He Wants Kids...

[anon123]

Tell him No Marriage, No Womb! Talking about have faith and he can turn it around in 9 months. Is he for real? Tell him to start upping his situation right now and y'all can see in 9 months where he is. Having you bring a baby into the world on a wing and a prayer, which situation is made even more precarious because you'll have to stunt your career for it? For serious?

You know what LHCF would say, though.

 

[ArrrBeee]

Am I wrong to feel some sort of way about this?

You should feel blessed that you aren't pregnant and you have a bunch of cyber sisters here to talk you off of the ledge.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpxpHQ9ggUE

Watch this clip but replace millionaire with dollarnaire.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Yeah, everyone here has said what I was going to. RUN. KEEP RUNNING. DON'T LOOK BACK. This guy doesn't care about you and the fact that he's boasting that he can find other women to breed his spawn clearly demonstrates he doesn't care about you or any woman he gets involved with. The level of hypocrisy this guys is spewing is ludicrous. He thinks a wedding is too expensive but he wants a child??? WOW. He wants to rely on YOUR income while he's making substantially less than you??? He's letting his relatives pressure you into carrying his offspring??? The solution is clear IMO. But I'm curious did you talk about marriage and kids before you got serious?

 

[lesedi]

December 2009??????? So you two have been together for just over 9 months? PERFECT TIME FOR A BABY!!
I'm surprised you didn't burst out laughing when he stepped to you with this mess.

 

[ommns]

...and wants to start TTC as early as next month and as late as early next year. I was given an ultimatum too: have a child or he will find someone to have a child for him. He says he isn't the type to "wait around" and that he is already "talking" to individuals, one of whom he has dated in the past, about starting a family.


My guess at the bolded is that he is doing more than talking.........

This sort of happened to my friend. Well she had a baby which he wanted, he bounced when baby was 1 1/2. He gives her child support money but that is it.

I say run. This is my opinion, but if a woman is not ready to have a child, she should not have a child. I don't care what the man says. Again, this is my opinion.

 

[bestblackgirl]

Girl... run the other way and do not look back. He wants kids now but marriage can wait for later? that doesnt sound right

 

[coconow2007]

He is a fool and will make u one if u even entertain his delusional plans.

 

[Sasha299]

Girl you are worth more than this AssHOLE - sorry for the cursing but I was just thinking that if you were my sister who told me some guy told her that AND she was seriously contemplating that I would take a base ball bat to him and lock her up in an asylum until she got back on her meds.

He is seeing other women.
He does not value you - you are just a vagina and a uterus to him
He does not LOVE you because if he did he would be willing to wait, set himself up so you would NEVER have to worry about money AND want to marry you first
He is the WORST role model you could ever have for a child because he will just teach the child that his own wants come first
He is so immature that he cannot understand delayed gratification
He has NO intention of marrying you - he is only using the words Marriage/love as a hook to get you in to do what he wants. If he did he would not be talking about "other candidates"

WHAT ABOUT HIM SCREAMS KEEPER?

Drop kick him to the curb. You are a diamond of the first water and you don't deserve to be with a CZ.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

why are you entertainin this jackarse? he so has his priorities out of order. you say he is in no position to care for a child, yet he has folks lined up to be babymama's? and yal ain't married? smh. he can kick bricks. he can make his own bed; that don't mean you gotta lie in it. ♥

 

[DayStar]

:endworld:

 

[Valerie]

You need to break off this relationship now and make a list of the type of husband you want, you want a husband not a foolish boy, who will put you in poverty.

 

[ava2]

..............

 

[frida1980]

Did you tell him not "Don't let the hit ya, where the good Lord split ya?" after he said all that? Because only tossing this idiot out is an option.

The problem with so many men today is that the think that kids are something they can just have, but a committed relationship is optional. Too many woman have given in to these demands, believing if they waited, the guy would come around. The only coming around is the date with the judge about child support and the inevitable drama of getting a man to stay financially and emotional involved in his child's life. You are MORE than just a baby's mama. You want and deserve to have a career. That career will ensure that any child that you have will be well cared for and have more advantages in life. If you have a child now, it will wreck that plan and simply harm you in the long run.

This jerk does NOT respect you or love you if he would put your womb before YOU. He either wants you and kids, or nothing at all. It does not work anyway else.

 

[ctosha]

To the left to the left, everything he owns in a box to the left.....Tell his a** to get gone. Some people really have the audacity.

 

[MissJ]

Aren't you trying to start law school? Babies don't figure too well into that equation!

 

[MzLady78]

Please, PLEASE, tell that ninja to kick rocks STAT.

He is clearly out of his friggin mind and I'm sorry to say, but if you continue to entertain him, you are as well.

This mess right here is ri-damn- diculous, SMH.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

What is wrong with these menz?

 

[tash85]

You're worth so much more, don't even entertain his illogical ramblings

 

[likewtr4chklit]

My heart hearts. Because I know there are women who would JUMP at the chance to birth some random dude's baby. GLAD THAT AINT YOU THO OP!!!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

The bolded was the most troubling. We had a little falling out and didn't talk for a few days and supposedly within that timeframe he was talking to folks to "get his mind off things" which got him to reconsider his needs.

I'm pretty certain the other woman or women are willing to bear his child(ren) sooner rather than later. Supposedly I need to step up to the plate too or risk losing him. erplexed

Mek him move him backside!!!

ETA: Rastafarai it's time to let this loser go. You've been dating for less than a year, we are in the middle of a recession (which looks more like a depression), he makes less than 30K a year which by my standards is not even enough to rent an apartment in NYC, and he's been entertaining other uteri to hold his seedlings. Aside from being selfish, he needs to return to school and major in finance to get a better idea of how far 30k will go - to also learn the tax benefits / financial benefits marriage will bring versus raising a $250,000 baby.

Sadly what he is requesting is not uncommon. Usually men with very little ambition for himself and for your relationship will make these outlandish requests, often with the intention of accumulating a harem of baby mamas.

 

[iri9109]

...and wants to start TTC as early as next month and as late as early next year. I was given an ultimatum too: have a child or he will find someone to have a child for him. He says he isn't the type to "wait around" and that he is already "talking" to individuals, one of whom he has dated in the past, about starting a family.

He tells me I am his #1 choice for who he wants to have his kids, but if I cannot and will not be willing to start within his timeline, he doesn't think it will work. He says he loves me.

A few specifics:

- He's 24 years of age and "doesn't want him and I to get too old" and not be able to have children. I am 25 years of age.

- He makes considerably less than I do and does not have the support structure in place to bring about any child. His response: "have faith in me...we will have 9 months to get things in order, emphasis on "we" (ie, falling on my own income to get things in place).


I am being asked to put my career plans on hold for his needs and his wants and quite frankly, I am in no position to start a family, especially outside a marriage. He says marriage will come and that I need to wait.

Am I wrong to feel some sort of way about this? He says he loves and cares and blah blah, but is treating me as an option. Is this what commitment and love is all about?

some men are just backwards...one day on fb my friends status was "what qualities should i look for in a baby mother?" i was like dont you think you should be asking what qualities you look for in a wife? he was like "nah she gotta be my baby mother first, b/c if she a good mother i know she'll be a good wife"...SMH

if he really wanted to start a family & you were # 1 there would be a ring on your finger because he would take the steps necessary to have children with you on your terms...plus 24 & 25 is not too old...men really have nothing to worry about as far as age b/c they can make babies up into their 70s lol and you have another 10-15 yrs to have kids with no problem...and then why would you want to intentionally bring a life into a financially unstable household...not a good look...

i would seriously reconsider the relationship all together because he obviously demonstrated a lack of respect and commitment to you when he said he's considering/talking to other baby mama prospects...including someone from his past who he already shares an emotional history with...and then how is he gonna give u an ultimatum after he already started looking for other candidates?? i thought you present the ultimatum 1st, and then based on their response you proceed accordingly... somethings not right , &i wouldnt even want to reproduce w/ someone who thinks like that

 

[luckiestdestiny]

WTF marriage will come...but let's HURRY up and have a kid.

I'm getting married FIRST. Have I talked about having a child with my fiance, sure. We want to try to have one after our first year of marriage (and some alone time first) But that's because I'm onboard and we'll be MARRIED. Unless you want to be a baby mama I suggest you run away...

 

[dlewis]

I wouldn't do it.

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

Well, I for one hopes she is not pregnant.

 

[lea86111]

hey OP have you spoken to him? How'd it go?

 

[sisteract08]

Honey...he is doing you a favor showing his arse now...
BREAK UP WITH HIM YESTERDAY...

 

[awhyley]

How did I miss this thread? erplexed

I wanna know what's happening as well. He should be looooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnggggg gone from out of your life now OP, because he only talking out his @ss, and you don't need that mess. There was just so much wrong with that first post, I'm sure that my now everyone has talked it to pieces. You have a future to think about, and he's trying to hold you back. Don't let him do it!

 

[Rastafarai]

Hey everyone, sorry for the delay in giving an update and many thanks for your advice on the matter.

So him and I had a sit down on Friday after not seeing each other for over a week and I got to hear his side of things face to face. His whole demeanor changed from tough and strong over the phone to kind hearted and attentive in person . I told him where I stood and what I will not accept from him or any man. Now he's saying how he is willing to wait, put a ring on my finger this year, marry next year and start a family some time after that. I told him I am not going to rush into anything and he has to prove to me that he can not only take care of a household but also show me more respect if this relationship is to last.

I do realize I'm dealing with a very immature person who openly welcomes the attention of other females when the going gets tough. He has since ended those ties and been back to his normal self but I am still cautious about the whole thing. I know he fears losing me and he is aware that I can do without him hence the rush to have babies, rush to get married thing, rush to settle down, etc.

As of now he is still a part of my life but he is fully aware that I will not be having his child anytime soon or putting my career plans on hold. I told him he has one year to get his ish together (ie return to school, get a vehicle, get his own place, etc.) before I can take all his sweet talk seriously. For now I am just playing it by ear.

 

[Rastafarai]

Anyway. Watch him try to backpedal when you tell him you are done and will be pursuing a relationship with a marriage-minded man.

Yes, this is exactly what is happening. I am also exploring my options and have a date with someone this weekend. He is fuming but I cannot be exclusive to a man who doesn't have his things in order.

 

[Rastafarai]

I'm from the Caribbean and I'm not having children out of wedlock. I have lots of friends and family members from virtually every quadrant of the Caribbean who have all married first and then had kids. Even my Great great grandparents were married before they started to procreate. Please do not drink the Kool aid/coconut water and think that we are all going around birthin' babies in our thatch huts while sipping " "insert tropical drink concoction of your choice'" from our cocnout shells without the benefit of marriage.

LOL. I am also from the Caribbean (Trinidad). He and his family are Guyanese and I know not all of us are birthing out of wedlock. I have observed his family and though they are very close knit they think it NORMAL to having children outside marriage and NORMAL to be a 30+ year old man with three children still living at your parents or at your baby mother's. This is what he grew up around and it will be difficult for him to think and operate outside of what he knows. He just knows that I will not be another baby mama added to the family album.