He didn't even get me a Christmas card

tigereyes83 said:
well... We have been dating for the last 6 months but maybe I should explain his job. He works in sports and travels 5-6 days a week most of the time. So although its been 6 months it seems shorter. I'm not making excuses it's just how I feel. Last time we saw eachother was a few days before Christmas. He flew back home for Christmas I stayed up here and saw him once last week. I haven't seem him since then because of conflicting schedules. He's not a emotional type romantic type of person. He's dang on Gemini to sum it up. He's never been married no children. Maybe he is not as vested maybe I'm just his young little thing.. This thread has made so many valid points thanks ladies I have a lot to think about maybe I should cut my loses and keep it moving before I get hurt.
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Just keep your dating options open and keep him as a man that you "date". Let him know that you're dating other people or are open to date other people. Put it out there and don't be afraid.

This reminded me: I dated a guy that had to take a job overseas for a year not long after we started dating, he sent me birthday and valentines presents via DHL that showed up like on the exact day---and back then worldwide shipping was fairly expensive.

My point is, he was showing me that he was interested. I wasn't but my point is..Watch what a man does, not what he says. Women show want they want by saying, men show you what they want by what they do or don't do.

I'm saying this in the least snarky way too since you're young I'd be a little leary of a man that is 38, no kids and not been married.
 
tigereyes83 said:
well... We have been dating for the last 6 months but maybe I should explain his job. He works in sports and travels 5-6 days a week most of the time. So although its been 6 months it seems shorter. I'm not making excuses it's just how I feel. Last time we saw eachother was a few days before Christmas. He flew back home for Christmas I stayed up here and saw him once last week. I haven't seem him since then because of conflicting schedules. He's not a emotional type romantic type of person. He's dang on Gemini to sum it up. He's never been married no children. Maybe he is not as vested maybe I'm just his young little thing.. This thread has made so many valid points thanks ladies I have a lot to think about maybe I should cut my loses and keep it moving before I get hurt.
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Okay, personally? I wouldn't dump him - yet. :look:

a) Y'all are just dating - not exclusive, and he travels, and thus I'm assuming (hoping) that you are not dating just him. The fact that y'all aren't exclusive after 6 months translates into he ain't that vested.

b) Are you dating towards marriage, or are you just dating for fun? If the former - again, you aren't exclusive. If the later - shoot, why not!

c) Are you vested in him? It sounds like you might be - and that may get you hurt. Step back a little bit, and - again, assuming you aren't looking for a husband - just enjoy whatever you enjoy, and whatever gifts he provides - while still looking for Mr. Right.

Once you find a man you WANT to be exclusive with - then dump him. :look:
 
Crystal said:
You broke about three rules. You should get "Why Men Love *****es" by Sherry Argov and it'll explain to you what went wrong. But basically if you HAD to buy a guy you're Dating(not boyfriend) a gift, you should have got him something like some ear mufffs or a pair of socks and worked up to the $150 gift when he becomes your main man.

You have to take baby steps with men with everything.

I'm feeling dude though... I probably wouldn't have bought someone I was casually dating an xmas gift. When you become my man, you have my back I have yours and we're in this together - then you'll get a gift, until then that $150 would be spent on me.
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You took the thoughts right out of my mind when I read your response! :yep::up:

I've never bought a guy I was dating anything.

And $150? I never spent that much on gift with my own boyfriend.

He's a lucky guy. And I agree with whoever said you set yourself up for failure and that he may string you along with priveleges without being your official boyfriend....kinda like a "friends with benefits" deal.
 
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I'm dating others but I guess I'm a little more vested in him. I'm not looking for a husband just quite yet but I did see myself with this guys for a while. Time to start accepting more male callers.lol I just have been meeting the wrong men for the past year. And yes I did side eye the face he was never married no children. I asked him aout he simply said he wasn't ready and said he is now more ready for that type of thing. "Kanye shrug" I think I will be accepting that date tonight after all with a different guy.
 
tigereyes83 said:
well... We have been dating for the last 6 months but maybe I should explain his job. He works in sports and travels 5-6 days a week most of the time. So although its been 6 months it seems shorter. I'm not making excuses it's just how I feel. Last time we saw eachother was a few days before Christmas. He flew back home for Christmas I stayed up here and saw him once last week. I haven't seem him since then because of conflicting schedules. He's not a emotional type romantic type of person. He's dang on Gemini to sum it up. He's never been married no children. Maybe he is not as vested maybe I'm just his young little thing.. This thread has made so many valid points thanks ladies I have a lot to think about maybe I should cut my loses and keep it moving before I get hurt.
Click to expand...

I don’t think you have to cut your losses.. I mean have fun and keep things in perspective. I think that’s one of the biggest mistakes females make is getting/or wanting to be so emotionally attached. Just have fun and keep your feelings in check. I gave my son’s father a t-shirt for xmas, and it was one I bought last year for someone else, was cleaning up, found it and wrapped it up..lol and he bought me dinner.

Seriously, buy the two books mentioned above, Why Men Love *****es and Why Men Marry *****es. Take baby steps with guys, keep the feelings in check until you know he’s emotionally available and put yourself first and foremost. Don’t always make yourself available, do things on your clock, be strong and in charge of you. Once you guys have the talk, then open the emotional floodgates but even still proceed with caution.

Relationships take so much work and they can suck the life out of you. But I think if you stay strong and keep your feelings underwraps you can still have fun with a guy like the one you’re dating. Most of us have been there, done that, bought the Tshirt, treating non-deserving men like Kings. You live and learn and realize that they’ll be treated like a king when the time is right… right now he’s just a potential and should be treated as such.

So I wouldn’t cut losses if I were you. Just toughen up, close those heart strings a little and keep it all in perspective.
 
tigereyes83 said:
I'm dating others but I guess I'm a little more vested in him. I'm not looking for a husband just quite yet but I did see myself with this guys for a while. Time to start accepting more male callers.lol I just have been meeting the wrong men for the past year. And yes I did side eye the face he was never married no children. I asked him aout he simply said he wasn't ready and said he is now more ready for that type of thing. "Kanye shrug" I think I will be accepting that date tonight after all with a different guy.
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Good idea!And if you are thinking about dating for marriage, cut the losers out early! That will save you TIME. We spend too much time analyzing, if he doesn't do what you want, X him and move on to the next man:yep:

I'm SMH @that type of thing but again I really think men don't want to hurt us so they just roll with whatever and say whatever
 
Crystal said:
You broke about three rules. You should get "Why Men Love *****es" by Sherry Argov and it'll explain to you what went wrong. But basically if you HAD to buy a guy you're Dating(not boyfriend) a gift, you should have got him something like some ear mufffs or a pair of socks and worked up to the $150 gift when he becomes your main man.

You have to take baby steps with men with everything.

I'm feeling dude though... I probably wouldn't have bought someone I was casually dating an xmas gift. When you become my man, you have my back I have yours and we're in this together - then you'll get a gift, until then that $150 would be spent on me.
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i second the Why Men Love B's book. I tell every woman i meet (and i mean EVERY WOMAN) to get this book.

i know of 2 women this past christmas that overspent on christmas gifts for guys they've been seeing for the past 3-6months.
one girl bought expensive brand name underwear, cologne, jewelry and books for the guy she's been dating for 3 months. all he got her was a scarf and a simple necklace that she didnt even like. i asked what was his expression when he got her gifts..."he was overwhelmed".
another girl spent over £100 on gifts and a card on a guy she's been seeing for the past 5 months (it's a long dist rel so they've probably seen each other 4 times since). he flew in to see her on boxing day (after not telling her which day he was coming, whether it be christmas eve, christmas day or boxing day...my girl was stressing the entire week before and had a depressing christmas day thinking he wasnt coming). when she gave him the gifts, he apparently went quite silent. dont think he got anything for her. she says she thinks him flying to see her was the gift. :rolleyes:

OP, i really hope on your bday you get ur gifts! cuz if not, no christmas gift would just be unacceptable.
 
Crystal said:
I don’t think you have to cut your losses.. I mean have fun and keep things in perspective. I think that’s one of the biggest mistakes females make is getting/or wanting to be so emotionally attached. Just have fun and keep your feelings in check. I gave my son’s father a t-shirt for xmas, and it was one I bought last year for someone else, was cleaning up, found it and wrapped it up..lol and he bought me dinner.

Seriously, buy the two books mentioned above, Why Men Love *****es and Why Men Marry *****es. Take baby steps with guys, keep the feelings in check until you know he’s emotionally available and put yourself first and foremost. Don’t always make yourself available, do things on your clock, be strong and in charge of you. Once you guys have the talk, then open the emotional floodgates but even still proceed with caution.

Relationships take so much work and they can suck the life out of you. But I think if you stay strong and keep your feelings underwraps you can still have fun with a guy like the one you’re dating. Most of us have been there, done that, bought the Tshirt, treating non-deserving men like Kings. You live and learn and realize that they’ll be treated like a king when the time is right… right now he’s just a potential and should be treated as such.

So I wouldn’t cut losses if I were you. Just toughen up, close those heart strings a little and keep it all in perspective.
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Great Advice! :yep:
 
JustKiya said:
Okay, personally? I wouldn't dump him - yet. :look:

a) Y'all are just dating - not exclusive, and he travels, and thus I'm assuming (hoping) that you are not dating just him. The fact that y'all aren't exclusive after 6 months translates into he ain't that vested.

b) Are you dating towards marriage, or are you just dating for fun? If the former - again, you aren't exclusive. If the later - shoot, why not!

c) Are you vested in him? It sounds like you might be - and that may get you hurt. Step back a little bit, and - again, assuming you aren't looking for a husband - just enjoy whatever you enjoy, and whatever gifts he provides - while still looking for Mr. Right.

Once you find a man you WANT to be exclusive with - then dump him. :look:
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Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
I'm sorry to be curt in my response, but I think you need to dump this guy...with the quickness!!!!! :nono::nono:

ETA: On second thought, if you like his company and companionship, then I think JustKiya made a good suggestion. Hang out with him on a friendly basis until you connect with someone you really like, then dump his ar$e!!
 
The gift was on the expensive side and obviously you were expecting a gift in return so this may be a sign that he's not the one for you. For one, a guy that would accept a giftcard for that much money knowing full well he didn't even get you anything is not a catch in my book.

But you live and you learn...it was a gift so what can you really say? I'd leave him and casually move on.
 
tigereyes83 said:
Okay, I have been dating (not boyfriend) this guy for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well and when Christmas rolled around I bought him a gift in the range of the 150 area. We previously discussed gifts because I didn't want it to be akward. Please don't look at this like I was expecting anying big. But a card would have been nice:perplexed. He's not having money trouble because he balls out of control every weekend. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks maybe he was rolling it into one? I'm just not sure about this. I will not bring this up because I don't want the side eye from him but his lack of unthoughtfullness really bothers me. He's not young ethier I'm 26 and he's 38. :nono:
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You spent a LOT of money on a dude who is not your man. And, his actions are inexcusable, imo. Hate to be too personal, but it sounds like you've slept with him. ($150 gift!) I don't trust him. He's 12 years older than you and showed you what he thinks of the relationship over Christmas. I would drop him with the quickness. QUICKLY. I wouldn't even wait around for your birthday...but, if you do...don't sleep with him between now and then.

I'm sorry this happened, OP. He needs to come with an equivalent gift (really more), IMO to keep you. But, just know this...he's 38...he knows the deal. He is already schooled in the ways of relationships so his behavior is inexcusable, IMO.
 
...one more thing...if you and he hadn't DISCUSSED Christmas and agreed to exchange gifts, then he'd get some sort of pass for "not wanting to treat the non-exclusive relationship like it is exclusive" or whatever, but because you AGREED to exchange, he reneged and gets no pass. ALSO...the ladies are so right...pay attention because he's showing you what he thinks of the relationship...This doesn't mean he doesn't think you are a wonderful girl...but he's not invested in the relationship and he has demonstrated what it really is. Now you know. So, you just have to decide, how do you feel about it? Furthermore...that he hasn't agreed to become exclusive with you yet, lets you know he's not willing at this time for that. How do you feel about that part? Is that okay with you or do you want more? Where do you stand? That's what is really important.
 
....and this is another one thing....is he a coach? Just asking because they are generally man-whores so you have to keep your game tight with them. They date several women without committing to any until the one comes along and refuses to accept less from them. It sounds like he's a coach. They have women in cities all over the country and they hook up with them on the road...which is why they are slow to commit. I know several coaches...MANY of them are still single and no kids in their late 30's, early 40's. (and yes, I've dated one in the past...) So...if you are going to roll in that crowd, be sure you get up on your reading and get those books the ladies have suggested because these older men and these coaches/athletes are a handful!
 
He's not a coach he's a videographer. I guess I failed to point out something. We work at the same company and he use to date my mentor which is why we are taking things slow. I wanted to make sure he liked me for me. I guess I was wrong. Thanks ladies for all your comments. I'm not sure what I want to do at this point but it looks like this thing him and I have going on will come to hault soon. I truly do like him but it's getting to complicated and I'm getting to attached I need to step back from this situation and get things in perspective. I'm way to good for this.
 
tigereyes83 said:
He's not a coach he's a videographer. I guess I failed to point out something. We work at the same company and he use to date my mentor which is why we are taking things slow. I wanted to make sure he liked me for me. I guess I was wrong. Thanks ladies for all your comments. I'm not sure what I want to do at this point but it looks like this thing him and I have going on will come to hault soon. I truly do like him but it's getting to complicated and I'm getting to attached I need to step back from this situation and get things in perspective. I'm way to good for this.
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You most certainly are!
 
I'd drop this dude. You're getting all wrapped up into him, and he's not serious about you. Yes, he buys you things, but the gifts have no meaning. He probably has several of you. You saw him a few days before Christmas? Maybe he spent Christmas with and gave a gift to someone else.
 
didn't read the whole thread but did you mention/say anything about his lack of gift? i know some would consider that tacky/whatever but wtf is up with this man? what did he say when you gave him his gift?
 
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tigereyes83 said:
Okay, I have been dating (not boyfriend) this guy for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well and when Christmas rolled around I bought him a gift in the range of the 150 area. We previously discussed gifts because I didn't want it to be akward. Please don't look at this like I was expecting anying big. But a card would have been nice:perplexed. He's not having money trouble because he balls out of control every weekend. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks maybe he was rolling it into one? I'm just not sure about this. I will not bring this up because I don't want the side eye from him but his lack of unthoughtfullness really bothers me. He's not young ethier I'm 26 and he's 38. :nono:
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No, he's not rolling it all into one. He's 38. He's more than old enough to know what time it is.

Loser.
 
Tell him you want your **** BACK. And pronto, dammit! If he's shameless enough to accept an expensive gift from you, while he gave you nothing in return - I don't see where it would be bad manners on your part at all. :nono:

Your first order of business is to retrieve the gift. You can determine his suitability as a mate later... :yep:
 
I was dating am older guy and things were not defined and I was wondering what to do. Well, in the end I thought to myself "I'm the woman here- I'll get him nothing. If he does something nice I can always get him something later".

BEST decision I Ever made.
 
Oh I got him a the family guy freakin party pack it's a DVD type of case with 90 episodes. Its his favorite show. I'm thinking about asking for it back and giving it to my little brother instead. Yeah he is way to old to be playing games.
 
tigereyes83 said:
Oh I got him a the family guy freakin party pack it's a DVD type of case with 90 episodes. Its his favorite show. I'm thinking about asking for it back and giving it to my little brother instead. Yeah he is way to old to be playing games.
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I wouldn't ask for it back. I would just quietly put him on the back burner/leave him alone. Just stop answering his calls/texts.... I wouldn't give him an explanation as to why either. If he didn't have to explain the lack of a gift then you don't have to explain your lack of interest in him. It is what it is.
 
I asked DH about this and he says to dump ole dude. It's been 6 months and he is not trying to be your boyfriend.

When we were dating, we also discussed Xmas gifts. We started dating that December & we were not exclusive so we decided that we would NOT be exchanging gifts. DH was also raised as a Jehovah's Witness so it was no big deal to him to not celebreate Xmas or to not receive gifts.

Lo & behold, he bought me a pricey flip out keyboard cell phone since I had been complaining about texting with my regular phone. I only know what he paid for it because I had to take it back (I had different service & was not trying to change to AT&T). He was so worried that I'd figure it out too because the phone was featured in some music video that we were watching a few days before Christmas. I bought him zilch.

Men that are interested in women buy them gifts on gift giving holidays & birthdays - period.
 
anti-babymama said:
I wouldn't ask for it back. I would just quietly put him on the back burner/leave him alone. Just stop answering his calls/texts.... I wouldn't give him an explanation as to why either. If he didn't have to explain the lack of a gift then you don't have to explain your lack of interest in him. It is what it is.
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Exactly, always stay classy. Look at it as a loss and a lesson, a costly one but one none the less.
 
no comment on you buying dude a gift

but 6 month seems to be a substantial amount of "dating time"

i dont do broke dudes--or inconsiderate mofos--dude couldnt even bother with a card---wtbleep smh
 
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