How long do you wait before giving it up?

[MsBoinglicious]

Men are going to be men and though I am disgusted with both I just wish the girl had held out a bit longer, what is the rush when it comes to sex. I don't get it.

Why should she have held out longer? What would that have done for her? Like someone said up top you can hold out to you are blue in the face and still get treated like a girl who slept with a guy on the first night.

Every girl can't be a Saint Nun! :fallenang: Somebody got to be the Freak! lol If she wants to be loosey goosey I say let her be!

Maybe she enjoys having sex! Did you think about that? Some people are free like that! He grown, she grown, let them hump! Even though I personally think sexing early is freaky. I don't find it disgusting at all it’s a natural human act. I mean there are far worse things in the world.

As long as they are wearing protection, clean and she got her ovaries under control...who cares!

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I'm not really understanding why you're so invested in their sex lives, though. erplexed

You have your 1 year waiting period and I can respect that. But I feel like you're making assumptions about this chick because she didn't wait what you consider an acceptable amount of time and that's not cool.

He calls asking for advice so I end up knowing his business. It will be my couch he'll be crying on if he catches something or get someone pregnant. As mentioned before he is not a player but his recent risky behavior lately makes me scared for him. Yes I gave my opinion about her being easy, that is my opinion. I just told him to be careful and make sure he always wraps it up.

I also mentioned if it was so easy for him to get in her pants then most likely it is easy for any man to get in so he needs to be cautious. The girl is a sweet girl but like I said she seems to be in a rush, or maybe she just moves fast some people are like that. My theory is the faster you move the quicker things burn out.

 

[MzLady78]

Why should she have held out longer? What would that have done for her? Like someone said up top you can hold out to you are blue in the face and still get treated like a girl who slept with a guy on the first night.

Every girl can't be a Saint Nun! :fallenang: Somebody got to be the Freak! lol If she wants to be loosey goosey I say let her be!

Maybe she enjoys having sex! Did you think about that? Some people are free like that! He grown, she grown, let them hump! Even though I personally think sexing early is freaky. I don't find it disgusting at all it’s a natural human act. I mean there are far worse things in the world.

As long as they are wearing protection, clean and she got her ovaries under control...who cares!

My thing why does she have to be "loose", period? For all we know she could have really been feeling dude and slept with him sooner than normally does.

Women are too quick to throw these labels on other women when it comes to sexuality.

 

[NaturalPath]

OP I waited a full year and a week & I do not regret it at all; I feel as though it made my relationship stronger; now that I am in a long distance relationship going 4 months without some is hard but I know its not impossible because of the fact that I knew I waited a full year so 4 months is like nothing.

I do think 3 weeks is way too early but thats just my opinion and ill stick with it because i know I would never do that *shrugs*

 

[lexi08]

He calls asking for advice so I end up knowing his business. It will be my couch he'll be crying on if he catches something or get someone pregnant. As mentioned before he is not a player but his recent risky behavior lately makes me scared for him. Yes I gave my opinion about her being easy, that is my opinion. I just told him to be careful and make sure he always wraps it up.

I also mentioned if it was so easy for him to get in her pants then most likely it is easy for any man to get in so he needs to be cautious. The girl is a sweet girl but like I said she seems to be in a rush, or maybe she just moves fast some people are like that. My theory is the faster you move the quicker things burn out.

Uh he is not a player.... really You are going hard on the woman he is dating and not him. He needs to be careful.... he needs to be cautious..... I mean really.


I personally prefer to wait for various reasons but if another woman does not wait as long, I'm not going to label her I don't feel I am any better than the next...

 

[IMFOCSD]

I am def realizing that sex is so overrated and i for on can go without it and a relationship for a long time (atleast a year).

I don't judge anyone for the amount of time they wait or son wait lol...if they are into one another and the chemistry is there then go for...just keep ur emotions in check.

 

[Cichelle]

When I was dating I waited until I wanted to have sex and felt comfortable doing it, therefore the answer varied depending on the person and the particular interaction or relationship. I didn't use sex as a tool of any sort or to hold out to see if a guy was this way or that. I never had a one night stand simply because I never met a stranger who I wanted to have sex with that quickly. IOW, it was something I did if I wanted to do it and something I didn't do when I didn't want to do it. I was lucky to somehow escape the particular dating pool where your value, character or cleanliness is based on the amount of time you wait or don't wait to have sex. But I generally dated men several years older than me, so maybe that had something to do with it.

 

[TexturedTresses]

OP, I hope nobody I date has a friend like you.

 

[MsBoinglicious]

My thing why does she have to be "loose", period? For all we know she could have really been feeling dude and slept with him sooner than normally does.

Women are too quick to throw these labels on other women when it comes to sexuality.

I thought that’s what loose meant.To be free of restriction! I think the word [loose] describes any one who sleeps with someone early very well.

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But that’s what it is and the word is fitting!

 

[itsjusthair88]

He calls asking for advice so I end up knowing his business. It will be my couch he'll be crying on if he catches something or get someone pregnant. As mentioned before he is not a player but his recent risky behavior lately makes me scared for him. Yes I gave my opinion about her being easy, that is my opinion. I just told him to be careful and make sure he always wraps it up.

I also mentioned if it was so easy for him to get in her pants then most likely it is easy for any man to get in so he needs to be cautious. The girl is a sweet girl but like I said she seems to be in a rush, or maybe she just moves fast some people are like that. My theory is the faster you move the quicker things burn out.

So who's really easy here? Because from what I've heard, your friend is super easy; sleeping around, seeing multiple women, giving seduction tests...sounds like a player to me erplexed, please don't be one of those women who plays into ridiculous double standards. You are cutting him waaaaay to much slack; I am sincerely hoping that you are judging him just as harshly (if not harsher) than you are judging this young lady.

 

[MzLady78]

I thought that’s what loose meant.To be free of restriction! I think the word [loose] describes any one who sleeps with someone early very well.

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But that’s what it is and the word is fitting!

Umm...that's what *you* think it is, I disagree.

 

[lexi08]

OP, I hope nobody I date has a friend like you.

Cosigning x 1,000 Seems to me like OP is in her friends ear bad mouthing the women he is dating. But he is not a player though As I become older I am realizing that more women do this kind of crap than I originally thought.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

OP, I hope nobody I date has a friend like you.

I don't get why I'm the bad guy here. I am just a friend giving another friend advice. It would be the same if he wAs a she and she told me she gave it up so soon, I would tell my friend she is acting loosely. Seems like some of you all are bothered cause I am siding with the man.

I don't know the girl he is dating like that, I just met her once 1 week ago so I told him how she seemed to me. She seems nice I told him that but when he told me he was already sleeping with her I was surprise cause when I met her I did not think they already went there. He is not even ready for her to meet his family cause it is too soon so that is why I think it is too soon to be sexing eachother. You still getting to know the person and sex is sacred and should be shared by two people who love each other. If I was the girls friend I would tell her that as well.

 

[itsjusthair88]

I don't get why I'm the bad guy here. I am just a friend giving another friend advice. It would be the same if he wAs a she and she told me she gave it up so soon, I would tell my friend she is acting loosely. Seems like some of you all are bothered cause I am siding with the man.

I don't know the girl he is dating like that, I just met her once 1 week ago so I told him how she seemed to me. She seems nice I told him that but when he told me he was already sleeping with her I was surprise cause when I met her I did not think they already went there. He is not even ready for her to meet his family cause it is too soon so that is why I think it is too soon to be sexing eachother. You still getting to know the person and sex is sacred and should be shared by two people who love each other. If I was the girls friend I would tell her that as well.

So you think he's easy too, right? I just want to know.

 

[MzLady78]

I don't get why I'm the bad guy here. I am just a friend giving another friend advice. It would be the same if he wAs a she and she told me she gave it up so soon, I would tell my friend she is acting loosely. Seems like some of you all are bothered cause I am siding with the man.

I don't know the girl he is dating like that, I just met her once 1 week ago so I told him how she seemed to me. She seems nice I told him that but when he told me he was already sleeping with her I was surprise cause when I met her I did not think they already went there. He is not even ready for her to meet his family cause it is too soon so that is why I think it is too soon to be sexing eachother. You still getting to know the person and sex is sacred and should be shared by two people who love each other. If I was the girls friend I would tell her that as well.

Not everybody believes that.

 

[Mai Tai]

OP...How do you know he's not a playa? I mean it ain't like you with him 24/7...seriously. Just live your life, and let others live theirs. You will be so much happier.

 

[MsBoinglicious]

Umm...that's what *you* think it is, I disagree.

Yep I sure do!

 

[*5+5]

OP didn't you create the "Baby momma's partying like.. " thread?

you come off a bit uptight and that's fine if that works for u but all this judgment is starting to sound as if you are the champion of the moral high ground and other are usually drifting in the valley.

I'm not a babymama nor a loose booty but I let people do them...being so judgmental of others is not only bad b/c the bible says so but people will eventually sense that on you and may not wanna deal with you.

Seriously, keep it light...allow grown people to be grown.

 

[NYAmicas]

When I was dating I waited until I wanted to have sex and felt comfortable doing it, therefore the answer varied depending on the person and the particular interaction or relationship. I didn't use sex as a tool of any sort or to hold out to see if a guy was this way or that. I never had a one night stand simply because I never met a stranger who I wanted to have sex with that quickly. IOW, it was something I did if I wanted to do it and something I didn't do when I didn't want to do it. I was lucky to somehow escape the particular dating pool where your value, character or cleanliness is based on the amount of time you wait or don't wait to have sex. But I generally dated men several years older than me, so maybe that had something to do with it.

Exactly, and having sex on my own terms and not based on a calendar has worked for me just fine.

So you think he's easy too, right? I just want to know.

You answering this one or not OP?

 

[Mai Tai]

OP didn't you create the "Baby momma's partying like.. " thread?

you come off a bit uptight and that's fine if that works for u but all this judgment is starting to sound as if you are the champion of the moral high ground and other are usually drifting in the valley.

I'm not a babymama nor a loose booty but I let people do them...being so judgmental of others is not only bad b/c the bible says so but people will eventually sense that on you and may not wanna deal with you.

Seriously, keep it light...allow grown people to be grown.

AMEN! Also...being so judgemental also reflects badly on YOU 100% of the time.

Why are you the bad guy...you ask? Because you are not asking "How long do you wait before giving it up?" because you are truly interested in what the other ladies on LHCF standards are...you asked so you can (once again) cast a very negative and bitter light on how someone else choose to live their life.

 

[Okay]

I don't get why I'm the bad guy here. I am just a friend giving another friend advice. It would be the same if he wAs a she and she told me she gave it up so soon, I would tell my friend she is acting loosely. Seems like some of you all are bothered cause I am siding with the man.

I don't know the girl he is dating like that, I just met her once 1 week ago so I told him how she seemed to me. She seems nice I told him that but when he told me he was already sleeping with her I was surprise cause when I met her I did not think they already went there. He is not even ready for her to meet his family cause it is too soon so that is why I think it is too soon to be sexing eachother. You still getting to know the person and sex is sacred and should be shared by two people who love each other. If I was the girls friend I would tell her that as well.

Or two people who love sex

 

[Okay]

OP, I hope nobody I date has a friend like you.

A bit mean and unnessecary erplexed

 

[ellegantelle]

A. I think you should stick with making judgments of your friend (the male) rather than being judgmental of the female that he is dating. You do not know her personally enough to say that she is an "easy" girl. Maybe she is a girl who knows what she wants. Not every female is looking for a serious long term relationship. That doesn't classify them as easy. If you knew that she had a track record and is known for sleeping with men after a day or two of knowing them and goes from man to man...then I could see you calling her easy. In this situation...not necessarily.

B. Why are you so concerned about them getting it on three weeks after knowing each other? If he catches an STD or gets her knocked up...your role as a friend is to be there for him. Yes, he will have made a mistake, but as a friend you are supposed to be supportive, not judgmental. Be a little more open minded. Maybe offer to get to know the girl. A good idea would be to offer to go out on a double date with them so that you can make a better judgement of her character.

 

[ellegantelle]

Exactly, and having sex on my own terms and not based on a calendar has worked for me just fine.

I agree! And I never understood the whole following a calendar idea myself...so after one whole year of crossing out days and months, you finally arrive at month twelve (the **magic** number), and you are now given permission by yourself to give up the drawers. Seems absurd but OP, do you boo!

IMO it just seems so regimented to me.

It's funny because OP is judgmental of the girl for giving it up after 3 weeks...but I'm sure if she had a conversation with a highly religious person and said "yes, I think it's appropriate to have sex after a year of knowing someone", she would be labeled as easy by that person.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

AMEN! Also...being so judgemental also reflects badly on YOU 100% of the time.

Why are you the bad guy...you ask? Because you are not asking "How long do you wait before giving it up?" because you are truly interested in what the other ladies on LHCF standards are...you asked so you can (once again) cast a very negative and bitter light on how someone else choose to live their life.

Honestly I am curious what folks opinions are and I have no reason to judge folks based on their responses here. I am Caribbean and it is frowned upon for a women to sleep with a guy right away but I know the American culture is a lot more casual about sex.

I don't see anything wrong telling my friend his girl seems easy, he is saying she moves too fast for him and he does not want any pressure.

She wants a child and has told him this already and that is why I said I don't trust her motives and is moving fast. I just don't see it ending well. He is my friend so of course I want the best for him but I understand he is an adult and will do what he wants.

My post really is about how soon is to soon. I gave a back story because that is what got me thinking about it. I really did not need to share the backstory had I known it would offend some.

 

[UrbainChic]

OP Where do you live so I can stay the hell away from your friend and his friends ( since birds of a feather certainly flock together). No offense to your childhood homeboy. But he sounds like a jerk, and like dating him would be my personal hell.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Exactly, and having sex on my own terms and not based on a calendar has worked for me just fine.


You answering this one or not OP?

I think my friend is doing things he normally would not because of his breakup. I also think most men are easy, how many men you know will say no to sex. Women are usually stronger and will stand by their decision.

 

[Curlybeauty]

Sometimes days, sometimes months, and sometimes weeks.

The one I made wait 6 months, non-existent.

The one I made wait a week, i'm meeting his parents for the holidays

Worry about what's in your pants and leave hers alone...

 

[Okay]

Ya'll are going a little bit too hard on OP. erplexed

 

[UrbainChic]

I think my friend is doing things he normally would not because of his breakup. I also think most men are easy, how many men you know will say no to sex. Women are usually stronger and will stand by their decision.

I think there is a difference between wanting to have sex and playing games with women. As a friend I would tell him to behave ethically, because this kind of behavior is not going to do him well in the long run.

And men are not trying to get into your pants 24-7. This mentality, and the attitude that men are not full beings who have feelings and that can be responsible for their own sexuality, behavior, and choices has probably been the most detrimental thing to my dating career.

Things are so much better for me now that I hold men accountable for their actions, and understand that a man who isn't trying to rip my clothes off might actually like and respect me.