I just found out that I was the OTHER WOMAN...

[TrendySocialite]

I echo the positive, constructive criticism and comments you've received. My hope is when he contacts you again (oh cuz he definitely will) that you will go back and read this thread (one of the good things about the internet . So you can remember the agony he caused.

You will go through the grief cycle and I suggest you allow the emotions to come, without overtaking you. You need to feel the sadness, anger, bargaining, acceptance, all that jazz in order to properly heal. Perhaps you should send your daughter off for a weekend and allow yourself to really get through some of these emotions.

If I was near you, we'd be collecting bricks to do a Jazzmine Sullivan on his money behind.....

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

*Yall know dayum well imma bout to blaze up on a Newport one hunnit for dis one*
TallGlass:
I read your story in its entirety. All posts. I actually cried a little. I felt your pain as I read them. Out of all of the posts I have read on this forum, this one has touched me the most, and I’ll tell you why. First, I am probably older than you so I say that to say that I have been where you are now. I want you to do a few things for yourself, and as a favor to me, if you will. What I am about to say will probably make absolutely no sense to you right now because you are hurting, but in the future, you will reflect back on this and see how it all make sense.
Please understand that you are worth something because you are a child of GOD. I really need you to understand that. Right now, this man and his family has betrayed you and has broken your spirit. You have questions that need to be answered.
The healing process is a slow process. See, a broken spirit heals in stages. First the hurt (i.e., crying, etc.), the pity-party (i.e., low self esteem, what’s wrong with me, etc.), and last but not least, anger (i.e., hatred for him, blaming him for anything going wrong in your life, etc.). If you’re not careful, you’ll wake up one morning, overweight, unhappy, bald headed, just looking a hot pitiful mess. Well, we’re going to avoid all of that and I’ll tell you why later on.
But first, one of the first things I want you to do is to pray. Go into a closet, close the door and start with the “Our Father” prayer, and just cry your heart out to HIM and just talk to him and tell HIM everything. Tell HIM everything you’ve told us. The second thing I would like for you to do is to CEASE all communications with this man and his family. You will never get your questions answered by him or his family because blood is thicker than water. If you can, change ALL of your numbers and block your e-mails from him as well. After you have completed those tasks, it will still hurt, but you have to start somewhere and it begins with YOU because you have a daughter to raise. The devil is a liar because all he does is lie and steal. This man lied and stole from you. He stole your heart and he lied to you by telling you things that he knew you wanted to hear.
The only positive thing I’ve noticed is that you’ve managed to saved a substantial amount of money and have paid off some debt, which is a good thing and this will work in your favor later on. Take a few days off from work to reflect and figure out what YOU want to do with your life for you and your daughter so that you can move forward. No one can tell you that but YOU. Right now, the situation is critical in that you have to GET YOU back. I say that because a lot of times we lose ourselves with these men in these relationships, so when life altering situations such as this happens, we get distraught and go crazy, etc.
Don’t get into that rut of feeling sorry for yourself, gaining weight, etc, because see, then you’ve allowed him to have control of your life and hold your spirit hostage. You have a life to live. Again, the devil is a liar and a thief. Continue with the plans that you were making. If you had planned on buying a house, then buy it, but this one will be for you and your child and no one can take that from you. In other words, DO YOU.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we have to go through the storm to see the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Feel me?
Now, let me tell you what may happen. One day, while you’re out and about looking good you may run into him or one of his family members. You may see or hear how bad he’s doing, how unhappy he is, how much he’s aged, etc. By this time, you won’t even want him anymore. You’ll probably even say to yourself “what did I even see in him”. How many of you ladies have had this happen?
I hope my words have helped you and anyone else who is “going through”.

Deserves repeating. I am one of those who found that helpful. Thank you.

LHCF is a trip. As if OP needs the LHCFBI on the case RIGHT NOW. Hello guys she's HURTING, let the "case" rest!

Thank you! I mean, seriously - being off on dates is not that serious.

 

[deltadreamland]

I've been in your shoes too hon-when my son was 13 months old. You WILL make it through this and come out stronger. My WHOLE heart goes out to you. Take it day by day, PRAY, and things will get better in time. Don't be afraid to seek counseling if you feel that you're having a really, REALLY difficult time.

 

[wavezncurlz]

hmmm....is the hospital bit a common thing? Reading your old post reminded me of an incident.

The guy that did this to me was unreachable one day. He was always really good about calling me back right away. This night, I called a number of times - nothing. 2 days later I finally heard from him. He was "in the hospital" recovering from a freak accident - tree fell on his roof and he was injured. Of course, he calls me after it's all over with. I was sooo worried.

I never saw evidence of the injury and later, when it was all over, I remember looking for news stories about the accident and found nothing. Yeah, I fell for the oki-doke. I must have been so naive, I missed all the signs.

 

[sky_blu]

I'm at a loss for words for several reasons....My stomach just turned reading this. Just know that you are not alone. My heart goes out to you.

He was no damn good and she's a fool for staying with him Sorry you had to go through this.

 

[Spiffy]

If you need some healthy distractions, I can say focusing on other goals, travel and mostly volunteering to help others usually help. It's good to focus on external things when your internal is in shambles. Especially with volunteering, giving to others helps you see that your situation is not that bad and makes you realize you are still an awesome person!

If you have some vacation time and can find someone to watch your baby girl, I say go on a trip, alone. There is nothing better for a change in perspective like a change of scenery.

It's okay to escape sometimes, for a little while, as you will have to deal with it all emotionally over time.

 

[NeeSee]

I am so sorry that you are hurting but it's best that you found out and you will make it, just remember your daughter needs you. And the other chick stayed. I can just hear her, "He do what he do but he gone be with me always"

 

[Vintageglam]

OP I have nothing to add as I think it has pretty much been covered except to offer my (((HUGS))) and to say that it will get better day by day and that you will feel stronger to the point one day that you just won't care about this idiot. You had a lucky escape and she is welcome to him.

Finally if its possible right now I would strongly suggest you go on a huge Vaycay with your daughter (whom has also developed a close relationship with him) and maybe a close freind/ family member to get away from the scene of the crime so to speak. There after as people have suggested, time to focus on you and your daughter and realise that no matter what you still have each other.

Good luck OP and God speed.

x SG

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Deserves repeating. I am one of those who found that helpful. Thank you.

Thank you Heather. I'm glad you found it helpful for you. I just want no only the OP, but other women to understand that some of these men are not worthy of tears, broken hearts, etc. I know it's hard because I have been there too, but at the same time, it's important that no matter what type of relationship we are in with these men, whether it be a phuck, shackin or in a long term relationship, that we don't "lose ourselves" in the process.

However, no matter what the outcome (bad break-up, divorce, etc.,) make sure you take something from that experience and learn from it.

Hell, back in my younger days, this one guy had me dyckmatized (dat good shyt will have u doin some dumb shyt too!), and I mean to the point where I thought my whole word was going to end. I went through that whole situation looking through rosey colored glasses. But I was much much younger then. When I went back home to Jersey to visit, I ran into him, his wife and the WHOLE camp...dis bama got like 8 kids by this broad, and both of them look a hot mess, and I can look at him and tell he wasn't happy, but that is what he wanted. It's all good though, cuz see now, when I run into these bamas that try to run game...I'm time enough for them because I'm much older now, and game know game.

It's all a process. you hurt, learn, and then you wise up. All a learning process.

 

[donna894]

Tallglass2000 - you just dodged a bullet. My husband has a cousin who is an MD in the midwest. He has got to be one of the most trifling, low-lifes I've ever met. He dogged his wife and lost everything in a messy divorce, had a couple females at his office file sexual harassment which he settled out of court, and I could go on and on. His finances are so funky that he either lives with relatives or other women. This man, a medical doctor, can't even afford his own home!! (BTW -- he's either in his late 50's or early 60's) WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND!! He is getting his and its not pretty. What worries me about doctors like this is their lack of integrity which is a part of who they are. They carry this same messy behavior into their profession and eventually they go down. Look at the doctor who did the cosmetic surgery on Kanye's mother or the doctor who was not an anesthesiologist but still treated Michael Jackson.

"WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND" is a universal law - nothing personal. It applies to everybody. Your ex sounds so much like my husband's cousin, it blew me away. To think there are others out there like him - just YUCK!!

You keep your head up. You have no idea how much heart ache you have been spared.

 

[kawista9]

old stank *** *****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that is out...some things that help me deal with things like this is to deal with your part in the situation and find your faults in the situation. When I do that, I am not allowed( I literally can't) cry over him. I take responsibility. Recognize that this negro needs SERIOUS help. See that his girlfriend soon to be ex is an enabler and also controlling and manipulating I hope you see that. They might even get married but the good thing about God's vengance is that it is complete and it always fits the crime perfectly. I would want to die in this situation. This is the BEST time to rekindle or add some fire to your relationship with God. Ask God to show Himself to be more real to you and dare to ask Him to show you His plan. Be honest and take fault where it hits you and know that our tears bring us closer to God. Did you know that each time you pray, God is bottling your tears and keeping them as forms of prayer for deliverence and healing? This is the worst time and the best time of your life. I did not know if God was really real until I had a I am the other woman situation but I was a entering into my twenties and completely naive. This is nothing but God forming and shaping you right in front of your child. I understand that you were expecting your child to see how a real relationship was supposed to be but you have to admit that you were giving her a false idol of a relationship because you knew for quite a while that this was not what it was supposed to be. When you talk about your burst of anger of texting...you didn't know why you were angry that day, but you did know. You know something was not right. That is also why you didn't drive by his house later to find out if he was coming home, because you did not want your suspisions to be confirmed that there was more to this situation. You didn't want to have your feelings hurt. I believe that God is forcing you to seek His face but not only that, God is going to show you and your daughter what a real loving relationship is about. I am almost convinced that your daughter is going to start teaching you some things out of the purity of her heart. Tell her, if you have not already and let her help heal your heart. Children can do things that a drink and a night out with your friends will never be able to do. She is going to be honest; pure and she is going to express a straight forward love that only she can embrace you with. You guys are going to teach each other. This is going to be the best way to teach her what love is about!

 

[Bmack]

Damn girl, you strike again!!! This post made me tear up. Great advice. excellent advice. I am so happy women like you exist.

*Yall know dayum well imma bout to blaze up on a Newport one hunnit for dis one*
TallGlass:
I read your story in its entirety. All posts. I actually cried a little. I felt your pain as I read them. Out of all of the posts I have read on this forum, this one has touched me the most, and I’ll tell you why. First, I am probably older than you so I say that to say that I have been where you are now. I want you to do a few things for yourself, and as a favor to me, if you will. What I am about to say will probably make absolutely no sense to you right now because you are hurting, but in the future, you will reflect back on this and see how it all make sense.
Please understand that you are worth something because you are a child of GOD. I really need you to understand that. Right now, this man and his family has betrayed you and has broken your spirit. You have questions that need to be answered.
The healing process is a slow process. See, a broken spirit heals in stages. First the hurt (i.e., crying, etc.), the pity-party (i.e., low self esteem, what’s wrong with me, etc.), and last but not least, anger (i.e., hatred for him, blaming him for anything going wrong in your life, etc.). If you’re not careful, you’ll wake up one morning, overweight, unhappy, bald headed, just looking a hot pitiful mess. Well, we’re going to avoid all of that and I’ll tell you why later on.
But first, one of the first things I want you to do is to pray. Go into a closet, close the door and start with the “Our Father” prayer, and just cry your heart out to HIM and just talk to him and tell HIM everything. Tell HIM everything you’ve told us. The second thing I would like for you to do is to CEASE all communications with this man and his family. You will never get your questions answered by him or his family because blood is thicker than water. If you can, change ALL of your numbers and block your e-mails from him as well. After you have completed those tasks, it will still hurt, but you have to start somewhere and it begins with YOU because you have a daughter to raise. The devil is a liar because all he does is lie and steal. This man lied and stole from you. He stole your heart and he lied to you by telling you things that he knew you wanted to hear.
The only positive thing I’ve noticed is that you’ve managed to saved a substantial amount of money and have paid off some debt, which is a good thing and this will work in your favor later on. Take a few days off from work to reflect and figure out what YOU want to do with your life for you and your daughter so that you can move forward. No one can tell you that but YOU. Right now, the situation is critical in that you have to GET YOU back. I say that because a lot of times we lose ourselves with these men in these relationships, so when life altering situations such as this happens, we get distraught and go crazy, etc.
Don’t get into that rut of feeling sorry for yourself, gaining weight, etc, because see, then you’ve allowed him to have control of your life and hold your spirit hostage. You have a life to live. Again, the devil is a liar and a thief. Continue with the plans that you were making. If you had planned on buying a house, then buy it, but this one will be for you and your child and no one can take that from you. In other words, DO YOU.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we have to go through the storm to see the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Feel me?
Now, let me tell you what may happen. One day, while you’re out and about looking good you may run into him or one of his family members. You may see or hear how bad he’s doing, how unhappy he is, how much he’s aged, etc. By this time, you won’t even want him anymore. You’ll probably even say to yourself “what did I even see in him”. How many of you ladies have had this happen?
I hope my words have helped you and anyone else who is “going through”.

 

[Honey6928215]

Tallglass2000 - you just dodged a bullet. My husband has a cousin who is an MD in the midwest. He has got to be one of the most trifling, low-lifes I've ever met. He dogged his wife and lost everything in a messy divorce, had a couple females at his office file sexual harassment which he settled out of court, and I could go on and on. His finances are so funky that he either lives with relatives or other women. This man, a medical doctor, can't even afford his own home!! (BTW -- he's either in his late 50's or early 60's) WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND!! He is getting his and its not pretty. What worries me about doctors like this is their lack of integrity which is a part of who they are. They carry this same messy behavior into their profession and eventually they go down. Look at the doctor who did the cosmetic surgery on Kanye's mother or the doctor who was not an anesthesiologist but still treated Michael Jackson.

"WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND" is a universal law - nothing personal. It applies to everybody. Your ex sounds so much like my husband's cousin, it blew me away. To think there are others out there like him - just YUCK!!

You keep your head up. You have no idea how much heart ache you have been spared.

That's what so scary about this. You never know what they are going through at home and end up bringing it to their patients. And they are none the wiser. Mindboggling!!!!

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

That's what so scary about this. You never know what they are going through at home and end up bringing it to their patients. And they are none the wiser. Mindboggling!!!!

I agree. Not to thread jack but when I was a social worker in Ohio, I had a case where this man who sexually abused his daughter, had female circumcision done on her all before I think she was 3. What career does/did he have now? The head nurse at a major Hospital in Ohio, making well over 200k a year. Who does he only date? Women with children between the ages of 3-5. He got away with it because his daughter was too young to testify and the judge would not allow it. SO, he technically has no criminal record, just a file with CPS, and pictures of what he did to his daughter on file. Ever since I was a social worker, I have NOT been stuck on career or degrees for that matter for any man I am interested in. As long as he has a job. being a SW, you learn that slime hide in all income brackets and that it is pervassive throughout all social classes. Long and short -- do your background checks and hire a PI if the relationship has lasted over six months.

 

[Cien]

I'm at a loss for words for several reasons....My stomach just turned reading this. Just know that you are not alone. My heart goes out to you.

Mine too!

Keep your head up girl. This gave me knots in my stomach. I swear. You just never know what trickery people have up thier sleeves.

same here.

*Yall know dayum well imma bout to blaze up on a Newport one hunnit for dis one*
TallGlass:
I read your story in its entirety. All posts. I actually cried a little. I felt your pain as I read them. Out of all of the posts I have read on this forum, this one has touched me the most, and I’ll tell you why. First, I am probably older than you so I say that to say that I have been where you are now. I want you to do a few things for yourself, and as a favor to me, if you will. What I am about to say will probably make absolutely no sense to you right now because you are hurting, but in the future, you will reflect back on this and see how it all make sense.
Please understand that you are worth something because you are a child of GOD. I really need you to understand that. Right now, this man and his family has betrayed you and has broken your spirit. You have questions that need to be answered.
The healing process is a slow process. See, a broken spirit heals in stages. First the hurt (i.e., crying, etc.), the pity-party (i.e., low self esteem, what’s wrong with me, etc.), and last but not least, anger (i.e., hatred for him, blaming him for anything going wrong in your life, etc.). If you’re not careful, you’ll wake up one morning, overweight, unhappy, bald headed, just looking a hot pitiful mess. Well, we’re going to avoid all of that and I’ll tell you why later on.
But first, one of the first things I want you to do is to pray. Go into a closet, close the door and start with the “Our Father” prayer, and just cry your heart out to HIM and just talk to him and tell HIM everything. Tell HIM everything you’ve told us. The second thing I would like for you to do is to CEASE all communications with this man and his family. You will never get your questions answered by him or his family because blood is thicker than water. If you can, change ALL of your numbers and block your e-mails from him as well. After you have completed those tasks, it will still hurt, but you have to start somewhere and it begins with YOU because you have a daughter to raise. The devil is a liar because all he does is lie and steal. This man lied and stole from you. He stole your heart and he lied to you by telling you things that he knew you wanted to hear.
The only positive thing I’ve noticed is that you’ve managed to saved a substantial amount of money and have paid off some debt, which is a good thing and this will work in your favor later on. Take a few days off from work to reflect and figure out what YOU want to do with your life for you and your daughter so that you can move forward. No one can tell you that but YOU. Right now, the situation is critical in that you have to GET YOU back. I say that because a lot of times we lose ourselves with these men in these relationships, so when life altering situations such as this happens, we get distraught and go crazy, etc.
Don’t get into that rut of feeling sorry for yourself, gaining weight, etc, because see, then you’ve allowed him to have control of your life and hold your spirit hostage. You have a life to live. Again, the devil is a liar and a thief. Continue with the plans that you were making. If you had planned on buying a house, then buy it, but this one will be for you and your child and no one can take that from you. In other words, DO YOU.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we have to go through the storm to see the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Feel me?
Now, let me tell you what may happen. One day, while you’re out and about looking good you may run into him or one of his family members. You may see or hear how bad he’s doing, how unhappy he is, how much he’s aged, etc. By this time, you won’t even want him anymore. You’ll probably even say to yourself “what did I even see in him”. How many of you ladies have had this happen?
I hope my words have helped you and anyone else who is “going through”.

Jersey,I just LOVE your posts!! The truth...and nothing BUT the TRUTH!!
------


I'm late, but OP, I just wanted to offer my sisterly love and support!!! Most of us have been through a situation like this in one form or another.

And I am SO SORRY that you had to experience this.

 

[jamaicalovely]

Gurlll, I am sooo sorry he did this to you. Bastard! You've already heard the best advice as posted above. I just wanted to give you a big hug.

What an arse.

 

[princessnad]

I don't think we need to go back and dissect the OP's relationship. She said there were some red flags and as women, we overlook them when we want a relationship to work.

She came and shared a story that I am sure many women have gone through, beating her up about "what about this" and that is irrelevant. Let's just get back to supporting OP.

My post wasn't about her missing red flags. There were two things that I wanted for her to clarify.

1) She said that her husband doesn't have a child in this thread and that old post mentioned her husband's child. She later said that it was his ex-wife's child who was conceived with another man whom he had adopted.

2) I also wanted to know about the whole ex-wife situation because she did not mention that he was married previously in this thread. I was wondering if the "girlfriend" mentioned in the OP was his ex-wife or a different lady and if she ever found out if he was continuing the relationship with his ex-wife while with her and this long term "girlfriend".

 

[Almaz]

My son who is in Haiti right now is a doctor and I would kill him with my bare hands. His father would probably rip him to shreds if he acted like this. I mean I really would I don't tolerate such behaviour.

Doctor Schmoctor they would be this way even if they were city bus driver

That's what so scary about this. You never know what they are going through at home and end up bringing it to their patients. And they are none the wiser. Mindboggling!!!!

 

[ChasingBliss]

My son who is in Haiti right now is a doctor and I would kill him with my bare hands. His father would probably rip him to shreds if he acted like this. I mean I really would I don't tolerate such behaviour.

Doctor Schmoctor they would be this way even if they were city bus driver

You have a son who is old enough to be a doctor???? LAAAWWWD you look GOOOOD!!! You don't look old enough to have no grown arse child. LAAAAWD.

 

[Almaz]

I got married VERY young and I had my children young. I am glad cause I dont' think I can raise a child today so much stuff to be weary of. When my kids were young I could send them outside to play without that much supervision. Today I would be at the playground with a double barreled sawed off shotgun

You have a son who is old enough to be a doctor???? LAAAWWWD you look GOOOOD!!! You don't look old enough to have no grown arse child. LAAAAWD.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I got married VERY young and I had my children young. I am glad cause I dont' think I can raise a child today so much stuff to be weary of. When my kids were young I could send them outside to play without that much supervision. Today I would be at the playground with a double barreled sawed off shotgun

LOL, I know that's right.

 

[MahoganyJazz]

Any updates?

 

[TG2000]

I'm trying not to stress over it because now my hair is shedding something terrible and my face has exploded with acne.

My best friend schedule a day at the spa for me this weekend. I can't wait to relax....

Just taking one day at a time.....

 

[brownelovely]

I'm trying not to stress over it because now my hair is shedding something terrible and my face has exploded with acne.

My best friend schedule a day at the spa for me this weekend. I can't wait to relax....

Just taking one day at a time.....

Enjoy your day at the spa and just do you .

 

[MahoganyJazz]

I'm trying not to stress over it because now my hair is shedding something terrible and my face has exploded with acne.

My best friend schedule a day at the spa for me this weekend. I can't wait to relax....

Just taking one day at a time.....

Wow, sweetie. I'm sorry to hear this. Best thing I can tell you is to let go, and let GOD. But, we can all tell you not to stress over his sorry behind a million times. But, we all know the hurt doesn't go away over night, and you will never truly heal until YOU decide to do so. Best of luck to you. You'll continue to be in my prayers.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I'm trying not to stress over it because now my hair is shedding something terrible and my face has exploded with acne.

My best friend schedule a day at the spa for me this weekend. I can't wait to relax....

Just taking one day at a time.....

TG, Please please please eat well. Make sure you are taking suppliments, eat lots of fruits and veggies (blend and drink them if you have to...I do every single day) and drink lots of water. And if you work out, dont stop. Being in good health with help you with all these emotions.

I'd like to do the spa thing with my friends too. Thanks for the idea. ((((Hugs))))

 

[Honey6928215]

I'm trying not to stress over it because now my hair is shedding something terrible and my face has exploded with acne.

My best friend schedule a day at the spa for me this weekend. I can't wait to relax....

Just taking one day at a time.....

Lord try not to let this man get to you. I know it's easier said than done but you have to learn to let it out and let it go! I tell ya men have a way of doing that to us but we can't let it control our lives. I hate to read it took it affect on your hair and skin. Stuff like this makes you want to get an Uzi to their a**es!

 

[The Princess]

Dang, that is so Sorry of him. Some men are just uuggghh. Like Monica song, that s*** was based on a lie, it will fall and you will stand tall.

Im sorry you was with him so long.

 

[fmnnity]

bullet . . . dodged

 

[deltadreamland]

Every time I open this thread, my heart hurts all over for you. (((HUGS))) Stay strong.