He hit her, but she deserved it, your thoughts?

[justNikki]

EDITED QUESTION: Let me reword this from DESERVE to get to hit to can you understand why some women end up getting hit by a man?

If I see woman constantly berating a man, pushing hit buttons, pushing and pushing until he reaches his breaking point where he feels backed into a corner and he lashes out and hits her, I don't feel sorry for her at all. I don't think a man should be hitting on women, but I also don't think a woman should treat a man as if he's not a man by constantly picking and picking until....

Examples...

- following him around the house nagging and nagging

- talking an issue to death when he's shown you he's done with that convo

- running up on him with your hands all in his face

My question ultimately is...what's worse...a man hitting a woman or a woman driving him to it?

Your thoughts?

 

[Vinyl]

No, NONE of those options excuses hitting. I think that the only way a man is "justified" is hitting a woman is if she is physically harming him.

 

[tmichelle]

Do you think some women who get hit deserve what they get?

If I see woman constantly berating a man, pushing hit buttons, pushing and pushing until he reaches his breaking point where he feels backed into a corner and he lashes out and hits her, I don't feel sorry for her at all. I don't think a man should be hitting on women, but I also don't think a woman should treat a man as if he's not a man by constantly picking and picking until....

Examples...

- following him around the house nagging and nagging

- talking an issue to death when he's shown you he's done with that convo

- running up on him with your hands all in his face

My question ultimately is...what's worse...a man hitting a woman or a woman driving him to it?

Your thoughts?

Yeah, I agree a man shouldn't hit a woman unless she is physically harming him. It is also hard for me to feel sorry for men whose wives treat them in these other ways b/c I have known too many good black women who have been passed over so I kind of feel like a man gets what he asked for.

With that said, if a woman is nagging, putting hands in his face etc. I don't think it should be ignored. He should be a man and put his foot down whether that means financial repercussions or not doing that special favor she wanted or something of the sort. No one should be treated with the disrespect of constant nagging, hands in face etc.

 

[Maynard]

Do you think some women who get hit deserve what they get?

If I see woman constantly berating a man, pushing hit buttons, pushing and pushing until he reaches his breaking point where he feels backed into a corner and he lashes out and hits her, I don't feel sorry for her at all. I don't think a man should be hitting on women, but I also don't think a woman should treat a man as if he's not a man by constantly picking and picking until....

Examples...

- following him around the house nagging and nagging

- talking an issue to death when he's shown you he's done with that convo

- running up on him with your hands all in his face

My question ultimately is...what's worse...a man hitting a woman or a woman driving him to it?

Your thoughts?

I dont think women deserve to get hit.

EVER.

Especially for just running their mouth...If a ninja can't stand the heat, he needs to get out the kitchen. Cause if you put your hands on me, my folks are coming and it aint gonna be pretty.

 

[Maynard]

No, NONE of those options excuses hitting. I think that the only way a man is "justified" is hitting a woman is if she is physically harming him.

This I agree with.

All that other crap is insane.

 

[Makenzie]

What's wrong with a man being a man and telling the woman to back off when she is nagging him? How about him removing himself from her presence? Or when she is calm letting her know her actions ain't cool. If he knows she has characteristics he don't like it's up to him to speak on it. A real man can handle get his point across without violence or even the threat of violence.

 

[MizzBrown]

LOL I dont advocate abuse but this quote has stuck with me over the years:

"You CANNOT Beat A Man Down With Words And Turn Around And Be Shocked That He Smacked The Hell Out Of You"​

 

[MizzBrown]

I speak from a personal family experience. My mother didnt get hit but she sure scared the bejesus out of me when she called me at 2am in the morning while i was in college whispering about what Daddy did.

She has changed her behavior a little since then and rightfully so.

 

[scorpian]

No women deserves to be hit....if a woman is pushing his buttons he needs to walk away until he cools down and if she does it all the time and he doesn't want to be with her then he should leave her alone....hitting isn't justified

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

LOL I dont advocate abuse but this quote has stuck with me over the years:

"You CANNOT Beat A Man Down With Words And Turn Around And Be Shocked That He Smacked The Hell Out Of You"​

Why not? erplexed

 

[tmichelle]

I dont think women deserve to get hit.

EVER.

Especially for just running their mouth...If a ninja can't stand the heat, he needs to get out the kitchen. Cause if you put your hands on me, my folks are coming and it aint gonna be pretty.

I might have agreed with you except for the fact that my crazy cousin was stabbed in the head by his even crazier wife. She was trying to kill him. I would have no problem if he had hit her. As it is they are back together now.

 

[MizzBrown]

Why not? erplexed

LOL See post #11. That's one good example.

 

[Honey6928215]

Yeah, I agree a man shouldn't hit a woman unless she is physically harming him. It is also hard for me to feel sorry for men whose wives treat them in these other ways b/c I have known too many good black women who have been passed over so I kind of feel like a man gets what he asked for.

With that said, if a woman is nagging, putting hands in his face etc. I don't think it should be ignored. He should be a man and put his foot down whether that means financial repercussions or not doing that special favor she wanted or something of the sort. No one should be treated with the disrespect of constant nagging, hands in face etc.

I agree with the bolded. I have seen many times a man overlook a good black woman and end up with one who ain't worth nothing and wonder what did they do to deserve this. But I don't not condone hitting. If it's that bad what's stopping him from leaving? No one can make him stay. I look at it like this, a real man will walk out before he hits a woman and I have it happen once with my guy friend. He was fed up with his wife nagging, insulting, etc. that he packed his bags and left for two weeks. He came back after the wife begged him and believe me she acted like she got some sense.

 

[sharentu]

i do not believe a woman should ever be hit by a man, but i also believe a woman shouldnt put her hands on a man either.

eta: being slayed in verbal warfare should not make a man want to use his hands to retaliate. he should learn to equip himself better with his words. JMHO. or neither party let it get that far in the first place ...

 

[Mortons]

If you as a grown up can not settle disputes without laying hands, you dont need to be in a relationship. Try again. Go back to kindergarten ninja

 

[Candy_C]

physically harming a man can be equal to mental abuse


words are powerful

would a woman be justified if she was talking about a mans dead mother for example?

i think he can physically handle her if shes mentally abusing him too

if i punched a man i would hope he would restrain me only

but if i was spitting in his face, calling him names, breaking him down

i would expect a slap

i think BATTERING is another issue a man shouldnt BATTER a woman

 

[MizzBrown]

I know women who are the type who WILL follow their man from room to room nagging and bickering.

If he gets in his cars and leaves, some women will get in another car and follow him, while blowing up his cell phone, his mothers phone and whoever elses trying to look for him to continue to curse him out.

And the ones that actually ask for it. "What! What you gonna do? You aint gonna hit me!....I dare you to hit me!....that's what I THOUGHT!...yo' **** *** aint gonna hit me!....etc, etc.

Men actually have restraining orders on women. STILL NOT advocating violence but the way some women act makes me wonder what are they looking for as the outcome??

And yes, words are very powerful. I have cut many a guys throat with my own verbal abuse and i'm lucky i didnt get smacked the hell out because of the things i've said...

 

[Tarae]

If you as a grown up can not settle disputes without laying hands, you dont need to be in a relationship. Try again. Go back to kindergarten ninja

I'm with you on that one

 

[Farida]

It is only justified if she is a physical threat.

 

[The Girl]

Pops taught us if you hit a man expect to get hit back. As I get older I am really finding out men are a bit simpler than women. By that I mean MOST don't have the mental capacity women do. If she uses words, why result to physical violence, how do you let your hurt, anger, etc make up act out? Isn't that childish, like a temper tantrum? Don't want to start a male bashing hijack at all. Men are just think very different than women, IMO and are way more sensitive.

 

[NYAmicas]

None of the examples you used IMO should result in a man striking a woman. My mom used to nag the hell out of me, should I hit her?
My husband whines like no other, should I punch him in the mouth?

I see it like this......the man is usually stronger than the woman therefore when it comes to the physical it's not a fair fight so a real man wouldn't even go there. Unless she's coming at him with karate or WMDs or something no argument would ever have me encouraging a man to assualt a woman.

 

[filthyfresh]

I don't think men should just beat on women for no reason.

However, men are human beings just like women are. If somebody pushes you beyond that breaking point you're going to lash out. Imagine if a man was nagging you, talking crap about you, talking stuff about your family, telling you this & that, pushing every button you had, getting all in your face, bringing up old things and pouring salt in every wound you had? Would you not lash out and hit him? I'm sorry, I have a breaking point whether you're male, female, family, stranger, etc. And I'm sure men have them too.

This doesn't apply to the crazy men that beat women because they have issues. We're not talking about that. This is about being honest with ourselves and really looking down deep. Nobody's perfect, men or women. But we're all here and we need to treat eat other with respect. Hitting doesn't equal respect before anyone goes there. I'm just saying that if men & women respected each other as HUMANS first, then a lot of this wouldn't go down.

 

[Candy_C]

we are a generation of modern woman

ask your moms or grandmoms back in the day the wife got a little slap cross her face when she got too rude

society has made us feel that even smacking our children is bad, sorry but if my kids disrespect me they're gettin a slap

not BATTERED

like i said b4, batterin is nasty

a slap yes

a kicking and punching down - hell no

 

[tmichelle]

we are a generation of modern woman

ask your moms or grandmoms back in the day the wife got a little slap cross her face when she got too rude

society has made us feel that even smacking our children is bad, sorry but if my kids disrespect me they're gettin a slap

not BATTERED

like i said b4, batterin is nasty

a slap yes

a kicking and punching down - hell no

I think I like the spirit of your post. I'm NOT into going with societal norms. While I would be angry if my dh ever hit me, it would be hard to blame him if I was in his face, calling him names, not letting things go and basically acting a fool. So, I don't do those things.

I guess what I like about your post is not so much the okay with physicallity (although that doesn't bother me so much), it's just that I can see where you are coming from. Our society leaders (the ones who do all the "studies") are a bunch of sissies and I am tired of them dictating what is "acceptable" and what is not. Slightly off topic, I just read on msn.com where so many kids are getting kicked out of pre-school. They never once blamed the bad behavior of the kids or the parents who wouldn't discipline. The solution was to have an army of mental health experts/therapists etc. at every school so that these kids can still fit in. Why not spank their butts and be done with it?!

 

[MizzBrown]

we are a generation of modern woman

ask your moms or grandmoms back in the day the wife got a little slap cross her face when she got too rude

society has made us feel that even smacking our children is bad, sorry but if my kids disrespect me they're gettin a slap

not BATTERED

like i said b4, batterin is nasty

a slap yes

a kicking and punching down - hell no

THANK YOU! Agree with your whole point of view and post. And yes i will NOT spare the rod on my child either.

 

[PinkPeony]

What's wrong with a man being a man and telling the woman to back off when she is nagging him? How about him removing himself from her presence? Or when she is calm letting her know her actions ain't cool. If he knows she has characteristics he don't like it's up to him to speak on it. A real man can handle get his point across without violence or even the threat of violence.

Excactumundo!

LOL I dont advocate abuse but this quote has stuck with me over the years:

"You CANNOT Beat A Man Down With Words And Turn Around And Be Shocked That He Smacked The Hell Out Of You"​

I'm sorry but I have to politely disagree w/this.
Most men that hit are serial hitters,they are looking for a certain type of woman and these woman are looking for them.
It's not just that serial hitters get put down by their woman they either tend to date woman that know how to push their buttons repeatedly or are with woman that are dependent in other ways,on first look very submissive but to depend as much on him and his abusiveness as he does on her and her percieveed submission.

Serial hitters (and their woman) choose the situation they are in repeatedly,over and over again.Maybe with a different partner but it's still the same pattern.
So no this excuse it not valid b/c he is not with her by coincidence (at least in most cases) he's with this woman that verbally abuses him for a reason,his own ulterior motives.
HGe could have just passed her up and took a chick that isn't verbally abusive,he didn't and ten bucks says his next gf will be the same way

 

[Ganjababy]

Are you saying that if I am running off my mouth my man is entitled to smack me in my mouth? I don't think so luv. If my Grandpops slapped my Nan I think she would have used the machete on him, no joke. My Gran is a cigar chomping womanist, for sure. As for my mother, my Dad tried that one on her......... lets just say she gave him his walking papers, found someone else who respects her as an ADULT and in so doing, thought her daughters about respect for self and not settleing for less than what one deserves.

we are a generation of modern woman

ask your moms or grandmoms back in the day the wife got a little slap cross her face when she got too rude

society has made us feel that even smacking our children is bad, sorry but if my kids disrespect me they're gettin a slap

not BATTERED

like i said b4, batterin is nasty

a slap yes

a kicking and punching down - hell no

 

[Maynard]

Most men that hit are serial hitters,they are looking for a certain type of woman and these woman are looking for them.

It's not just that serial hitters get put down by their woman they either tend to date woman that know how to push their buttons repeatedly or are with woman that are dependent in other ways,on first look very submissive but to depend as much on him and his abusiveness as he does on her and her percieveed submission.


So no this excuse it not valid b/c he is not with her by coincidence (at least in most cases) he's with this woman that verbally abuses him for a reason,his own ulterior motives.

He could have just passed her up and took a chick that isn't verbally abusive,he didn't and ten bucks says his next gf will be the same way

I agree with you...especially the bolded parts... HIGH FREAKING 5

Are you saying that if I am running off my mouth my man is entitled to smack me in my mouth? I don't think so luv.

I dont think so either. The whole method of thinking that I am "entitled" to get hit/slapped cause I SAID something is crazy to me.

I dont have a man in my family who would support that statement.

 

[it_comes_naturally]

No, she NEVER deserves it. If it gets that bad then he needs to be a MAN and leave where he found her.

 

[mshoney2u]

I dont think a man should EVER put his hand on a women unless she is physically harming him like some of the other ladies said. Nagging is No excuse! When I say physically harming I dont mean popping him and pushing him cause a man can push a woman in most instances off easy. If he can not I would put that in the physically harming group. I also put spitting in the physically harming group you can spit in someone's eye and make them lose temp. vision and wear them out. I do believe in spanking but I am not a child. I wish my SO would *lightly* smack me in my face for nagging him. My dude is a 6'4 2 hundred some odd working out dam near everyday 8 packing having, ex football playing kneegrow, aint no lightly smack going on here. He would knock the hell out of me. One day he tried to *lightly* throw me on the bed being sexy. Lets just say we aint never doing that shyt again. And no my grandma, great grandma or great great grandma aint never been lightly slapped across the face by their hubbies , SO or BF for anything. that's crazy