I just found out that I was the OTHER WOMAN...

WOW OP I'm SO sorry!!!!

I'm so glad you shared your story. I believe with the advent of emails/texts/cell phones that it makes it easier for these types of situations to occur. That along with the fact that you had a daughter you had to divide your time with, made it easier for him to keep this lie going.

It's going to be OK, hang in there! I've heard of this happening alot-even women just opening the paper and seeing their SO's got married:nono:
 
tallglass2000 said:
No kids, that I know of. I attended serveral functions with him and his family. There were times when he said the functions were out of town. I also worked weekends, so sometimes I would be too tired to travel. Besides, I wanted to spend some weekends with my daughter. I also enjoy spending Christmas and Thanksgiving with my family. We would rotate. Sometimes he would come and leave early, but he is on call quite often. He could of been with her during those on call rotations.
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Was your dude a doc as well? Something about men being on damn call...they can get away with murder! :lol:

But seriously, you will heal and you will be made whole. Take the time necessary to move beyond it, do whats necessary - but know that this isn't an indication of who you are nor is it an assessment of your worth.

If you need to chat, plz feel free to hit me up
 
tallglass2000 said:
I am so devastated. ......

Background info
I was introduced to my ex-SO in 2004. We started off as friends. We would go bowling, go to live sporting events, just simply enjoying each others company. We offically became a couple in 2006. He told me he was in love with me and wanted to start a life with me. We started preparing for a future together by getting our finances in order, paying off debt, and saving money. We decided against living with each other because I believed the only man I should live with is my husband. He understood that and purchased a condo nearby.

As the years progress, we have both save up a substantial amount of money(seperate accounts) and paid off major debt. Monthly, we would go over the statements. We were really progressing well with our plan. We talked marriage, kids and everything. I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life....

Fast forward to last week.....
So I get a text message regarding my ex-SO. The unidentified person texted, "I have info regarding "SO". If you care to hear it, please call ###-####, I look forward to talking to you". I like WTH?:perplexed So I called the number and it was a women who claimed that she was his live in girlfriend of 7 years!!!! She said they have been talking marriage for 6 years! So this past weekend we all got together and he admitted everything to me. The house was in the woman's name. He told her that he rented the condo out to his best friend. We were together all the time and I don't see how he could of pulled this off.

This sorry bastard started crying and apologizing to me.:rolleyes: Telling me he never meant to hurt me. He said he just got caught up. Wtfe! He said he wanted to stay with the other women. He has more invested there. I'm sure there were some red flags but I must of overlooked them. Now I'm depressed, I hate for my child to see me like this. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't think....can't do anything!

I haven't heard from him until this morning. He texted saying "Please don't contact me anymore...I plan to do right by my girlfriend....sorry again". WTF.....:wallbash: my heart stopped. I can't believe this fool! That is exactly how men end up on "SNAPPED" Sorry SOB!!!! I'm pissed!!!
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Hey honey! I'm so sorry that you are going through this!
I just sent you a pm...and if you can, give me a buzz tonight if you need to vent and talk.
8:30pm/9:00pm EST is good.
 
tallglass2000 said:
His sister just texted me asking if I were ok....:nono:. I am not going to respond. I haven't heard from anyone else though.
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I hate to say it but his sister had to have known this was going on all along. But to be truthful I'm sure she felt that she was put into a difficult situation which it seems men are always good at doing. I would cut her off for now until you gather your bearings but don't be mad at her because like someone stated she would probably get told off for telling you his business eventhough he's in the wrong. But if I were you, I would be grateful not to be married into this family because that mess says a lot about them right there.

If you decide to talk to her because apparently she may already know what's going on then I would tell her and ask her did she know but don't expect her to be honest. Let her silence speak for itself. Let us know how it went.
 
I am so sorry!!! :( I pray time heals your wounds and that you will be able to move on from this and be with a REAL man who truly deserves you. :huggle:
 
Im sorry this happened too.. Look on the brightside, at least you've paid off your debt!

Is the child his or from a previous RL?
 
That is a mess. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know what heartbreak is, so I know this is not going to be easy or quick to get over. Like the ladies said just give yourself time to heal. Find yourself a good friend to lean on during this time, it will definitely make things easier. Please also don't let it make you bitter. I know so many women who are bitter from past relationships and they let it get in the way of future relationships. His girlfriend is truly a fool to stay with him also.

In regards to family, sometimes family does turn a blind eye because they just don't want to get involved. My husband's brother has been with a girl for nearly a decade and he's had multiple women on the side. All the family knows and they do tell him he's wrong, but that's about it. Sometimes I want to out him so bad.
 
tallglass2000 said:
His sister just texted me asking if I were ok....:nono:. I am not going to respond. I haven't heard from anyone else though.
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Don't even bother to respond. It could be him asking indirectly thru the sister.
He is a fool and will learn the hard way down the road.

Cry if you have to and then move on. Staring at a closed door won't make it open.

Don't speak negativity to your life cause it will manifest.

Look on the positive side, you dodged a huge bullet. Imagine this revelation coming out 2 days before your wedding or worse after getting married and being pregnant!
 
TG,

You are going to come through this the Victor(y) for you and your daughter. When those bouts of emotion come over you, in your car, at work, etc. Let it out, I know you heart is breaking. Just take it one moment at a time. Our children are stronger than we think.

"If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it"


Isnt there a site where you can post pics, and info about triflin arse men? Do you have any brothers, male cousin...

Im ready to get 2gether everybody and just roll up on him uggghh this pisses me off.
 
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This is like a soap opera only in real life.

I see advice has been given regarding the sister, what have you decided to do with regards to her contacting you?
 
TG...I gotta join the others. I'm very sorry to hear that this happened. I am praying that God would heal your heart and I know He will. Eventually, this man will look better to you leaving than he did when he was with you. You are SO much better off without him.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Pray, cry, scream if you have to. Spend time with your daughter and family and friends. Stay busy and do all you can to not dwell on him and if he comes across your mind, say "Help me, Lord" (get thru this) and "Thank you, Jesus (that he's gone).

You may have to prepare how you'll "block" him if he ever comes around to see you. Pray about that one and try to resist "baby oiling his tail up, a la "Perfect Christmas"".

If it will help you, journal.

Do something physical (not anything you can go to jail for, though), like hitting a boxing bag or taking karate. Channel the negative energy in a positive direction (run, speedwalk or do some physical activity that will help you let the stress out).

Rent/watch comedy movies and hang with people that will make you laugh.

Do something for you to reinforce your love for you. Get a massage, go on a trip, invest in something that makes you feel/look pretty.

You are now set up for better blessings to walk right into your life. God Bless!
 
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I have no words! But I pray for your peace and for God to help you get over this quickly! I'm so sorry this happened to you! I feel like beating him up myself!!
 
I was reading that with my mouth wide open...I am so sorry you are going through this!!!!

Please believe his triflin' a$$ will get his one day.
 
Bunny77 said:
I don't think that any of these things that you mention have anything to do with it. I don't think its wise to start second-guessing certain normal and reasonable behaviors (except for obvious secretness, etc.) because of the stories that are being told on here.

Sometimes, men are just sociopaths. Unfortunately, Tallglass and HoneyLemonDrop ran into two of them. :(
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I went and did some research on this....

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/sociopathic-tendencies-in-adults.html

VERY VERY INTERESTING....
 
Just want to give you a big:bighug:!!!

At least you found out now and not after you married him. What a trifling family he comes from that they all played the game with him. You are much better off without him even though I know it is really tough now.

If his girlfriend had any type of sense she would leave him also. How do you trust someone with that level of deception?
 
mscocoface said:
This is like a soap opera only in real life.

I see advice has been given regarding the sister, what have you decided to do with regards to her contacting you?
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I don't plan on responding. I am going to see if I can get a refund on the trip we had plan. We were going on a girls weekend in May.
 
Tallgrass you are much braver, stronger and worthier than you feel right now. I promise you the day will come when you look back and laugh at that jerks foolishness. ((Hugs))
 
OP...my heart just aches for you. It really really does. I know in RL I get on peoples nerves with my "practice what you preach" motto, but is it really too much to ask now a- days? and to deceive your daughter? Maybe you should let your fingers do the walking and find an attorney on a contingency basis and sue his A** (hell, that lady can sue for her coffee being *gasp*, hot I am sure an atty can take this on). However, better to leave this where it lay. I agree. He is a sociopath and would probably be diagnosed as such. It takes a mentally unstable person to try and deceive people to the extent that this guy has done.

This is a "can't see the forest for the trees" time now, but you really should be glad not only from a HAM avoiding perspective of he and his family, but a safety perspective for both you and your daughter. He is crazy.
 
tallglass2000 said:
I don't plan on responding. I am going to see if I can get a refund on the trip we had plan. We were going on a girls weekend in May.
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I understand. If she pushes it and speaks with you asking why, just tell her in a ladylike manner she should understand why this relationship cannot continue and in the best interest for all of us lets just handle this in a mature and responsible fashion and no longer contact each other for everyone's sake.

Take care of yourself.
 
Just don't let what he did to build up in your heart and blind you from seeing the man God truly has meant for you. This guy was a seasonal person, not a lifetime. He was a branch, not a root. He was in your life for a reason and after that reason was accomplished; his part in your life was no longer needed. He did help motivate you to get your finances together, save up, and pay off big debts. That was the reason he was there for. You are free now and are better off financially. You aren't trapped with a man who is basically non-commital and full of decit; let his "girlfriend" deal with that mess. God is going to Bless you with a man that you won't have to worry about sharing.
 
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I just do not undertstand the point of intentionally hurting someone like this. Why even bother to go through all of the lying/deceit? There is no law that says people have to stay in relationships/marriages if they are not happy - which he clearly was not if he was stepping out for years.

She is a fool for staying with a man who carried on another relationship for YEARS!!! You have nothing to be ashamed about at all. You should let your child know simply that although he treated her well, he is not someone that will be in her life again. Not sure of her age but if she is young enough, she will forget him.
 
tallglass2000 said:
No kids, that I know of. I attended serveral functions with him and his family. There were times when he said the functions were out of town. I also worked weekends, so sometimes I would be too tired to travel. Besides, I wanted to spend some weekends with my daughter. I also enjoy spending Christmas and Thanksgiving with my family. We would rotate. Sometimes he would come and leave early, but he is on call quite often. He could of been with her during those on call rotations.
Click to expand...


I may have to look this up OP but I couldve sworn I saw u mention in a post earlier this year that your SO had an ex-wife and a child together with her.
I remember this vividly for at the time I was going thru a similiar situation.

Anyway, Im so sorry you are going through this, keep ur head up...
 
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