He didn't even get me a Christmas card

[Sosoothing]

I also don't think you should ask for the gift back. Consider it a loss. At least now you know what not to do next time.
My boyfriend is about the same age as your guy and I am 11 years younger. We agreed to not get each other gifts but he got me 2 cards and gave me money anyway.

I know everyone is different but at the 6 month mark, I expect us to start talking about possibly being married in the future. At this stage in my life, I am not interested in dating for more than 2 months without being a girlfriend.

 

[ladylibra_30]

Why would you ask for the gift back? If you gave him this gift from your heart then let him keep it.

I know you are reading all of the responses (some of it is good advice, btw) and are now second guessing some things about yourself/what you have going on with this guy but WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM THIS GUY? AND IN WHAT TIME SPAN DO YOU WANT IT IN? HAVE YOU TOLD HIM THIS? ARE YOU PREPARED TO WALK IF YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE NOT MET? WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE/UNACCEPTABLE TO YOU - WHAT ARE YOUR BOUNDARIES? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO OFFER HIM?

If it were me - I wouldn't appreciate the fact that we discussed (and I shared my preferences) exchanging gifts and he reneged after the fact - that was a sh!tty, sh!tty thing for him to do.

 

[darlingdiva]

He didn't get you anything because he didn't want to. I don't mean to be harsh but when a man is feeling you like that, he will do whatever and spend whatever to show you. I would drop him.

Also, if you've been dating him for six months,not boyfriend/girlfriend and you've slept with him (not saying you have just using this as an example) He'd definitely get dropped. Because he's showing you that he has no interest in you being a girlfriend.

I was waiting on the bolded because it's what I had planned to say. Why aren't you his girlfriend after six months?

 

[darlingdiva]

Oh I got him a the family guy freakin party pack it's a DVD type of case with 90 episodes. Its his favorite show. I'm thinking about asking for it back and giving it to my little brother instead. Yeah he is way to old to be playing games.

DO NOT ask him to give the gift back.

In regards to gifts, the same rules apply for both men and women: once you've been given a gift, IT'S YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you shouldn't have given a gift to a man whom you're only dating.

 

[thefineprint]

wow..my husband doesn't even get gifts that expensive. lol

 

[Arcadian]

Consider the gift a loss and write it off as a charity on your taxes(kidding..)

When my husband and I got together (so strange saying that) he got the gift of cookies and brownies. I make huge batches every year so I included him in. We had known each other about 5 months at that time so were dating but not exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend.

He very much appreciated those sweets. He sent me flowers thereafter as a Merry Christmas.

Unless you're totally sure of the one you're with, maybe its best to not do spend so much. you and he were just dating and not much else, giving him a dozen cookies as a merry Christmas would have been just fine without a lot of commitment on your part.

As it stands now, see first sentence


-A

 

[tigereyes83]

UPDATE: He got me a pair of diamond earrings. I asked why so late he said he wanted to make sure it was the perfect gift.

 

[JustKiya]

UPDATE: He got me a pair of diamond earrings. I asked why so late he said he wanted to make sure it was the perfect gift.

My, my, my. Now that's what I call a nice save.

 

[starfish79]

unthoughtfulness = thoughtlessness Sorry I had to do it!

Ditto to what everyone else already said.

 

[tigereyes83]

Yeah I was really shocked I was about to call this whole thing over but I will still keep one eye open for future reference..

 

[UmSumayyah]

I think if that was REALLY his motivation he would have gotten you something else in the meantime and told you something better was coming. JMHO.

 

[Xavier]

UPDATE: He got me a pair of diamond earrings. I asked why so late he said he wanted to make sure it was the perfect gift.

Wonderful!!!!!!!!!

Did you mention any of your frustrations to him concerning not getting a gift on Christmas?

I am just hoping that he did not get you the gift because you were nagging or complaining?

Not saying that you were, but that would make his gift a little less special.

 

[tigereyes83]

No I didn't say a word to him. I just kept communication to a minimun this week. He asked me out for lunch and I went then he gave me my gift. I asked him why did it take so long. He said he had no clue what to get me and wanted it to be special. I told him how upset I was and he looked at me like I was nuts. He said you knew I was getting you something I just didn't know what.

 

[deltagyrl]

I have mixed feelings about him needing nearly 2 weeks to pick out earrings but ah well, maybe its just me.
Either way, enjoy them and pay close attention.

 

[Crystal]

I dunno about this one. Sounds like a roller coaster ride to me. If you can handle it, stay on the ride but expect ups and downs. But like all good roller coaster rides, sooner or later you're going to want to get off. Hopefully this one will turn into something more stable for you. Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you but there's a huge elephant in the room if you ask me. Not saying you should ditch him or anything but you two need "the talk" You don't exchange, wii's, gps's, diamond earrings with just anybody.

 

[aribell]

I think if that was REALLY his motivation he would have gotten you something else in the meantime and told you something better was coming. JMHO.

My, my, my. Now that's what I call a nice save.

He knew he had to make it good

Either way, he went out of his way to make Tigereyes feel special, and that's really nice.

 

[Bachelorette]

UPDATE: He got me a pair of diamond earrings. I asked why so late he said he wanted to make sure it was the perfect gift.

Nice but I dont get the last line. How did he finally realize whether or not it's the "perfect gift". Im confused? Did he ask you and you told him it was? erplexed

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

No I didn't say a word to him. I just kept communication to a minimun this week. He asked me out for lunch and I went then he gave me my gift. I asked him why did it take so long. He said he had no clue what to get me and wanted it to be special. I told him how upset I was and he looked at me like I was nuts. He said you knew I was getting you something I just didn't know what.

Folks ain't gonna like it but I'mma say it...

All over a late Xmas gift????...Nuh uh...thats why some folks ain't got a man now...I'm sorry but...I woulda looked at you like you were nuts too... Here is a great example of how this one size fits all advice never works. And why I look at the situation vs. life advice. I watched all the women say what? why? and on and on...There isn't a standard on dating and that you have to follow this rule and then that rule...Ya'll killz me with this...

Not all advice is gonna fit everyone and it amazes me how much people and their situation are put in a nutshell. You do whats best for you. Ya'll sound like ya'll been doing gifts from day one and its ya'll language of love It sounds like he really does like you ALOT and your gift could have been delayed for many reasons...why you'll never know...maybe he had a quick financial quirk, or maybe he truly was thinking of a perfect gift and was making sure he didn't look cheap etc....etc...etc...It was late ok...so what? give him a pass...he didn't think no more about it than what your putting into it as he wasn't thinking Xmas was just do or die...he probably thinking your birthday/valentines day is way more important. Women tend to put wayyyyy more emphasis on holidays/gifts then Men do anyways....

I think you have a rare find and even though he gave you a nutty look I hope he doesn't start to think you are...keep doing ya'll and enjoy what you have cause its not many out there and if you want to start transitioning away from expensive priced gifts maybe you can start doing more "sentimental" gifts that are inexpensive...you just have to become more creative! But I wouldn't start ?'ing him/motives and etc....I didn't read anything about him being a "bad boyfriend" or giving you those vibes that he's living a double life or anything...so I just say keep dating and having a good time (and by the way there ain't no limit on time dating you talk about being exclusive whenever you decide the timing is right...)...do you.

Its alot of downing/negative advice that is given and not enough supporting due to these self-help books and I'mma need some folks to get out there and do alot more dating with some men then with a book....and this is a great example on how to run away a good one if you ever had him...

 

[MissYocairis]

UPDATE: He got me a pair of diamond earrings. I asked why so late he said he wanted to make sure it was the perfect gift.

Good. Interesting. Do you like them? I'm glad he got you something comparable to what you got him.

 

[MissYocairis]

I have mixed feelings about him needing nearly 2 weeks to pick out earrings but ah well, maybe its just me.
Either way, enjoy them and pay close attention.

I agree. Still, pay close attention. Sure, every person is different, every couple is different...however, there ARE some principles that are based simply on human nature. And, you should keep a watchful eye because men do indeed SHOW you how they feel. Pay attention. Many women get caught up in a jacked up situation because we want to justify or rationalize that certain hard and fast rules are arbitrary and don't apply.

 

[MissYocairis]

No I didn't say a word to him. I just kept communication to a minimun this week. He asked me out for lunch and I went then he gave me my gift. I asked him why did it take so long. He said he had no clue what to get me and wanted it to be special. I told him how upset I was and he looked at me like I was nuts. He said you knew I was getting you something I just didn't know what.

He may have looked at you like you were nuts...but he's 38. He knows the deal. Don't feel like you were out of line. You were fine with voicing your concern. Glad he stepped up properly.

 

[Bachelorette]

I think its funny how the MARRRIED women of the board told the OP to be careful and watch out, etc. Yet it's the others that go around screaming "that's why some of you aint got a man". Not only is the grammar horrendous, it's predictable and such an ignorant phrase that more often that not has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

It's only on this board that people respond to others with such mess. Deek is cheap, get over yourselves.

 

[kismettt]

re: following a book

i think it really depends on the man. if i played by "the rules" with my ex we'd prob still be together. he is the type of man who needs to have games played. my currently so? that ish would never work. he would bounce w/ a quickness (i have never played by 'the rules' but i tend to follow them unintentionally early in rlps just b/c i'm shy, and he called me out on it).

 

[MissYocairis]

hmmm...well...she's not in an exclusive relationship with this grown a$$ man yet. So...in that vein...she should be watchful and play the game as it is played. We teach people how to treat us. Men included...especially. Women who rationalize that their relationship is "different" in the face of red flags are the ones who tend to end up screwed. She will not lose one thing by reading a book. But she has a lot to lose by not being schooled on how this game is played these days. There are indeed principles that don't change. Letting him show you is one. Believing what he shows you is another. I'm not sure "that's why y'all don't have a man" is applicable here. But, let's say it is....I believe many, if not the majority of those who have posted, DO have men and have also been around the block. The OP has less experience than this man. She needs to KNOW what's out there and how to navigate the bull. Believe me...he is navigating his for his own ends. She must do the same for hers. Yeah, it's not romantic...but it's reality. Deal with it.

 

[antisocial]

Folks ain't gonna like it but I'mma say it...

All over a late Xmas gift????...Nuh uh...thats why some folks ain't got a man now..

It was late ok...so what? give him a pass

At 38 he should know better and shouldn't need a "pass". Giving passes is why some folks end up with trifling *** no good men..Keep giving passes, they'll keep doing the same ****....


There's no way I'm going to spend money on a man for the biggest gift giving holiday of the year just to walk away empty handed.....and I'm supposed to let it "pass"??? .....

Couldn't be me....I guess for some any man is better than no man.

 

[Lady Esquire]

no comment on you buying dude a gift

but 6 month seems to be a substantial amount of "dating time"

i dont do broke dudes--or inconsiderate mofos--dude couldnt even bother with a card---wtbleep smh

A card? What am I going to do with a card? Unless the card has directions to my gift, then dude will get walking papers in exchange for his silly card. Grown man taking a gift from you and then what? What did he say to you when he took the gift? Thank you? Dude knew exactly what he was doing.

OP, I read most of this thread and it sounds like you know but just don't want to face the truth about his feelings or intentions for you because you've invested feelings. Step away, hun. And no, these things are NOT complicated. We complicate them by trying to analyze every move and then explain away the obvious. Many of the women who have posted have expressed my views about men already. When a mans wants you, he will SHOW it. This loser ain't worth your time.

 

[pookaloo83]

A card? What am I going to do with a card? Unless the card has directions to my gift, then dude will get walking papers in exchange for his silly card

 

[Bachelorette]

Couldn't be me....I guess for some any man is better than no man.

Apparently.

 

[krikit96]

Honestly, I think he was just waiting to see what you got him, before he got you something... I want to know who he was with on Christmas day... and OP you never told us what he said/did when he got his gift...

My hubby and I when we were talking... not even dating... talked about what to do for Valentine's day. We decided we weren't doing anything for each other. When I came over to see him that afternoon (empty handed of course) he had flowers, stuffed animals, candy and balloons waiting for me. I felt bad, but he said it was okay... He made sure to let me know he was feeling me...

 

[Bunny77]

Well, this was an interesting development, and I agree with JustKiya... it was a good save. I don't buy that he was waiting to get the perfect gift because most people aren't just gonna come with nothing on Christmas with no explanation... they'd get you something small, say that the big gift is coming, but here's something in the meantime.

Nah, he knew he looked like Boo Boo The Fool and had to make up for it.

Now, it's up to you to decide how you are going to proceed with this. Like everyone else said, six months of dating but no GF/BF classification is too long, even with his job. Plus, if it's been six months, you had to have met BEFORE his sports season started, correct? If he's NBA, they only started going in October... NFL has a lot of home games and fewer games period... baseball ended in early November, hockey same as NBA... college football started in August and is done now unless he had a bowl team, and college basketball didn't start until mid-October.

Phew... all that being said, he had time to spend with you before things got busy with his team and make the relationship official if he wanted to... and he's 38 and knows better, like everyone else said.

Right now, you are in this weird netherworld where you give each other expensive BF/GF-kinda gifts, but you don't know where you stand with this man. If this is okay with you, then keep on... but if you want and need more clarity, you need to take a stand... with a brief statement, and then possibly with your feet!