I just found out that I was the OTHER WOMAN...

[TG2000]

my jaw is sitting on this table. I cant believe him. When u think back OP, does anything start to make sense that he could've been hiding something?

On occasion, when I would just drop by to see him after work (I work late), he would not be home. He would say he was at the bar or hanging with friends. I am not the type that would continue to drive by to see if he ever came home. I was too tired and had to spend some quality time with my child. Now I wonder if when he was there, he would just leave after I would leave.

Also, I never let him spend the night over my house while my child was there. I didn't want her to see that.

 

[bimbabe]

Sorry you are going through this TG! {{HUGS}}.
That piece of skum will get exactly what he deserves.

 

[msdeevee]

I am so very sorry for you.

Like everyone else said be glad you found out now before you wasted any more of your days being misled by this less than a man.

Cry now and get it out of your system when you have a heartbreak like this it's like mourning a death but you will be ok and you will be better off.

He got out of your life so that you can meet the real Man that's waiting to be your Husband and your child's loving step-dad.

Pray about it cry it out and you will be ok.

Let that silly woman have him and his garbage and prepare yourself for the day he will call you and tell you he can't get over you and can he see you and all the other crap cheaters say. Pray to be strong to resist his lying mouth.

This too shall pass.

 

[TG2000]

Thanks ladies,
Your words are too kind. I am at work and I am literally fighting back tears! I think I'm going home. I'm typically not the emotional type (I hate for people to see me cry) but I am just devastated. I wasted some good years on this relationship. I would never get those back. I'm in my 30's and I hate the dating scene. I just might end up alone and lonely. It takes me a long time to finally fall for someone. I feel like I am not worth anything. My daughter needs her mom to be available 100%, but right now I am mentally and emotionally checked out. The past couple of days, the drive home has been my time to cry because I don't want her to see me like this. How could he do this to me?

I'm embarrassed. How can I face my family and friends and tell them about this situation. Everyone just knew this was going to be the year he proposed. I'm so hurt.....

I wanted so much for my daughter to see how a relationship is nurtured. I wanted her to see how a man is suppose to treat a women. I wanted her to see a healthy relationship so that she will know what to expect when she is dating. He was so involved with her life! Her dad is not around and this dude stepped in and took a responsible approach to show her that she is apart of this relationship too, I hate him so much for doing this! I have not told her about the break up as of yet....

 

[weaveologist]

I am curious as to what kind of relationship they had that he was able to spend the night out when he LIVED with his girlfriend?

 

[weaveologist]

Keep your head up girl. This gave me knots in my stomach. I swear. You just never know what trickery people have up thier sleeves.

 

[mscocoface]

Thanks ladies,
Your words are too kind. I am at work and I am literally fighting back tears! I think I'm going home. I'm typically not the emotional type (I hate for people to see me cry) but I am just devastated. I wasted some good years on this relationship. I would never get those back. I'm in my 30's and I hate the dating scene. I just might end up alone and lonely. It takes me a long time to finally fall for someone. I feel like I am not worth anything. My daughter needs her mom to be available 100%, but right now I am mentally and emotionally checked out. The past couple of days, the drive home has been my time to cry because I don't want her to see me like this. How could he do this to me?

I'm embarrassed. How can I face my family and friends and tell them about this situation. Everyone just knew this was going to be the year he proposed. I'm so hurt.....

I wanted so much for my daughter to see how a relationship is nurtured. I wanted her to see how a man is suppose to treat a women. I wanted her to see a healthy relationship so that she will know what to expect when she is dating. He was so involved with her life! Her dad is not around and this dude stepped in and took a responsible approach to show her that she is apart of this relationship too, I hate him so much for doing this! I have not told her about the break up as of yet....

You will hold your head up high and tell them it didn't work out and it was NOT your fault he did not give full disclosure and not the man he portrayed himself to be.

You will get through this. As for your daugther if you have someone who could babysit for you for a day or two that may give you the time alone you need. Even if they can watch her for a few hours that would be something.

You need to heal and then you can help her. She may not have seen how a healthy relationship flourishes but she will see how to handle a breakup in a healthy manner and that is by watching you.

Keep your head up.

 

[Honey6928215]

Thanks ladies,
Your words are too kind. I am at work and I am literally fighting back tears! I think I'm going home. I'm typically not the emotional type (I hate for people to see me cry) but I am just devastated. I wasted some good years on this relationship. I would never get those back. I'm in my 30's and I hate the dating scene. I just might end up alone and lonely. It takes me a long time to finally fall for someone. I feel like I am not worth anything. My daughter needs her mom to be available 100%, but right now I am mentally and emotionally checked out. The past couple of days, the drive home has been my time to cry because I don't want her to see me like this. How could he do this to me?

I'm embarrassed. How can I face my family and friends and tell them about this situation. Everyone just knew this was going to be the year he proposed. I'm so hurt.....

I wanted so much for my daughter to see how a relationship is nurtured. I wanted her to see how a man is suppose to treat a women. I wanted her to see a healthy relationship so that she will know what to expect when she is dating. He was so involved with her life! Her dad is not around and this dude stepped in and took a responsible approach to show her that she is apart of this relationship too, I hate him so much for doing this! I have not told her about the break up as of yet....

Honey, why should YOU be embarrassed?! You did nothing wrong. If anyone should be embarrassed it's the SOB. Not you. I say tell your family. You don't want to carry this load by yourself while trying to raise your daughter. You are going to need all the support you can get. And I'm sure they are going to give you some pretty sound advice not to mention going after him with a gun but don't spare him by keeping it to yourself. You did nothing wrong.

One thing men don't like is for people to know their dirt and by you not telling your family and friends makes it easier for him to put on a front and pretend like he's the victim. Somebody needs to call him out on his crap. I say tell your family so they can know what's going on. You don't need to bottle it up.

 

[MahoganyJazz]

My advice, change all of your numbers because he's going to try and weasel his way back into your life. And honestly, you're so emotionally vulnerable right now that you just might let him. I'm asking the Lord to heal your broken heart. Seek counseling if need be, from friends, family, or at church. Take a trip or do something nice with your daughter, and enjoy bonding time with her.


I'm sorry for the way you were treated by him. But believe me, when it seems like you're at your worst, your blessing is around the corner.

 

[dr.j]

You have NOTHING to be embarrassed about! Your family will have your back because they do not want to see you hurt.

And you ARE worth a lot - Think of your child, I'm sure she thinks you are very special!

Hold on and take it one day at a time. This too shall pass!

 

[southerncitygirl]

what an arse....the universe has a funny way fo working things out and he will get his. I'm sorry that you wasted you time with him, smh. this is awful *hugs*

 

[CurliDiva]

So sorry to hear this story!

Did the two of you spend time around hias family and friends?

Its scary to me and I can't imagine why he would be all up in your finances!

 

[donna894]

So sorry to hear this story!

Did the two of you spend time around hias family and friends?

Its scary to me and I can't imagine why he would be all up in your finances!

OP stated in earlier posts that he introduced her to his family and that she even traveled with his sister.

 

[PopLife]

Wow, I am literally at a lost for words...I swear people do not have a conscience now days. I am soooo sorry you are going through this. Like other posters have said you really need to take some time to get yourself back together mentally. Do something for yourself that you always wanted to do. Talk about it here or with supportive people in your life...it helps to get it out. I know it's hard not to continue to beat yourself up about it but this is something that could have happened to anyone one of us, so please forgive yourself. ((((HUG))))

 

[DragonPearl]

And that other girlfriend is staying with his jerk behind because...?????

 

[Kerryann]

Thanks ladies,
Your words are too kind. I am at work and I am literally fighting back tears! I think I'm going home. I'm typically not the emotional type (I hate for people to see me cry) but I am just devastated. I wasted some good years on this relationship. I would never get those back. I'm in my 30's and I hate the dating scene. I just might end up alone and lonely. It takes me a long time to finally fall for someone. I feel like I am not worth anything. My daughter needs her mom to be available 100%, but right now I am mentally and emotionally checked out. The past couple of days, the drive home has been my time to cry because I don't want her to see me like this. How could he do this to me?

I'm embarrassed. How can I face my family and friends and tell them about this situation. Everyone just knew this was going to be the year he proposed. I'm so hurt.....

I wanted so much for my daughter to see how a relationship is nurtured. I wanted her to see how a man is suppose to treat a women. I wanted her to see a healthy relationship so that she will know what to expect when she is dating. He was so involved with her life! Her dad is not around and this dude stepped in and took a responsible approach to show her that she is apart of this relationship too, I hate him so much for doing this! I have not told her about the break up as of yet....

you make me want to cry because ive just got out of something like this at least 3 months ago. Im so sorry to hear this i pray god strenghten you for your daughter and yourself.
Try and keep yourself busy and you will feel better trust me it works. Dont hate him people come into our lives for different reasons he was just there to help you clean up your credit and what not also to keep you company until the right person comes along.

Be happy and thank god for health and strenght a roof over your head and money in the bank

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

TG,

You need to realize that HE cheated... on HER with you... You were never the problem, just the solution... or so he figured to HIS problems. Please grieve but do not blame yourself! There's a lesson here somewhere.

 

[Almaz]

Don't be embarrased you did not knowingly get involved with a man that was involved with someone else. I am so hurt over this mess. This is crazy

I can't even think right now

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Girl, I feel sick for you. This is some bull. Some men are just so wrong. Its crazy that he started things up with you not to long after he started with her. This sounds like a little chapter from my life's book so I can definitely relate. It gets better though trust. I am in a relationship with a man that loves me and it shows in everyway. And this time around, I am all up in his business so if he got something to hide I'll find it sooner than later.

 

[F8THINHIM]

Thanks ladies,
Your words are too kind. I am at work and I am literally fighting back tears! I think I'm going home. I'm typically not the emotional type (I hate for people to see me cry) but I am just devastated. I wasted some good years on this relationship. I would never get those back. I'm in my 30's and I hate the dating scene. I just might end up alone and lonely. It takes me a long time to finally fall for someone. I feel like I am not worth anything. My daughter needs her mom to be available 100%, but right now I am mentally and emotionally checked out. The past couple of days, the drive home has been my time to cry because I don't want her to see me like this. How could he do this to me?

I'm embarrassed. How can I face my family and friends and tell them about this situation. Everyone just knew this was going to be the year he proposed. I'm so hurt.....

I wanted so much for my daughter to see how a relationship is nurtured. I wanted her to see how a man is suppose to treat a women. I wanted her to see a healthy relationship so that she will know what to expect when she is dating. He was so involved with her life! Her dad is not around and this dude stepped in and took a responsible approach to show her that she is apart of this relationship too, I hate him so much for doing this! I have not told her about the break up as of yet....

TG,
Please don't be embarrassed to share this with your family. I am sure they will give you the love, comfort and support you need right now for you and your daughter.
And don't feel like you will end up alone and lonely! You took a stand and even though you were in love with this man, you would not compromise your moral standards. You used wisdom and that is why you are not in a devastating mess! There is a reward for that! God will honor your stand! You have truly been tried by the worst of circumstances, it's not your fault, and you can definitely hold your head up!
As for your daughter, she got to see her mother show her first hand how a lady is supposed to be treated. And she will see how her mother would rather walk away from a damaging relationship (being the other woman) because she loves herself more than that! These are important lessons!
Allow yourself to cry, it's normal. But also allow this process to bring you to a place of hope and healing!

(((((HUGS)))))

 

[Almaz]

YOU know it sounds like him and his WHOLE family is just a bunch of messy people. Charge it to the game of life take the misery now. Cause honey now that I am thinking about it yes you are truly blessed and an Angel was looking out for you. Cause it seems like his family is co-signing to all of this and oh my Goodness you don't Ever want to be in a family like this. My SIL's MIL is like this. The time that you think was wasted was not. He motivated you to accomplish some major goals in life He did his job and now he is gone.

I don't wish that misery on anyone

 

[MissJ]

Thanks ladies,
Your words are too kind. I am at work and I am literally fighting back tears! I think I'm going home. I'm typically not the emotional type (I hate for people to see me cry) but I am just devastated. I wasted some good years on this relationship. I would never get those back. I'm in my 30's and I hate the dating scene. I just might end up alone and lonely. It takes me a long time to finally fall for someone. I feel like I am not worth anything. My daughter needs her mom to be available 100%, but right now I am mentally and emotionally checked out. The past couple of days, the drive home has been my time to cry because I don't want her to see me like this. How could he do this to me?

I'm embarrassed. How can I face my family and friends and tell them about this situation. Everyone just knew this was going to be the year he proposed. I'm so hurt.....

I wanted so much for my daughter to see how a relationship is nurtured. I wanted her to see how a man is suppose to treat a women. I wanted her to see a healthy relationship so that she will know what to expect when she is dating. He was so involved with her life! Her dad is not around and this dude stepped in and took a responsible approach to show her that she is apart of this relationship too, I hate him so much for doing this! I have not told her about the break up as of yet....

That's a new kind of low. He probably comes from a family where cheating is the norm.

 

[TG2000]

YOU know it sounds like him and his WHOLE family is just a bunch of messy people. Charge it to the game of life take the misery now. Cause honey now that I am thinking about it yes you are truly blessed and an Angel was looking out for you. Cause it seems like his family is co-signing to all of this and oh my Goodness you don't Ever want to be in a family like this. My SIL's MIL is like this. The time that you think was wasted was not. He motivated you to accomplish some major goals in life He did his job and now he is gone.

I don't wish that misery on anyone

Yes, they are real messy! I will try to let go and let God, but right now I'm in a bad place of hopelessness. I'm so glad that this came out. I just don't understand the girlfriend though. We did not spend every holiday together, but we will always see each other sometime during the holidays.

Yes, I thank him for inspiring me to have financial success!

 

[Poohbear]

tallglass2000,
I just read your story and it gave me the creeps. That sucks that you have to go through this. He was totally wrong and heartless for what he did. He deceived you for a long time. Did he always come to your place? This just sickens me. I don't see how he pulled this off if you said y'all were together all the time...

 

[awhyley]

Yes, I met his family. Yeah, me and his sister traveled together. Trifiling...

Trifling is correct. She knew what was going on. It's a d@nm shame what women will let other women go through.

He'll prolly try to come back with the, "she made me say that stuff" crap but cold turkey that fool. Don't allow him to rid his guilt with a novel of an apology later on.

Cha-CHING!!! That's why he texted in the first place, to keep that line of communication open, (don't mind what he said, he wanted to make sure his number was still in your phone, etc.). Remember that this fool cheated on you for years, and don't let him think that things are cool now because everything is out in the open.

And that other girlfriend is staying with his jerk behind because...?????

She's weak, er . . . "in love"

YOU know it sounds like him and his WHOLE family is just a bunch of messy people.

You know!

That's a new kind of low. He probably comes from a family where cheating is the norm.

Fa real, cause the travelling with the sister and meeting his family and everything is just foul, if they knew about that other woman. (AND they DID know, make no mistake about it).

 

[janeemat]

I am so devastated. ......

Background info
I was introduced to my ex-SO in 2004. We started off as friends. We would go bowling, go to live sporting events, just simply enjoying each others company. We offically became a couple in 2006. He told me he was in love with me and wanted to start a life with me. We started preparing for a future together by getting our finances in order, paying off debt, and saving money. We decided against living with each other because I believed the only man I should live with is my husband. He understood that and purchased a condo nearby.

As the years progress, we have both save up a substantial amount of money(seperate accounts) and paid off major debt. Monthly, we would go over the statements. We were really progressing well with our plan. We talked marriage, kids and everything. I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life....

Fast forward to last week.....
So I get a text message regarding my ex-SO. The unidentified person texted, "I have info regarding "SO". If you care to hear it, please call ###-####, I look forward to talking to you". I like WTH?erplexed So I called the number and it was a women who claimed that she was his live in girlfriend of 7 years!!!! She said they have been talking marriage for 6 years! So this past weekend we all got together and he admitted everything to me. The house was in the woman's name. He told her that he rented the condo out to his best friend. We were together all the time and I don't see how he could of pulled this off.

This sorry bastard started crying and apologizing to me. Telling me he never meant to hurt me. He said he just got caught up. Wtfe! He said he wanted to stay with the other women. He has more invested there. I'm sure there were some red flags but I must of overlooked them. Now I'm depressed, I hate for my child to see me like this. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't think....can't do anything!

I haven't heard from him until this morning. He texted saying "Please don't contact me anymore...I plan to do right by my girlfriend....sorry again". WTF..... my heart stopped. I can't believe this fool! That is exactly how men end up on "SNAPPED" Sorry SOB!!!! I'm pissed!!!

Girl, I could blow him away for you! This is jacked up.

 

[*5+5]

Thanks ladies,
Your words are too kind. I am at work and I am literally fighting back tears! I think I'm going home. I'm typically not the emotional type (I hate for people to see me cry) but I am just devastated. I wasted some good years on this relationship. I would never get those back. I'm in my 30's and I hate the dating scene. I just might end up alone and lonely. It takes me a long time to finally fall for someone. I feel like I am not worth anything. My daughter needs her mom to be available 100%, but right now I am mentally and emotionally checked out. The past couple of days, the drive home has been my time to cry because I don't want her to see me like this. How could he do this to me?

I'm embarrassed. How can I face my family and friends and tell them about this situation. Everyone just knew this was going to be the year he proposed. I'm so hurt.....

I wanted so much for my daughter to see how a relationship is nurtured. I wanted her to see how a man is suppose to treat a women. I wanted her to see a healthy relationship so that she will know what to expect when she is dating. He was so involved with her life! Her dad is not around and this dude stepped in and took a responsible approach to show her that she is apart of this relationship too, I hate him so much for doing this! I have not told her about the break up as of yet....

@ THE BOLDED:

Don't feel like that Tallglass, dude is not worth anything.

You'll rebound with sharper skills on how to pick em' and weed douche bags like this dude out. Don't give up hope b/c you sound like a nice lady.

Take time out and cry, cry, cry and once you're passed your grieving period, get back out there!
Yeah the dating scene is horrible but if having that relationship for you and your daughter is what you want don't give up hope girlie. Most of all don't allow this scumbag to make you feel like you're not worth nothing.

 

[southernchocolate]

Am I the only one who feels like handling some business for the OP???

 

[panamoni]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know it's hard, but I agree with others who have stated that you have nothing to be embarrassed about because you did not do anything wrong. Also, try not to isolate yourself -- once you share with others who love you, you'll feel a little better because they will be so supportive of you.

 

[Summer_Rain]

TG - I just wanted to come in and let you know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story, you are brave for doing so - many of us don't have the courage to be so open.

I know from experience that your friends and family will be as supportive and encouraging as they were before. Don't be embarassed. He played a good game and his family went along with it. Just be glad you found out before they got married. That would be a tremendous burden to carry.