Do Men Really Respect You More if you "Wait"/Make Him Wait???

[Shimmie]

Yes they do RESPECT you. For some men that doesn't mean they will continue to DATE you lol. I an currently holding up the "V" card and until I found my Soulmate, most guys that I've dated had the attitude of respecting me but to them sex in a relationship was important. Having completely different views made us part ways but, all for the better!

to that 'V' card. And it's not "V" for venereal. Some people seem to think Virginity is a venereal disease when it's just the opposite, venereal protection.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

to that 'V' card. And it's not "V" for venereal. Some people seem to think Virginity is a venereal disease when it's just the opposite, venereal protection.

:

 

[biancaelyse]

It really depends on the guy and his level of maturity and frankly how much he is feeling the woman in question.

How can a mature man look down on a woman for having sex with him too son when it obviously takes 2? IMO if a man takes this stance, he needs to grow up. I am really tired of men that talk about women like this and hold themselves to a different standard.

DH and I waited until we got married because of what our spirtual beliefs are. No regrets at all. It was funny because we spent our wedding night at a secret location yet we had 3 or 4 ppl track us down and call us at the hotel to see if we had done the deed yet!!

 

[Browndilocks]

It really depends on the guy and his level of maturity and frankly how much he is feeling the woman in question.

How can a mature man look down on a woman for having sex with him too son when it obviously takes 2? IMO if a man takes this stance, he needs to grow up. I am really tired of men that talk about women like this and hold themselves to a different standard.

DH and I waited until we got married because of what our spirtual beliefs are. No regrets at all. It was funny because we spent our wedding night at a secret location yet we had 3 or 4 ppl track us down and call us at the hotel to see if we had done the deed yet!!

People were buggin you on your wedding night? That's so tacky.

 

[Lucia]

Stay in control. It's still better to stand your ground.

A woman should never give in for fear of losing a man. He'll sense it and run with whatever she gives up and then she will end up being the one on the side. The 'side' is cheap and less respected.

yes thabks for posting this adding
you should do what you're comfortable with because YOU want to and not do things to keep a guy thats how alot of women get themselves played.

 

[Raspberry]

He will be getting it on the side, IMO.

During that time he might come to his senses and stop but good look finding one that will wait you out.

These men exist but they definitely aren't the norm. Most of my exes went long periods of time without sex in the past (didn't seek out casual sex) and were fairly patient in dealing with me. But they weren't the overtly sexy or cool kinda guy that a lot of women lust for. They were low key, respectful, with great character but maybe without the "swag" that could get them more attention. A lot of times we want a perfect man to come in a fantasy package and miss out on men that will treat us right.

2 of my close female relatives were virgins when they got married and one of the DH's was a virgin too - they had all waited for religious reasons.

 

[Blessed_Angel]

I think it all depends on the guy and how he sees you. Some guys will always see some women as nothing but jump offs. Some guys will see all women as jump offs...all in all, it depends on the guy!

 

[Lucia]

ITA w/ Blessed Angel, guys will take anything and everything you give them and bounce to the next girl. I have close guy freinds and he said bluntly about dating etc... I'm a man I'm gonna get whatever I can get and living together doesn't = marriage to me, I don't care what my GF is thinking or wanting, it's just a better situation for the man in all respects period.

 

[Syrah]

...if the answer is yes or no, does that mean people are going to change their behavior based on what a board, for women by women, thinks about what men want and like?

I guess I'm so much more simple minded than that: if a man likes you, and really truly is curious about YOU as a person (beyond your physical), whether you sleep with him in 2.5 days or 2.5 years really isn't going to make much of a difference.

 

[Northern_Belle]

I don't think you should withhold sex to attempt to garner respect. I see that as trivializing the intimacy into something that can be used as a pawn.

I think there's a lot of variables that should go into deciding when to take the relationship to that next level. If we're talking about a relationship that appears to have long term potential, I'm an advocate for waiting for as long as possible because it gives you more time to observe and learn about him and vice versa without sex clouding your judgment. I know far too many people who stayed in bad relationships because the sex was great or ended them because they weren't immediately setting the sheets on fire, even though everything else was great.

If a man is a jerk, he'll show you that regardless of how long you make him wait. I know a few women who were virgins on their wedding nights who were convinced their DH"s were patiently waiting on them and almost all of them had jumpoffs on the side during the entire duration of the relationships. So sadly while he may appear patient and understanding, that could be nothing more than deception.

Use your own judgment and decide what's best for you in the long term.

 

[CurleeDST]

My husband and many close male friends I have say make him wait. It forces him to get to know you beyond what is between your legs. Also if he cares about you he will wait. If he doesn't, he will bounce soon enough.

Now if YOU are just trying to get some goody goody then by all means do what you like you all are adults but temper any expectations of a lasting and deep relationship. It may be a booty buddy (which is cool if that is what you are into) but rarely have I seen it grow into more. Of course, anything is possible and yes there are couples out there who hooked up sexually on the first date, got married, had children and lived happily ever after for a few years. I would say they are the exception not the rule.

Women are so happy to be in a relationship we sometimes lose ourselves. Sex is just sex to a man - it isn't a commitment so do not think giving him the goods early means you snagged him.

 

[longhairlover]

it doesn't really matter, i've met dogs made them wait and they were still ....dogs in the end. i've had nice guys that i didnt make wait and they stayed around longer, than the "patient" ones.

it just depends on the guy, i think with experience you will be able to tell the runners and the stayers.

btw OP that is one of my fav. pictures of when the black models were beautiful

 

[Ms Red]

Bump!

 

[FlyyBohemian]

They'll respect you, but they'll probably just move on to the next chick who will give it up. If they wanna be with you they'll stick around. If they want to use you they'll stick around to. If they're desperate, they'll stick around.

 

[filthyfresh]

Men respect women who respect themselves.
If you put your foot down (not in an authoritative/mean way) & let him know the deal, then he will respect you.
It's up to you when you do the do.
But your actions inside & outside of the bedroom dictate a man's level of respect for you.
A man's respect for a woman isn't solely based on what's between her legs.
Although it is a percentage.

 

[HoneyDew]

I think sexually mature adults know when the time is right for them to go there.

I don't think it is always about "making him wait". Men are not the only ones that want sex.

Sometimes you just want him. It is not about anything else, or even if you do like him for more than sex, you know when the time is right - the first night or months later.

I am in control of my sexuality and I don't use it as a gauge for respect from a man. I know I am a lady and deserving of respect.

If I want him, I am going to have him. If I feel like its too soon, I'll wait.

I just don't sweat men and their opinions like that. If I have him, and he decides that he does not want to be with me ON MY TERMS after that, then F' him! NEXT!!!!! My biggest disappointment would be if it wasn't good.

 

[Lovestyr]

I have done both...just keeping real. i have held out with one guy for like six months..i finally gave in and we are still together to this day....before i met him i met this guy............he was fine....that really influenced my decision to give it up on the first night...........YES,,I SAID IT.... Anyway, we end up moving in together like three months later and he proposed to me,,,,everything was all good,,,until i discovered all his school loans that he didnt even try to pay anything on ,,,,I;m talking like 50,000 minimum ....and you couldnt send like 20.00 over the course of 7 years....screw that anyway,i decided that i didnt want to be with him,,,,but , everything was all good,....me giving it up on the first night was no big deal.....everyone is different....i would do it again if i could.....life is too short . i don;t care what others judge me as......

 

[FluffyRed]

I have nothing to add to this but I wish I had waited and wish I had married a virgin. But maybe if I could look at his penis before we married to be sure it was an adequate size. ummmm IDK. Ignore my post.

:werd:

I mean, I really don't understand this logic. If he's an butthole, he's going to be an butthole regardless if you make him wait or not.

If he's a respectful man, then why would he try to get into your panties upon the first meeting? Any man that's trying to have sexual relations upon first encounter, he wasn't worth it in the beginning IMO. It works both ways for me.

GREAT POINTS

I don't think it's the fact that you're trying to make him wait that he respects.

I believe what men respect is when you have values and you stick to those values. It shows that you have confidence, self esteem and integrity.

I hold out for my own comfort and to prevent something like sex from clouding my mind while I am attempting to get to know someone and trying to figure out if they are someone I want to continue seeing.

The guys who see where I'm coming from completely understand and it's not a problem. The ones who get pushy about it are the ones who are shown the door.

I love this post!

I have done both...just keeping real. i have held out with one guy for like six months..i finally gave in and we are still together to this day....before i met him i met this guy............he was fine....that really influenced my decision to give it up on the first night...........YES,,I SAID IT.... Anyway, we end up moving in together like three months later and he proposed to me,,,,everything was all good...

Proves you have to act the way you see fit!

 

[tiara76]

men respect you as much as you respect yourself whether u give it up right away, down the line or never

men know when a woman is doing for herself for her own reasons vs if she is doing solely for him to where he knows that nothing she is saying means squat when she will do whatever to appease him

 

[Glamorous_chic]

men respect you as much as you respect yourself whether u give it up right away, down the line or never

men know when a woman is doing for herself for her own reasons vs if she is doing solely for him to where he knows that nothing she is saying means squat when she will do whatever to appease him

i was having a conversation with a guy i'm seeing about this exact conversation. he was saying exactly what you said tiara76. he said that a man will respect you rather you give it up on the 1st night or after a year. but sometimes it's how your attitude starts to change after having sex that sometimes changes the course of the relationship. i sort of understood his point, but i've also had several male friends advise me that most men won't really take you seriouslly if you give it up on the first night or too soon for that matter. so, i just try to go with what i feel comfortable with.

 

[tiara76]

i was having a conversation with a guy i'm seeing about this exact conversation. he was saying exactly what you said tiara76. he said that a man will respect you rather you give it up on the 1st night or after a year. but sometimes it's how your attitude starts to change after having sex that sometimes changes the course of the relationship. i sort of understood his point, but i've also had several male friends advise me that most men won't really take you seriouslly if you give it up on the first night or too soon for that matter. so, i just try to go with what i feel comfortable with.

it really depends on the woman mostly imo

men respect women who respect themselves.....and on the flip women who respect themselves attract men who respect them, or bring out the "good" side of a man while others bring out his "bad" side.....its not an accident some women seem to run into men who "dog' them out while others run into those who are ready to lock them down or hold them in a higher light..its all the internal feeling of the woman that has nothing to do with a timeline on how soon or not she gives it up, thats up to her for whatever reasons she has for herself....



me personally if I desire to have sex with a man its happening way sooner than later...if im not having sex with him me its not because Im making him wait its because I don't desire too....even though i may like his company

 

[LadieCrn]

I voted undecided. If a man likes you if doesn't matter when you sleep with him. I mean all this providing that you knew him from before. I am not talking about someone you met at the club last night or someone from the internet.

 

[luvn_life]

I think it depends... If you make them wait because of your moral reasons and they can tell that you're for real and you're not letting them talk to you or touch you sexually either, then I think they do respect you. That doesn't mean that they stick around though. that just means that they respect YOUR decision and they decide if they wanna stick around or not. Alot of girls say I'm not having sex until this date, but they still engage in sexually activity (talking nasty, letting the touch/ feel all on you) so I think that sends the message that your just playing games with you and they can get it anyway...

 

[ElizaBlue]

it really depends on the woman mostly imo

men respect women who respect themselves.....and on the flip women who respect themselves attract men who respect them, or bring out the "good" side of a man while others bring out his "bad" side.....its not an accident some women seem to run into men who "dog' them out while others run into those who are ready to lock them down or hold them in a higher light..its all the internal feeling of the woman that has nothing to do with a timeline on how soon or not she gives it up, thats up to her for whatever reasons she has for herself....



me personally if I desire to have sex with a man its happening way sooner than later...if im not having sex with him me its not because Im making him wait its because I don't desire too....even though i may like his company

I completely agree with you. When me and my SC met I made that decision for us. We held congress Day 1 and were in session for the next three days. My choice not his. One year later we are still together and he has the utmost respect for me.

He told me that it had nothing to do with how soon we did the deed but the fact that he knows I won't take any ish off him. He told me that he respects women who demand respect, that it has nothing to do with how soon she sleeps with him. And that there are plenty of women who "hold out" but he knows it's just a game they are playing. And that he (like most men) would rather get with someone who goes with their true desire and feelings because they have a need rather than someone who acts like they are giving him a gift.

I thought it was funny when he said he felt like his was a gift too...and truly it is....Just talented....

 

[prospurr4]

Yes, I really do believe this, based on my experience.

I met DH 29 years ago (that's right, 29) and we dated for 2 years before marriage. Yes, I made him wait, and I'm glad I did. This year is our 27th anniversary.

 

[chiconya]

Yes, I really do believe this, based on my experience.

I met DH 29 years ago (that's right, 29) and we dated for 2 years before marriage. Yes, I made him wait, and I'm glad I did. This year is our 27th anniversary.

This is so sweet you go girl!!

 

[Zaynab]

I don't think you should withhold sex to attempt to garner respect. I see that as trivializing the intimacy into something that can be used as a pawn.

I think there's a lot of variables that should go into deciding when to take the relationship to that next level. If we're talking about a relationship that appears to have long term potential, I'm an advocate for waiting for as long as possible because it gives you more time to observe and learn about him and vice versa without sex clouding your judgment. I know far too many people who stayed in bad relationships because the sex was great or ended them because they weren't immediately setting the sheets on fire, even though everything else was great.

If a man is a jerk, he'll show you that regardless of how long you make him wait. I know a few women who were virgins on their wedding nights who were convinced their DH"s were patiently waiting on them and almost all of them had jumpoffs on the side during the entire duration of the relationships. So sadly while he may appear patient and understanding, that could be nothing more than deception.

Use your own judgment and decide what's best for you in the long term.

It can be manipulative....definitely. I also think alot of women ony do it for this reason alone. If you're truly moved spiritually to "wait", then do so for THAT not b/c you think it's going to snag a man.

 

[sharentu]

i think that if a man wants to find reasons to lose respect for you, he will. i do also believe that sex can cloud your judgement in some respect to the person you are dealing with.

 

[mz tracy 25]

I feel that it depends on what your ultimate goal of the relationship is. If you're looking for Mr. Right (serious/long-term) or Mr. Right Now (a companion, kickin-it partner).

 

[skegeesmb]

I can't really give a good opinion because I have never had sex on the first date. I mean there was nothing that any of the guys I dated that made me want to have sex with them the first night.

I do know my husband said he was glad that we waited. He said well if you can have sex with me the first night.