How can I not feel selfish?

[lilanie]

I'm glad you've changed your disposition... Sometimes you have to stop thinking of yourself and think of others, even when you think you are right.

Enjoy your "you" time!

 

[hopeful]

Au-natural
Any updates? How did everything turn out?

 

[Lucie]

I don't understand her attitude towards you. I know you all live further than she likes but you were there for her. I cannot imagine the stress that she is under having cancer and all but it does not give you a carte blanche to be rude.

I am sorry she did not invite you. I cannot tell you how many cruises my ex went on with his parents and I was not able to go because they paid for him and not me. Well, I think you did the right thing by venting here and not bringing it up to your man because he is also going through a lot. I am not sure why else she has this attitude towards you but as long as you know you did the best you could with her and her son, let her be. You will have your family back soon. Good luck to you love and I am truly sorry that you all have to go through this.

 

[firecracker]

^^^ That's what I want to know. Is she sick or is it the end of the line? B/c that would change how I felt about it.

Oh liver cancer that has spread to her lungs. That woman does not have long. That is so sad.

If MIL does have metastatic liver cancer, she has DAYS/MONTHS.

Hopefully the MIL is sick and not on her death bed. I know someone firsthand that is going on 2 years still kickin w/treatment at Stage 4 lung cancer and metastatic liver cancer.

 

[VirtuousBeauty]

I would like to know to.

@Au-natural
Any updates? How did everything turn out?

 

[Au-natural]

Sorry for the delay, but they went away. I didn't speak to him much while he was over there... Wanted to give him space. His mother ended up telling him to keep his share of the ticket, however she is telling him to let her know when his vacation time comes up so he can visit again. As far as her state, he said she's well, doing chemo and radiation and has lost all of her hair. I'm happy they had this chance to spend together, but I'm just a little concerned with her wanting to strip him from me every holiday as if he doesn't have a family of his own.
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[ladylibra_30]

OP, I feel for you and everyone involved. I'm glad you were able to get support from the ladies on this board.

IMHO, If someone is in his/her last days I would think they would be about the business of making order, peace, and righting wrongs. Anger and ill-feelings feeds/creates cancer.

One good turn deserves another, I say. Feel good about the good deeds you have done and it will come back to you 10-fold (even if not from the receipient.) Just keep being kind and take care of yourself.

 

[ThickHair]

I'm happy they had this chance to spend together, but I'm just a little concerned with her wanting to strip him from me every holiday as if he doesn't have a family of his own.

Au-natural Why do you feel so threatened by this lady? You have this man more than 95% of the time. You spend more time with him than she does, but you are worried about a few days here and there. I am not trying to rag on you, but I want you to start thinking past your nose.

You can make a holiday any day you three are together. Don't let the calendar and Hallmark dictate your feelings.

 

[hopeful]

Sorry for the delay, but they went away. I didn't speak to him much while he was over there... Wanted to give him space. His mother ended up telling him to keep his share of the ticket, however she is telling him to let her know when his vacation time comes up so he can visit again. As far as her state, he said she's well, doing chemo and radiation and has lost all of her hair. I'm happy they had this chance to spend together, but I'm just a little concerned with her wanting to strip him from me every holiday as if he doesn't have a family of his own.
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Thanks for the update Au-natural. As for the bolded I understand how you feel, but this is about your honey, not her. If he allows her to control how he spends every holiday and on top of that allows her to leave you out of said plans and disrespect you, then your problem is with him not her. It is easier to be mad at the person who is trying to steal your honey's time, but it is up to him as a man, an adult, a father, to make grown up choices that honor you and his mother. No way should you be neglected holiday after holiday. You two should be discussing upcoming vacations and holidays, and then letting her know what you plan to do, not her and him getting together then letting you know what's up.

I will also say that this is a situation that I don't fully understand as I didn't have any children until years after being married. As my husband's wife and the mother of his children I expect to be my husband's main priority. He really is treating you like a girlfriend, as is his mother, despite you being the mother of his child and living together. But you are not his wife. Some people say it's just a piece of paper. But I know from experience that being the wife makes a really big difference, perhaps you are feeling the repercussions of having a child out of wedlock? IDK. But either way I still say your issue is with him not her. It is up to him to stand up to her and for you to stand up to him.

 

[tolly]

I don't think you should stress about the possibilities of spending future holidays apart. I assume your man will want time with you too, and this thanksgiving his mother took precedence because of her health. You don't want him thinking you're forcing him to choose between you and his mother, let her do that all by herself, he'll see through her act faster if you don't join her.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

As hateful and self-centered as I can be, I would let him spend all the time he can with his mother. Boys (most) love their mothers so much. I would let him spend as much time as he can with her, pending he is keeping everything in order at home. I would like someone to consider my feelings as well if it happened to me. As far as her feelings for you, if she don't like you now then flying down to look in her face on her deathbed probably won't warm her heart.....might freeze her blood as a matter of fact. lol

I don't know if I would want my child to be around people, even family, if they don't like me. He can go but my child stays.

 

[Au-natural]

So now it has begun... I take it that she really is sick. I guess now like most of you said I will feel happy that he spent this time with her if she really is sick. Today was a very hard day for the both of us. My bf got news that his mother is on oxygen and without it she could possibly die sooner. It was hard getting the news especially having to hear the crackle in his voice as he told me. I dragged him out the house and made him come with me to an appt. On the way there his sister broke the news. I noticed his mood and asked. Moments after he told me, he broke down... Tears rolling down his face at that point I realized that this is only the beginning. As hard as it must be to hear your parent may be living her final few days is as hard as it was for me at that moment to hold back my own tears and console him. He said he didn't want to think abt it so w/n seconds I had to quickly change the subject, the tone in my own voice and think of something to get him to stop weeping. Today was hard...

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[Klearli]

I'm glad he went to visit her then

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[Leigh]

My prayers are with you. Please continue to come here for prayers and support during this time if you need it.