Be honest: Do you trust your Dh/SO??
- Thread starter Beautytalk69
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MzLady78
Well-Known Member
What in the hae3ll does that have to do with anything. Real talk.
Extremes. Always...
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
I knew you would have a link too
The projection thing makes sense, didn't need a link for that. I'm just lost as to where sexual orientation comes in. You can be straight and projecting.
yardyspice
Well-Known Member
I have nothing against gay people. I have 'em in my family, fight their cause, and love them like anybody else so I don't see being gay as being an extreme. She's open about her orientation so why not discuss it.
Extremes. Always...
nysister
Well-Known Member
That is perfectly worded.
Humans are human and you never know what a human will do, but yes I do trust him. He hasn't given me a reason not to.
yardyspice
Well-Known Member
Maybe she wants to be with someone else. Seeing another woman is still cheating in my book.
It might not have anything to do with it. But I read the same post (other thread) and thought the same thing. I have no problem with a personals sexual orientation. It could be a deeper reason as to why OP feels that way and hasn't addressed, who knows.
pookaloo83
New Member
Ya'll a mess.
VeryBecoming
Devil's Avocado
I trust him but only as far as good sense will allow. He's human after all.
Beautytalk69
New Member
My husband knows I'm bi..so its no secret. If i have the urge to be with a woman, he will be the first to know..trust me
Transformer
Well-Known Member
I think your feelings are normal considering the "openness" of your marriage. If you have the right to venture within the marriage I'm assuming that he has the same right with whatever gender partner he chooses.
I say your feelings of doubt are justified but maybe not divorce able. Just the price to paid for your arrangement.
Why would trust or jealousy be such a prominent factor?
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
I don't think sexual orientation, in itself-as primary cause, has anything to do with this....
Arcadian
New Member
um.....
So listen, if y'all swing (if I'm reading this and the other thread thread right) how can that be considered cheating?
I guess my confusion is this; if you already give him permission to screw around with other women, how can you get mad and not trust him when he's doing it because you gave him permission?
I'm just asking because I'm sort of confused.
Also, therapy. Therapy can take YEARS because its usually just not one thing, but a combination of things that have to be worked through. Its not something you can do in 6 weeks and call yourself cured. During times in my life when stress is the worst, I go once a week. When its not, its once a month. We've worked out a schedule that works best for both of us.
I've had a therapist most of my adult life. Not ashamed to admit it either. It takes a strong *** person to admit they can't get through some of the **** called life alone. Mental health is just as important as physical.
But anyway back to this other um... if you can't trust him, you shouldn't be with him.
I trust my husband, but I realize he's human and has the propensity to cheat. By the same token I know that he trusts me, but, I also am human and also have the propensity to cheat. It goes both ways.
So being armed with that knowledge, hell, I don't worry about it unless that day actually happens. If it does, I cross that bridge when I get to it.
-A
So listen, if y'all swing (if I'm reading this and the other thread thread right) how can that be considered cheating?
I guess my confusion is this; if you already give him permission to screw around with other women, how can you get mad and not trust him when he's doing it because you gave him permission?
I'm just asking because I'm sort of confused.
Also, therapy. Therapy can take YEARS because its usually just not one thing, but a combination of things that have to be worked through. Its not something you can do in 6 weeks and call yourself cured. During times in my life when stress is the worst, I go once a week. When its not, its once a month. We've worked out a schedule that works best for both of us.
I've had a therapist most of my adult life. Not ashamed to admit it either. It takes a strong *** person to admit they can't get through some of the **** called life alone. Mental health is just as important as physical.
But anyway back to this other um... if you can't trust him, you shouldn't be with him.
I trust my husband, but I realize he's human and has the propensity to cheat. By the same token I know that he trusts me, but, I also am human and also have the propensity to cheat. It goes both ways.
So being armed with that knowledge, hell, I don't worry about it unless that day actually happens. If it does, I cross that bridge when I get to it.
-A
Beautytalk69
New Member
We have swinged in the past. We have slowed down since getting married. Part of wants to stop..at least until I get my mind right
Windsy
New Member
Thank you for responding and being honest.
The problem here is that you are actually struggling with the lifystyle and what marriage represents.
It happens to a lot of people in the lifestyle, you aren't alone.
I honestly doubt you'll get the advice you need from this board.
Arcadian
New Member
I have to agree with you Windsy, not about the husband /swinging lifestyle. I also have to say that there are somethings, once done, can't be undone...at least not without a lot of work on both sides.
-A
Beautytalk69
New Member
When we did swing..we did it together. I'm just scared he will do it by himself...especially if we stop. He said that was dumb for me to feel that way. It's whatever
Transformer
Well-Known Member
I don't think it's dumb for you to feel that he's attracted to swinging at all. But I can see this being a problem when one wants to stop but the other one wants to continue.
I'm sure you have your reasons and it's your body and your right to stop. I just think most men wouldn't want to stop...especially if they had found a partner that was agreeable to it at first. There view is...why change?
Don't know much about it, but I read somewhere that 90% of the time it's the man's idea to take this up.
I'm sure you have your reasons and it's your body and your right to stop. I just think most men wouldn't want to stop...especially if they had found a partner that was agreeable to it at first. There view is...why change?
Don't know much about it, but I read somewhere that 90% of the time it's the man's idea to take this up.
Arcadian
New Member
Well then why aren't you both in counseling together, because you really should be. You're otherwise going to continue to feel like you can't trust him without some mediation between you.
And I do stand by what I said earlier. When a relationship starts out in that way, its almost expected to continue that way. And when you give your man permission to screw around, its not like he's going to like having that taken away unless you're both on the same page.
I suggest you have a heart to heart with him, tell him you're done with the lifestyle, and both of you should get into counseling.
Otherwise, if you're not going to talk, not going to go through the counseling to at least try to save the marriage, it will crumble.
-A
I think this is where the trust issues come from. I don't think this is about sexual orientation at all.I know people that swing and it starts off all fun and good, then when one wants to stop the other doesn't or vice versa--the trust issues come into play and they worry the person will "cheat" or find someone behind their back.
But thanks for being honest about what's going on.
snillohsss
New Member
this was the piece of the puzzle I was missing. Exits thread now.
Beautytalk69
New Member
Actually it was my idea to get in the lifestyle. There were things i wanted to try. I have said I wanted to stop, but would change my mind...so i was crying wolf. I'm afraid if i really mean it this time sh would go into Wtf mode. I got the most pleasure out of the lifestyle than he did. I.wont get into detail. So its a matter of really sticking to my guns
That was my point. Do you think if you stopped, he would perhaps "cheat" or be with someone w/o your permission? That maybe the distrust issue/fear.
Beautytalk69
New Member
That's my fear yes. Also I doesnt help that I walked into this relationship with trust issues
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