Is it strange to plan a wedding without a proposal??

[cdawnlewis]

Okay I understand why but three things:
1) If you're really sure it's just a ring thing why not look into it? It's one last thing that is a headache later. Do all the grunt work that you'd normally do, but without putting down money.
2) Does he have a deadline in which he'll be able to get up the money? I think a guy who tells you he wants to propose would give you an idea...or else he could be saving for five years. Make sure you're on the same page with this.
3) Are you planning to marry in 2011? If so get into that marriage in 2011 thread and start running through ideas with the rest of us. We'd love to have you. I definitely would. It's fun to see everyone else's ideas and to run through challenges, options, etc.


Finally it's not crazy. The cart is before the horse, but you're pretty sure the horse is coming, so why not have some fun. I have to take your word that you know your man. This is an unusual situation, however, and isn't ideal. He should know that, and be prepared to make it happen soon (pop the question). I understand that you want things done right including the proposal and that's why he hasn't asked with out a ring. I really hope for your sake that he is on the same page. Be prepared for any possible hiccups (or lack of proposals) and don't wait forever for him. Don't let him string you along without a ring as you go place to place looking into weddings, and then this all falls through.

Oh and one last thing...don't want to throw a monkey wrench but have you asked yourself if you'll be finacially stable in marriage if he's having a hard time saving for a ring? If you think you will be then go for it and plan away. If not, maybe marriage should be put on hold....but only you know if that's necessary depending on the situation.

I understand what you mean. He's on me about this marriage more than I am actually I'm more of a show me type person. I do know him inside and out and he is definitely wanting to make me his wife lol. He isn't having a difficult time saving for a ring, he just want's this ring to be ka-pow ya know lol. We both make a comfortable living and that's not the issue.

 

[cdawnlewis]

Daydreaming and looking in bridal magazines/websites from time to time isn't strange to me. All out planning without the proposal IS strange IMO.

I don't want to discuss real details without the proposal but for ME the ring wouldn't be very necessary especially if it's adding more financial strain. Save money and forgo the ring (or get a cheaper ring) so you can have a nice wedding now/sooner.

Whatever makes you happy though.

Thank you!

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I understand what you mean. He's on me about this marriage more than I am actually I'm more of a show me type person. I do know him inside and out and he is definitely wanting to make me his wife lol. He isn't having a difficult time saving for a ring, he just want's this ring to be ka-pow ya know lol. We both make a comfortable living and that's not the issue.

Ok GOTCHA

 

[cdawnlewis]

Ok GOTCHA

So did your fiance' do it the traditional way or did you guys plan before hand? (forgive me if you already stated this)

 

[luckiestdestiny]

So did your fiance' do it the traditional way or did you guys plan before hand? (forgive me if you already stated this)

I sorta had an idea it was coming as he'd asked me stuff earlier (like what type of rings I like) and also took me to an engagement store and kept talking about marriage. But he still threw me for a loop when he asked by distracting me. I was headed to another wedding, so I didn't see it coming. Here's the thread on it (I love sharing it. It's fun to share engagment stories) http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=475870&highlight

 

[cdawnlewis]

I sorta had an idea it was coming as he'd asked me stuff earlier (like what type of rings I like) and also took me to an engagement store and kept talking about marriage. But he still threw me for a loop when he asked by distracting me. I was headed to another wedding, so I didn't see it coming. Here's the thread on it (I love sharing it. It's fun to share engagment stories) http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=475870&highlight

OMG! How adorable!!! I LOVE his proposal! He reminds me a lot of my SO now!! lol

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Hope to see you in the 2011 wedding thread even if it's preliminary planning. There are others planning a wedding just by claiming it. They don't have the guy yet but are sending it out into the universe and using the thread to do it. So you should feel free to join us in there, and throw some ideas around. I'd love to see them.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Planning for a wedding without a proposal is strange.

Are you SURE that he wants to get married? You don't NEED a ring to propose.

Remember, men will say a lot of things to make you happy, that may not be exactly how they really feel. Don't let that proposal take too long.

I've known people who were engaged for 5+ years, and then broke up.....

 

[ThickHair]

There are others planning a wedding just by claiming it. They don't have the guy yet but are sending it out into the universe and using the thread to do it.

Are you serious???? I understand positive thinking, but.................. I guess I am stuck at one person planning something that involves two people is all. Doesn't seem fair to me.

 

[cdawnlewis]

Planning for a wedding without a proposal is strange.

Are you SURE that he wants to get married? You don't NEED a ring to propose.

Remember, men will say a lot of things to make you happy, that may not be exactly how they really feel. Don't let that proposal take too long.

I've known people who were engaged for 5+ years, and then broke up.....

Haha! Yes, I'm very sure he wants to get married. I understand you don't need a ring, but he doesn't want to be like other guys who just promise to get a ring and never do. He's not like a lot of men, and trust me, HE won't even think about just being engaged for more than a year before we get married

 

[chocolat79]

I agree with BMack that said go ahead and get an idea of what you want. That way when it comes to putting the money down, you can already have an idea of what it will cost. Now, if you're putting money down, that's a bit much. But, I'd start looking at venues (as in, seeing where you'd like to get married), narrow that down; look into what time/type of wedding you'd like to have, etc. I think looking for a dress would be a little too emotional right now, until you have the ring, so I'd wait on that. But I don't think there's anything wrong with having your ideas narrowed down to a few choices if you're SURE that's going to propose. You keep saying he is, so I'll go with that. Start thinking about who you want in the wedding, how many in the wedding party...there's lots to think about. So, just saying...get your ideas organized so that when he does propose, you'll be read to go.

If nothing else, just plan by saving. So whenever he does propose, even if you don't have that many ideas, money will be less of an object. Just my $.02

 

[cdawnlewis]

I agree with BMack that said go ahead and get an idea of what you want. That way when it comes to putting the money down, you can already have an idea of what it will cost. Now, if you're putting money down, that's a bit much. But, I'd start looking at venues (as in, seeing where you'd like to get married), narrow that down; look into what time/type of wedding you'd like to have, etc. I think looking for a dress would be a little too emotional right now, until you have the ring, so I'd wait on that. But I don't think there's anything wrong with having your ideas narrowed down to a few choices if you're SURE that's going to propose. You keep saying he is, so I'll go with that. Start thinking about who you want in the wedding, how many in the wedding party...there's lots to think about. So, just saying...get your ideas organized so that when he does propose, you'll be read to go.

If nothing else, just plan by saving. So whenever he does propose, even if you don't have that many ideas, money will be less of an object. Just my $.02

GREAT suggestion! Thanks!

 

[Syrah]

Little background, me and my SO have been dating for 2+ years and we have been talking about marriage and so forth. We both agree we are going to get married soon, but he is wanting to save up for the ring. Well, we are talking about details of the future wedding, but I feel strange since there hasn't been a proposal yet! Is it too soon to start planning a wedding without a proposal?? Thoughts?

Would you be okay with receiving a promise ring?

A friend in med school was in the same boat. They knew they wanted to get married and she wanted to start planning the wedding due to timing with residency and whatnot but didn't want to without a formal commitment. So they want the promise ring route. Yes he formally asked her parents. Three months later he surprised her with an adorable ring that was upgraded when he had saved for what he wanted to give her.

He actually had the upgrade about 3 months before the wedding but since it was so close t the wedding she asked that it be a surprise at their wedding. The expression on her face when they did the exchange of rings (which was a wedding band AND engagement ring) was PRICELESS!!! She got a ka-pow (2 carat) engagement ring, so she actually wears her promise ring and wedding band on the day-to-day (she's a doctor, so walking around with a rock raises side-eyes) or sometimes rocks both (the promise and wedding band on her left hand and the engagement ring on her right - European style).

Just something to consider...

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Are you serious???? I understand positive thinking, but.................. I guess I am stuck at one person planning something that involves two people is all. Doesn't seem fair to me.

Go to the thread. No joke. I am infact engaged but there are others who aren't.

I think they're more...showing ideas of what they'd like than completely planning weddings. In her case, she and her fiance can start talking abou things they like (or future fiance) and look through books, perhaps contact some vendors to get ideas. That kinda thing. It will also show her if he really is indeed interested. There's nothing that will turn off a man with cold feet faster than viewing wedding books with you. My fiance is loving the process. But then again that's because he wants to marry. It could help her not only to plan the preliminary stuff or get a good idea (of a few options for instance), but also gauge his genuine interest in continuing down this path while also getting his imput on wedding arrangements.

 

[Renewed1]

Girl,

There's nothing wrong with having ideas. I wouldn't put down a deposit down on anything, until he put a ring on it.

 

[Mane Event]

I'm currently (in secret) doing the same thing...My mom and I talk about it all the time. At least the basic stuff - location, venue, guestlist, budget. etc. Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for majority of the wedding so I'm including my folks early! << My family is full of Type A personalities and my SO, on the other hand is a Type B. Last time he and my mom spoke, she told him we're planning for a Dec '11 wedding. He said that was far too late!!!!

Mind you, I have no ring. He's absolutely clueless about the budgeting & planning involved. He's the type of man that will propose tomorrow and expect a wedding Saturday. So yes, I'm currently fishing around for ideas.

Now for your point about being desperate and a overly exciting....I only bring up marraige after he does (which is almost everyday) and I never talk about the crazy Cinderella ideas that my mother and I come up with. I don't want him to think I'm caught up in the idea of a wedding vs. marriage. I honestly wouldn't care if we went down to city hall.

But with this guy, it will be better to give him options afterwards vs. including him in the premilinary stages

 

[Poohbear]

cdawnlewis, whatever you do, do not get caught up in the wedding aspect and then lose sight of what a marriage is all about. I say that because I see where you stated in a previous post that you and your boyfriend have been married before and that you all are trying to plan a wedding around $25K.

He's the type of man that will propose tomorrow and expect a wedding Saturday.

Hey, I actually think that's great!!! It would save a lot of time and money in the long run.

 

[natural in ATL]

I don't think it's strange at all. My fiance and I started planning our wedding before I got the proposal/ring. We knew what direction we were headed in and our timeline (he was going to propose within 6 months) so we were both very comfortable with it.

You have to do what's right for you and your SO - in your original post you said you feel "strange" about it, so maybe you should hold off until you have the ring.

 

[cdawnlewis]

Would you be okay with receiving a promise ring?

A friend in med school was in the same boat. They knew they wanted to get married and she wanted to start planning the wedding due to timing with residency and whatnot but didn't want to without a formal commitment. So they want the promise ring route. Yes he formally asked her parents. Three months later he surprised her with an adorable ring that was upgraded when he had saved for what he wanted to give her.

He actually had the upgrade about 3 months before the wedding but since it was so close t the wedding she asked that it be a surprise at their wedding. The expression on her face when they did the exchange of rings (which was a wedding band AND engagement ring) was PRICELESS!!! She got a ka-pow (2 carat) engagement ring, so she actually wears her promise ring and wedding band on the day-to-day (she's a doctor, so walking around with a rock raises side-eyes) or sometimes rocks both (the promise and wedding band on her left hand and the engagement ring on her right - European style).

Just something to consider...

WOW! That is such a good idea! HMMMM!!

 

[cdawnlewis]

cdawnlewis, whatever you do, do not get caught up in the wedding aspect and then lose sight of what a marriage is all about. I say that because I see where you stated in a previous post that you and your boyfriend have been married before and that you all are trying to plan a wedding around $25K.


Hey, I actually think that's great!!! It would save a lot of time and money in the long run.

I understand what you mean at the bolded. We aren't the type of people who get caught up in all the glitz and glamor of a wedding. We both have 200+ people in our families combined, and we are both wanting a wedding that we both enjoy. It's all about a celebration of our love, and we want everyone to enjoy it to the fullest (as well as the both of us of course). We aren't the type to live above our means, so that about is a good amount for us.

 

[cdawnlewis]

I'm currently (in secret) doing the same thing...My mom and I talk about it all the time. At least the basic stuff - location, venue, guestlist, budget. etc. Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for majority of the wedding so I'm including my folks early! << My family is full of Type A personalities and my SO, on the other hand is a Type B. Last time he and my mom spoke, she told him we're planning for a Dec '11 wedding. He said that was far too late!!!!

Mind you, I have no ring. He's absolutely clueless about the budgeting & planning involved. He's the type of man that will propose tomorrow and expect a wedding Saturday. So yes, I'm currently fishing around for ideas.

Now for your point about being desperate and a overly exciting....I only bring up marraige after he does (which is almost everyday) and I never talk about the crazy Cinderella ideas that my mother and I come up with. I don't want him to think I'm caught up in the idea of a wedding vs. marriage. I honestly wouldn't care if we went down to city hall.

But with this guy, it will be better to give him options afterwards vs. including him in the premilinary stages

I'm right there with you (the bolded)...

 

[snillohsss]

yes I think its strange. If he proposed (even without the ring since he is saving for it.) that would be one thing, but he hasn't even done that yet.

 

[sky_blu]

Yes. .

 

[Honey Bee]

Wow, this thread is so timely, and I usually don't even check this forum. Thank you, OP.

IA with most of the ladies who've already posted. I'm in a similar situation, and the only decisions I've made so far are the venue, the color scheme, and that I want it to be an early evening affair. I don't have a particular dress in mind and I think he cares more about the rings than I do, lol, but he's always been very attentive to my ring choices. I just feel like, getting too deep into details is a bit premature for me at this point since, like you, I don't have the ring yet.