How do you get your SO to clean?

[JustKiya]

Hmm...thanks for all your help everyone.

Everytime I tell him to clean he just says...ok I'll be better with cleaning but he never does. I can't even get him to take out the trash regularly. I told him that if he dosen't want to clean then he needs to step his game up else where. I dunno, take me out for dinner EVERY weekend and/or buy me stuff. I dunno.

A housekeeper is out of the question because we don't have it like that.

Ay yai yai yai yai!!! Girl, I so feel you! This is what I've started doing, and so far (only two weeks!) it seems to work well.

I'll start cleaning - bathroom, for example. He'll see me pulling out the cleaning stuff, moving around, etc, etc. I'll do the bathroom - well, most of the bathroom. Then, I'll put most of the cleaning stuff away, and ask him to clean the tub and the toilet - at some point this week. That gives him enough 'flexibility' to feel like I'm not nagging, but also gives him a) a concrete and straightforward request to fill and b) a solid deadline at which point I have the leeway to get a lil pissy. And I wish he would fix his mouth to ask me why, or try to get out of it. *cuts eyes* Oooh. Weee.

I'll wash the clothes, dry them, take them upstairs - and then ask him to put them away. Or, I'll put all of my clothes away, and leave his there.
They are clean, so they don't stink, and I don't mind washing/drying clothes at all, since the machine is doing all the work - it's putting them away that gets on my nerves. If he doesn't mind his clean clothes on the floor, neither do I. He already knows if it's not in the basket, it ain't getting washed.

He does all the outside work - trash, washing cars, moving lawn, etc, etc. I do the 'pretties' and the garden.

He's a dangone chef, and yet we struggle in the kitchen the MOST. I've just quietly started pointing out how he would react if someone did that in his kitchen, since he's always pointing out when I do something that's 'inappropriate' for a professional setting - and he's gotten better, but it's still a struggle.

I've come to accept the fact that he just plain doesn't see dirt the way I do (and I deeply sympathize with my mothers rants about me on the same topic when I was younger) and if I want him to help - I have to ask - and I have to keep asking until it becomes habit for him to do it.

We've been in our house for TWO YEARS, and just in the last MONTH has he gotten the hang of taking out the garbage to the curb every Thursday morning.

We do a lot of asking 'Will you unload the dishwasher so I can load it?' "Will you help me put away the clothes?" etc, etc, etc. and he's yet to come straight out and say - No, I'm not doing it. That would lead to a very different conversation.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I just ask him to do something if I need help.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Some things I've asked, some things it's been w/ watching me. And it's usually after I do something for him.

For instance, recently I had a bunch of old newspapers that needed to be thrown away. He asked me what they were for and I told him I just needed to load them in the car and throw them away. I didn't ask him to do it and they didn't budge. Well, I don't usually cook breakfast on workdays, but I did recently and left it for him to warm up when he woke up. Then sent him a text asking if he could take some of those newspapers for me. He replied later saying cool. Then called asking how to work the dishwasher I came back home to see the newspapers gone and now he does the dishes everytime I cook (well...loads them; for some reason he can't load that soap right??? :confused).

As far as the bathroom, I always clean the tub after I finish bathing. I bought a easy to use brush for cleaning. So now he just cleans up after himself.

With the trash, I asked him a couple of times in the beginning. At first he did it when I asked, but that's it. Now, he does it regularly. And at first he was forgetting the trash in the bathroom, now he doesn't.

Laundry...there haven't been too many episodes of this, but sometimes he'll do it, sometimes I will. But he doesn't wash my clothes or the linens. As far as putting up his clothes, he really just leaves on the loveseat and I'm sure it's because he's seen me do it. Then I'll go ahead and hang them up. I'm sure if I made a habit of keeping that loveseat area clear of all clothes, he'd follow suit.

And bed-making, he's seen me make it up daily and knows that I like to come home to it already made. So whoever leaves last has to make it up.

With vacuuming, I don't have a set schedule like I should (wood floors so I just vacuum as I randomly see stuff). But I bet if I did, he'd probably one day randomly do it, IDK.

Right now I have a bunch of boxes by the front door. He'll be back in town soon, so I'll do the breakfast number again Oh, and I have a TV cart and bookcase that needs to be put together. I mentioned that I was gonna put it together this weekend and he asked why I didn't ask him to do it before he left. I just told him I didn't think about it. I'll probably go ahead and start putting on together, let him see me, then he'll probably finish it and maybe start on the other. We'll see.

Have you already sent that letter? Cause I'm not sure how that's gonna go over erplexed. If he misses something, I don't say nothing really. I'll either wait for him to get back on track, let him see me do it, and/or ask him later on to do it. I wanna hear how it goes though.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Man how do yall live with people This is what Im scared of and what ticks me off the most is when people HALF clean. I hate it with a passion. Id rather you not clean at all. why would you only wash the dishes and not clean off the surrounding countertops and tables? Why even bother to spread the comforter over the bed and leave the sheets and blanket ballded up underneath? This is how my cousin is with his gf and i get annoyed at my cousin with her

 

[prettybrowneyescutie]

I'm going though the same with my DH. I have been married five years and it hasn't changed. It is his Grandmother fault (she raised him). He live with until we got married (age 27). She made up his bed, clean up after him, and wash and folded his clothes. If I knew then what I know now. I just pick my battles. If I need help I just ask or just do it myself. If you find out something that work let me know.

 

[Tylers-mom]

No...I don't have that problem. We both work full time so our household duties are pretty much split. He is a better cleaner than me! I can't remember the last time I mopped or vaccummed our floors.

 

[MD_Lady]

No...I don't have that problem. We both work full time so our household duties are pretty much split. He is a better cleaner than me! I can't remember the last time I mopped or vaccummed our floors.

If you threw in washing dishes, I'd swear we were married to the same man!!

 

[itismehmmkay]

Just to note: So he threw those boxes away along w/ the trash
And I didn't say anything; they were just gone when I got home.

 

[Nola Darling]

I hope it works for you....if i would have done some thing like that he would have read it said ok and still did nothing


Good Luck

Yeah, he hasn't changed so far....he just pushed all the clothes into the closet.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I'm really happy to not have this problem. DH does his share of cleaning and he has done all the laundry for years.

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

I just tell him im stressed, cry myself to sleep and when i wake up, the place is clean lol.im jokin, well that happened like twice. He doesn't live with me so he doesnt feel that it is his responsibility,and it isnt really but he helps out sometimes.