I agree, if he had her schedule he'd be to tired for sex.
He wants to 'color'/luv u down.. u want to.....
- Thread starter LilMissRed
- Start date
I agree, if he had her schedule he'd be to tired for sex.
If you dont remember it, I doubt it can be seen as good
erplexed
I'm sure if she was getting moist enough for him to perform, she prob enjoyed it.
If she didn't she would be very raw and walking funny the next day.
qchelle
Well-Known Member
YES!!!
I will NEVER understand what makes a person think that a woman should be modern when it's time for her to get a job (outside of the home), traditional when it's time to take care of the home, but men don't have to be flexible to meet the demands of their situation and only have to "bring home the bacon".
If a woman thinks certain tasks are "her job" she really can't be surprised when her DH agrees and adjusts his behavior accordingly (after all, he's only seeing you as YOU see YOURSELF). Yes it's on the man to be fair (and have common sense, because who WOULDN'T be tired after working a 9-to-5 and then having to come home and do chores, I mean really...), but women should never act like they can do without "help" when they know they desparately need it.
Zactly. We're either going to be traditional (wife stays at home and tend to house. man goes out and works...and brings me some money
) or we're going to be modern (everyone helps out in some way, if not equally). ONE person can't do EVERYTHING. It's not supposed to be like that.....PeanutButterandHoney
New Member
Thank you Ms Red.THIS is me.. I rarely forget anything. Espec when it concerns my family.. I remember more of HIS stuff than he does
girl no..I probably did when it first started happening, but afterwards.. like I said I really started feeling some kinda way about it. I'd always ask him if he didnt have a problem getting 'cold' 'ish but it was def rhetorical cause obviously he was fine with it smh
funny u ask that. HE wanted this baby.. he BEGGED me to have her.. I was adament that I didnt wany anymore babies.. he promised me that he'd help me out sooooo much with her... and now.. well I've added him to my list of 'kids'. I wont say that I regret her, because I love her to no end, but if I knew then what I know now.....
I feel u on this, but EVERYDAY?? to have to remind him EVERYDAY is ALOT! not to mention when I used to mention things to him alot.. he'd come back with something like ' ur trying to run me/treat me like ur my mother' 'ish
and yeah... he expressed those same feelings about a new baby to me as well... he promised he'd be sooo helpful and that he'd do this and that.. HA! I STILL kick myself alot for believing all of that mess
yanno.. thats a really good question. The thing is I have asked him and he gets better in the beginning then he starts slacking. I also keep in mind that my 2 older kids arent biologically his, even tho when he wanted his ds (now 11) to come and live with us.. I went along with it.. he lived with us for 2 1/2-3 yrs.. I JUST told dh this summer that it was time for his ds to go back to his mom-I'd had enuff.. dh was not much help with him either. oh and normally I get my DC/bath time in after Ive done EVERYTHING andthe baby is down for the nite... so alot of nites I go to bed later than 11
I guess my issue with dh vs household chores/situations is that he sees/lives it on a daily right with me... he doesnt have to ask me to cook.. I just do it cause I want everyone to eat a good meal. I wash their laundry because I want them to have clean clothes. Why cant he hop on the same band-wagon as me w/o me having to treat him like a child.
I guess I REALLY need to re-evaluate things.. we are def not on the same page.
You are NOT superwoman and don't you dare keep pretending you are! You are NOT!
Gradually (through holding him accountable and praising his efforts )engage him into being more productive at home.
He should NOT being driving past DD's daycare without picking her up....schedule your you time (ie. time at the gym.. hell you dont hafta workout, sit in the suana and read a magazine) and say "Mr. Red, I'm hitting the gym tomorrow, DD gonna need you to pick her up at 4"..he may give you some snot, but who the hell cares
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
YES!!! I had to thank you TWICE for this ENTIRE post!!!Zactly. We're either going to be traditional (wife stays at home and tend to house. man goes out and works...and brings me some money
Mai Tai
Miss Nigeria-America
Ok...Just so I have this straight...
How old are the children in the house?
Growing up, I did my own laundry, sometimes cooked my own food, and cleaned up after myself. There were 4 of us and we each had responsibilities. My Mom is great but she was not going to raise a bunch of kids that didn't know how to keep a house.
How old are the children in the house?
Growing up, I did my own laundry, sometimes cooked my own food, and cleaned up after myself. There were 4 of us and we each had responsibilities. My Mom is great but she was not going to raise a bunch of kids that didn't know how to keep a house.
PeanutButterandHoney
New Member
My son is 5 and 3/4 years old and
-takes out the trash in his bathroom
-cleans his room and makes his bed
-takes his own shower (knows how to turn it on, bathe etc)
-picks up in the living room
-sweeps the kitchen
-packs his own lunch :I make the sandwhich or put leftovers in a container and he picks his fruit, chips and juice and 2 snacks and puts em in his backpack
-puts out his clothes for the next day
- ensure his backpack has all his things (we have a checklist of things he needs to look at to ensure everything is there...he can't read so I drew pictures of a towel, and a hat, extra clothes)
---shoot.... i be tired
-takes out the trash in his bathroom
-cleans his room and makes his bed
-takes his own shower (knows how to turn it on, bathe etc)
-picks up in the living room
-sweeps the kitchen
-packs his own lunch :I make the sandwhich or put leftovers in a container and he picks his fruit, chips and juice and 2 snacks and puts em in his backpack
-puts out his clothes for the next day
- ensure his backpack has all his things (we have a checklist of things he needs to look at to ensure everything is there...he can't read so I drew pictures of a towel, and a hat, extra clothes)
---shoot.... i be tired
Westend_Girl
New Member
I admire you DLewis but I cant get behind that rationale. More often than not, we as women cant control such things, same way you have rape victims so ashamed cos they either moaned or got all wet during the crime. Doesnt mean they liked it.
Im sure D is glad she stuck by her appointment/decison, now LOL
I admire you DLewis but I cant get behind that rationale. More often than not, we as women cant control such things, same way you have rape victims so ashamed cos they either moaned or got all wet during the crime. Doesnt mean they liked it.
[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I]Im sure D is glad she stuck by her appointment/decison, now LOL
I do understand what you're saying. I really do.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
and yet he can fix those lips together to ask for sex when he cant even pick the baby on his way home before you?
Dang I missed that part. He gets off of work BEFORE her AND passes by the daycare on his way home and can't pick up his own child??? THEN comes home and gets on the video games or the computer?? See, that's down right unacceptable.
He is getting away with murder! No wonder he acts the way he does. Wouldn't be me.I'm sorry, but that just makes me so mad! Why do we put up with this kinda stuff?? OP please put your foot down. This is ridiculous.
LilMissRed
Well-Known Member
If you dont remember it, I doubt it can be seen as good
rite! in the beginning when he'd tell/ask me if I remembered the nite before.. I didnt think too badly about it because well.. I was asleep, BUT the more it happened... smh I felt violated.
NOT. Let him tell it... 'shes' always 'moist' so no forced entry, BUT I felt violated Yes indeed. I like to know when/how it goes down.. I'd rather be apart of it rather than him just.. taking it
PLUS.. in my mind,.. if I sleep thru it... wouldnt that show him exactly how tired I was??? u are sooo CORRECT!!! There are times when I do take time for just me, BUT when I come home.. back to reality
YES!!! I had to thank you TWICE for this ENTIRE post!!!
I agree. sadly I really hated to bring this here, but I really had to ask other women's opinions as well.. I WANT to hear what u ladies have to say about this type thing.... it happens more than we think... atleast I think it happens.. I never expected it to be 'ME' but it is and I want to fix it
my kids are ds-14, dd-11 & dd-2. They all have their chores and the 2 oldest do their own laundry as well they keep up their bedrooms/bathroom and they do other things around the house, but their main job is to NOT have me tell them to clean their spaces. The only thing they dont do is 'cook' the family meals
Dang I missed that part. He gets off of work BEFORE her AND passes by the daycare on his way home and can't pick up his own child??? THEN comes home and gets on the video games or the computer?? See, that's down right unacceptable.
I'm sorry, but that just makes me so mad! Why do we put up with this kinda stuff?? OP please put your foot down. This is ridiculous.
I'm REALLY trying because ur right... this IS ridiculous. SN: I never thought it'd be 'me' either
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
And for this reason, you shouldn't feel bad about your decision to share your experience.
I hope things work out that you'll be able to find a solution that works for you and your DH. And this:
is just
. People (in general, not just LHCF) acknowlege the "need" to be sexually fulfilled, but what about the the need to be respected and not feel violated at the hands of a spouse? No doesn't stop meaning no just because you're married and your husband is dead wrong for this... and selfish doesn't even begin to describe it.
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LilMissRed
Well-Known Member
^^ Thank u (sincerely)
PeanutButterandHoney
New Member
Keep us updated.. do you have a plan of action?
I remember posting about this exact thing earlier. No one wanted to believe me, but here it is...
You might want to be creative. Try saying this:
"Baby I am SO tired. I really need some help."
His Response
"Okay, I'll help more..."
Your response
"No, I need some real help. Getting the kids around, fixing dinner, cleaning up. It's too hard. I think I'm going to have my mother move in until things get situated."
What ever his response will be, it won't be good. Having her around for a few weeks may get him to take you seriously.
You might want to be creative. Try saying this:
"Baby I am SO tired. I really need some help."
His Response
"Okay, I'll help more..."
Your response
"No, I need some real help. Getting the kids around, fixing dinner, cleaning up. It's too hard. I think I'm going to have my mother move in until things get situated."
What ever his response will be, it won't be good. Having her around for a few weeks may get him to take you seriously.
nychaelasymone
Well-Known Member
umm, I posted something similar not to long ago and I felt so violated that my new husband would think it was ok to sex me while I'm sleep. That mess has stopped but I will say....we're having problems so my comments are probably not worth to much but it seems like your husband is spoiled and doesn't understand all you do. If you could, I'd make him live your schedule for a few days and see how he feels after that.
wofford16
New Member
LilMissRed,
I think I married your DH brother because mine is the same way.
Unfortunately I don't have any more advise than what has been given, several things "exploded" before my DH got a clue as to the fact that he needed to do more around the house in order to get his coloring time in.
The main thing I had to learn was no matter how bad a job he did at the tasks he was given MAKE SURE HE DOES IT ANYWAY sometimes we are our own worse enemy when we ask for help and then turn around and do it anyway when it's not done to our standards.
Stand firm about him not violating your body at night, my DH has a very high sex drive compared to mine and this very thing would keep us at each other's throat constantly. This is demeaning and disrespectful end of story and quite frankly sometimes they just don't see it that way.
I hope things get better for you and just know you are not alone.
I think I married your DH brother because mine is the same way.
Unfortunately I don't have any more advise than what has been given, several things "exploded" before my DH got a clue as to the fact that he needed to do more around the house in order to get his coloring time in.
The main thing I had to learn was no matter how bad a job he did at the tasks he was given MAKE SURE HE DOES IT ANYWAY sometimes we are our own worse enemy when we ask for help and then turn around and do it anyway when it's not done to our standards.
Stand firm about him not violating your body at night, my DH has a very high sex drive compared to mine and this very thing would keep us at each other's throat constantly. This is demeaning and disrespectful end of story and quite frankly sometimes they just don't see it that way.
I hope things get better for you and just know you are not alone.
LilMissRed
Well-Known Member
I will. I really think I'm going to take the route that nychaelasymone suggested.. I'm going to make him live a few days in my 'world' and see how he likes that.. THEN he/I can sit and discuss this situation at length. I'm going to write him up a schedule and give him a full week of it and see if he doesnt respect me more/all that I do for 'us' on a daily.
I have to agree with u on that...but it would DEF do the trick.. until she goes home of course
THIS is a good idea. I'd really like him to live a day in my life!!
Thank u soo much! I hate to believe that there are other men out there like dh, BUT I know there are far far worse than him smh. how sad.. its a shame that Im not alone in this type situationLilMissRed,
I think I married your DH brother because mine is the same way.
Unfortunately I don't have any more advise than what has been given, several things "exploded" before my DH got a clue as to the fact that he needed to do more around the house in order to get his coloring time in.
The main thing I had to learn was no matter how bad a job he did at the tasks he was given MAKE SURE HE DOES IT ANYWAY sometimes we are our own worse enemy when we ask for help and then turn around and do it anyway when it's not done to our standards.
Stand firm about him not violating your body at night, my DH has a very high sex drive compared to mine and this very thing would keep us at each other's throat constantly. This is demeaning and disrespectful end of story and quite frankly sometimes they just don't see it that way.
I hope things get better for you and just know you are not alone.
nychaelasymone
Well-Known Member
I pray it works out for you. No one should be in a marriage where they feel like an object or disrespected. If you do take the route of letting him live a day in your shoes....commit to it and don't let him get out of it. Can you have a "family emergency" where you leave the home for a few days and he has no choice but to live your schedule?
Westend_Girl
New Member
likewtr4chklit
New Member
Hell no it's not a coincidence. If I let DH get away with half the stuff he has tried to I would be a dead fish at the end of the night. NO BUDDY!! He knows if he don't pull his weight: no dinner, no sex, attitude. We have to stand up for ourselves ladies. They don't like to be told what to do, yet they want us to baby them like we're thier mamas.
qchelle
Well-Known Member
and @ having to treat grown menz like children. Complete with writing schedules for them. Good lawdETA: all the while catering to his ego and making him feel like 'da man'. Yeah baby, you da big man on campus alright....da man that has to have someone else schedule household duties for him
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ETA: all the while catering to his ego and making him feel like 'da man'. Yeah baby, you da big man on campus alright....da man that has to have someone else schedule household duties for him
It's really an art. Alot of woemn can't do it.
qchelle
Well-Known Member
I guess not! That sounds confusing as heck!
'hey sweetie, did you do your chores yet?'
'mmmhmm'
'ok babe...you big sexy hunk of a man'
I'm really getting a kick out of this!
WhoIAm
Well-Known Member
I haven't read the other replies yet, but you need to delegate some duties to him. It sounds like you are running till your head hits the pillow at night. You are not a machine, neither are you superwoman. The more things you can get off of your plate, the more time you can dedicate to "grown-up things".
Curlybeauty
New Member
For food, cook three or however many meats you want on sunday, that way he can just fix some veggies or some type of strach throughout the week. Nothing big. That way, through the week, all you have to do is pick and heat. Saves major time. And make things that will yield leftovers.
HTH
HTH
darlingdiva
Well-Known Member
You got him trained right, girl!
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