Wow, I became the girls I looked down on, who am I?

[ceecy29]

Lmao! Why is someone basing their life on a person who hasn't written the MCAT, taken that first anatomy test, the USMLE Step I, Step II CK, Step II CS, Step III and all the other tests in between. LOL. This is so funny to me. Nothing is guaranteed. I hope you can see the folly in his thought process

OP re-read all the tough love you've been given. Heart break truly sucks and time WILL heal all but you have to take a stance and remove yourself from this situation. Use this as a catalyst to achieving your goals. Whatever makes you happy, if it's getting ahead in your career then immerse yourself in finishing up that year of school.

Wayne dyer always says "if you are what you do, then when you don't, you aren't" Stop being so hard on yourself.

 

[SurferBabe]

Hey ladies! Just wanted to update. Since my last post I haven't spoken to him and have basically been just trying to get over everything and move on. The optimism I had earlier (before my last post) has faded and the real healing begins because regardless of the type of person he is, I loved him for a year and it will take time to get over that.

My biggest mistake in this was second guessing my decision to break up with him in the first place. When I first broke up with him, I felt a sense of relief and looked forward to my future. Then I started to feel guilty because we were still talking and he was heartbroken. That pulled me right back in. I placed myself in a position to feel rejected and I was no longer in control of the situation.

I know that they are broken up because his sister busted him out and told the girl everything. He had been lying to her about a lot of stuff. This shouldn't and doesn't matter to me, but at least she can hopefully move on to someone better.

I received a lot of much needed tough love from here and I appreciate it because it really opened my eyes. The hardest part will be learning to trust and love again. I'm not looking to be with anyone for a while so I have a lot of time to work on myself. I future doesn't look too bright right now, but it will change with time.

 

[ManeStreet]

EdgyGirl thanks for the update. glad you moved on. we were concerned. Your future looks as bright as You choose to see it. Sounds like you need something uplifting in your life. Go to the gym or drop in for a zumba class, go to church this weekend or meditate, go do something you enjoy. Find a way each week to nurture yourself spiritually, emotionally & creatively. It doesnt even take $ to do that. You gotta build yourself up after this situation & you can come out of it stronger & wiser than you've ever been. Best wishes.

 

[ManeStreet]

double post deleted

 

[Lucie]

Please don't call yourself names. Maybe this situation was to teach you that you should NOT judge others. If he is confused, clear it up and MOVE ON without him! If he cared so much he would not have found someone a week later and got involved so quickly. Dust yourself and get back to you and your dreams. There are real men out there that want a chance with a woman like you. One monkey don't stop the show!

 

[ava2]

Good for you! You'll find your way.

What is your ideal relationship? And Dream BIG .
Be clear on what you want. And give yourself permission to have it!

I've discovered beliefs influence actions. If you believe you can have the relationship of your dreams this (belief) will affect the type of men you accept/tolerate/accommodate in your life. Knowing what type of relationship you see yourself experiencing will also reveal the type of man that can give it to you.

This will also highlight the type of men to stay away from. Not every guy that approaches should be entertained. Past the initial 'hello', there is no need to exchange numbers. Certain men will not be in the position to be the co-creator of YOUR dreams. And that's okay.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

The hardest part will be learning to trust and love again. I'm not looking to be with anyone for a while so I have a lot of time to work on myself. I future doesn't look too bright right now, but it will change with time.

If you tell yourself this and believe it this will manifest in your future dealings with everyone. The hard part is not learning to trust or love - the hard part is knowing your worth, knowing what you want and then discerning BEFORE you get caught up whether the candidate is worthy of your attention.

Not that it matters but I'm not impressed over his sisters sudden turn of consiousness. If his sister is so 100 why didn't she have this conversation with you regarding her brother? Getting the other woman out of the way is not being on your side. If you haven't already cut off communication with the entire family (including FB & all other social media).

Don't believe what people tell you -believe what they show you in actions and deeds. His hurt is not your responsibility YOUR hurt is. For now concentrate on school - aim for a 4.0 this semester. Set some goals (long and short term) and read the list every day so you stay focused on what is important. When you stop looking backwards at what wasn't you'll be able to face and embrace all the good that is coming.

 

[SurferBabe]

Not that it matters but I'm not impressed over his sisters sudden turn of consiousness. If his sister is so 100 why didn't she have this conversation with you regarding her brother? Getting the other woman out of the way is not being on your side. If you haven't already cut off communication with the entire family (including FB & all other social media).

Oh no, his family has been great! I don't think I explained their role properly. His family believed that him having a motivated girlfriend would be good for him, but down the line they saw that not much would change because he was stubborn and was hell bent on starting his own business without any money to do so. His sisters and brother confided in me that they felt I was too good for him, but because they loved me, they didn't want to see me leave. His sister was fed up with the entire situation and took it into her own hands over the weekend. They found out that he was telling his new girl that I was the "crazy ex" and she only felt it right to clear the air on my behalf. His oldest sister knows of a singles group where there is an abundance of established men and has offered to take me when I'm ready.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Oh no, his family has been great! I don't think I explained their role properly. His family believed that him having a motivated girlfriend would be good for him, but down the line they saw that not much would change because he was stubborn and was hell bent on starting his own business without any money to do so. His sisters and brother confided in me that they felt I was too good for him, but because they loved me, they didn't want to see me leave. His sister was fed up with the entire situation and took it into her own hands over the weekend. They found out that he was telling his new girl that I was the "crazy ex" and she only felt it right to clear the air on my behalf. His oldest sister knows of a singles group where there is an abundance of established men and has offered to take me when I'm ready.

Ok cool. I was worried as I'll admit some of my older male cousins have wasted time of some GREAT women in the past and we would have gladly kept the girls and let go of the actual blood relative if given the option. I'm rooting for you just take your time!

 

[firecracker]

Um fire? Yeah so I'm gone need you to give her the real real. The other thread you came with guns a'blazin when the fight was over NOW when it's needed you censor it.I must admit I'm a little disappointed Lmbo. You feeling alright? *checking your forehead for fever* Lmbo.

Detroit2Dallas you forgot I didn't read the whole thread before I replied? That was too muchy. Just like this is too muchy. If in fact this is the same poster and storyline There is no real real to give her at this point because she is either gon be stuck on stupid or wake the hell up. Which is why I couldn't even bother trying to comprehend let alone commenting.

You should probably check your head and wonder why you are so invested in what I have to say. Would you like me to give you some much needed advice? You should reserve your disappointment for yourself and very own special situation.

Now let me go read this chile's latest update.

 

[ava2]

@Detroit2Dallas you forgot I didn't read the whole thread before I replied? That was too muchy. Just like this is too muchy. If in fact this is the same poster and storyline There is no real real to give her at this point because she is either gon be stuck on stupid or wake the hell up. Which is why I couldn't even bother trying to comprehend let alone commenting.

You should probably check your head and wonder why you are so invested in what I have to say. Would you like me to give you some much needed advice? You should reserve your disappointment for yourself and very own special situation.

Now let me go read this chile's latest update.

Awww, We appreciate,... well, *I* appreciate the perspective. Straight no chaser.

Oh, and just came back to add this thought I found on tumblr...

When you are convinced you deserve The Best certain things/scenarios/people will just be illogical, won't make any sense.

 

[firecracker]

Awww, We appreciate,... well, *I* appreciate the perspective. Straight no chaser.
When you are convinced you deserve The Best certain things/scenarios/people will just be illogical, won't make any sense.

Thanks ava2 I'm glad you don't take issue with me being straight no chaser or my ignant ole auntie advice. Some folks have deep seeded issues with Ms Firecracker and its quite telling. It kinda makes me feel special.

Most folks doesn't have the guts to be as open as the OP or myself when it comes to their life issues let alone willing to accept the advice w/o getting pissed off. I'm glad the OP keeps coming back and is dealing with what is real and true w/o regards to folks passing judgement. I commend her for facing her fears and acknowledging the areas she needs improved. I hope she finds the courage to see that she can be the person she started out to be and its not too late to be great. First she must love herself pure and simple. No man, title, degree, job/career, amount of money, achievement or things can define you. If those things are taken away you have to still love yourself in the most purest form so working on loving yourself is the most important thing OP.

 

[greenandchic]

Why would you feel threatened by her? EdgyGirl don't do that to yourself
I KNOW you feel down but this little girl doesn't realize who he is and you DO. REALIZE THAT GOD HAS BLESSED YOU AND SHOWN YOU THIS MAN'S TRUE COLORS. GOD HAS PROTECTED YOU FROM HURT THAT WOULD AND COULD AFFECT YOUR LIFE IN A HORRIBLE WAY.
The last thing you should feel is threatened. You should feel SORRY for her. Because right now she doesn't see what you have been blessed to see about him.

Also, this really doesn't matter but I will say it any way. At that age, WE ALL THINK WE HAVE OUR LIVES FIGURED OUT. BUT BABY, WE ALL SEE AT SOME POINT THAT WE WERE ACTUALLY IN FOR A RUDE AWAKENING. It's called LIFE. I think Maya Angelou put it best "Life for me ain't been no crystal stair....."

Life is hard and full of trials and tribulations. This is one of yours but GOD can bring you out better on the other end. I know it's hard for you to grasp now because you still love him, but God is trying to teach you something right now and he will often keep on presenting us with the SAME test until we pass it and learn the lesson.

Best advice ever. You're in your mid 20s, life is just beginning. You can plan as much as you can, but life constantly changes the script. At (almost) 34, my life looks nothing like I thought it would look 10-15 years ago, nothing. The best you can do is plan and set goals, but life often manifests in ways you could of never imagine.

Thank you ladies, and all of this reasoning made sense over a year ago, but something went terribly wrong in my thinking. I had to leave college for financial reasons and I beat myself up over it, especially since I wasn't able to attend full-time to finish in 4 years. I just always knew I'd have a Ph.D someday, and here I am with not even a 4-year degree to my name. From that point on I just felt like I didn't deserve better. I made okay money, but nothing like what I would have made with a degree. I settled for less because I figured no educated man would want me. Now here I am, and I see this girl with youth and a bright future (Doctor) with the guy I once loved. Of course I dodged a bullet, thank goodness, but it hurts.

Its never too late to start where you left off. Finishing college at a specific set age is so overrated - some people need to experience life and rude awakenings first, (and some don't), but focus on your path. I wont go into my experience (people here have heard it probably too many times), but educated men - truly mature men are more concerned about the character of the person and less of credentials.

don't have a crystal ball, but I see this 18 year old girl:

-Dropping out of college
-Having tons of student loans to pay back with nothing to show for it because she squandered away the time and money on that kang.
-Pregnant and working in food service to support him.

Maybe not in that order, but if continues to stay with him, it will happen.

He is doing her a huge disservice, IMO and you dogged a cannon ball.

Oh no, his family has been great! I don't think I explained their role properly. His family believed that him having a motivated girlfriend would be good for him, but down the line they saw that not much would change because he was stubborn and was hell bent on starting his own business without any money to do so. His sisters and brother confided in me that they felt I was too good for him, but because they loved me, they didn't want to see me leave. His sister was fed up with the entire situation and took it into her own hands over the weekend. They found out that he was telling his new girl that I was the "crazy ex" and she only felt it right to clear the air on my behalf. His oldest sister knows of a singles group where there is an abundance of established men and has offered to take me when I'm ready.

Why on Earth did they think/believe he can be motivated by a girlfriend supporting him? He needs a male mentor and a swift kick in the a$$, not a sugar mamma.

If they cared about you, they would have told you to run far away from him. I have had parents of potential kangs tell me to run far away from their own sons when I was younger. That's some real love there.

About the singles group, I would take her up on her offer when you're ready.

 

[ava2]

Thanks @ava2 I'm glad you don't take issue with me being straight no chaser or my ignant ole auntie advice. Some folks have deep seeded issues with Ms Firecracker and its quite telling. It kinda makes me feel special.

Most folks doesn't have the guts to be as open as the OP or myself when it comes to their life issues let alone willing to accept the advice w/o getting pissed off. I'm glad the OP keeps coming back and is dealing with what is real and true w/o regards to folks passing judgement. I commend her for facing her fears and acknowledging the areas she needs improved. I hope she finds the courage to see that she can be the person she started out to be and its not too late to be great. First she must love herself pure and simple. No man, title, degree, job/career, amount of money, achievement or things can define you. If those things are taken away you have to still love yourself in the most purest form so working on loving yourself is the most important thing OP.

No issue here.

I commend her as well. That's why I stopped in.

We can all learn from each other if we're open. I never miss the chance to learn a lesson or gain perspective from someone else's experience.

 

[TrueToHair]

.................

 

[ava2]

@ava2 your siggy made me laugh. Is that the show Suits? If it is, Gina (or whoever that is) looks nice in that suit. Lol.

'tis her, and Harvey.