How do you usually get asked out by quality men?

L

lushcoils

Well-Known Member
Note: This is not about the, "ay shorty can I get yo numba and we can chill at my crib ma" kind of men. :lol:

In general, when quality men ask you out...

Is it random? (Quality men you don't know, never talked to before, instantly walking up to you and asking you to dinner in places like gas stations, public transportation, campus, grocery stores, etc)

Random like above, but in more social places like gyms, concerts, mixers, parties/bars/lounges, games,club meetings, etc ?

Or one of the above scenarios, and they talk to you for some time before they ask you out?
(Please mentioned if you gave them signals like smiling, eye contact, saying hi, or talked to them first before they asked you out).
-----

Or do you usually get asked out by quality men you are acquainted with(known briefly)?

Or by men you have been good friends with sometime?

Or do quality men wait until you two are almost like best friends before they ask you out?

Online?
Other?
 
Well I haven't dated much. But when I first met DH, he was just very polite to me. I was kind of short with him honestly. It was my MO with men I didn't know so that I could keep my guard up. I wonder how he made up his mind to like me b/c I was a little rude to him at first b/c I didn't know him.

We saw each other on several occassions and spoke on the phone before he asked me out on a date. And then I agreed. When I first met him I had no clue that he liked me. He was very professional and polite and kind and kept the convo short at first.

I think it took like a couple of weeks before he asked me out on a date. He just stared at me a lot lol but it wasn't in a rude way. And our date wasn't so focused on being romantic, we were just talking, having conversation and trying to get to know each other.

In fact, I think I was so open to him b/c he was just so calm and polite and I felt that I could trust him right off the bat. I let my guard down and kind of opened up to him after a month or so which is something that I don't do. I was still a little mean for a few months b/c I was trying to get to know him. But he was still very kind to me. Then I decided to be nicer lol.

But it was b/c he wasn't doing that whole stupid "Hey yo shawty!!!" thing that many men do.

I only have my experience to compare it to but I don't think nice men or men who have the potential to be serious would talk to you like that. Unless you are in a club. I have never been to a club so I have no experience in that arena.

Hope that answers your question :-)
 
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I usually don't date quality men...just young fools who are fun for short periods of time. But, I have been asked out by a few that seemed nice...I've never said yes.

I worked at a library in college. A young man, probably architecture grad student, came up to the circulation counter and asked if I wanted to go out for coffee. Even though I said no, I thought it was cute and just like TV. I'd probably seen him in the library before and I'm still friends with a lot of the patrons but I didn't know him.

I worked a recruiting event for my job and the man at the table next to me asked if I wanted to see a poetry reading. I gave him my number but didn't return his calls, he was so old...like 30 or 40...eh.

A few stereotypical "nice guys" have asked me out in a club/bar setting. One man stopped me at the bar when I was buying a round for at least 5 people. He told me I was beautiful and helped me carry all my drinks back to the table...nothing happened with that but he was sweet.

Anyway, my point is they were all random and in a variety of situations.

ETA: I don't give signals, if I do I don't know I'm doing it. I'm pretty clueless when it comes to that stuff.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
On average, I attract pretty high quality men. My appearance (styling & mannerisms) has a lot to do with who I attract.

I'm not overly flashy but I appear extremely well kept at all times. On one glance at me and a man thinks "can I afford her?" If you don't have a couple degrees or have a nice plush salary, probably not. :look:

I get approached everywhere, the setting rarely matters. I look like a challenge, so a man has to have balls to approach me. It's an ego boost. They always try to impress me. Slackers rarely bother with me, I look like I'm waiting to shoot em down.

EDIT: I'm also friendly and approachable in many ways. I smile a lot, occasionally wink and use phrases like "honey" "sunshine" when I talk to people on the regular. I guess some people would call me flirtatious.
 
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barbiesocialite said:
On average, I attract pretty high quality men. My appearance (styling & mannerisms) has a lot to do with who I attract.

I'm not overly flashy but I appear extremely well kept at all times. On one glance at me and a man thinks "can I afford her?" If you don't have a couple degrees or have a nice plush salary, probably not. :look:

I get approached everywhere, the setting rarely matters. I look like a challenge, so a man has to have balls to approach me. It's an ego boost. They always try to impress me. Slackers rarely bother with me, I look like I'm waiting to shoot em down.

EDIT: I'm also friendly and approachable in many ways. I smile a lot, occasionally wink and use phrases like "honey" "sunshine" when I talk to people on the regular. I guess some people would call me flirtatious.
Click to expand...
I can't go as far as to say I always appear well kept, because I have been approached when I am dressed down -- but I do try to present myself with an air of confidence. I, too, am flirtatious, and while I won't necessarily pursue a guy I find interesting, I will throw out signals to let him know I am interested. He usually gets the hint that he has to do the chasing, and if he is a quality guy, he will. I have met guys everywhere: class, frat parties, bars, clubs when I am out with my friends, online, the gas station, it just happens. I do an awful lot of talking first before we go out, though -- I met my current SO through an old friend a few years back, and we lost touch. We reconnected on Facebook and talked for maybe 2-3 weeks over the phone, BBM and FB before I took him up on his offer to go out on a date. He actually told me once we were official that one of the things that always attracted him to me was my personality -- I'm feisty, but not b*tchy, if that makes sense. He told me he knew I don't take any BS and expected the men I date to be of a certain caliber.
 
Usually I get asked out if I'm at a social gathering, a party, etc., where quality men go. We then chat it up and he asks for my number. We then talk for like 15 minutes or so on the phone and arrange a date and take it from there. Usually I can tell if someone's quality by simple questions, i.e. "Where'd you go to school?" then I probably know of one person who went there and ask if they know that person. Also, I always facebook these people and see which friends we have in common :giggle:.

IME, it's kinda easy to see who is a "Aye shorty, how ya doin', ma?" type dude versus gainfully employed, about to make big moves type guy. You just know what to look for and pick up on simple clues. Hard to explain...
 
They've never been random men now that I think about it. It's always men I have known at least for a short time. I'm not receptive to being asked out by strangers. And when they asked they just basically asked if I wanted to go out and do something and gt to know each other better. Always tasteful.


And I didn't give any "signals." I'm not a traffic light.
 
Usually a quality man will strike up a conversation about something small and simple related to wherever it is you are. For instance, at the grocery store he'll say something funny about what's in your cart ("Cornmeal, huh? You must THROW DOWN!") or ask a question that he probably already knew the answer to ("Excuse me, I'm trying to make a cheesecake but I'm not sure what I need to make a graham cracker crust. Is it just graham crackers or...?").

Or at the gym he'll ask about some spinning class or workshop going on, etc. Wherever you are, he's not gonna flat out say that he's attracted to you but try to establish some sort of connection first and then try to ease into asking for a number or a date. I think most of these guys seek to be a friend or at least associated or have a really good conversation before they ask you out or for a number.
 
The quality men who've asked me out usually have no "game" in the traditional sense so they take their time and charm you. Luckily, that's what I like so I am patient and then I wait for it.......
 
Usually at social gatherings with peers. He strikes up a conversation, we keep in touch, then he asks me out.

If not at a social gathering, a quality man will rarely just come up to me and immediately ask for my number. He usually strikes up a conversation to gauge our common interests, and background etc. A quality man knows a quality woman has to screen her men and he does too. If the conversation goes well, he offers to continue the convo over dinner or something.
 
How do you all dress or what are your mannerisms in public.
I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't dress slutty and I seem approachable.
 
It happens more often in random places and most often, when I am alone. The airport (this happens to me a lot), bookstores, the mall, at the gym etc. Places that aren't really intended for meeting and mingling.

Even if I'm meeting a friend at a bar or lounge for a glass of wine, sometimes I intentionally show up 30 minutes early just to sit there by myself for a little while.

As BarbieSocialite mentioned, I think seeming approachable is key. Make eye contact and don't be afraid to hold it for 1-2 seconds. Smile. Have fun. Being approached and approachable is fun. :yup:
 
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barbiesocialite said:
On average, I attract pretty high quality men. My appearance (styling & mannerisms) has a lot to do with who I attract.

I'm not overly flashy but I appear extremely well kept at all times. On one glance at me and a man thinks "can I afford her?" If you don't have a couple degrees or have a nice plush salary, probably not. :look:

I get approached everywhere, the setting rarely matters. I look like a challenge, so a man has to have balls to approach me. It's an ego boost. They always try to impress me. Slackers rarely bother with me, I look like I'm waiting to shoot em down.

EDIT: I'm also friendly and approachable in many ways. I smile a lot, occasionally wink and use phrases like "honey" "sunshine" when I talk to people on the regular. I guess some people would call me flirtatious.
Click to expand...

:yep: It sounds 'uppity' but I believe this also. I think quality women attract quality men. Men who value quality know this and know it when they see it. I have rarely if ever attraced the "Hey ma'" types of men both before I was married and even during. Rarely. I think because the message I sent out about myself is, that I don't accept nonsense.

Like many other posters have noted, these men are everywhere, but to me, they appear when you least expect them to. Which is why one has to be prepared at all times and make sure that one is presentable, approachable and seemingly interested. I do think their approach ranges from seeing you and are instantly attracted and wanting to get your number to charming and slowing indirectly coming on.
 
Location is important also.

If you go to a dive bar, no matter how presentable, classy, and feminine you are the "Ay shaw-tay!" types are all that will approach.

You can and will be approached in places not geared for interaction as the previous posters have eloquently stated.

That said...you can also increase the odds by attending events where those who meet your idea of quality will be.

For me, that's wine-tasting events, tea-houses, firing ranges, church, lectures, museums, boutiques (yes, yes I typed that) and...well..."nerdy" conventions (I heart a man that knows his way around a hard drive!).
 
by being a quality woman. That's it a nutshell.

Every now & then the scalawags try to holler at the grocery store, but even they know their chances are limited.
 
The best way is to keep yourself on point, be happy with yourself and the path of your life, and frequent places that high quality men flock, which if you have taste, will be the places you go anyhow. Present yourself in a way that conveys the right message and they'll approach you wherever.

I met the best man I ever dated in my life while working at my luxury real estate firm, but I also meet great guys while just walking down the street in the city. Me and my cousin are going to have dinner at the four seasons, that would be an example of a great place to meet quality men as well.
 
Also, where you live matters. Some cities and towns are just miserable and depressed...if you've been looking around and the men-folk are truly lacking you might want to head to your nearest city to hang out. There are usually more options and with a bigger selection of men to choose from there is a better chance of attracting a quality type of man.
 
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I get approached by all types of different men, so who knows? Lol.

I am friendly, I smile a lot, and I'm young looking, so I think that has a lot to do with it. I have a cute quirky style too, and I always have a nice scent on me, so I think it's just a combination of all those.
 
fitnessmommy said:
Also, where you live matters. Some cities and towns are just miserable and depressed...if you've been looking around and the men-folk are truly lacking you might want to head to your nearest city to hang out. There are usually more options and with a bigger selection of men to choose from there is a better chance of attracting a quality type of man.
Click to expand...


Amen to that! I live in a fairly small town and the guys around here are just :nono:. I'm sure there are "quality" men but I have no idea where they are at. I've met some good looking, gainfully employed men who turned out to be straight DOGS! I carry myself nice, I've even been trying to smile more instead of mean mugging when I'm out and about :look:. It appears the "quality guys" are afraid to approach me. Now the guys who are much older than me (and my parents), married, serial cheaters, bums with misssing teeth, much younger than me, etc has more confidence to approach me than that good looking quality single man that's my age. My town is so backwards, I get hit on more when I'm tacky then when I'm looking my best. I have to get out of this backwards arse town. I'm getting depressed just from typing this :nono:.
 
barbiesocialite said:
On average, I attract pretty high quality men. My appearance (styling & mannerisms) has a lot to do with who I attract.

I'm not overly flashy but I appear extremely well kept at all times. On one glance at me and a man thinks "can I afford her?" If you don't have a couple degrees or have a nice plush salary, probably not. :look:

I get approached everywhere, the setting rarely matters. I look like a challenge, so a man has to have balls to approach me. It's an ego boost. They always try to impress me. Slackers rarely bother with me, I look like I'm waiting to shoot em down.

EDIT: I'm also friendly and approachable in many ways. I smile a lot, occasionally wink and use phrases like "honey" "sunshine" when I talk to people on the regular. I guess some people would call me flirtatious.
Click to expand...

Really?:rolleyes:
 
lilsparkle825 said:
I can't go as far as to say I always appear well kept, because I have been approached when I am dressed down -- but I do try to present myself with an air of confidence. I, too, am flirtatious, and while I won't necessarily pursue a guy I find interesting, I will throw out signals to let him know I am interested. He usually gets the hint that he has to do the chasing, and if he is a quality guy, he will. I have met guys everywhere: class, frat parties, bars, clubs when I am out with my friends, online, the gas station, it just happens. I do an awful lot of talking first before we go out, though -- I met my current SO through an old friend a few years back, and we lost touch. We reconnected on Facebook and talked for maybe 2-3 weeks over the phone, BBM and FB before I took him up on his offer to go out on a date. He actually told me once we were official that one of the things that always attracted him to me was my personality -- I'm feisty, but not b*tchy, if that makes sense. He told me he knew I don't take any BS and expected the men I date to be of a certain caliber.
Click to expand...

How do you do the bolded?

Syrah said:
It happens more often in random places and most often, when I am alone. The airport (this happens to me a lot), bookstores, the mall, at the gym etc. Places that aren't really intended for meeting and mingling.

Even if I'm meeting a friend at a bar or lounge for a glass of wine, sometimes I intentionally show up 30 minutes early just to sit there by myself for a little while.

As BarbieSocialite mentioned, I think seeming approachable is key. Make eye contact and don't be afraid to hold it for 1-2 seconds. Smile. Have fun. Being approached and approachable is fun. :yup:
Click to expand...

What else makes a woman approachable?
 
Pretty Brown Eyes said:
How do you do the bolded?



What else makes a woman approachable?
Click to expand...

I know it sounds cliche, but a smile goes a long way. I am approached a lot, but most hestitate after they see the ring, but one thing many men say to me is they like my smile (along with my husband is a lucky man. :grin:). That is usually code for they appreciate it because it is inviting.

The thugs usually say nothing about my smile, and more about my backside. :nono:
 
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