometimes.

Going forward, good luck, and don't waste the pretty! Girl, you 25!!

 

[deltadreamland]

Okay everyone is saying he's a loser. What about no good men with careers and cars who treat their women like ish? Screw around with other women, child support, baby mama drama, disrespectful, controling? Aren't those the real losers? Isn't there a such thing as a good man with no job or car?

They are losers too!

 

[deltadreamland]

 

[firecracker]

Wow don't be fooled! That boy isn't trying to find no job while he is getting those free lil ole crumbs from SSI. He is a felon and in his mind his cards are stacked against him so f it he gone take the easy limited income route which leads nowhere.

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN FOR DA HILLS! Thank God he has no kids we gotta enough felons having babies they can't feed.