He Left

shinyblackhair

shinyblackhair

Well-Known Member
My husband just left. Granted, I guess I provoked him, but I didn't expect it to become this huge of a deal, and I didn't expect him to leave over this. However, this is something he has wanted to do for a long time I suppose. I am not sure what to do. I am angry at how he handled himself and the trauma this has put my children under. They are crying and distraught and looking to me to reassure them.

I do not want him coming back...

I don't know what to do...not sure if I should call anyone or what...I have school tomorrow, and my kids have school tomorrow...my youngest girl has already said that she doesn't want to go to school because she doesn't want to come home and daddy's not here. she is blaming herself and saying daddy doesn't love us...ugh...I'm so heartbroken. All over a stupid comment I made. I am seriously wondering about his mental state right now too...he left yelling at me to "fend for myself"...I guess this is supposed to teach me a lesson and show me how "if it wasn't for him we'd starve in here" uuggh....

I am livid over how he chose to make a scene and scare/traumatize the kids. We have 4 children ages: 14, 9, 8 and 4.

Please offer any advice or suggestions that you can think of. I am at a loss and in shock right now...
 
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. Unfortunately, I don't have the words to console you, but here is a :bighug:.
 
shinyblackhair said:
My husband just left. Granted, I guess I provoked him, but I didn't expect it to become this huge of a deal, and I didn't expect him to leave over this. However, this is something he has wanted to do for a long time I suppose. I am not sure what to do. I am angry at how he handled himself and the trauma this has put my children under. They are crying and distraught and looking to me to reassure them.

I do not want him coming back...

I don't know what to do...not sure if I should call anyone or what...I have school tomorrow, and my kids have school tomorrow...my youngest girl has already said that she doesn't want to go to school because she doesn't want to come home and daddy's not here. she is blaming herself and saying daddy doesn't love us...ugh...I'm so heartbroken. All over a stupid comment I made. I am seriously wondering about his mental state right now too...he left yelling at me to "fend for myself"...I guess this is supposed to teach me a lesson and show me how "if it wasn't for him we'd starve in here" uuggh....

I am livid over how he chose to make a scene and scare/traumatize the kids. We have 4 children ages: 14, 9, 8 and 4.

Please offer any advice or suggestions that you can think of. I am at a loss and in shock right now...
Click to expand...


First you say you provoked him and now you're livid that he made a scene and left. So did you push him over the edge and if you did...What did you really expect him to do?
I am not trying to be funny but maybe you guys need some kind of mediation or counseling if you are not able to communicate.

As for right now, pull yourself together for the sake of your children so they do not have to suffer too much right now.
 
Girl, don't go blaming yourself! That man left because he wanted too. Gather your thoughts and take care of your children. You don't have time to worry about a grown arse man!
 
Take deep breaths....literally. Calm down. Do not make any hast/rash decisions. Have you all been fighting alot lately?
 
Conterria said:
First you say you provoked him and now you're livid that he made a scene and left. So did you push him over the edge and if you did...What did you really expect him to do?
I am not trying to be funny but maybe you guys need some kind of mediation or counseling if you are not able to communicate.

As for right now, pull yourself together for the sake of your children so they do not have to suffer too much right now.
Click to expand...

My brother gave one of my daughters an old blackberry phone that he is no longer uses. my daughter plays with it. It is still a nice phone and in good working condition. I believe it's a Curve. Anyhoo, my husband has set his sights on this phone and is intent on taking this phone from my daughter and activating it for his own use. Now, my husband as of lately has not been "into" my family. Just yesterday, he made it clear to me that he will NOT be accompanying us for Christmas dinner this year at my parent's house. My husband has gossiped about my brother (who was in trouble with the law last year) to others and so when I overheard him talking on the phone to the cell phone company I said (out loud in the presence of the children which I KNOW was wrong) "You are NOT hooking up that blackberry because you did NOT purchase a blackberry. No body gave YOU as blackberry" I said it in a calm tone, but I was serious. He doesn't really care for my family, but yet he's going to take a phone that my brother gave my daughter and just TAKE it for his own? I don't think so!

So he hangs up with the cell phone company and then decides to tear into me: You kow what? I'm tired of you? hurry up and finish school and get a job so I can be done with you! I'm sick of you and supporting you! You are no good to me and I wanna leave you and on and on and ON...my kids are getting very scared and uncomfortable at this point. I am trying to defend my point of view but, then he starts telling me to "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! DON'T TALK TO ME!" I told him to calm down and watch what he was saying in front of the children. He was past the point of return and then he grabs a suitcase and packs up and leaves. He told me to fend for myself and he tells the kids he'll see them in a few days. He tells my eldest that he's leaving not because of them, but because he can't stand me. He did this with the kids all crying daddy don't go...

I understand him being mad, but not his reaction. I'm so done with him and for me there is no going back. I'm so sorry this has happened to my children, but living in conflict like this has to stop. I don't know what I'm going to do, but for me there is no going back. You don't just walk out on your family. that is not a man to me. I have put up with so much emotional and verbal abuse from him and I have stayed for my kids. Now, I am the one being left.
 
Poor kids...you will definitely have to show them some extra love and attention, because this is sure to be a hard time for them.
 
All of that happened over your brother giving your daughter a cell phone?

A CELL PHONE??

That must've been the straw that broke the camel's back on a mountain of OTHER stuff that had/has happened.
 
you didnt provoke him he was just being an A** now he coulda ask the daughter for the phone or bought it from her but to take it would hurt that girl something terrible. by his words he obviously is tired of being your husband and obviously a father or he woulda tried to take his kids with him. i'm sorry it sounds like he wants a divorce and if/when it happens he will be no financial help to you or the kids.

ETA: if he does leave for good make sure you get alimony/child support!!
 
MizzBrown said:
All of that happened over your brother giving your daughter a cell phone?

A CELL PHONE??

That must've been the straw that broke the camel's back on a mountain of OTHER stuff that had/has happened.
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yes, it is all so silly really...i guess he just really wanted a way out? i can understand being upset but to put the kids through all of this over a cell phone?
 
I remember your other thread. Your DH definitely has issues. He needs someone to lash out at and to place blame - and he's chosen you. Given this thread and the other one, I would not be worried about him. He needs help, but is not getting it. You need a game plan for you and your children. Sending hugs and prayers your way...
 
I remember the thread you posted about him. I'm sorry this happened, but after all of the warning signs, I'm not surprised. He was just looking for something - ANYTHING - to get "upset" over and have a lame excuse to leave.

Go back to that thread and read the advice the ladies gave you. Take care of yourself and your children. You will be okay and you WILL get through this.
 
(((HUGS))) I am sorry you are going through that. You did not deserve his behavior AT ALL! I think your DH has other mental things going on right now, doesn't know how to voice them and just ran the first opportunity he got. I agree with Conterria about the counseling. Even if he does not want to go, you go! Get YOUR mind right. I know your kids may feel guilty or upset but keep reminding them that his actions have NOTHING to do with them. I know you are probably replaying all of this over-and-over-and-over-again but DON'T! Pray for yourself and the kids and even him. People do all sorts of crazy things when they feel afraid or do not know how to express themself properly. And i hate to say it but this time of year brings the worst out in people. God bless you lovie! We are here for you!!!
 
OP you saw this coming, as your relationship was discussed a while back. I'm so glad you took the time to attend school so that you can eventually support yourself. That ol' fool will get what's coming to him. In the mean time focus on making your kids comfy and reaching your personal goals.
 
i live in Toronto... do you need any help with anything? Please PM me if I can help you in the upcoming days... it being christmas and all...
 
Given what you've posted about your husband earlier I think he just wanted an out.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Just focus on yourself and your kids right now because your has has proven himself to be unreliable.
 
I've been following your posts for awhile and I am not surprised at all that he left. This has been a long time coming and I think you have been in denial. I won't repeat the things you posted in the past but he has made it abundantly clear that he wanted out of the marriage. I'm saying this because you will have people running in here thinking your husband left over a cellphone when the backstory is much deeper than that and him leaving is not a big surprise.

Now everybody might as well go to school or work tomorrow. Do something fun with the kids tomorrow night: watch a movie and have popcorn, play games, or make homemade pizza and cupcakes. Assure them that 1. This is not their fault and 2. That everything is going to be okay. Over the weekend gather yourself, start planning, and pray. Ask for help when you need it, get a good lawyer, and get going with your life. You are free of a man who doesn't want you: thank God for that. You are a beautiful, smart woman and you will survive this.
 
Conterria said:
First you say you provoked him and now you're livid that he made a scene and left. So did you push him over the edge and if you did...What did you really expect him to do?
I am not trying to be funny but maybe you guys need some kind of mediation or counseling if you are not able to communicate.

As for right now, pull yourself together for the sake of your children so they do not have to suffer too much right now.
Click to expand...

ITA!

OP, just out of curiosity, what did you hope to accomplish by making the statement you made to him in front of the children while he was on the phone with the cell phone company?
 
^^Oh there is a backstory? I see.....I haven't read the other posts. Cause I just couldnt believe all of this was just over a cellphone.
 
First I am so sorry you are going through this! Second, I don't think you provoked him by standing up for your daughter (as it wasn't his phone, your brother gave it to her as a gift and he didn't bother to ask her)...I think that he wanted an out and he got it. I'm not sure if he wants to stay gone or is not liking the idea of having the "responsibility" of being a husband and father...and is basically having a tantrum of sorts (really in this day and age, it's almost a "burden" for some men to have to sacrifice, which women have done for centuries...it's called being an adult. But being coddled has taught men that they should have what they want when they want it. Tough. He's married. He can't run around all free. He has children, they will ground him and cause him to assume less risk. Seems to me like he wants to shed all this and run the streets. BUT really if he gets married again he's going to run into the same problem because having a family requires sacrifice...).

Either way, it doesn't matter his intentions, because it's now up to you to stand strong for the little ones and I wish you the best. I have to go re read the other thread of yours...
 
kmn1980 said:
ITA!

OP, just out of curiosity, what did you hope to accomplish by making the statement you made to him in front of the children while he was on the phone with the cell phone company?
Click to expand...

For him to realize that he can NOT take the phone away and decide that it is now going to be his. MY brother gave it to my daughter. He has no right to take it away and claim it as his. Furthermore, what really pisses me off is the fact that he has NO regard for my brother or my sister or my parents so why in the hell would he take a phone that used to be my brothers and think he can now have it? That is what I was trying to get accross to him. This man has told me I'm a worthless leech and a drain and the source of all his problems in front of the children - but I didn't pack a suitcase and bounce. I am here with them...dealing with the crap that he has turned this into? Am I supposed to accept the burden of his mental problems because I spoke up?
 
Whew! I had forgot about that other thread. Humph.

Well, girl, you know what you got to do. I'm still stuck on him shaving... to ride his bike. Some ninjas really ain't ish. Dang. :nono:
 
shinyblackhair said:
For him to realize that he can NOT take the phone away and decide that it is now going to be his. MY brother gave it to my daughter. He has no right to take it away and claim it as his. Furthermore, what really pisses me off is the fact that he has NO regard for my brother or my sister or my parents so why in the hell would he take a phone that used to be my brothers and think he can now have it? That is what I was trying to get accross to him. This man has told me I'm a worthless leech and a drain and the source of all his problems in front of the children - but I didn't pack a suitcase and bounce. I am here with them...dealing with the crap that he has turned this into? Am I supposed to accept the burden of his mental problems because I spoke up?
Click to expand...

OP, there really isn't a need for you to justify your behavior. We all know this situation didn't have a dang thing to do with a cell phone. Mai Tai just posted your other thread above ^^^. I'm sure the other ladies who haven't read it will get a full understanding after reading it.
 
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