How do you get your SO to clean?

N

Nola Darling

New Member
I've been having this problem and I don't think it's fair. I go to work just like he does. He NEVER cleans and when he does it's maybe one chore per month and it will be half assed.

I'm thinking about imposing more on him so he can pull his weight around here. But I don't want to say F it and have a dirty house.

Anyone have this problem? What did you do about it?
 
If I worked full-time I would expect my husband to help me keep the house clean too. Maybe if you put together a chores list and gave him some things to do from the list. Or ask him to go in with you to hire a housekeeper, idk, but yeah he has to help you one way or the other.
 
^^^ what she said. that is a good idea. if he has to come out of his pocket and go half, then he will think twice. I wouldn't even make it an option. i would just tell him.


make sure you get a very unattractive housekeeper...one like Mrs. Doubtfire :lachen:
 
I stopped washing his clothes :look: , not the best tactic but it did get his attention. He had no clean underwear one day and figured out there was a problem. Only do this as a last reort.... we are not together anymore. :lachen:
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
^^^ what she said. that is a good idea. if he has to come out of his pocket and go half, then he will think twice. I wouldn't even make it an option. i would just tell him.

make sure you get a very unattractive housekeeper...one like Mrs. Doubtfire :lachen:
Click to expand...

:lol: @ the bolded. Good idea to just tell him. I have found that if a man isn't given an option he'll usually say okay.

daydreem2876 said:
I stopped washing his clothes :look: , not the best tactic but it did get his attention. He had no clean underwear one day and figured out there was a problem. Only do this as a last reort.... we are not together anymore. :lachen:
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
Most men need a little encouragement, just ask him to help clean on the days you need him to. I know you feel like you shouldn't have to ask, because he lives there also, but I've been with my husband over 15 years and for the most part, if I don't ask, he don't volunteer. But, he's really good with helping if I ask.
 
honeycomb said:
Most men need a little encouragement, just ask him to help clean on the days you need him to. I know you feel like you shouldn't have to ask, because he lives there also, but I've been with my husband over 15 years and for the most part, if I don't ask, he don't volunteer. But, he's really good with helping if I ask.
Click to expand...

Yep, I had to ask, ask and ask some more before he got with the program.
Also, I have a very detailed list that I keep on the fridge for bigger projects.
I give him a reminder every now and again if there is an update to the list.

I felt like he should just automatically clean and keep things clean like I do since he lives there too, but that did'nt happen.
Reminders and that list keeps us from having issues, so I do it.
 
I wish I could help, but my hun is a neat freak. He's usually the one that has to ask me to clean. :lol:
 
I was talking about this with a friend the other day.

Since we all have a role to play, he may see this as YOUR role while his role is to manage other things.

Talk to him and be clear what your expectations are.
 
Many men need you to TELL them to clean. Shouldn't be that way but it is. Do you tell him? How does he react?
 
missfadu said:
I've been having this problem and I don't think it's fair. I go to work just like he does. He NEVER cleans and when he does it's maybe one chore per month and it will be half assed.

I'm thinking about imposing more on him so he can pull his weight around here. But I don't want to say F it and have a dirty house.

Anyone have this problem? What did you do about it?
Click to expand...



I was wondering the same thing.

I actually think DH feels that I must like washing dishes? I do not
But even more so, I don't want to see a kitchen that is not clean when I wake up.

If I'm putting the kids in bed he MAY put a few things in the dishwasher (or he may leave them on the counter).
It's unclear to me if he really doesnt think to wipe the counters stove or clean the sink.

and laundry? I will do every ones laundry. All I ask is that you sort your dirty clothes as you take them off:
Once bin for lights, one for darks and a bag for delicates. I stopped doing laundry that wasn't sorted. DH just purchased more socks and underwear. :(

and a big lesson learned...
a few weeks ago, I got tired of cleaning things only to turn around and have to do it again when I come back. So I stopped cleaning, figuring he would not like it and pitch in.

Two weeks go by, the house is a mess but he never said a word. Then one day I was out side and some people were looking at a house for sale across the street. DH is a real estate agent and he actually showed them the house.

The lady asked me to use our bath room. They had been looking at houses all day and we live out in the middle of no where.

eeek! I was stuck. The house was terrible. I must have taken an eternity to respond. Should I let her in to the house that hadn't been cleaned in 2 weeks or should I be mean and come up with an excuse?

Well, I let her in after apologizing. I never felt so bad, ever. I realized my little test back fired. I spent the next 48 hrs CLEANING.

We did have a talk and I told him how I felt like the maid here. We also re read some info from the love languages book. He still doesn't clean much but at least he understands what I do (I think).
 
honeycomb said:
Most men need a little encouragement, just ask him to help clean on the days you need him to. I know you feel like you shouldn't have to ask, because he lives there also, but I've been with my husband over 15 years and for the most part, if I don't ask, he don't volunteer. But, he's really good with helping if I ask.
Click to expand...

ITA. If I ask for help, he'll help out most of the time. However, there are times where he's too "busy" playing video games :rolleyes:, I let him know that if I'm the only one cleaning that he'll have to talk to me. And lawd knows he hates talking while playing video games, so he's quick to help out. :lachen:
 
vivmaiko said:
Many men need you to TELL them to clean. Shouldn't be that way but it is. Do you tell him? How does he react?
Click to expand...

ITA. I just tell him - now it's your turn sweetie! :)
He doesn't like it, but neither do I. I hate cleaning and washing dishes...I wasn't made for that! :lachen:

I do all the cooking though and I keep a nice environment for both of us, so he should be happy that all he needs to do is a little dishes and sometimes the bathroom.
 
I work full time, so my agreement with DH is: I clean the bathroom, he takes the garbage out everyday, everything else we share. Works pretty well :yep:
 
Hmm...thanks for all your help everyone.

Everytime I tell him to clean he just says...ok I'll be better with cleaning but he never does. I can't even get him to take out the trash regularly. I told him that if he dosen't want to clean then he needs to step his game up else where. I dunno, take me out for dinner EVERY weekend and/or buy me stuff. I dunno.

A housekeeper is out of the question because we don't have it like that.
 
I did this as well for a whole month and all it did was make the WHOLE house funky. He still didnt help and i gave in because i could not take the smell.

Its a endless 13 year cycle with us, if i dont give him enough then he wont help. That is a same its a way of like in my house hold so i will subscribe to this thread with the hopes someone has a good idea because i have tried everything.....I also chalk down to the way his mother raised him which MIL and i got into it about that, she did every thing for them and worked a full time job, that is what he expects of me.:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash::wallbash::wallbash: so u best believe some things get neglected....him!
daydreem2876 said:
I stopped washing his clothes :look: , not the best tactic but it did get his attention. He had no clean underwear one day and figured out there was a problem. Only do this as a last reort.... we are not together anymore. :lachen:
Click to expand...
 
Mine says that's what we have kids for.....really are you serious.:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash: Why do I even bother
lwilliams1922 said:
I was wondering the same thing.

I actually think DH feels that I must like washing dishes? I do not
But even more so, I don't want to see a kitchen that is not clean when I wake up.

If I'm putting the kids in bed he MAY put a few things in the dishwasher (or he may leave them on the counter).
It's unclear to me if he really doesnt think to wipe the counters stove or clean the sink.

and laundry? I will do every ones laundry. All I ask is that you sort your dirty clothes as you take them off:
Once bin for lights, one for darks and a bag for delicates. I stopped doing laundry that wasn't sorted. DH just purchased more socks and underwear. :(

and a big lesson learned...
a few weeks ago, I got tired of cleaning things only to turn around and have to do it again when I come back. So I stopped cleaning, figuring he would not like it and pitch in.

Two weeks go by, the house is a mess but he never said a word. Then one day I was out side and some people were looking at a house for sale across the street. DH is a real estate agent and he actually showed them the house.

The lady asked me to use our bath room. They had been looking at houses all day and we live out in the middle of no where.

eeek! I was stuck. The house was terrible. I must have taken an eternity to respond. Should I let her in to the house that hadn't been cleaned in 2 weeks or should I be mean and come up with an excuse?

Well, I let her in after apologizing. I never felt so bad, ever. I realized my little test back fired. I spent the next 48 hrs CLEANING.

We did have a talk and I told him how I felt like the maid here. We also re read some info from the love languages book. He still doesn't clean much but at least he understands what I do (I think).
Click to expand...
 
I sent him this letter, I have doubts that it will fix things:ohwell::



I appreciate when you cook on the weekends, take Jeremy out (thedog) and make repairs on the house. If you need help with any of those things then let me know.

To make things clear, I have made a list of your household responsibilities. As I wash dishes on a daily basis, up keep the bathroom every other day, do BOTH our laundry, mop all floors, fold towels and put them away, keep the bedding clean, keep the refrigerator clean, vaccum, and etc, this list should be a piece of cake for you.

Take out trash on a regular basis
Wash dishes twice per week
Clean bathroom twice per month
Fold and hang your clothes and put them away after I have washed them
Keep clothes off bathroom floor

This is ALL I ask of you. I do admit that I need to be better at putting my hair/makeup things away. If you have a problem with my list then we need to talk about it.

Thanks.
 
I hope it works for you....if i would have done some thing like that he would have read it said ok and still did nothing


Good Luck
missfadu said:
I sent him this letter, I have doubts that it will fix things:ohwell::



I appreciate when you cook on the weekends, take Jeremy out (thedog) and make repairs on the house. If you need help with any of those things then let me know.

To make things clear, I have made a list of your household responsibilities. As I wash dishes on a daily basis, up keep the bathroom every other day, do BOTH our laundry, mop all floors, fold towels and put them away, keep the bedding clean, keep the refrigerator clean, vaccum, and etc, this list should be a piece of cake for you.

Take out trash on a regular basis
Wash dishes twice per week
Clean bathroom twice per month
Fold and hang your clothes and put them away after I have washed them
Keep clothes off bathroom floor

This is ALL I ask of you. I do admit that I need to be better at putting my hair/makeup things away. If you have a problem with my list then we need to talk about it.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
 
My SO will clean on his own. And, also, if I start cleaning, my SO will get up and start too. He hates doing the dishes though. But, he's a great cook so it's a good tradeoff.

ETA: we don't live together and I think he's still on his best behavior so...disregard the above.:grin:
 
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Well, MsFadu, when I first read your letter, I hadn't seen the whole thread yet and my first thought was that the letter sounded like you were addressing a child. Like he was your son or a nephew. But, then, after reading your posts and realizing he won't even take the trash out, I don't blame you. I hope it works.

The happiest couples I have seen with this kind of thing are the couples who tradeoff and work together. For instance, I was married to a man for 8 years who never lifted a finger to help with ANYTHING and cooked a total of ONE meal in 8 years of marriage and two children. I did it all. :nono: Lawd, it was ridiculous.

On the other hand...my father and stepmother....they share responsibilities and they trade off on those things that they really hate. So, my Stepmom hates doing floors and my father REFUSES to clean a bathroom. So, my father is responsible for ALL the floors in the home and she keeps all the bathrooms clean. They share laundry and cooking and kitchen cleaning duties and HE does everything trash related and all home repairs. She does all the shopping.

I hope he can get with your program. It sounds like you have it all figured out. And, I agree, it's his mom's fault. As the mother of a son, I can tell you, it's his mother, who didn't require certain things of him and, therefore, he doesn't require it of himself.

missfadu said:
I sent him this letter, I have doubts that it will fix things:ohwell::



I appreciate when you cook on the weekends, take Jeremy out (thedog) and make repairs on the house. If you need help with any of those things then let me know.

To make things clear, I have made a list of your household responsibilities. As I wash dishes on a daily basis, up keep the bathroom every other day, do BOTH our laundry, mop all floors, fold towels and put them away, keep the bedding clean, keep the refrigerator clean, vaccum, and etc, this list should be a piece of cake for you.

Take out trash on a regular basis
Wash dishes twice per week
Clean bathroom twice per month
Fold and hang your clothes and put them away after I have washed them
Keep clothes off bathroom floor

This is ALL I ask of you. I do admit that I need to be better at putting my hair/makeup things away. If you have a problem with my list then we need to talk about it.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
 
I don't even get myself all riled up anymore. I ask for DH help cleaning and if he doesn't do it, I just don't cook for him. He asks in so many words why I am not cooking for him and I tell him. That lights a fire under him.

In the meantime, that is the tactic I use until I can interview a maid and hire one, at his expense.

Basically though, he will take out the trash and do man work (lifting heavy things, bring in grocery) without my asking, but it takes more than that to make the house run. He wants me to be the domestic all the time, but I am usually worn out as he is, from full time work and school.
 
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I use to just leave stuff around, but I couldn't stand my house like that. He does help with taking out trash, lifting heavy stuff, and walking the dog, on his own but I am NOT going to pick up behind him like some child.

I got him to clean by picking up all of my things only and cleaning up the mess I made. After a while, when he noticed the house needed to be tidied up; he looked around to see nothing but his own stuff laying around. So know when I clean, he cleans :yep:
 
I used to have this problem. He would do laundry but I would fold and put away. He would do the dishes but not clean up the rest of the kitchen.

When he started complaining that he wasn't getting enough sex I told him I was too freakin tired from cleaning the house to do that and needed him to help me. He pointed out that he did laundry and dishes (put in the dishwasher....big freakin deal) and I told him that was not enough. Cleaning is a daily thing. You have to keep up with it or you spend alot of energy during the weekends cleaning. I mean...clean up after the kids eat and just don't leave the mess on the table dammit. You want more booty? Give me a clean house!

TODAY....hubby got a cleaning lady that comes twice a month which is fine. In between that time he does his part (not as good as I would like but does it). When I come home late some nights the sink is empty, family room straightened and vacuumed and kitchen is clean.

I reward him with lots of kisses and praise.....and booty. Men are like canines sometimes. A reward system works! :lachen: j/k

Men are slow to get it but will get it eventually.
 
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Girl men are someting else. i blame their mommies for treating them like children and doing everything for them. when they get older that is when they expect women to do the cleaning. Like I said in another thread women cleaning all the time is such a gender role stereotpye and it drives me crazy. My man has definitely gotten better but he still has a long was to go with the cleaning on his own.
 
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