I like him alot, BUT....

[Bunny77]

Could be true lol , but my point is it is a risk that you take if you like the person enough. Relationships are a risk. You could meet someone that has money, cars and all that, but then looses it all, does that mean that he looses you too? Just the risk you take.

Totally different situations that aren't even close to being comparable. If the guy lost those things, it meant that he had them in the first place, right? We're talking about someone who doesn't have a pot to crap in, and doesn't seem to want to get one.



Also, liking someone is a choice. I choose to like men with an education and a stable job history, and I choose not to like men with criminal records, no education and no jobs.

The OP could make the same choice, if she was smart. I hope she is.

 

[Makenzie]

Could be true lol , but my point is it is a risk that you take if you like the person enough. Relationships are a risk. You could meet someone that has money, cars and all that, but then looses it all, does that mean that he looses you too? Just the risk you take.

But the OP's man don't have any of these things.erplexed He has not shown any stability and maturity (per OP's post). Plus, there is a smart way to take risks. You look at all the factors and usually you can gage what the outcome should be and why. Also, when taking risks you research what possibly could happen to change the outcome desired and how this would either be avoided or handled.

 

[antisocial]

Could be true lol , but my point is it is a risk that you take if you like the person enough. Relationships are a risk. You could meet someone that has money, cars and all that, but then looses it all, does that mean that he looses you too? Just the risk you take.

If I want to take risks, I'll go to Vegas or Atlantic City.

Someone having money and losing it is completely different from someone who doesn't have anything, never had anything, and doesn't even have the potential to ever get anything. PASS.

 

[mz tracy 25]

Thank all of you guys for your responses. I'll answer some of the questions ya'll asked. Okay, he has a criminal record yes, BUT it's only a misdemeanor and he spent 2 months in jail when he was 20 (11 years ago) for busting windows on a car with his friends. He told me and I looked him up. Now for not graduating HS, he dropped out in th 10th grade (stupid) b/c he was having issues with his mom. She's the type when she has a man..she forgets she has kids. Especially a black man. (He's biracial).He had to go back and live in a foster home. Him and his sisters. He said he went to Pennsylvania Culinary Institute for a program that combined getting your GED and a degree. I haven't heard of this. Has anyone else?? Sounds kinda fishy to me. I confronted him about it and he swears he did, and that they did/do have a program like that. We'll see.

Now the SSI check. Uh oh, lol. Ok. He says he's gotten it ever since he was 11 because his mom told him to act crazy so she could get the check for him. He said he just told the people that he saw things that weren't there, like a pink elephant flying around the room. And she told him to act like someone was watching him. So I don't know if that's the truth or not, but he gets the check for Schizophrenia. (Don't know if I spelled that right). I have a friend with the same diagnosis, and im a nurse. So I understand it if he really does have issues. He's not taking meds for it, and he seems fine to me, so maybe it was all for the money. My sister's friend has 3 kids and she made all of the get checks. Sad I know.

He said he'll do whatever he has to do to get a job and he doesn't care what kind of job it is. Actions speak louder than words. Do ya'll think I should give him an ultimatum? I mean my family even likes him. And that's rare. And I feel that he's the type of guy that would be there for the long haul. He's been through alot in his past, and he says he just wants someone to love him for him, and she'll have his loyalty and love forever. It'll be a wrap. And something else I didn't mention. I have a "condition" so to speak. I'll get into details later. And he accepts it. Some guys wouldn't, but he does.

He asked me for money once. And I put a quick stop to that. So he knows I'm not a bank. I always get on him about getting a job, so he definitely knows whats up. And since he does get a check, a pro to it is that even if something happens, like he loses his job, there'll always be a steady income of $700 from him.

 

[MissJ]

This guy obviously has issues that will probably surface later, if he had that type of upbringing.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thank all of you guys for your responses. I'll answer some of the questions ya'll asked. Okay, he has a criminal record yes, BUT it's only a misdemeanor and he spent 2 months in jail when he was 20 (11 years ago) for busting windows on a car with his friends. He told me and I looked him up.

"ONLY a misdemeanor"??? Okay... wow... I mean, personally, I'd prefer a man with NO criminal record but oh well...that's just me I suppose.

Now for not graduating HS, he dropped out in th 10th grade (stupid) b/c he was having issues with his mom. She's the type when she has a man..she forgets she has kids. Especially a black man. (He's biracial).

Hmmm...does he still have issues with his mom? [Red Flag]

He had to go back and live in a foster home. Him and his sisters.

Oooo... [Red Flag]

He said he went to Pennsylvania Culinary Institute for a program that combined getting your GED and a degree. I haven't heard of this. Has anyone else?? Sounds kinda fishy to me. I confronted him about it and he swears he did, and that they did/do have a program like that. We'll see.

Hmmm.... :scratchch If something smells "fishy", it usually is.... [Red Flag]

Now the SSI check. Uh oh, lol. Ok. He says he's gotten it ever since he was 11 because his mom told him to act crazy so she could get the check for him. He said he just told the people that he saw things that weren't there, like a pink elephant flying around the room. And she told him to act like someone was watching him. So I don't know if that's the truth or not, but he gets the check for Schizophrenia. (Don't know if I spelled that right). I have a friend with the same diagnosis, and im a nurse. So I understand it if he really does have issues. He's not taking meds for it, and he seems fine to me, so maybe it was all for the money. My sister's friend has 3 kids and she made all of the get checks. Sad I know.

OMG!! [Red Flag Red Flag RED FLAG!!!]

Okay...seriously, this doesn't bother you just a little bit? Now the question is...is he REALLY mentally ill, or is he lying saying that he lied to get those checks??

Even so...if his mother made him "lie" to get those SSI checks, then that in itself is a red flag too! His mom sounds a little

He said he'll do whatever he has to do to get a job and he doesn't care what kind of job it is. Actions speak louder than words. Do ya'll think I should give him an ultimatum? I mean my family even likes him. And that's rare. And I feel that he's the type of guy that would be there for the long haul. He's been through alot in his past, and he says he just wants someone to love him for him, and she'll have his loyalty and love forever. It'll be a wrap. And something else I didn't mention. I have a "condition" so to speak. I'll get into details later. And he accepts it. Some guys wouldn't, but he does.

He asked me for money once. And I put a quick stop to that. So he knows I'm not a bank. I always get on him about getting a job, so he definitely knows whats up. And since he does get a check, a pro to it is that even if something happens, like he loses his job, there'll always be a steady income of $700 from him.

Wow... I don't know OP.

I mean, if you think you can handle all of this and if you're really happy with him, then go ahead. Nobody can force you to make certain choices in life.

But there are just a few things in here that give me SERIOUS red flags! With men you have to watch their ACTIONS...don't listen so much to their words. He says he wants a job, but yet you don't see him making any effort towards that. What does that tell you???

I personally don't think he's in a position to really give you what you want. I just feel like you'd be taking care of him like a "child". You'd be mommy, and he could be the son. I think you are settling. Look, if you yourself have a "condition" and can still manage to get a job, keep a job, have a car, have a home, etc. then what does that tell you about him?? I know people with lost limbs who still have jobs. I'm just saying... I don't know what kind of condition you have, and I have sympathy for you...whatever it may be, but something just doesn't seem "right" about this man.

Listen to your gut instincts! Personally, I think you can do better. And I think if a guy really loves you then he'll accept whatever "condition" you have.

But ultimately I guess you have to make your own choices in life.

 

[hopeful]

I guess the possible mental condition and momma drama should be the red flags here but the thing that bothered me most was when you said: "I always get on him about getting a job, so he definitely knows whats up." Trust me, you do not want a grown man that you have to get on about getting a job. Every woman I know in this situation is miserable and stressed out. You will be the breadwinner, I think you can count on that. All that sad if you love him and he loves you, it's cool, just go in eyes wide open and don't think he's gonna all of a sudden earn a bachelor's, and MBA, and be "taking care of you," not going to happen.

 

[lexi08]

Thank all of you guys for your responses. I'll answer some of the questions ya'll asked. Okay, he has a criminal record yes, BUT it's only a misdemeanor and he spent 2 months in jail when he was 20 (11 years ago) for busting windows on a car with his friends. He told me and I looked him up. Now for not graduating HS, he dropped out in th 10th grade (stupid) b/c he was having issues with his mom. She's the type when she has a man..she forgets she has kids. Especially a black man. (He's biracial).He had to go back and live in a foster home. Him and his sisters. He said he went to Pennsylvania Culinary Institute for a program that combined getting your GED and a degree. I haven't heard of this. Has anyone else?? Sounds kinda fishy to me. I confronted him about it and he swears he did, and that they did/do have a program like that. We'll see.

Now the SSI check. Uh oh, lol. Ok. He says he's gotten it ever since he was 11 because his mom told him to act crazy so she could get the check for him. He said he just told the people that he saw things that weren't there, like a pink elephant flying around the room. And she told him to act like someone was watching him. So I don't know if that's the truth or not, but he gets the check for Schizophrenia. (Don't know if I spelled that right). I have a friend with the same diagnosis, and im a nurse. So I understand it if he really does have issues. He's not taking meds for it, and he seems fine to me, so maybe it was all for the money. My sister's friend has 3 kids and she made all of the get checks. Sad I know.

He said he'll do whatever he has to do to get a job and he doesn't care what kind of job it is. Actions speak louder than words. Do ya'll think I should give him an ultimatum? I mean my family even likes him. And that's rare. And I feel that he's the type of guy that would be there for the long haul. He's been through alot in his past, and he says he just wants someone to love him for him, and she'll have his loyalty and love forever. It'll be a wrap. And something else I didn't mention. I have a "condition" so to speak. I'll get into details later. And he accepts it. Some guys wouldn't, but he does.

He asked me for money once. And I put a quick stop to that. So he knows I'm not a bank. I always get on him about getting a job, so he definitely knows whats up. And since he does get a check, a pro to it is that even if something happens, like he loses his job, there'll always be a steady income of $700 from him.

Leave this guy alone. PLEASE. Ultimatum for what This guy is a loser plain and simple.

 

[divya]

I'm sorry but...

 

[tatiana]

He is 31 and he has no job, no car, no nothing.
Once a man turns 25, he is more or less settled.
When was the last time he had a job?
And if he has not had a job, where has he been living?
He does not live with you or does he?
If he does live with you,, where was he living when y'all met?

At first I thought you were talking about a 22 or 23 y.o but you are talking about a 31 year old. No, no, no.

I am afraid to ask but I am gonna do it anyway. The only people I know that live off of other people with no jobs are alcoholics, drug addicts, or homeless. He is not one of those. Is he?

Quit being a codependent.

 

[mz tracy 25]

He is 31 and he has no job, no car, no nothing.
Once a man turns 25, he is more or less settled.
When was the last time he had a job?
And if he has not had a job, where has he been living?
He does not live with you or does he?
If he does live with you,, where was he living when y'all met? He's been in my area for 4 months. Before he came to Cleveland he was working as a cook.

At first I thought you were talking about a 22 or 23 y.o but you are talking about a 31 year old. No, no, no.

I am afraid to ask but I am gonna do it anyway. The only people I know that live off of other people with no jobs are alcoholics, drug addicts, or homeless. He is not one of those. Is he?

Quit being a codependent.

He lives on his own. His check covers all his bills. That's why I'm a little more open to him b/c he is taking care of himself. I'm 25 and he's 31.

 

[mz tracy 25]

He's been in Cleveland for 4 months. He was working before he moved here as a cook.

 

[JustKiya]

He lives on his own. His check covers all his bills. That's why I'm a little more open to him b/c he is taking care of himself. I'm 25 and he's 31.

What, exactly, are you open to? Dating him? Marrying him? If you want to marry him, 700 ain't enough to take care of two people. It's certainly not enough to take care of kids - a month of diapers and daycare will eat that up. erplexed All 700 dollars can do is take care of one person - and not all that well, either. Does he have any savings?

If you just wanna waste some time, and screw around - sure, have fun. Use five different kinds of birth control, though.

If you are considering anything longer term - run. He's got nothing to offer on the long term, and isn't working towards having anything to offer on the long term besides an SSI check.

I'm sure you want your man to bring more to the table than a SSI check, don't you?

With no high school diploma, no GED, and no job - all he has to offer is a disability check. Which, could be snatched away at any point if the gov't find so ut he's sane, and he might be forced to pay them back, too. Plus, it might count as fraud, and send him back to jail.

Girl, no.

 

[Makenzie]

He lives on his own. His check covers all his bills. That's why I'm a little more open to him b/c he is taking care of himself. I'm 25 and he's 31.

You talking about the check he lied to get? The $700 monthly check ($8400 yearly)? So it don't bother you he's scamming the government?erplexed Even if he's legit with his condition, $8400 a year is nothing. Literally nothing. What if his rent goes up? Shoot, if his cell phone plan or cable bill increases he's in trouble. This is what you knowingly want to get involved with?

You're a nurse, so I figure to do pretty ok for yourself. You're gonna have to pay for everything you want. He doesn't have money to have a relationship. All your meals/gifts/special occasions are gonna fall on you.

Also, why do you have to be the one getting on him about a job? He is a grown man. Are you serious? He is used to sitting back and getting his money from the govt. Talking about getting a job is for your benefit. Not his.

He is a loser. Sorry to be so blunt. I really am. But that is what this 31 year old non working government checking receiving male is.

I don't know what your condition is, but please do not feel that if you pass him by no one will want you. He may be genuine in his ability to deal with whatever your condition is. So keep in mind that there are other men out there who will do the same. Don't sell yourself short.

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

Now the SSI check. Uh oh, lol. Ok. He says he's gotten it ever since he was 11 because his mom told him to act crazy so she could get the check for him. He said he just told the people that he saw things that weren't there, like a pink elephant flying around the room. And she told him to act like someone was watching him. So I don't know if that's the truth or not, but he gets the check for Schizophrenia

$700 income? I don't call that steady. Plus it sounds like he's on SSI disability and I believe one of the conditions of receiving that check is that he is severely limited in how much he can make if he does take a job. You may want to check out that schizophrenia diagnosis too. It's so not easy to fake. Is he on meds? Also he is 31 years old. Are you talking an able-bodied man? And he's subsisting on $700 a month??? That is not enough to take himself out and treat himself, much less you.

This guy is a no-getter, not a go-getter. Someone else posted that their SO was in a similar situation and he now has a career, car, etc. But you know? I bet she saw some spark, some drive in that guy that told her, "he's not going to be down and out for long,". From your posts, I don't think you sense that. I think you see the writing on the wall.

I don't think there's another thread where I clicked on so many "Thanks" in the replies.

 

[tatiana]

How is he able to live on his own?
I thought they look at credit rating, employment status, and income when living an apartment. Does he rent a room or live an apartment?

I do not live in OH but the cost of living where I live a lot higher.

There something about your mate does not sound right.

 

[mz tracy 25]

Okay everyone is saying he's a loser. What about no good men with careers and cars who treat their women like ish? Screw around with other women, child support, baby mama drama, disrespectful, controling? Aren't those the real losers? Isn't there a such thing as a good man with no job or car? Okay let's say I kick him to the curb. The next week he gets a job, and a month later a car. Then he'll be everything I want. Smart, down to earth, great sense of humor, loyal, family-oriented, and he makes me feel like a queen. Even though he's been through mess with his mom, he still loves, and respects her. Isn't that worth something? Or should I call him a loser b/c of something as simple as not having a job or a car. That situation can change at any moment. Then what?

 

[mz tracy 25]

How is he able to live on his own?
I thought they look at credit rating, employment status, and income when living an apartment. Does he rent a room or live an apartment?

I do not live in OH but the cost of living where I live a lot higher.

There something about your mate does not sound right.

He lives in an apartment, and he has more than decent credit. Not perfect but far from bad. I don't know what they looked at for employment status, maybe they took his monthly check into consideration and his past employment history.

 

[JustKiya]

Okay everyone is saying he's a loser. What about no good men with careers and cars who treat their women like ish? Screw around with other women, child support, baby mama drama, disrespectful, controling? Aren't those the real losers? Isn't there a such thing as a good man with no job or car? Okay let's say I kick him to the curb. The next week he gets a job, and a month later a car. Then he'll be everything I want. Smart, down to earth, great sense of humor, loyal, family-oriented, and he makes me feel like a queen. Even though he's been through mess with his mom, he still loves, and respects her. Isn't that worth something? Or should I call him a loser b/c of something as simple as not having a job or a car. That situation can change at any moment. Then what?

So that fact that he's a liar, and has been scheming the gov't for 20 years doesn't impact anything? The fact that he doesn't have a high school diploma, doesn't impact anything? The fact that he's been willing to coast on just his SSI check for years, doesn't impact anything?

Girl, it's your life. *shrug* I hope it works out for ya.

 

[Tarae]

He lives on his own. His check covers all his bills. That's why I'm a little more open to him b/c he is taking care of himself. I'm 25 and he's 31.

But...he's not taking care of himself erplexed

It seems like you want to make this work for whatever reason. As long as you're not taking any kids into this situation with you, I say go for it since it seems like you don't like our advice.

Let us know how he responds to that ultimatum of getting a job (no degree, not even a GED, be prepared to take on the role of breadwinner).

 

[mz tracy 25]

So that fact that he's a liar, and has been scheming the gov't for 20 years doesn't impact anything? The fact that he doesn't have a high school diploma, doesn't impact anything? The fact that he's been willing to coast on just his SSI check for years, doesn't impact anything?

Girl, it's your life. *shrug* I hope it works out for ya.

It does have an impact. But how much of an impact should it have? That's why I'm torn. He's had jobs in the past. 4 months ago he was working. Don't the qualities that I mentioned count for something??

 

[tatiana]

He lives in an apartment, and he has more than decent credit. Not perfect but far from bad. I don't know what they looked at for employment status, maybe they took his monthly check into consideration and his past employment history.

I got one. How about he got some girl to co-sign for the apartment or the apartment is her name?

apartments look at current employment status and he has none. 700 dollars is no money. You got to pay first and last month rent plus security deposit at some apartment places. Also moving is not cheap. On top of that one has to pay deposit for the power and cable. That would have cost more than some 700 dollars.

 

[Makenzie]

Okay everyone is saying he's a loser. What about no good men with careers and cars who treat their women like ish? Screw around with other women, child support, baby mama drama, disrespectful, controling? Aren't those the real losers? Isn't there a such thing as a good man with no job or car? Okay let's say I kick him to the curb. The next week he gets a job, and a month later a car. Then he'll be everything I want. Smart, down to earth, great sense of humor, loyal, family-oriented, and he makes me feel like a queen. Even though he's been through mess with his mom, he still loves, and respects her. Isn't that worth something? Or should I call him a loser b/c of something as simple as not having a job or a car. That situation can change at any moment. Then what?

Let him get himself together FIRST. This way you are not wasting your time on his possible potential. A lot of times a woman will give and give and a man will talk/take and talk/take. Let him prove it to you first. That will give you an honest assessment of what your life will look like IF you decide to pursue a relationship.

 

[JustKiya]

It does have an impact. But how much of an impact should it have? That's why I'm torn. He's had jobs in the past. 4 months ago he was working. Don't the qualities that I mentioned count for something??

Do they count for enough to base my and my childrens futures on? Hell no. Period, bottom-line. They are great qualities! Fabulous ones! But - the cons outweigh the pros. Esp. the jail time. That limits his reach - period. Esp. considering his lack of education, as well.

But that's me. And based on what I want out of my life, and what I want in my children's lives - he's just - not okay - he's not enough.

But clearly, you think that he's enough. And all of the force of belief of assorted internet strangers ain't gonna change that perception of yours.

Good luck.

 

[healthynhappy]

Thank all of you guys for your responses. I'll answer some of the questions ya'll asked. Okay, he has a criminal record yes, BUT it's only a misdemeanor and he spent 2 months in jail when he was 20 (11 years ago) for busting windows on a car with his friends. He told me and I looked him up. Now for not graduating HS, he dropped out in th 10th grade (stupid) b/c he was having issues with his mom. She's the type when she has a man..she forgets she has kids. Especially a black man. (He's biracial).He had to go back and live in a foster home. Him and his sisters. He said he went to Pennsylvania Culinary Institute for a program that combined getting your GED and a degree. I haven't heard of this. Has anyone else?? Sounds kinda fishy to me. I confronted him about it and he swears he did, and that they did/do have a program like that. We'll see.

Now the SSI check. Uh oh, lol. Ok. He says he's gotten it ever since he was 11 because his mom told him to act crazy so she could get the check for him. He said he just told the people that he saw things that weren't there, like a pink elephant flying around the room. And she told him to act like someone was watching him. So I don't know if that's the truth or not, but he gets the check for Schizophrenia. (Don't know if I spelled that right). I have a friend with the same diagnosis, and im a nurse. So I understand it if he really does have issues. He's not taking meds for it, and he seems fine to me, so maybe it was all for the money. My sister's friend has 3 kids and she made all of the get checks. Sad I know.

He said he'll do whatever he has to do to get a job and he doesn't care what kind of job it is. Actions speak louder than words. Do ya'll think I should give him an ultimatum? I mean my family even likes him. And that's rare. And I feel that he's the type of guy that would be there for the long haul. He's been through alot in his past, and he says he just wants someone to love him for him, and she'll have his loyalty and love forever. It'll be a wrap. And something else I didn't mention. I have a "condition" so to speak. I'll get into details later. And he accepts it. Some guys wouldn't, but he does.

He asked me for money once. And I put a quick stop to that. So he knows I'm not a bank. I always get on him about getting a job, so he definitely knows whats up. And since he does get a check, a pro to it is that even if something happens, like he loses his job, there'll always be a steady income of $700 from him.

OH MY Goodness!

Time for you to step off. People with schizophrenia can be extremely violent. Are you sure he isn't taking meds that he is hiding from you?

Acting crazy and Being crazy are two different things that cannot fool a psychiatrist.

He had a rough life and I was prepared to give him a little benefit of the doubt. But the fact that he has absolutely NOTHING to offer you and has no intention of doing anything to improve his situation, and on top of that he is CRAZY.....need I say more?

Are you serious about the $700? How old are you? Try $700 per month times 10 at a very, very, very low minimum if you are seriously considering marriage, children, and a home.

 

[Radianthealth]

OP what "condition" do you have?

Also maybe you could tell him that you really care for him and appreciate all of his great qualities but you have certain minimum requirements that you are looking for in a man. At this time he is not meeting those requirements because he does not have a GED or gainful employment. You could tell him that you would like to give him some time to get those two things in order and then you can resume dating.

You can do this in a kind and encouraging way. If he does not feel you are important enough to do these things for you, then perhaps you do not need to pursue this relationship any longer.

 

[antisocial]

Okay everyone is saying he's a loser. What about no good men with careers and cars who treat their women like ish? Screw around with other women, child support, baby mama drama, disrespectful, controling? Aren't those the real losers?

Those men are all losers as well. They don't make your guy any less of a loser though. He fits right in....

Isn't there a such thing as a good man with no job or car?

At 31...NO

 

[GreenD]

MzTracy, I'm not going to harp on you, as you and only you have to live with the decisions you make, good or bad, right or wrong. But I will tell you that if you're a nurse and taking care of yourself at your age, you don't deserve to SETTLE for someone like him. You clearly deserve more and better.

I tell my mom and sister all the time, now is your time to be as picky and stuck up as you feel when it comes to men and your time. Just your presence alone is worth earning. Not to say he hasn't earned it and I'm not telling you to be a snotty *****, but you gotta think very highly of yourself especially when dating. You my dear can afford to be picky. You've set goals for yourself and have attained and you should only want a SO to do the same.

Good luck and I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

 

[mscocoface]

You have been given some very good advice and this man has shown you his bread winning potential.

Better to know now than later. Friends find, husband and father for the rest of your life...don't think so.

Sounds like he would make someone a wonderful househusband if that is what they were into.

 

[foxee]

Okay, this is my situation. I met this guy about two months ago. He's really nice, respectful, honest,gives me mucho attention (im an attention whore), cooks for me, and loves spending time with me. Plus, he's hella sexy.

If you give yourself some time, you'll meet a man who treats you like a queen AND he'll be gainfully employed, educated, and WITHOUT a criminal record. You seem like a nice, successful woman. I'm sure you've heard the term "equally yoked." Don't settle!

By the way, if you have to say "I like this guy, BUT" that probably means he's not that one for you.

Good luck on whatever you decide.