I just found out that I was the OTHER WOMAN...
- Thread starter TG2000
- Start date
itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
OP you are worth so much and you will get through this. It's perfectly normal that you're crying and grieving the loss right now but it will get better. You will find your mate and you will not be left lonely. I want you to believe that.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
OP I commend you for having the guts to come on here and share your story....Now that you have, I cant tell you how similar our stories are right now...even down to the sister thing. His sister was claiming me as her sister in law, his mother was calling me her daughter and ALWAYS wants me around her telling me how much she loves me. Only difference is mine didnt last as long as yours, and he is doing everything in his power right now to get me back and get out of his own situation. WOW, I guess I just shared it.
But again, you are not alone. I'm going through the same feelings, not being able to talk to my daughter, crying at work in my office and in my car... When I drove at night, I would BAWL behind that wheel. Girl I know. But each day, I push myself to get stronger and even though I acknowledge my hurt feelings, I KNOW things will get better.
I dont mean to jack your thread with my story lol. But I couldnt help but to share some of it. I cried as I read your op. ((((HUGS))))
But again, you are not alone. I'm going through the same feelings, not being able to talk to my daughter, crying at work in my office and in my car... When I drove at night, I would BAWL behind that wheel. Girl I know. But each day, I push myself to get stronger and even though I acknowledge my hurt feelings, I KNOW things will get better.
I dont mean to jack your thread with my story lol. But I couldnt help but to share some of it. I cried as I read your op. ((((HUGS))))
mw138
Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. That person, he can't be called a man, is not worth your tears; however, I do understand you being devastated. People can't just play with other people's feelings like that and think that a "sorry" and some tears can make up for it. Just keep praying and keep your head up. You are way too good for this nonsense and it's good that everything is out in the open now before you got any deeper or made any more (potentially life-changing) decisions. He'll get his while you're being loved by the perfect man that God has destined you to be with.
janeemat
Well-Known Member
I just had to read your post again. This is crazy! How could another human be so heartless? OP what about holidays? Did you guys attend any family functions? Does he have any children? We need to know how he pulled this off so we can protect ourselves and our daughters from this mess.
MahoganyJazz
Well-Known Member
I had to come back and reread this....
Playing with people's emotions is the quickest way to get your head blown off. He not only toyed with your feelings, but he gave your child a false sense of security as well. I would knock his block off because of my children if nothing else!
I've BTDT, and I know the exact feeling of hopelessness you have. Chin up baby girl, he wasn't worthy, nor did he deserve you anyway.
I'd take an ad out in the paper and put his sorry @$$ on BLAST!!!
Playing with people's emotions is the quickest way to get your head blown off. He not only toyed with your feelings, but he gave your child a false sense of security as well. I would knock his block off because of my children if nothing else!
I've BTDT, and I know the exact feeling of hopelessness you have. Chin up baby girl, he wasn't worthy, nor did he deserve you anyway.
I'd take an ad out in the paper and put his sorry @$$ on BLAST!!!
Summer_Rain
Well-Known Member
There's got to be something done about this.... so many similar stories!!!
What are the red flags to catch a man doing this deceit???
Sometimes there aren't any overt red-flags. What do you do when he appears to live alone and/or with a male roommate? wears no wedding ring and has no tell-tell signs of one? comes and goes as he pleases? Answers your calls, be that 7am, 7pm, or 1am? Introduces you to family & friends...meets your fam & friends? Passes all the cursory background checks
It's happened to me and it's happened to one of my dear friends. I can honestly say that sometimes you just don't know until u know
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
Geez, that's so scary. Thank you for your response.Sometimes there aren't any overt red-flags. What do you do when he appears to live alone and/or with a male roommate? wears no wedding ring and has no tell-tell signs of one? comes and goes as he pleases? Answers your calls, be that 7am, 7pm, or 1am? Introduces you to family & friends...meets your fam & friends? Passes all the cursory background checks
It's happened to me and it's happened to one of my dear friends. I can honestly say that sometimes you just don't know until u know
Mitey Cyrus
Well-Known Member
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Sometimes there aren't any overt red-flags. What do you do when he appears to live alone and/or with a male roommate? wears no wedding ring and has no tell-tell signs of one? comes and goes as he pleases? Answers your calls, be that 7am, 7pm, or 1am? Introduces you to family & friends...meets your fam & friends? Passes all the cursory background checks
It's happened to me and it's happened to one of my dear friends. I can honestly say that sometimes you just don't know until u know
Not only that but many men will tailor their words and behaviors to your level of intelligence. These guys are very smart too. If they know that you are one of those street smart, good head on your shoulder, take no BS types and they are determined to keep you, they will skillfully do everything in their power to deceive. They are simply willing to work twice as hard at their deception. Mine knew just what irked me, what set me off, what kinds of things were important to me in a relationship and he worked with that.
Shoot I thought I was the smartest chick in the world when it came to dudes... Most of my friends tell me I think like a man...and then THIS happened.
Summer_Rain
Well-Known Member
In retrospect, I can see how mine was able to pull it off with her. He was in his residency so SHE understood why he wasn't home on her end. So that left him free to be available to me and when he wasn't, I also understood because again, he was in his residency. It's been 3 yrs since I spoke to him but to date, he has yet to admit that he's married. He's denied it on everything that is good and holy. I feel bad for her
OrangeMoon
Well-Known Member
*HUG* 
I pray your heart and mind heal. You will find love in the near future.
I pray your heart and mind heal. You will find love in the near future.
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
Will the relationship seem "too good to be true" type deal?
And does this type of relationship happen when things are going fast or when you meet the family and friends too soon, or when love and marriage are mentioned too soon?
KPH
House Head
Ladies who have those moments of crying, go ahead and cry but in the midst of the tears open your mouths and say "thank you Jesus." Know that GOD has protected you for things to come. Mr. Harris has emailed me all day and every time I see his name I simply say Thank You Jesus because it could have been worse than hurt feelings and a bruised heart. I was going to move to another state with my child to where Mr. Harris is. His actions not only protected him but me and my child too. I tell you she would have been in the custody of the state until my family came and got her and I would have been behind bars making collect calls. Once again, THANK YOU JESUS works.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
For me it felt normal. We were together as teenagers growing up in the same neighborhood. He was 19 I was 17...It was nice but brief. I knew his family at that time. So it felt normal that they'd remember me when we met back up and got back together. It also felt normal that they'd embrace me. They liked me back then...
And I forgot to mention that his sister CLAIMED she did not know her brother was living with anyone.
BK Bombshell
Well-Known Member
The bolded felt like a kick in the stomach. Deceiving a child is a whole other level. I don't have any advice to add to what the other ladies said, but please, please don't blame yourself. Sometimes you have to take one day, one hour, even one minute at a time but take as much time as you need to heal.
Trust that somehow this situation has worked out to your advantage. You sound like a smart woman and a great mother so don't allow that
to make you doubt yourself.
TG2000
New Member
tallglass2000,
I just read your story and it gave me the creeps. That sucks that you have to go through this. He was totally wrong and heartless for what he did. He deceived you for a long time. Did he always come to your place? This just sickens me. I don't see how he pulled this off if you said y'all were together all the time...
He had a condo that I would go to. If we didn't see each other there, we would see each other at my house. I guess I should of said we were together most of the time. Not all the time.
TayMac
Well-Known Member
Wow OP. That is shocking and I would be mad and upset as well. But you are the lucky one. He has been with this girl for 7 years and she still ain't got a ring and he's cheating on her in a big way. Bet it's not that first or last time.
You will heal and it's going to be hard. Thanks for sharing your story. He was obviously a master of deceit and you did nothing wrong. ((HUGS))
You will heal and it's going to be hard. Thanks for sharing your story. He was obviously a master of deceit and you did nothing wrong. ((HUGS))
Almaz
New Member
Wow this thread has still got me torn up inside. See this is why a chick like me needs a bail bondsman and an Attorney on speed dial. I am just too through and I cannot get over the family co-signing to this mess. What is being immoral just a family thing to them. Boy there is some REALLLLYYYY REALLLYYYY REALLLYYYY Deep ishst going on with that whack job of a family
glam-
Well-Known Member
What a jerk!!!
Aaarggh, this just makes me so mad, just reading your story. I am so sorry you are going through this OP
You will get through it and don't beat yourself up over it. It sounds like you were trying to do things right, not let him sleep over when your daughter was there, etc, etc. Some of these men are just beyond shady- and so many of us on this board have been through similar things. That says something right there.
Don't take this experience as an indication that you will always be alone. It's not.
From every indication it sounds like you are an awesome woman with a good head on your shoulders and so much positive going for you. You don't want or need some lowlife like him in your life (and I agree with the other ladies- he will try to make contact and rekindle and feed you all kinds of BS lines.) And the funny thing is the other woman is probably feeling like she scored some kind of victory right now because she is keeping "her man", but she is actually in for a world of hurt.
Allow yourself to grieve, but then continue moving on.
I'm not a violent person, but I swear I am so mad at this dude right now.
Aaarggh, this just makes me so mad, just reading your story. I am so sorry you are going through this OP
You will get through it and don't beat yourself up over it. It sounds like you were trying to do things right, not let him sleep over when your daughter was there, etc, etc. Some of these men are just beyond shady- and so many of us on this board have been through similar things. That says something right there.
Don't take this experience as an indication that you will always be alone. It's not.
From every indication it sounds like you are an awesome woman with a good head on your shoulders and so much positive going for you. You don't want or need some lowlife like him in your life (and I agree with the other ladies- he will try to make contact and rekindle and feed you all kinds of BS lines.) And the funny thing is the other woman is probably feeling like she scored some kind of victory right now because she is keeping "her man", but she is actually in for a world of hurt. Allow yourself to grieve, but then continue moving on.
I'm not a violent person, but I swear I am so mad at this dude right now.
TG2000
New Member
Am I the only one who feels like handling some business for the OP???
I know, lets jump 'em!
You walked away...that is a good thing.She has him but the house is in her name and he is living for free -- he has series flaws. You did not lose out on a thing. He did not have the right to choose who he wanted to stay with. Both of you should have walked. His only choice should have been some lotion. He never cared for either of you. I feel sorry for you but I also feel sad for her b/c she did not win anything. If not you, it will be someone else.
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mahogany45
New Member
The bolded is what really infuriates me about that bastard. It's one thing to get cheated on, but dude played her and her child because all the time invested with that loser could have been spent on her child.
Tallgrass, I am so sorry this happened to you. You and your child deserve so much better. I've been there before and I know you are heartbroken but it will get better.
Families do that. Unfortunately, I was told off because i answered a phone when another women (his long term GF) called for my male cousin and I said he was on a date. I was told off by my aunt and him because I interfered in someone else business. I was like if I was the GF ....I would want to know.
A friend of mine went through the same situation. People hide the sins/flaws of their love ones thinking your going to be the GIRL that changes his life around. I hate that stuff.
Sometimes you might get the truth out if you ask questions like, Would you date him? .......
TG2000
New Member
No kids, that I know of. I attended serveral functions with him and his family. There were times when he said the functions were out of town. I also worked weekends, so sometimes I would be too tired to travel. Besides, I wanted to spend some weekends with my daughter. I also enjoy spending Christmas and Thanksgiving with my family. We would rotate. Sometimes he would come and leave early, but he is on call quite often. He could of been with her during those on call rotations.
Bunny77
New Member
I don't think that any of these things that you mention have anything to do with it. I don't think its wise to start second-guessing certain normal and reasonable behaviors (except for obvious secretness, etc.) because of the stories that are being told on here.
Sometimes, men are just sociopaths. Unfortunately, Tallglass and HoneyLemonDrop ran into two of them.
