ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
TG how are you feeling today? I hope a little better.
I just found out that I was the OTHER WOMAN...
- Thread starter TG2000
- Start date
TG2000
New Member
I'm okay.....Thank you.
But looking at the old post compiled in one location is really an eye opener. There were red flags indeed.....
TG2000
New Member
I am confused are there children and an exwife or are there no children and no exwife?
Your responses from previous posts that the ladies have pulled is this the same guy?
If this is the same guy the texting is a dead giveaway.
erplexed
Consider some of the warnings and even though hurtful they are lessons learned. I heard something last night and it stuck with me.
"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."
— C.S. Lewis
I responded to the child and ex-wife question a couple of posts up.
The whole texting thing became an issue in '08. I didn't mind the texting at first because we would send each other sweet messages, but sometimes it use to irritate me. I was upset because I thought it was rude for him to schedule a date via text. We talked alot throughout the day, but for some reason that day it just pissed me off.
Last edited:
joytimes10
New Member
OP, my heart goes to you. Do you have any brother who can "take him out back" and "teach" him the consequences of disrespecting you?
I pray you heal from the hurt soon.
I pray you heal from the hurt soon.
I don't think we need to go back and dissect the OP's relationship. She said there were some red flags and as women, we overlook them when we want a relationship to work.
She came and shared a story that I am sure many women have gone through, beating her up about "what about this" and that is irrelevant. Let's just get back to supporting OP.
MissJ
Well-Known Member
I remember the thread about the guy being in the hospital and thought to myself that he was not in the hospital. If there's one thing I've learned from LHCF it's that, "The only thing that keeps a man from a woman is another woman." I don't know who posted that quote, but it has stuck with me for years. I think this is something we all should remember if we have a man that starts acting shady....And this post from 10/27/2008?:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=298027&highlight=
....And this post from 6/16/2009?:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=8046381&postcount=1
sad:
These were some red flags here.
tallglass2000, your story touched me so bad that I had to do some research on the history of the relationship that you may have posted on LHCF. I am glad that you are out of this relationship. I hope you will be able to heal from this soon.
biancaelyse
New Member
I hate how family members directly or indirectly condone infidelity and deceit like this. DH has several nephews that juggle women like you would not believe. It is beyond ridiclous and it's to the point where I can't be in a room with them for more than 5 minutes. One of them had a pregnant fiancee that was to far along to attend his brother's NYE party so he left her home, picked up his momma, his son and his fav jump off and went to the party without her. 1/2 the family was there and no one said a thing. They are all really nice and friendly to all of the women that get brought around. They know I am not one to hold my tongue so they tend to avoid me anyhow. I haven't been to a good crawfish boil in years
.Anyhow OP, you did nothing wrong. You did not tell lies, cheat and play mind games. Do not be embarassed. Be glad that you were not even closer to him - living together, married, have his baby, shared bank accounts.
the other woman is a real fool. She caught him, contacted you to confirm the details and is still staying?? For what - he's only going to do it again
Praying you feel better as time goes on.
-B
Last edited:
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
I hate how family members directly or indirectly condone infidelity and deceit like this. DH has several nephews that juggle women like you would not believe. It is beyond ridiclous and it's to the point where I can't be in a room with them for more than 5 minutes. One of them had a pregnant fiancee that was to far along to attend his brother's NYE party so he left her home, picked up his momma, his son and his jump off and went to the party without her. 1/2 the family was there and no one said a thing. They know I am not one to hold my tongue so they tend to avoid me anyhow. I haven't been to a good crawfish boil in years
Anyhow OP, you did nothing wrong. You did not tell lies, cheat and play mind games. Do not be embarassed. Be glad that you were not even closer to him - live - in, married, have his baby, shared bank accounts.
Praying you feel better as time goes on.
-B
Arrrgh! This is making me even more pissy at my own situation. These family mofos treated me like GOLD! Like not only was there no one but me. But no one compared to me either.
And what gets me is that the female family members who know what is going on, dont seem to consider the fact that this ish can be happening to them too.
Kerryann
Well-Known Member
I had a friend who has been with his girl for say 13 years they have 3 kids together.
He has been cheating from since the relationship started. He had twins with some chick right after their last child and a couple months later another chick pushed out another child. Dummy still with him
Aparently she told him she was going over to a friends house while he was getting dress to go out also to some boatride party crap
They both ended up at the same venue he was with the new babby mother and she was with her new boo and they were standing directly across from each other i couldnt stop laughing
he was mad as hell when he got home he faught her and all sorts of drama happened after that but they're still together but he really had a hard time till he was testing his kids to see if his it was crazy
He has been cheating from since the relationship started. He had twins with some chick right after their last child and a couple months later another chick pushed out another child. Dummy still with him
Aparently she told him she was going over to a friends house while he was getting dress to go out also to some boatride party crap
They both ended up at the same venue he was with the new babby mother and she was with her new boo and they were standing directly across from each other i couldnt stop laughing
he was mad as hell when he got home he faught her and all sorts of drama happened after that but they're still together but he really had a hard time till he was testing his kids to see if his it was crazy
biancaelyse
New Member
Exactly - DH's nephew learned how to be a cheater from how his dad cheated on his Mom. He was even cheating with a lady who lived on their street. Fast forward 30 years and now 2 of her sons are major golden pen!s manwhores and she's there lovey dovey and drinking buddies with their jumpoffs.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Wow, just wow...my ex's mother has a very similar history. In fact, when she'd get drunk, she'd sit on the couch half the night telling me all about her ex husband, the cheating, the fighting, her other childrens' fathers
And their mess. I see more and more that the red flags were there for me as well, but I guess more in the family history sense.
Because mine was long distance, a lot of stuff he may have done that would seem questionable if we were in the same place, could be explained away. I dunno. I'm still trying to figure it all out.
This thread is helping me tremendously. As much as it is hurting her, I'm glad TG came in and started it. I think she will be even more blessed for this because she shared her pain and it brought so many intelligent insightful responses that are helping MANY of us right now.
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
Come to think of it, I've observed a similar situation where a man bounces around women...
One time in 2008, I was just hanging out with a guy friend I had met that year. This guy friend had a cousin. We went out one night and he introduced me to his cousin. There was a woman with his cousin. His cousin introduced me to his fiance.
A week later, I went bowling with the guy friend and his cousin. This time, his cousin had a different woman with her. His cousin had to nerve to introduce me to this girl and told me it was his girlfriend.
I was shocked! I wanted to pull the girl to the side so bad and tell her that he had a fiance, but I didn't do it. I kinda blocked it out of my mind. I did mention to the guy friend about how I thought that was dirty of his cousin. And he felt like it wasn't his place to say anything to his cousin. I felt kinda bad for not telling her. But after that day, I stopped hanging with that guy friend too.
One time in 2008, I was just hanging out with a guy friend I had met that year. This guy friend had a cousin. We went out one night and he introduced me to his cousin. There was a woman with his cousin. His cousin introduced me to his fiance.
A week later, I went bowling with the guy friend and his cousin. This time, his cousin had a different woman with her. His cousin had to nerve to introduce me to this girl and told me it was his girlfriend.
I was shocked! I wanted to pull the girl to the side so bad and tell her that he had a fiance, but I didn't do it. I kinda blocked it out of my mind. I did mention to the guy friend about how I thought that was dirty of his cousin. And he felt like it wasn't his place to say anything to his cousin. I felt kinda bad for not telling her. But after that day, I stopped hanging with that guy friend too.
awhyley
Well-Known Member
See here thread on this phenomenon:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=437642
This is why they call would me 'BLAB', cause I would have been like, "What happened to your fiancee?"
erplexed If she didn't take the hint after that, it ain't gravvy baby.
MuseofTroy
Well-Known Member
THANK GOD the truth came out about this low down dirty pig of a male. I know your heart is breaking but you did all the right things. Look on the positive side, you saved a lot of money and paid off debt. You are stable! If anything I feel bad for his main chick. She has to live and deal with this low quality man. Please believe me. You are blessed. Most women don't find out what type of pig they are dealing with until it's too late.
discobiscuits
New Member
OP. I was reading this, really feeling for you and your child. I didn't have anything to contribute b/c the other ladies had pretty much said everything I was thinking.
However, your 1st post raised my eyebrow & I had a question but I let it go as I know 'round these parts, I'd get my answer if I waited. FF a few pages later and I see other people have assisted me.
One post you said you've been together since 2006 the other post from June of last year you said 2 years (approximately 2007).
You said that you all argue over texting and he said it is for children yet he texts you to say he's keeping his GF even though you all met together & he did not say it then in front of both of you.
I do not have the desire to go read every post you ever did about this man but it seems to me that the writing about his character, attitude, feelings for you was on the wall in 2004, 2006, 2007, 2008 & 2009.
I honestly and truly feel badly for you and if I could, I would be there in person to comfort you. It appears to me that you didn't miss any flags, you ignored them or failed to investigate. Based on the posts I have read that you wrote, you should have bounced him long ago.
Please do not waste anymore energy on this dude.
6/2009
However, your 1st post raised my eyebrow & I had a question but I let it go as I know 'round these parts, I'd get my answer if I waited. FF a few pages later and I see other people have assisted me.
One post you said you've been together since 2006 the other post from June of last year you said 2 years (approximately 2007).
You said that you all argue over texting and he said it is for children yet he texts you to say he's keeping his GF even though you all met together & he did not say it then in front of both of you.
I do not have the desire to go read every post you ever did about this man but it seems to me that the writing about his character, attitude, feelings for you was on the wall in 2004, 2006, 2007, 2008 & 2009.
I honestly and truly feel badly for you and if I could, I would be there in person to comfort you. It appears to me that you didn't miss any flags, you ignored them or failed to investigate. Based on the posts I have read that you wrote, you should have bounced him long ago.
Please do not waste anymore energy on this dude.
I am so devastated. ......
Background info
I was introduced to my ex-SO in 2004. We started off as friends. We would go bowling, go to live sporting events, just simply enjoying each others company. We offically became a couple in 2006.
... it was a women who claimed that she was his live in girlfriend of 7 years!!!! She said they have been talking marriage for 6 years! So this past weekend we all got together and he admitted everything to me. The house was in the woman's name. He told her that he rented the condo out to his best friend. We were together all the time and I don't see how he could of pulled this off.
He said he wanted to stay with the other women. He has more invested there. I'm sure there were some red flags but I must of overlooked them.
I haven't heard from him until this morning. He texted saying "Please don't contact me anymore...I plan to do right by my girlfriend....sorry again". WTF.....my heart stopped. I can't believe this fool! That is exactly how men end up on "SNAPPED" Sorry SOB!!!! I'm pissed!!!
6/2009
Hi ladies, I am writing this with no sleep within the last 24 hours
I have been in a relationship with my SO for almost two years and from the beginning he told me about his high blood pressure and heart disease. I was sympathetic for him and did everything possible to help him maintain his health. Recently we have been fighting a lot and I am getting feed up! I went this entire weekend and didn't call him (he didn't call me either)
So yesterday I get a phone call from him telling me he is in the emergency room with a major headache and elevated blood pressure. Then the phone disconnected. I called him back about 5011 times and he did not answer!
I feel in my heart that he is ok and is just craving for my attention. One time when I threaten to leave the relationship, he started hyperventilating (sp?). I can't deal with this punkish behavior! Everytime we argue and have a disagreement, before we can resolve the issue, he will get sick. At times I still want to resolve the issue but his illness will put any discussions on the back burner. Time will go by and the wounds will still be open (on my end). I like to resolve conflict, but everytime I bring something up he will start complaining about a headache or chest pains! I don't know! I feel like I am rambling.
Am I being difficult and overreacting?
So what was your point in posting if you saw others had confirmed and OP herself said she missed some obvious red flags?
We already covered that. It doesn't seem like you're adding anything useful to what's already been said.
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
*Yall know dayum well imma bout to blaze up on a Newport one hunnit for dis one*
TallGlass:
I read your story in its entirety. All posts. I actually cried a little. I felt your pain as I read them. Out of all of the posts I have read on this forum, this one has touched me the most, and I’ll tell you why. First, I am probably older than you so I say that to say that I have been where you are now. I want you to do a few things for yourself, and as a favor to me, if you will. What I am about to say will probably make absolutely no sense to you right now because you are hurting, but in the future, you will reflect back on this and see how it all make sense.
Please understand that you are worth something because you are a child of GOD. I really need you to understand that. Right now, this man and his family has betrayed you and has broken your spirit. You have questions that need to be answered.
The healing process is a slow process. See, a broken spirit heals in stages. First the hurt (i.e., crying, etc.), the pity-party (i.e., low self esteem, what’s wrong with me, etc.), and last but not least, anger (i.e., hatred for him, blaming him for anything going wrong in your life, etc.). If you’re not careful, you’ll wake up one morning, overweight, unhappy, bald headed, just looking a hot pitiful mess. Well, we’re going to avoid all of that and I’ll tell you why later on.
But first, one of the first things I want you to do is to pray. Go into a closet, close the door and start with the “Our Father” prayer, and just cry your heart out to HIM and just talk to him and tell HIM everything. Tell HIM everything you’ve told us. The second thing I would like for you to do is to CEASE all communications with this man and his family. You will never get your questions answered by him or his family because blood is thicker than water. If you can, change ALL of your numbers and block your e-mails from him as well. After you have completed those tasks, it will still hurt, but you have to start somewhere and it begins with YOU because you have a daughter to raise. The devil is a liar because all he does is lie and steal. This man lied and stole from you. He stole your heart and he lied to you by telling you things that he knew you wanted to hear.
The only positive thing I’ve noticed is that you’ve managed to saved a substantial amount of money and have paid off some debt, which is a good thing and this will work in your favor later on. Take a few days off from work to reflect and figure out what YOU want to do with your life for you and your daughter so that you can move forward. No one can tell you that but YOU. Right now, the situation is critical in that you have to GET YOU back. I say that because a lot of times we lose ourselves with these men in these relationships, so when life altering situations such as this happens, we get distraught and go crazy, etc.
Don’t get into that rut of feeling sorry for yourself, gaining weight, etc, because see, then you’ve allowed him to have control of your life and hold your spirit hostage. You have a life to live. Again, the devil is a liar and a thief. Continue with the plans that you were making. If you had planned on buying a house, then buy it, but this one will be for you and your child and no one can take that from you. In other words, DO YOU.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we have to go through the storm to see the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Feel me?
Now, let me tell you what may happen. One day, while you’re out and about looking good you may run into him or one of his family members. You may see or hear how bad he’s doing, how unhappy he is, how much he’s aged, etc. By this time, you won’t even want him anymore. You’ll probably even say to yourself “what did I even see in him”. How many of you ladies have had this happen?
I hope my words have helped you and anyone else who is “going through”.
TallGlass:
I read your story in its entirety. All posts. I actually cried a little. I felt your pain as I read them. Out of all of the posts I have read on this forum, this one has touched me the most, and I’ll tell you why. First, I am probably older than you so I say that to say that I have been where you are now. I want you to do a few things for yourself, and as a favor to me, if you will. What I am about to say will probably make absolutely no sense to you right now because you are hurting, but in the future, you will reflect back on this and see how it all make sense.
Please understand that you are worth something because you are a child of GOD. I really need you to understand that. Right now, this man and his family has betrayed you and has broken your spirit. You have questions that need to be answered.
The healing process is a slow process. See, a broken spirit heals in stages. First the hurt (i.e., crying, etc.), the pity-party (i.e., low self esteem, what’s wrong with me, etc.), and last but not least, anger (i.e., hatred for him, blaming him for anything going wrong in your life, etc.). If you’re not careful, you’ll wake up one morning, overweight, unhappy, bald headed, just looking a hot pitiful mess. Well, we’re going to avoid all of that and I’ll tell you why later on.
But first, one of the first things I want you to do is to pray. Go into a closet, close the door and start with the “Our Father” prayer, and just cry your heart out to HIM and just talk to him and tell HIM everything. Tell HIM everything you’ve told us. The second thing I would like for you to do is to CEASE all communications with this man and his family. You will never get your questions answered by him or his family because blood is thicker than water. If you can, change ALL of your numbers and block your e-mails from him as well. After you have completed those tasks, it will still hurt, but you have to start somewhere and it begins with YOU because you have a daughter to raise. The devil is a liar because all he does is lie and steal. This man lied and stole from you. He stole your heart and he lied to you by telling you things that he knew you wanted to hear.
The only positive thing I’ve noticed is that you’ve managed to saved a substantial amount of money and have paid off some debt, which is a good thing and this will work in your favor later on. Take a few days off from work to reflect and figure out what YOU want to do with your life for you and your daughter so that you can move forward. No one can tell you that but YOU. Right now, the situation is critical in that you have to GET YOU back. I say that because a lot of times we lose ourselves with these men in these relationships, so when life altering situations such as this happens, we get distraught and go crazy, etc.
Don’t get into that rut of feeling sorry for yourself, gaining weight, etc, because see, then you’ve allowed him to have control of your life and hold your spirit hostage. You have a life to live. Again, the devil is a liar and a thief. Continue with the plans that you were making. If you had planned on buying a house, then buy it, but this one will be for you and your child and no one can take that from you. In other words, DO YOU.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we have to go through the storm to see the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Feel me?
Now, let me tell you what may happen. One day, while you’re out and about looking good you may run into him or one of his family members. You may see or hear how bad he’s doing, how unhappy he is, how much he’s aged, etc. By this time, you won’t even want him anymore. You’ll probably even say to yourself “what did I even see in him”. How many of you ladies have had this happen?
I hope my words have helped you and anyone else who is “going through”.
suburbanbushbabe
New Member
I'm so sorry {{hugs}}. What a horrible man. You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. He did a long con on you -- and his girlfried. Someone needs to give him a serious beat up, or maybe kneecap him. I'm not kidding.
Think about what will console you during this time. Pamper yourself and let yourself be pampered.
Think about what will console you during this time. Pamper yourself and let yourself be pampered.
Last edited:
Mattie26
New Member
Him-TRIFLING
Sister-TACKY TRIFLING
His Family-TACKY TRIFLING MESSY and a whole bunch of other stuff I can't say on the board.
Girlfriend-I have no words for her.
You and your daughter-PRICELESS.
I'm at work trying not to cry. You will get through this and him and her can have each other. Let them be stupid together.
STAY BLESSED.
Sister-TACKY TRIFLING
His Family-TACKY TRIFLING MESSY and a whole bunch of other stuff I can't say on the board.
Girlfriend-I have no words for her.
You and your daughter-PRICELESS.
I'm at work trying not to cry. You will get through this and him and her can have each other. Let them be stupid together.
STAY BLESSED.
likewtr4chklit
New Member
You did what you were supposed to do. You held up YOUR end. He is a sorry a$$, a classic case of DOG! I'm soooo glad you dodged that bullet honey, I really am. You may have gotten grazed but imagine if you had gone against your instincts and welcomed this man into your home, your finances....lawd!! You will be okay (((hugs))))
likewtr4chklit
New Member
LHCF is a trip. As if OP needs the LHCFBI on the case RIGHT NOW. Hello guys she's HURTING, let the "case" rest!
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
See this is the type of stuff that gets sugar put in a negro gas tank
On the bright side, you have your credit together, money in the bank, and a no nonsense attitude due to this situation. You are now READY for a good man to come along.
*soundin like lil richard* SHUDDUP!!! shuga in da gas tank...phuck it...i'd say blow da bytch up like Dirty Red did...
Oh, that was in a book I read where dis chick (they called her Dirty Red)blew up this dude's car....
likewtr4chklit
New Member
I dated a man whose family was like this. But when I found out, I wasn't surprised b/c fidelity is a joke in that family.
TG2000
New Member
From '04-06/07 we were friends. Nothing more than that. No intimacy or anything like that. I was trying to be patient. I wanted to make all the right decisions regarding him. I am an extremely busy person. I work 14 hour days. I would say we became a couple in late '06/early '07.
Also, the issue with the texting just pissed me off that one time regarding a date. Other than that we would talk quite often. Just like any normal relationship.
The issue regarding the emergency room and his illness, probably was a red flag that was overlooked. That only happen one time.
The child situation I didn't want to stress because I applauded the fact that he was involved and very active in the child's life. He cared for her. I adored that about him. My daughter's father did not even come to see her when she was sick in the hospital. I respected him for putting "his" child before everyone else. At that time I just wanted him to make me feel as important as the child not more important than the child.
Last edited:
determine3
Member
Two victims, One man. This post is a reminder that it's not only the Wife or "main girl" who gets hurt. Thanks for sharing.
On another note:
PRAISE GOD FOR CLOSING THAT DOOR! WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR THE NEXT DOOR HE OPENS WILL BE MAJESTIC!!! (THIS IS FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE). It may not happen overnight, but be prepared to welcome your CORRECT HUSBAND. I know pain from relationships and if I can give you any comfort, it shapes you. Even from your back view, I can see your beauty!!!! You did nothing wrong and HE knows this. Kiss your child and ask God carry you until you are ready to STRUT! Rightfully so!!
Take care of yourself!
. This post is a reminder that it's not only the Wife or "main girl" who gets hurt. Thanks for sharing.On another note:
PRAISE GOD FOR CLOSING THAT DOOR! WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR THE NEXT DOOR HE OPENS WILL BE MAJESTIC!!! (THIS IS FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE). It may not happen overnight, but be prepared to welcome your CORRECT HUSBAND. I know pain from relationships and if I can give you any comfort, it shapes you. Even from your back view, I can see your beauty!!!! You did nothing wrong and HE knows this. Kiss your child and ask God carry you until you are ready to STRUT! Rightfully so!!
Take care of yourself!
MuseofTroy
Well-Known Member
I'm going to avoid repeating what has already been said. The women on this board have given you solid, common sense advice. What this guy did to you is WRONG. I could care less if he is a great father. Good for him but you don't get credit in my book for doing your JOB. If it's your sperm, it's your responsibility. You need to get pissed off and angry so you don't repeat the same mistakes. This man was never into you based on your history. He was stringing you along and weighing his options. When push came to shove he CHOOSE ANOTHER WOMAN over you. If you are hurt and crying then good. You need to get angry enough not to go back to him or even consider being his friend. A true friend doesn’t treat the person they supposedly care about like garbage. You've wasted precious time on him so now it's time to move on. As an objective observer you lucked out. God forbid if you married this man and found out he had other women on the side. That would have been more devastating to you and your daughter. In the future, if a man only communicates with you via text and his whereabouts seem suspicious then trust your instinct. God gave you intuition for a reason. Don't ignore it next time. Find other people to date. Date multiple people at the same time until the one you like the most steps up to the plate. Your ex got away with so much because you allowed it.
coconow2007
New Member
OP sorry u r going through this but u r the lucky one. I feel sorry for the 'other woman' because he will do this to her again if he doesn't get some help.
Consider urself saved from this unfortunate experience and move on. Forgive but don't forget so the real man that is meant for u can come into ur life.
Consider urself saved from this unfortunate experience and move on. Forgive but don't forget so the real man that is meant for u can come into ur life.
Girl, this isn't a blessing in disguise. This is a blessing in broad day light, as hurt as you are, you are blessed, because you just got saved from more years of stress and heartache. God calls us to peace, not lies, deception, confusion and strife. Run in the other direction and never look back. You deserve better, and he just cleared the space for better.
