He didn't even get me a Christmas card

[tigereyes83]

Update: He didn't even get me a Christmas card update he got me diamond earrings!

Okay, I have been dating (not boyfriend) this guy for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well and when Christmas rolled around I bought him a gift in the range of the 150 area. We previously discussed gifts because I didn't want it to be akward. Please don't look at this like I was expecting anying big. But a card would have been niceerplexed. He's not having money trouble because he balls out of control every weekend. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks maybe he was rolling it into one? I'm just not sure about this. I will not bring this up because I don't want the side eye from him but his lack of unthoughtfullness really bothers me. He's not young ethier I'm 26 and he's 38.
UPDATE: He got me a pair of diamond earrings. I asked why so late he said he wanted to make sure it was the perfect gift.

 

[Crystal]

You broke about three rules. You should get "Why Men Love *****es" by Sherry Argov and it'll explain to you what went wrong. But basically if you HAD to buy a guy you're Dating(not boyfriend) a gift, you should have got him something like some ear mufffs or a pair of socks and worked up to the $150 gift when he becomes your main man.

You have to take baby steps with men with everything.

I'm feeling dude though... I probably wouldn't have bought someone I was casually dating an xmas gift. When you become my man, you have my back I have yours and we're in this together - then you'll get a gift, until then that $150 would be spent on me.

 

[JustKiya]

I've never brought anyone I was casually dating a Christmas gift - much less one that cost over 25 bucks!
And I've never given anyone I was casually dating a Christmas card either. A birthday card? Yes. Christmas? Not so much.
And, then, a lot of men don't do Christmas cards, period. I still can't get DH to do one for his own family!!

I don't know what to tell you. I don't think that it's a sign of 'unthoughtfulness' for him to have not given you an Xmas card. Now, if he doesn't recognize your birthday in any way, shape, or form - then, we've got something to talk about.

 

[Triniwegian]

You set youself up for failure, not trying to be a meanie...but you did.
If he were your exclusive long term SO, then I could see the big gift...but naw, not casually dating.
Don't spoil him before he is your man, he might take it for granted and string you along since he has the SO priveleges without being the SO.

 

[Amcd]

When you discussed gifts what did you two of you agree on. I agree that is a lot of money to spend on someone who is not your boyfriend or husband.

 

[onelove08]

Oh no! I hope that you will get something so awesome for your birthday from him!!!

 

[Kerryann]

girl that money couldve went towards a bill or something.

Dont ever buy someone you are casually dating a gift. dont look for nothing and sorry but you wasted your time thinking about your bday and christmas rolled up into one

That man should know better too but you did give him a chance to buy you a gift from christmas to now and he hasnt i would give him the side eye


apparently you are seeing him exclusively cut that out asap let him know you have other options for some stupid reason men dont act right until its competition

 

[tigereyes83]

hmmm interesting replies thank you. We spend money like this on each other all the time like this. I didn't know there was a diff... He actually brought it up first and asked me wanted for Christmas and I told him as long as it's thoughtfull I don't care. Thats whay I was a little taken back when he didn't get me anything. Well lesson learned.

 

[Kerryann]

hmmm interesting replies thank you. We spend money like this on each other all the time like this. I didn't know there was a diff... He actually brought it up first and asked me wanted for Christmas and I told him as long as it's thoughtfull I don't care. Thats whay I was a little taken back when he didn't get me anything. Well lesson learned.

Well now at least he spends his money but its christmas anyhoo you can wait till your bady then and see what happens

 

[Bachelorette]

Okay, I have been dating (not boyfriend) this guy for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well and when Christmas rolled around I bought him a gift in the range of the 150 area. We previously discussed gifts because I didn't want it to be akward. Please don't look at this like I was expecting anying big. But a card would have been niceerplexed. He's not having money trouble because he balls out of control every weekend. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks maybe he was rolling it into one? I'm just not sure about this. I will not bring this up because I don't want the side eye from him but his lack of unthoughtfullness really bothers me. He's not young ethier I'm 26 and he's 38.

The holy grail known as "Why Men Marry Bs" has said NEVER buy a dude you're not commited to such pricey gifts, let him lead the damn way

This same ish happened this my sister this Christmas exactly except they actually are dating. For his birthday she brought dude a $175 gps 9I begged her not to give it to him, but no she did), for her birthday he just made some quicky fix dinner with candlelight and that was it. as she was leaving she was expecting him to give her something. Nope. she got so ticked that she actaally yelled "you didnt get me anything? Are you ****** serious" blah blah, and left. dude tried to twist it later into 'If I had known you were into material things yada yada" (I wonder why he didnt decline the gps with that same excuse ), lets just say after the all the yelling, he finally got her a blackberry tour.

personally i wish she never said anything. dont think you should scare someone in to getting you a gift but whatever. she got what she wanted

anyway I dont think you should say a word. If he doesnt get anything for your birthday, I think you should give him alot of space cos that's just wack as hell and never buy him anything again.

 

[Bachelorette]

apparently you are seeing him exclusively cut that out asap let him know you have other options for some stupid reason men dont act right until its competition

agreed

 

[Kerryann]

i think she should say something and your sister was right for saying something because its only right a closed mouth dont get fed and thats why men sometimes take advantage because if you dont say anything they will continue doing what their doing and feel its okay

 

[HoneyA]

hmmm interesting replies thank you. We spend money like this on each other all the time like this. I didn't know there was a diff... He actually brought it up first and asked me wanted for Christmas and I told him as long as it's thoughtfull I don't care. Thats whay I was a little taken back when he didn't get me anything. Well lesson learned.

Oh well if you spend money on each other all the time, maybe he is just waiting for your b'day to give you an ultra expensive gift. Sit tight then.

 

[RockCreak]

Wow! You're good... when I was on the dating scene... I never bought a man a gift... maybe a card.. that about it!

Shoot... when we were in a relationship... you still didn't get a gift.... it took some years of investing before my purse opened up.

 

[Bachelorette]

i think she should say something and your sister was right for saying something because its only right a closed mouth dont get fed and thats why men sometimes take advantage because if you dont say anything they will continue doing what their doing and feel its okay

That's what she said but I dont think one should yell for someone to buy them something. I can be quite passive aggressive. Personally I would just step back and never share a dime with him ever again

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Okay, I have been dating (not boyfriend) this guy for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well and when Christmas rolled around I bought him a gift in the range of the 150 area. We previously discussed gifts because I didn't want it to be akward. Please don't look at this like I was expecting anying big. But a card would have been niceerplexed. He's not having money trouble because he balls out of control every weekend. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks maybe he was rolling it into one? I'm just not sure about this. I will not bring this up because I don't want the side eye from him but his lack of unthoughtfullness really bothers me. He's not young ethier I'm 26 and he's 38.

Whoahhhhh....

My first thought when I read this was that you spent waaay too much money on a man that you've only been "dating" (not even seriously dating as in "boyfriend") for 6 months. Gosh! I'd like to be your friend!!

I don't even give my own FRIENDS that I've known for years gifts in that range for their weddings or graduations!! But...then again, I'm not exactly money-tree either lol. Maybe some ladies got it going on like that!

But honestly, I don't care if you're loaded like Beyonce, or the Queen of England, I don't think a man should get that much money (even if it's in the form of a gift instead of cash) if he hasn't even made me his gf yet. At 6 months, at the MOST (if anything at all) men should only be getting either a book, a tee-shirt, or even just a simple 99cent card from the drug store. Not a $150.00 gift! Now if he were my husband on the other hand...then maybe it would be a different story.

And not even a simple CARD from him? Ohhh...heck no! Dump him!

ETA: I just now saw the bit part about the b-day coming up. I say...wait a few days after your b-day, and if he STILL hasn't given you anything spectacular, then he needs to be dumped. I know "The Rules" aren't the "bible", but according to that book, a man who's really interested in a woman will give her a ROMANTIC gift (at least a card!) for her b-day, Valentines Day, and Christmas.

PS--Has he given you ANY gifts since you two have been dating?

 

[Kerryann]

That's what she said but I dont think one should yell for someone to buy them something. I can be quite passive aggressive. Personally I would just step back and never share a dime with him ever again

I was nice all my relationships and make excuses for certain things but i stop and started being a slight b!tch and god knows its been working some. men really like a itch and thats bad so she did what she felt was right and she surely got what she wanted

 

[JustKiya]

hmmm interesting replies thank you. We spend money like this on each other all the time like this. I didn't know there was a diff... He actually brought it up first and asked me wanted for Christmas and I told him as long as it's thoughtfull I don't care. Thats whay I was a little taken back when he didn't get me anything. Well lesson learned.

So, what gifts has he gotten you, and for what occasion? It does seem odd that if ya'll are steady spending money on each other (and I don't think that dinners count as 'spending money on each other' - errybody gotta eat) that he skipped spending money on you for one the the biggest gift-giving holidays in the country.

 

[tigereyes83]

After reading this thread I feel silly for spending that money. 150 is not going to break me but like one poster said it could have spent it went else where.

 

[tigereyes83]

He will randomly buy clothes, shades, shoes, wii games. He also bought me a new gps when mines broke. This is why this whole thing seems odd to me.

 

[JustKiya]

He will randomly buy clothes, shades, shoes, wii games. He also bought me a new gps when mines broke. This is why this whole thing seems odd to me.

Hrm, maybe he's a more 'spur of the moment' gift giver..... though. :scratchch

Have you been with him when he brought this stuff for you, or did he just show up with it the next time y'all saw each other?

 

[tigereyes83]

Clothes I was with him but the GPS and wii games I was not.

 

[JustKiya]

Clothes I was with him but the GPS and wii games I was not.

Hrm, interesting. I don't get it. Maybe he couldn't find anything that he felt was 'thoughtful' - and since you put that request on a gift, he figured it was better to not get anything at all than something half-arsed. Or, the things he found that he thought were 'thoughtful' would - in his mind - imply a bit more of a relationship than y'all have.

I don't really consider wii games and a GPS - thoughtful, ya know? Well, that's not true. It depends on the person, because I'm about to go hunting for a video game for DH's birthday - but then, he's a video game FIEND, so.

 

[Zaynab]

Okay, I have been dating (not boyfriend) this guy for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well and when Christmas rolled around I bought him a gift in the range of the 150 area. We previously discussed gifts because I didn't want it to be akward. Please don't look at this like I was expecting anying big. But a card would have been niceerplexed. He's not having money trouble because he balls out of control every weekend. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks maybe he was rolling it into one? I'm just not sure about this. I will not bring this up because I don't want the side eye from him but his lack of unthoughtfullness really bothers me. He's not young ethier I'm 26 and he's 38.

He didn't get you anything because he didn't want to. I don't mean to be harsh but when a man is feeling you like that, he will do whatever and spend whatever to show you. I would drop him.

Also, if you've been dating him for six months,not boyfriend/girlfriend and you've slept with him (not saying you have just using this as an example) He'd definitely get dropped. Because he's showing you that he has no interest in you being a girlfriend.

 

[Zaynab]

He will randomly buy clothes, shades, shoes, wii games. He also bought me a new gps when mines broke. This is why this whole thing seems odd to me.

I might be reaching here but he might associate gifts on holidays, etc as being in a "relationship" and "requirements" he's not yet ready to meet. By him being older and giving you little presents here and there, I would expect that out of an older man actually so that doesn't seem out of the norm.

 

[Taliah]

This is somewhat confusing to me.
This gift that you bought him, he accepted it?
Did you two spend Xmas day together? Did you give him the gift on Xmas day?
You were dissapointed, why didn't you say something to him about him showing up empty handed after you agreed to exchange gifts?

He wouldn't have been able to get to the exit door with my gift in hand and nothing in return on Xmas.

Even if your Bday was December 26 that has nothing to do with Xmas. I wouldn't be waiting around to get a gift on my Bday.

 

[deltagyrl]

I agree with Zaynab.

Have you ever seen He's Just Not That Into You? Great movie! Would've have saved me so much heartache when I was "dating."

He's too old to not know what he was doing. He didn't forget, he's not still looking for the perfect gift, he just didn't want to get you anything. Don't over think it. See things for what they really are and make your decision based on what it is not what you'd like it to be. I'm ticked that he accepted your gift but didn't purchase anything for you after you'd discussed exchanging gifts.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I might be reaching here but he might associate gifts on holidays, etc as being in a "relationship" and "requirements" he's not yet ready to meet. By him being older and giving you little presents here and there, I would expect that out of an older man actually so that doesn't seem out of the norm.

Hmmm.... Zaynab may have a point here. :scratchch

I get the impression from what the OP has mentioned that this older guy isn't really ready for a serious relationship w/her yet. I mean, unless you're long-distance, 6 months is quite enough time for a man to realize whether or not he wants to take the relationship further. You know what I mean? Because in 6 months you all have probably passed the "infatuation"/"everybody's-on-their-best-behavior" stage, and so things should be more "real" between you two. So he should at the very LEAST want to make you his gf, and date you exclusively by this time...no offense.

Plus, I also noticed that his gifts don't really seem romantic. Wii games, GPS system, clothes, etc....I mean, those are NICE gifts (don't get me wrong!), but those gifts are more practical in nature...Idk, they just seem like gifts that he could have given ANYONE. His nephew, his son, his friend, etc. Believe me, men (esp. men HIS age) know what women like and what makes them swoon , and if he's not buying you special gifts like flowers, chocolates, jewelry, something romantic, heck...lingerie even etc, then maybe he's not really as invested in the relationship as you are.

Has this man been married before or recently divorced?? That's something else to take into consideration...

 

[tigereyes83]

well... We have been dating for the last 6 months but maybe I should explain his job. He works in sports and travels 5-6 days a week most of the time. So although its been 6 months it seems shorter. I'm not making excuses it's just how I feel. Last time we saw eachother was a few days before Christmas. He flew back home for Christmas I stayed up here and saw him once last week. I haven't seem him since then because of conflicting schedules. He's not a emotional type romantic type of person. He's dang on Gemini to sum it up. He's never been married no children. Maybe he is not as vested maybe I'm just his young little thing.. This thread has made so many valid points thanks ladies I have a lot to think about maybe I should cut my loses and keep it moving before I get hurt.

 

[Zaynab]

I agree with Zaynab.

Have you ever seen He's Just Not That Into You? Great movie! Would've have saved me so much heartache when I was "dating."

He's too old to not know what he was doing. He didn't forget, he's not still looking for the perfect gift, he just didn't want to get you anything. Don't over think it. See things for what they really are and make your decision based on what it is not what you'd like it to be. I'm ticked that he accepted your gift but didn't purchase anything for you after you'd discussed exchanging gifts.

That book and WMLB are perfect examples to show you, if a man wants you, he does and he will go to whatever lengths to show you that, whether its saving his money for weekly dates or yes, getting you a present.

I sincerely believe he shyed away from giving a present on a holiday that showed a sign of committment because he didn't want her to read too much into it.