He left me :(

Maa Maa omo mti

Maa Maa omo mti

New Member
Might be long

When I was in college I met who I thought was the man of my life. I fell hard for this guy, and still have feelings. We were dating for 6months when he lost his job with Poloriad(sp) we lived in Boston at the time. We were tight atleast I thought, so I assume that he was going to stay in MA. Well imagine my surprise when he became distant and when I questioned him he told me that he has decided to go back home to GA and see what he can find. Mind you we had discussed him moving back and he stated that there was nothing for him there, so I was shocked. Well he eventually moved back, we stayed as friends, but I was upset and wanted more. He didnt' want to do ldr but we kept calling each other. Well some months went back and he tells me that he got another girl preggo. This really hurt, but I looked past it since we weren't together. Well a full year past, and we kept talking. Something didn't feel right so labor day 2002 I got into my brand new car and drove to GA from MD. Mind you this was my first car and I only had my license for a few months. I did end up in an accident(messed up my car), but GOD was with me cause I found his mom. She was shocked cause she said people who live in GA can't find her, it was a new subdivision. He wasn't living at home anymore. It was through his mom that I found out that he got married :spinning::blush:. I was blown away, I kept my composure and asked for his number. She contacted him (he was a fast food manager working nights) and told me where he lived. I found that place too at night. Well he met me we talked and I slapped him, yelled at him cried and left. I drove back the same day/night. RED BULL was my friend, and GOD was my guardian on the road.

Since then I don't know why except that I strongly believe he is my soul mate. Despite everything we are still friends we contact each other , know what's going on etc. I have never done anything with him nor did I care to Karma is not someone I want attacking me.

So recently him and I have been conversing again. I find out he's divorced, he's life is better. Better job with the state etc. and we are both older and mature. Once again I find that my feelings are still there.

I want to know what would you ladies do?

And I'm just releasing this into the air.
 
In my opinion, you were not really friends. Friends don't not tell you that you that they got married and then let you find out through the grapevine. If it were me, I wouldn't have any kind of relationship with him. He seems to have some character issues. And if he didn't want you enough to stick around the first time, I wouldn't play fall back girl for him now. I say cut off all contact with him and move on with your life. Easier said than done, I know.
 
chellero said:
In my opinion, you were not really friends. Friends don't not tell you that you that they got married and then let you find out through the grapevine. If it were me, I wouldn't have any kind of relationship with him. He seems to have some character issues. And if he didn't want you enough to stick around the first time, I wouldn't play fall back girl for him now. I say cut off all contact with him and move on with your life. Easier said than done, I know.
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Straight to the point. Thanks and I think about this all the time. last sentence says it all :drunk:
 
chellero said:
In my opinion, you were not really friends. Friends don't not tell you that you that they got married and then let you find out through the grapevine. If it were me, I wouldn't have any kind of relationship with him. He seems to have some character issues. And if he didn't want you enough to stick around the first time, I wouldn't play fall back girl for him now. I say cut off all contact with him and move on with your life. Easier said than done, I know.
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I agree with this.

He doesn't deserve you. :nono:
 
I've been there...be careful. There is a reason things did not work out like you intended. You might be better off without him more than you know. People do change, but keep your guard up!!!
 
I'm sorry that you are feeling sad now.

I think it would be best to remain separate from him. With you still having such strong feelings, you are in position to be hurt again should things turn out badly. What God has for you is for you. So don't worry about missing what is right for you cause God will work things out in your favor whether it means being with this guy or being with someone else who connects with you in a way no other guy ever could. But don't try to force anything to happen are you may be in for heartache and headache.
 
Abenyo, you certainly fell hard. Unfortunately, I don't get in your story, that he fell with you. :nono: He left your college town and went back home. You attempted to stay in touch. In your story it doesn't seem that he did. Seems that he moved on, physically and emotionally. He got a girl preggers and he eventually got married. However, you held on to your fantasy. You certainly did! Then you drove miles and then received a bit of bad news, that crushed your fantasy and you slapped him for it. Did he have a puzzled look on his face when you did it? I bet you're a sweet girl that he may not have wished to hurt with harsh direct words of rejection of you perhaps are not "The One." It most definitely would have been better for him to be honest up front. Did he string you along or did your youth simply make assumptions about his feelings?

Now, he's divorced you say, has a better job and life is good. You're all grown up, but he has how many kids now? Did he initiate contact with you and invite you into this good new life? Or is this contact simply another example of you holding on. You say that he's YOUR soulmate, but that's a two way street. Has he claimed you as his? Take it slow and feel this out. You may be headed for something wonderful or this may be closure to a youthful romantic fantasy.

Now don't feel compelled to post answers to any of the questions I've written. No, those questions are for you to ponder within your own mind and revisit those conversations that you had with him. This time HEARING HIM and not just what you desire. If he has truly given you the indication that the two of you can have a life together, then perhaps you can begin to speak directly on that and begin to make changes in your life to put the two of you in closer proximity. However, after being honest with yourself and if your friend really hasn't put his intentions out there for you, then don't spend your days stiffled by unrequited love.

Your friend seems to be living his life, I hope you're doing the same and with the expectation that your "soulmate" will seek you out to hear your voice or drive hundreds of miles to see you, just because something didn't sound right over phone. :)

Good Luck in finding love!
 
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Abenyo, what is your definition of "soulmate"? I didn't read a single sentence in your synopsis that indicated that you two were soulmates, let alone friends. I can say from personal experience that, a lot of times, when we fall in love, we tend to see things that aren't there...or worse, IGNORE the things that ARE there.

Quite frankly, your long distance drive by is quite scary. That doesn't say love, that SCREAMS insanity. You are right that God was with you to protect you in the accident. However, God did not make you hunt him down and slap him. {Please take this in a sisterly manner...I'm only talking to you like a would my good girlfriends}

I strongly suggest you take some time to care for yourself. Get to know you, your likes, your dislikes. You never know, your love for this guy may be blocking your vision of another in your midst who may truly be your "soulmate".
 
I have to agree with the other ladies...

my question has either of you ever during this whole entire lifetime of knowing each other discussed your feelings for one another...i mean right now its a little too late for it and past the point...

i think you shouldve tried to heal after he moved back to GA.....i mean obviously he didnt care even enough to let you know straight up what was going on..he seems very selfish in my opinion..because even if you were friends then he shouldve at least had the audacity to keep in touch with you or something....

just pray and have faith and you will be strong enough to walk away and realize that their is a reason for why this man and yourself did not end together..dont look at it as being something that was a mistake or that you shouldve been together...in the end you will look at it as a blessing....you will find someone that will appreciate your love and friendship.....
 
I haven't read the whole thread so pardon me if this has already been said before.

But I don't believe you were ever friends, I don't believe that he ever respected you. I say this because of 2 things that you said, he got another girl pregnant that you didn't even know he was talking and then he got married and didn't tell you? If those are the kind of friends you want, then why have enemies? You got your brand new car in an accident for a man that basically deceived you, you put yourself in danger. Maybe that feeling you got on labor day was not meaning for you to drive to GA, but to let him go. Spending your time pinning away for a man that has gone off and got married and divorced is not how God wants you to spend your life. I am all for romance and believing in true love but I don't believe that true love makes us look foolish. I would really re-evaluate this situation and I guess as someone from the outside looking in, I am seeing all kinds of red flags flying all over the place.
 
The Bible also says the heart is deceitful, meaning sometimes we fool ourselves into believing what we want. Just reading through that made me exhausted! I know that not everyone's love story is perfect, but there is a limit. Real love ain't supposed to be that. . .difficult. :look: That just sounds like a lot of drama. And I know it's easier for me to say this from the outside looking in, but I think you need some distance from the situation and really think about what you want and what you deserve.
 
Abenyo,

After what I've read in your post, I see the red flags. First of all he left town moved on and got a girl pregnant and married her without even telling you. You end up finding out from his mother.

Now that he's divorced he wants to get back in with you. Please take into consideration of how he left you. And on top of that eventhough he's divorced with a kid ask yourself do you want to deal with his ex-wife? I have read many threads about how the ex won't let go after the man moves on with them. Trust me, you don't need that kind of headache. And you really don't know what cause the divorce.

Save yourself from the drama and heartache and cut off ALL contact with him and move on. That's what he did with you. Because he's going to give all kinds of explainations, i.e. LIES as to why he did it. Honey, walk away from this NOW. Cause right now with you he sees that the grass is greener of the other side with you being single and childless (I assume). Don't let him tie you down with his BS!!!!
 
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classimami713 said:
The Bible also says the heart is deceitful, meaning sometimes we fool ourselves into believing what we want. Just reading through that made me exhausted! I know that not everyone's love story is perfect, but there is a limit. Real love ain't supposed to be that. . .difficult. :look: That just sounds like a lot of drama. And I know it's easier for me to say this from the outside looking in, but I think you need some distance from the situation and really think about what you want and what you deserve.
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THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Love is an action love, and he hasn't shown you alot of that or respect.
 
All I can say is life is much too short to waste on someone who does not love u as much as u love them. Enjoy the life u have built for urself and be selfish do the things that make u happy and keep only those in ur life who want the best for u
 
DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT FALL FOR HIS BULLISH! it seems to me he's done nothing but hurt you for as long as you've known him. A guy who truly cares about you would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship. What does he have to offer you anyway? Fast food manager? you can do way better than that. I cannot believe you drove your brand new car all that way to see him! First of all, It should be HIM who drove to see YOU. Don't believe him when he says there's no way he can come see you. if he really wanted to he would've found a way. Second, you had to find out all that stuff from his MOTHER? HIS MOTHER!! Hellooo? the guy's not even responsible or mature enough to tell you himself that he got married.

if you go out or even marry this fool i see nothing but heartache and more lies in store for you. Do yourself a favor and save yourself while you still have a chance. you don't want this -->:wallbash: to be you. do you?
 
abenyo said:
I want to know what would you ladies do?
Click to expand...
After reading your story, it sounded like you were running after him the whole time when he was giving you clues that he wasn't that interested in you. If I were you, I would leave him alone, even if he's divorced and has a better job. You never know when he might become unstable again. I know you have expressed strong feelings for this man, but you must look past your feelings and focus on the reality of the situation at hand. Do not get into a relationship with him...Cut it off with him, and move on.
 
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Ladies thank you all for the sound advice!!!!! Reading all of these responses I just had a big smile on my face because I can feel the love. Thank you very much.

I guess my inclination was coming from the fact that I'm still single and have nothing in sight. Yes I know that's sad for me to think about putting myself in a mess with him because of loneliness. Deep down I knew I wasn't going to deal with his bull, I will always be thinking about the crap he put me through.

I'm taking everyone's advice and ignoring him.

Once again ladies thank you.
 
chellero said:
In my opinion, you were not really friends. Friends don't not tell you that you that they got married and then let you find out through the grapevine. If it were me, I wouldn't have any kind of relationship with him. He seems to have some character issues. And if he didn't want you enough to stick around the first time, I wouldn't play fall back girl for him now. I say cut off all contact with him and move on with your life. Easier said than done, I know.
Click to expand...


I have found that men see friendship differently. The same thing has happened to me (TWICE), my bestfriend (TWICE) a girl I chat with online (TWICE), my mother, and a host of other people. SOME men like to keep the ones they "love" on lay-away just in case it doesn't work out. They don't see the big picture that one day they will have to tell you. I chalk it up to that male stupidity.
 
abenyo said:
Ladies thank you all for the sound advice!!!!! Reading all of these responses I just had a big smile on my face because I can feel the love. Thank you very much.

I guess my inclination was coming from the fact that I'm still single and have nothing in sight. Yes I know that's sad for me to think about putting myself in a mess with him because of loneliness. Deep down I knew I wasn't going to deal with his bull, I will always be thinking about the crap he put me through.

I'm taking everyone's advice and ignoring him.

Once again ladies thank you.
Click to expand...

Do not let loneliness make you go back to this man. He has been othing but heartache and trouble for you. You will find your Mr. Right soon.
 
cabellera said:
Abenyo, you certainly fell hard. Unfortunately, I don't get in your story, that he fell with you. :nono: He left your college town and went back home. You attempted to stay in touch. In your story it doesn't seem that he did. Seems that he moved on, physically and emotionally. He got a girl preggers and he eventually got married. However, you held on to your fantasy. You certainly did! Then you drove miles and then received a bit of bad news, that crushed your fantasy and you slapped him for it. Did he have a puzzled look on his face when you did it? I bet you're a sweet girl that he may not have wished to hurt with harsh direct words of rejection of you perhaps are not "The One." It most definitely would have been better for him to be honest up front. Did he string you along or did your youth simply make assumptions about his feelings?

Now, he's divorced you say, has a better job and life is good. You're all grown up, but he has how many kids now? Did he initiate contact with you and invite you into this good new life? Or is this contact simply another example of you holding on. You say that he's YOUR soulmate, but that's a two way street. Has he claimed you as his? Take it slow and feel this out. You may be headed for something wonderful or this may be closure to a youthful romantic fantasy.

Now don't feel compelled to post answers to any of the questions I've written. No, those questions are for you to ponder within your own mind and revisit those conversations that you had with him. This time HEARING HIM and not just what you desire. If he has truly given you the indication that the two of you can have a life together, then perhaps you can begin to speak directly on that and begin to make changes in your life to put the two of you in closer proximity. However, after being honest with yourself and if your friend really hasn't put his intentions out there for you, then don't spend your days stiffled by unrequited love.

Your friend seems to be living his life, I hope you're doing the same and with the expectation that your "soulmate" will seek you out to hear your voice or drive hundreds of miles to see you, just because something didn't sound right over phone. :)

Good Luck in finding love!
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I agree with every single word. Abenyo you deserve MUCH MUCH better! It will only come if you are willing to let this one go, hard as it may be. I am here for you, Abenyo
 
I don't believe he is your soul mate. He has done too much without your knowledge like he is hiding it or something. He made his choices so please don't let him make yours.
 
abenyo said:
Might be long

When I was in college I met who I thought was the man of my life. I fell hard for this guy, and still have feelings. We were dating for 6months when he lost his job with Poloriad(sp) we lived in Boston at the time. We were tight atleast I thought, so I assume that he was going to stay in MA. Well imagine my surprise when he became distant and when I questioned him he told me that he has decided to go back home to GA and see what he can find. Mind you we had discussed him moving back and he stated that there was nothing for him there, so I was shocked. Well he eventually moved back, we stayed as friends, but I was upset and wanted more. He didnt' want to do ldr but we kept calling each other. Well some months went back and he tells me that he got another girl preggo. This really hurt, but I looked past it since we weren't together. Well a full year past, and we kept talking. Something didn't feel right so labor day 2002 I got into my brand new car and drove to GA from MD. Mind you this was my first car and I only had my license for a few months. I did end up in an accident(messed up my car), but GOD was with me cause I found his mom. She was shocked cause she said people who live in GA can't find her, it was a new subdivision. He wasn't living at home anymore. It was through his mom that I found out that he got married :spinning::blush:. I was blown away, I kept my composure and asked for his number. She contacted him (he was a fast food manager working nights) and told me where he lived. I found that place too at night. Well he met me we talked and I slapped him, yelled at him cried and left. I drove back the same day/night. RED BULL was my friend, and GOD was my guardian on the road.

Since then I don't know why except that I strongly believe he is my soul mate. Despite everything we are still friends we contact each other , know what's going on etc. I have never done anything with him nor did I care to Karma is not someone I want attacking me.

So recently him and I have been conversing again. I find out he's divorced, he's life is better. Better job with the state etc. and we are both older and mature. Once again I find that my feelings are still there.

I want to know what would you ladies do?

And I'm just releasing this into the air.
Click to expand...



I am one who doesn't believe itn the whole soul mate thing! Never had...never will! Now...what is it about him that makes you think he is your soulmate? What is it about him that makes you feel he is your soulmate?

Okay...after the whole gettng married and not telling you and starting a whole new life.
What is it about the above that makes you think, he is your soulmate?
What is it about the above that makes you feel, he is your soulmate?



When you put it ALL into perspective...you will know what to do? Don't let your heart led you ...let your head lead you! Trust!
 
Hey Abenyo!

I have a question - did he marry the girl he got pregnant or someone else?It does not really matter - because my advice to you wil be the same, but I'm just curious.

Your post about your "soul mate" sounds very one-sided. You did all of the heavy lifting in this relationship. I know it is hard to beleive that this man did not feel what you felt during your relationship - but his actions prove otherwise. When things got real or hard for him, he baits.

He seemed to have baited on the relationship way before he move back home. Ask yourself if when u picture your soulmate - would he leave you, get another girl pregnant, and then be such a great "friend" that he forgot to tell you that he got married.

Do you really need us to tell you that you DESERVE much better?

Hold your head up!
 
Abenyo, you already knew the answer to your question when you posted, didn't you? :yep:

I know you're lonely, but by holding on to this man from the past, you're not opening yourself up to find your future. A new love is out there waiting for you, you just have to be ready to put the past to bed.

This man is not your soul mate. He is someone who moved on literally and figuratively, with his life...without you.
Time for you to do the same, I guarentee you'll be happier in the long run. Good luck hon.
 
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