He told me: "get the f**K out my car (Long)

[glam-]

ITA with the above! You might have things to work on and it's great that you have acknowledged that but he def has issues too.

I agree with this. Acknowledging to yourself that there are some issues you need to address is the first step And on that note, I don;t think you should regret calling him to apologize since it was part of you acknowleding to yourself that you did not handle yourself the right way. I also concur that he has some issues too- I definitely DON'T think he's relationship material. So just take this whole situation as being one part of your personal journey.

 

[strenght81]

Honestly, I would have to you to get the F>> out of my car too, male or female.

I have a friend who gets by being the "Beesch" or "fiesty" whatever you call it. She like to argue, so the other person can givin and kiss her ass. Its annoying ass HELL and all he saw was a chick with issues.

Perhaps the fact that he thought NY women have bad attitudes, you felt the need to act the role out. He probably told you that in a jokingly way to spark conversation and you played the role because you though what he said was cute.
Its okay though, trust we all did some wierd things love

To be honest I found nothing cute about that. I thought it was disheartening and disagreed with him. A state does not represent a whole group of women. In my defense like Muc2much mentioned we attracted each other for different reasons. All of his relationships has been with women "like me". My bad behavior only comes out with men who are interested in me. I really thought he was a nice guy and truly didn't want to mess it up this time. But my problem is I don't have self worth, so no matter how I cut it,it will never work. Until I gain self love. I know i have issues but this situation just made it so much real of how I'm getting worse, when I though I was getting better and that is scary. My friends never understood why I'm single because they find me to be such a good person, but they never seen that side of me. Thanks so much for you advise.

 

[strenght81]

I totally agree. In order to help avoid these problems you need to notice the warning signs. When you've known someone for 3 days and they already tell you that they think women in NY are rude and have bad attitudes. You have to think, hmmm - Im a woman and I live in NY....OK, this guy is already talking crazy and stereotyping, so let me leave him on the treadmill where he belongs.
You also seem to be attacking these guys because you'd rather attack first before they attack you. You need to trust God to bring people in your life who will not try to tear you down, so that you wont feel a need to "get them before they get you."

That was funny. Yes I am using that tactic attack them before they attack me. This is really therapeutic, thank you all for the advise. I am glad i posted this because the feedback is helping me learn a lot about myself and how to deal.

 

[strenght81]

No disrespect to the OP, but I agree with Laginappe.

Good luck in finding a resolution to your issue(s) and you find the happiness you may want.

No offense taken. I would kick me out too.

Thank You, I will find happiness and a resolution, as long as God is real.

 

[strenght81]

Strength81, why do you think you acted the way you did with this man?


As for him, like everyone else said, call it a wash. I honestly understand his frustration and why he wanted you out the car... he didn't need to curse at you and he could have dropped you off, so he was wrong there, but his feelings, I completely understand.

But the bigger question is to you... what caused you to act that way with this person?

I think I acted this way because he was so distant from the time I first got in the car on our way to the gym. I guess i took it as rejection and it pissed me off. It probably triggered something inside of me that I always felt, no man really wants me.

 

[strenght81]

I think it's great that you at least realized you were part of the problem. I would highly suggest that you not be alone with a man that you're interested in. For the first SEVEREAL dates, please bring a friend or two. He should do the same,that way you can all get to know each other in an informal setting where there is no "alone" time. You can see how he interacts with his friends and he can see the same. There is no way in the world that you should have been in a car with someone you only knew for three days.

You also may want to work on "self respect" and "improving self worth". You may also want to work on being less defensive and more secure...but this guy sounds like he has real issues too.

I don't think you attracted him into your life, I think that he was just someone that you should have been able to see "through" from the beginning. Please be careful.

Sometimes when I'm not sure what to do, I pretend that I'm my own mother and then I do the thing that I would want my own daughter to do. No more, no less. That really helps clear things up for me.

I love your post.. .............These are all the things I need to do.

 

[strenght81]

Great advice Donna in both your post. OP be glad your recognizing a pattern and taking ownership of your part. That is the first step in order to change behavior etc is acknowledging you have a problem the next step is being proactive. Check out self help books also.
Its a ongoing challenge unlearning negative behavior and actions but its so worth it. Treating and talking to people the way you want to be treated and talked to is a start.

You know what that's true, how simple is that. Treat people the way I want to be treated. I love it. Now that is a definite start. Thanks a bunch.

 

[tenjoy]

I think I acted this way because he was so distant from the time I first got in the car on our way to the gym. I guess i took it as rejection and it pissed me off. It probably triggered something inside of me that I always felt, no man really wants me.

Just look at it like this. He did somebody wrong and Karma used you to get his ass back. charge it to Karma.

 

[firecracker]

I think I acted this way because he was so distant from the time I first got in the car on our way to the gym. I guess i took it as rejection and it pissed me off. It probably triggered something inside of me that I always felt, no man really wants me.

Sweetie thats not true and please stop saying that. Its counterproductive to your new goal to become a better person and learning to love yourself the good the bad and the ugly included. You do have to love yourself first before your open to love or capable of loving someone else. Your a work in progress. Stay strong!

 

[strenght81]

Just look at it like this. He did somebody wrong and Karma used you to get his ass back. charge it to Karma.

I love that.

 

[january noir]

No offense taken. I would kick me out too.

Thank You, I will find happiness and a resolution, as long as God is real.

Well then be ready for happiness and a resolution to your problem because God is real.

 

[Bunny77]

I think I acted this way because he was so distant from the time I first got in the car on our way to the gym. I guess i took it as rejection and it pissed me off. It probably triggered something inside of me that I always felt, no man really wants me.

Bless you for being so honest and I'm glad that you actually stated this (or wrote this) out loud.

The biggest breakthroughs come when you admit the real issue (okay, I sound like an AA counselor or something). Now that you know what it is, you can work on defeating that idea in your head and recognizing that you are worth loving and wanting!

 

[tocktick]

I need help.

true...............

LOL.

imo, i think you self-sabotage yourself. i used to do this also. my way of reacting around people i liked was being closed, aloof and distant. i would even see these people out but not say anything as if i was expecting them to acknowledge me first all the time. it was weird because i could be friends with these people but once i started to find them attractive i became cold. i think maybe in my sub-conscious i thought i didn't deserve a man. any guy who liked me would have probably thought that I was no interested in the least.

anyway, you need to identify why you'd be so bossy to someone who was going out of their way to do something nice for you. do you feel like you don't deserve a good relationship ever forming thus you have to do something bad (sub-consciously) to prove to yourself that the guy/date/opportunity wasn't as good as it really was?

in the case that your view of him isn't biased by this event, i also agree with the person who said the guy sounded like he secretly hates women. i got that impression about him also. i'd say that part of the way you potentially sabotage yourself is by picking poor choices in men. therefore, relationships can never truly blossom. you also seem to get yourself into situations that could turn out for the worse with men (going by you getting into his car after not knowing him long), if this is a repeat occurrence then you need to address this.

finally, even if you have trust issues, the very least you can do is be courteous and polite to someone. that way, whilst, you aren't totally letting them in but you aren't acting like a bytch either. the ideal situation would be that you do find a good man that you do not scare away (this guy probably wasn't it, btw ), you can eventually work through your trust issues and form a solid relationship. it's not fantasy as it does happen to people who are willing to workout their issues. however, i'd advise identifying why you have trust issues and very short relationships with me and try to rectify your problems either on your own or with help.

 

[strenght81]

LOL.

imo, i think you self-sabotage yourself. i used to do this also. my way of reacting around people i liked was being closed, aloof and distant. i would even see these people out but not say anything as if i was expecting them to acknowledge me first all the time. it was weird because i could be friends with these people but once i started to find them attractive i became cold. i think maybe in my sub-conscious i thought i didn't deserve a man. any guy who liked me would have probably thought that I was no interested in the least.

anyway, you need to identify why you'd be so bossy to someone who was going out of their way to do something nice for you. do you feel like you don't deserve a good relationship ever forming thus you have to do something bad (sub-consciously) to prove to yourself that the guy/date/opportunity wasn't as good as it really was?

in the case that your view of him isn't biased by this event, i also agree with the person who said the guy sounded like he secretly hates women. i got that impression about him also. i'd say that part of the way you potentially sabotage yourself is by picking poor choices in men. therefore, relationships can never truly blossom. you also seem to get yourself into situations that could turn out for the worse with men (going by you getting into his car after not knowing him long), if this is a repeat occurrence then you need to address this.

finally, even if you have trust issues, the very least you can do is be courteous and polite to someone. that way, whilst, you aren't totally letting them in but you aren't acting like a bytch either. the ideal situation would be that you do find a good man that you do not scare away (this guy probably wasn't it, btw ), you can eventually work through your trust issues and form a solid relationship. it's not fantasy as it does happen to people who are willing to workout their issues. however, i'd advise identifying why you have trust issues and very short relationships with me and try to rectify your problems either on your own or with help.

I agree with your whole post, thank you. I have a couple of goals I am working on, I can see this isn't going to be easy but oh so worth it. I'm having anxiety just thinking about the work I have to put in but I don't ever want to have an episode like this again. I'll keep you guys updated on my progress. BTW I won't be dating anytime soon, not until I get down to the bottom of why I treat men that are interestd in me that way.

 

[Tallone]

I really respect that you are "owning" your shortcomings and realizing that you are not without fault. If you don't care to seek help from a professional, consider speaking to someone who you respect about it or maybe even some self help books to start.

 

[tocktick]

I agree with your whole post, thank you. I have a couple of goals I am working on, I can see this isn't going to be easy but oh so worth it. I'm having anxiety just thinking about the work I have to put in but I don't ever want to have an episode like this again. I'll keep you guys updated on my progress. BTW I won't be dating anytime soon, not until I get down to the bottom of why I treat men that are interestd in me that way.

i'm glad to see you're being pro-active. i actually see so much of my [old] self in you. i also used to think that no man would ever really want me also up until earlier this year. i can remember being around 14 years old and thinking if i ever got asked out on a date it would be because some boys were playing a prank i got over that specific way of thinking but it seemed a lot of my "experiences" with men were so negative. what primarily used to happen was i used to get hit on by a lot of much older men who i found unattractive when when i was about 14-16 and it used to make me feel disgusting because i didn't get attention from younger guys. i used to think unattractive men are attracted to me because i'm on their level. now i realise this isn't really true, they were just pretty sleazy and would hit on anything with boobs & arse. but back then i had it in my head that i couldn't really attract someone who was decent.

it wasn't until earlier this year that i realised that 1) yes, i am attractive 2) men do find me attractive 3) i'm capable of having a good relationship. i don't know how but things just sort of "clicked"; it didn't even take having a good relationship to make this happen. i think i just realised that i couldn't spend my life thinking i didn't deserve happiness. then i realised that people from all walks of life and are in good relationships, so why not me?

i'm still learning more about myself and sometimes i do still make mistakes but now i know not to settle and i'm trying so hard to correct my aloof and cold behaviour around men i want to be with (i would only react that way when i either knew outright or had an idea that they liked me also).

i'm much more positive now and i truly believe if you send out negative vibes or think in your head, "i'm ugly" or "i don't deserve this" then you will internalise these messages and subconsciously you will do everything in your power to make those thoughts a reality. now i think, "i look great" or "i'm a good person" and i believe this shows outwardly as well as healing me mentally. a few months back, before i would go to bed i used to say out loud 10 reasons why i loved myself. it helps.

 

[*KP*]

Hey strenght81,

First of all I'm glad that you recognise that you need to heal, that is half of the battle. A lot of people don't even know and they just blame everyone else around them.

Some people mentioned self-sabotage and you mentioned a deep down feeling of no man wanting you. THAT'S NOT TRUE but most of us have been there at some point in our lives (to some extent).

Some people also mentioned therapy, but perhaps you could start with some self therapy - it's easier on the pocket and a good start. I can recommend a couple of books that have helped me in the past. The first is In the Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant. This is what amazon.com has to say about it...

"What is the meantime? According to author and inspirational speaker Iyanla Vanzant, being in the "meantime" means being in a state of limbo. "When you are not happy where you are and you are not quite sure if you want to leave or how to leave, you are in the meantime," she explains. Rather than wallow in confusion, Vanzant encourages you to use the meantime as an opportunity to prepare yourself for true love. The first order of business is to clean house, starting with the basement--the place in the psyche where you store your most destructive thoughts. Room by room, Vanzant takes you through a metaphorical cleaning of the soul. This way, when your meantime days are over and love finally comes knocking on the front door, you'll have a clean house to welcome love into."

The other is Yesterday I Cried by the same author, it is semi autobiographical. It talks about the difficult relationships she had in life (with family, boyfriends, husbands, etc) and how she broke out of those self-destructive thoughts. Sometimes you don't see a way out of your situation but this book gives hope I think.

Check out the reviews on amazon and see if you think they will help you out. Some of her other books are not great, but I can personally recommend these two.

 

[belleama]

I agree. I don't know if you included everything in your OP but it sure does sound like you were trying to be difficult.

I don't think he owed you a ride to the nail salon either.

I agree with the posts about therapy and figuring out what's wrong.
Good luck.

ITA! If you act like a lady you'll get treated like a lady. I do hope you get the help you need.

Good luck.

 

[winterinatl]

My thoughts on this are: Why were you and he so close so soon after meeting? When you were describing the date/day, I would have thought you all had been together for a few months: talking on the phone for hours and hours, getting picked up to work out together, putting my things in his locker, getting the ride. It seems like he was really familiar with you so soon...I don't know if you slept with him already, but that may be why he acted assey. Even if you didn't, acting like you all were bf/gf probably made him feel squeamish. Just food for thought.

 

[cocoaluv]

true...............

OMG


But seriously I dont blame him at all. You b!tched at him since the start. I woulda ditched you at the gym. You probably need to talk to someone about why you act like this. I had a roommate who was kinda the same....most of her "friends" really didnt like her and talked about her like a dog behind her back. People only gave into her to shut her up and got away from her asap until they needed something from her. Dont let this happen to you.

 

[Colliecole]

OP, I think its GREAT you're so honest with yourself....you know yourself, and you know the answers to your questions if you really think about it.

As for the guy...he already seemed "jerkish" but let me tell you what you did wrong...YOU OFFENDED HIS EGO!!!! NO NO NO!! :::slapping OP's hand::: That's the one thing you NEVER EVER do. Men cannot be trusted in this state of mind. You barely knew him, and you WAAAAAY overstepped your boundries as a stranger, which made him feel disrespected as a man.... Be happy he only kicked you out. I'm surprised he didn't try to hurt you :hardslap:

Do some intense soul searching, and keep it real with yourself

 

[MissYocairis]

Yesterday I went out with a guy that I met 2 days prior at the gym.

This guy feels that NY woman are trash in general in terms of attitude, so he already had that idea in his mind. Secondly he hates women who nag especially the controlling ones.

the first thing I said was "damn you took forever" he said "don't start". As soon as I got in the car i made a comment about his hands not being lotioned.

By the time we got in the car I started bickering about buying a car from his boss.

There are a few things I didn't include but I really did speak to him with disrespect.

Every potential mate have ended on a bad note and to make matters worse none of them has been my boyfriend. Also I only know them for 3 months max, in this case 3 days I set myself and these people up to dis me every time. I need help.

Okay, sis. Well at least you are aware you have some changing to do.

You don't see men as human beings do you? With feelings and goals and dreams and past pains and hurts and disappointments just like women have. Men have all that too. They are people. Just try starting with treating all people with the same respect you want from others.

I had to keep re-reading your post because I thought I had mis-read the timeline when you were describing the "bickering" the two of you were doing. I mean...you were fighting with a virtual stranger and you were crossing the line with him the minute you got in the car. Insulting his hands and reprimanding him about his timeline. It is all so inappropriate.

Secondly, (or maybe this should be first), you shouldn't have accepted a ride from him this early. You just met him. Be careful with that. Him putting you out....I don't blame him....lol.....I may have put a strange man out of my car too who was acting a straight fool from the time I picked him up...some folks do not like to keep drama, conflict and negative energy in their sphere.

I think you should seek professional counseling or work on another way to figure out why you are sabotaging your chance at love. I'm sure the answer lies within and there is a solution. You are in my prayers sis.


ETA: I forgot to add....I think he was a jerk anyway for his whole, "NY women are horrible" stance. Anyone who blocks out an entire demographic of women....run in the other direction....I think it says a lot about their emotional maturity.

 

[KatKronicles]

The fact you spoke with a man for 6 hours over the telephone in one sitting says to me you have an addictive personality, and you like morphing your love life fantasies into real life. This is a problem. A serious problem.

Next, you had no right to start belittling and offering up your criticisms of a man you dont know. You cant start acting like a kneegrows woman until you are his woman.

Next is the fact that your communication barrier was up and steel plated, in regards to the nights activities.

Now as far as him asking you, why you were doing anything with anything that belonged to you, that was sign number 2.
Sign number three, is when he allowed you to leave without him, when you two left your destinations together, this means, for whatever reason he just wasnt that into you.

Sign number four was it sounded like a cheap date.

Sign number five was when you didnt drive or walk or catch a cab to the rendesvous point. Always always have your own transpo.. to and fro any events, in light of proclivities.


Next, Id say in my professional opinion, you are not ready for dating, let alone a relationship. And trust me sister, this isnt a bad thing.

And just a word to the wise, the next time you find yourself out on a date, that doesnt mind you leaving to go to the nail shop when your supposed to be getting to know each other, when your nail polish finishes drying, drive yourself home, or to a restarant or whatever, but for heavens sake dont give nan, kneegro the honor of returning to him, it screams " I'll settle for anything"

 

[strenght81]

Thank you everyone for all your great advice, I have copied and pasted all your comments and saved them so I can start the process of healing. I have learned so much about myself from all the responses, I sincerely thank you all.


To be honest I can laugh at the whole situation now, it was like an episode from Hell date (no lie). He was the dater and I was the psychotic chic from hell.. I was downing myself since the incident and blaming myself for everything that occurred, but I realized that would do me no good. These past couple of days I began acting like the woman i want to become, which is warm, loving, non judgemental, kind respectful, understanding, trusting, calm etc. (I believe if i act like it, I will become it)When i see people I smile and say hello even though I don't want to. I also stop myself from making comments that are inappropriate by thinking first. I decided not to date for at least 6 months, I will not get to know any man no matter how FIONE he is until I get a hold of my emotions and why i do certain things(this guy was so cute today, he was flirting and all but I had to pull back, smile and keep it moving) I purchased the book calling in the one, i am researching counseling and I have been praying like crazy and finding inspirational words to get me by. It's difficult but I am enjoying making me a priority, God is definitely preparing me for greatness, I can feel it, if he wasn't it wouldn't hurt so bad. I'm so embarrassed that I let all these signs that i have received from friends and family and past flings get to the point a man can disrespect me in that manner. But it needed to happen, I am grateful that guy kicked me out because he sparked a change. Thank you dude.

Thanks to Cupcake for advising me to Work on myself like it's my job, FireCracker for "treat people like you want to be treated", Colliecole "never offend a mans ego, kittenxx for allowing me to realize I truly have an addictive personality and all the other members here who have opened my eyes. You all helped me a great deal, now I know where to start and what I need to do. :blowkiss:

I'll keep you all posted on my progress, I know it will help someone else.

ETA: I have asked my family and friends to let me know when i say or do anything inappropriate or out of line, even in front of company.

 

[Zakina]

I can definately relate to the OP erplexed

I'm not ready to seek counseling ...instead I'm hoping that I can heal myself.

Any book recommendations?


I've already purchased Calling in the One...but since I think that my problem is not exclusive to love relationships I'm looking for a more general book...

 

[strenght81]

I can definately relate to the OP erplexed

I'm not ready to seek counseling ...instead I'm hoping that I can heal myself.

Any book recommendations?


I've already purchased Calling in the One...but since I think that my problem is not exclusive to love relationships I'm looking for a more general book...

I was hesitant in purchasing this book as well, for the same reasons. Someone mentioned that Calling in the one will help you with other issues as well so I guess it's a good pick.

 

[CoCoRica]

This will be long so please bare with me I really need some help/advice. I have alot of trust issues and the lord has been testing me for some time now, but this has taken the cake. Yesterday I went out with a guy that I met 2 days prior at the gym. We had a great conversation the night before, we talked for about 6 hours. I was interested in him and vice versa. He called me the next morning asking if I was going to the gym so he can pick me up and we can go together. He picked me up and I noticed in the car he wasn't really talking to me, I let that go. After we worked out he was going to drive me to the nail salon, well in the car we got into an argument and he told me "Get the F**K out his car" it was one block away from my destination, but he said get out here.

Rewinding back to the event preceding this I realized even though he was disrespectful and wrong to kick a woman out of his car in that manner, I deserved it. Here is the story: This guy feels that NY woman are trash in general in terms of attitude, so he already had that idea in his mind. Secondly he hates women who nag especially the controlling ones. With that being said here is what happened. When he called me to tell me he was downstairs the first thing I said was "damn you took forever" he said "don't start". As soon as I got in the car i made a comment about his hands not being lotioned. When we got to the gym I gave him my coat to put in his locker, but before I gave it to him, I removed my debit card and phone. He asked why did I take my phone and I said cuz I plan on talking to some friends. I asked "how long do you plan to workout" he said " like 1.5 hrs" so I asked him where will he be so I can get my coat since I wasn't planning on staying more than 45mins. I wasn't planning on him driving me to the nails salon, I was going to walk there. when I was done working out I looked all over for him but couldn't find him, I finally called him and said "Where are you I was looking all over for you" I guess that made him mad cuz he was really distant by the time I got upstairs he began walking ahead of me. By the time we got in the car I started bickering about buying a car from his boss. At hat point and he as like You are not my girl and you dont know how to talk to people, you don't know me like that to speak to me that way. Me being the person that I am said I am not a child don't speak to me that way and all of the sudden he became more infuriated after he called me Ma and I said I'm not your ma, Then he told me to "get the f**K out my car". At first I was mad blamming him but later realized what i did was wrong. There are a few things I didn't include but I really did speak to him with disrespect. Later that evening I did call him to apologize, he didn't answer the phone. I left a message saying that i was wrong and even though I am not looking for his friendship I also don't want any enemies. I don't expect to speak to him again but I felt I had to put down my pride an apologize so I could clear my conscious, I apologized mainly for me not so much for him.

Every potential mate have ended on a bad note and to make matters worse none of them has been my boyfriend. Also I only know them for 3 months max, in this case 3 days I set myself and these people up to dis me every time. I need help.

I guess my perspective is different( i didn't read every response) or maybe I have trust issues to....but for one, you recgonized your actions and realize you are part responsible for the way things went.

2. If that were me, I probably wld have kept my debit card and cell phone too..because I don't have time for my ish to become missing and them be looking at him like suspect #1 and because I just met him.

3. Communcation wise it seems maybe both of you had different ideas of how the meetup wld go, instead of discussing what you both wld prefer. He wanted to get a good work out and you weren't planning on staying long and from what I gather, he asked you along to work out.

4. I will say based on what you shared, your mouthy in a sense that, you didn't know he well to be all like that..I think he may be sensitive.
...I am sensitive or cynical one, but if I don't know you like that when you joke with me or say something off color, or something you should keep to yourself...I DONT LIKE YOU and WE Will bump heads.

5....and lastly maybe it's not what you said but how you said it


Was he black?

I'm just asking because some of the complaints that "angry black men" have is that blk women are loud, mouthy, don't know how to act, fly off the handle....that type of thing. I wonder if this is his portrayal of blk wmn added with his whole NY women belief......and maybe that was his way of indirectly warning you, that if this is who you are, then he's not cool with you....and then you said all those things to him....so right there you crossed the line with him

BUT....he was wrong for that, because he can choose how he reacts, especially when he realizes he is being offended he cld have told you, yo u being disrespectful or I'd appreciate it if...blah blah

Also maybe your the type of person who (before now) says what they feel (with no harm intended) and you don't realize that your being hurtful or pissing someone off because your just being you?


Just my thoughts

 

[HoneyA]

It seems like you both have some issues to work out and not necessarily with each other. You need to watch your tone when in relationships and not come on too strong at the beginning. He just needs to chill out a bit and not take everything so seriously.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

My perspective is different as well. The fact that you were tart with him didn't precipitate his throwing you out of the car...the fact that you purposefully went out with a man who already sees you and people like you in a negative way precipitated the event.

If a man, after looking at my big behind said "Women with big behinds have attitudes and I can't stand them" why in the heyall would I go out with him in the first place?

You would have to be a glutton for pain to intentionally put yourself in that circumstance.

 

[strenght81]

I guess my perspective is different( i didn't read every response) or maybe I have trust issues to....but for one, you recgonized your actions and realize you are part responsible for the way things went.

2. If that were me, I probably wld have kept my debit card and cell phone too..because I don't have time for my ish to become missing and them be looking at him like suspect #1 and because I just met him.

3. Communcation wise it seems maybe both of you had different ideas of how the meetup wld go, instead of discussing what you both wld prefer. He wanted to get a good work out and you weren't planning on staying long and from what I gather, he asked you along to work out.

4. I will say based on what you shared, your mouthy in a sense that, you didn't know he well to be all like that..I think he may be sensitive.
...I am sensitive or cynical one, but if I don't know you like that when you joke with me or say something off color, or something you should keep to yourself...I DONT LIKE YOU and WE Will bump heads.

5....and lastly maybe it's not what you said but how you said it


Was he black?

I'm just asking because some of the complaints that "angry black men" have is that blk women are loud, mouthy, don't know how to act, fly off the handle....that type of thing. I wonder if this is his portrayal of blk wmn added with his whole NY women belief......and maybe that was his way of indirectly warning you, that if this is who you are, then he's not cool with you....and then you said all those things to him....so right there you crossed the line with him

BUT....he was wrong for that, because he can choose how he reacts, especially when he realizes he is being offended he cld have told you, yo u being disrespectful or I'd appreciate it if...blah blah

Also maybe your the type of person who (before now) says what they feel (with no harm intended) and you don't realize that your being hurtful or pissing someone off because your just being you?

Just my thoughts

Yes he was black. I do think he is sensitive, but i wasn't trying to offend him (i was interested in him), I speak my mind all the time and I guess i just felt comfortable with him. the mistake I made was that I didn't take the time out to really get to know him before acting that way. i don't know what got into me I am usually so distant with men who are interested in me. I guess it was because I felt attacked he was selling my sis something and I felt like he was going to cheat her out of a deal and I overreacted.

Btw I saw him at the gym today and I wanted to pass out. But I faced my fear, with the help of the lord and a friend. I actually worked out right next to him, coincidently I was wearing a shirt stating "its all about pride" But anywho, his lost because i'm about to be a phenomanal human being. I truly believe he had alot of good qualities from what I gathered in those short few days, but it wasn't meant to be.