He Did Not Contact Me For Mother's Day

[Crackers Phinn]

I'm actually shocked at the ppl who would encounter a woman who is a mother on mothers day and because they are not their mother they wouldn't say anything, like who raised you?

Clearly people were raised very differently. Its not a culture thing, its a being raised right thing.

I say happy mothers and fathers day to any man or woman who fits that description. takes nothing to be nice and courteous.

Even though I refrained from saying this I would be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind. Although, the more I thought about it I think its more a generational thing than cultural. There are contemporary issues like trigger warnings, the adversarial nature of the dating world and the emergence of zero sum diva culture (of both men and women) where the view people have from their bubble is that others are either important or not with nothing in between that mold how people interact with each other.

I'm glad that dude acknowledged that he slighted the OP because that's exactly what he did and is offering to make it up to her.

 

[toaster]

I guess.

Mother's Day was created around 1908 by Anna Jarvis, a woman celebrating her mother. She felt a mother should be honored because they are the person that loves you most. She fought Hallmark for turning this into essentially a commercial holiday and felt you should spend the day showing love and gratitude to your mother.

Like any holiday, what it turns into and it's importance is based on how you celebrate it.

 

[ilong]

I only mention Mother's Day and Father's Day to close family members. Never dated a man with children and I'm not that big on holidays anyways so it would be odd for an SO to hear it from me.

ETA: That being said, I probably would expect an SO to say it to me if it applied (bc I'd be hearing it from a ton of other people too). Not sure that I would be upset if he didn't though but I'd note it. I like that OP's SO will make it up to her.


Why do you say that to every woman you meet? You don't know if they have children or not. I got that from a ton of people (mostly strangers) this year and it is so odd and off-putting. First of all I'm confused since I don't have kids and second it's just weird (kinda sexist, is that the right word?) to assume that it applies to every woman that you meet. It doesn't compute to me. You do the same thing on Father's Day too?

As someone else mentioned, saying that to someone who lost a child or who can't have children may bring up a lot of feelings on an especially hard day.

I also don't care for Happy [insert religious holiday] greetings unless you know that person's religious beliefs. I just say thank you and KIM when someone says that to me.

@prettyinpurple - in my revising the post several times before submitting, I didn't include the qualifier "if it applies" in the final post. So you are absolutely right in pointing that out. At times I'll also inquire "are you a mother?" before extending the greeting. And yes, I most certainly do the same on Father's Day!

However, if one were to be to "overly cautious in extending greetings" on an observed day (religious or not) , then such sensitivity would extend to EVERY occasion, IMO, and personally I couldn't imagine nor want to exist in such a world.

 

[ilong]

I honestly do not believe I'm being extra when I say that it costs nothing to wish somebody a happy mothers day. <NO you're not being extra> If the OP had said that she was expecting a box of candy, flowers and a Miss America style sash saying happy mothers day, then I would be the first to be like "slow down", <ITA> but three words on a holiday that everybody knows is going on is asking too much? <Right!! Only 3 words>

Quite frankly, every instance that I've read of this scenario reeks of negging/setting up women to have low expectations in how they get treated early on. <EXACTLY>If the few months she's been seeing dude includes Valentines Day, I'm wondering if he don't believe in that neither. If not, he's definitely on some PUA b.s.

Also - conscious and unconscious decisions are made to accept behaviors which encourages disrespect and degradation of females (youth, Mother's, seniors, etc.)

 

[Lylddlebit]

Deleted

 

[movingforward13]

Virgo season in 98 days

Leo season first

 

[ilong]

It wasn't deliberate, he apologized profusely and said he would make it up to me.

@PrettyBrownEyes - that is fantastic news! He's sensitive to your needs and what's important to you. Apologizing and willing to make restitution is a double win!! For me an apology is a significant gesture alone, but "making up" has it's benefits as well.

 

[LiftedUp]

I knew this was going to turn into a raised right rhetoric lol. Manners include good morning/afternoon/evening, please, thank you, excuse me etc. It doesn't include extending every single Hallmark greeting under the sun fortunately

 

[movingforward13]

Yesssss girl! You did so well! A good dude wants to do right by you and will see the error in his ways when you simply state your position. I noticed that the more calm I am with my husband, the more he "hears" me and the better he responds.

I's learning a lot from you. I took some of your tips and was surprised with some recent results.... thank you Ma'am

 

[Oasis]

i didn't realize until about 2 years ago that i was supposed to tell mothers other than my own mom happy mother's day.

 

[Transformer]

My late view... and haven't read the thread. He is being cheap. No expectations of a gift, flowers, or dinner.

 

[MzLady78]

Interesting thread.

The only people I would expect to go all out for me for Mother's Day would be my husband and children.

 

[Transformer]

Interesting thread.

The only people I would expect to go all out for me for Mother's Day would be my husband and children.

How about anybody you are sleeping with?

 

[Bronxcutie]

Interesting thread.

The only people I would expect to go all out for me for Mother's Day would be my husband and children.

I dated three men after things went south with my daughter's father and those men(including my current boyfriend) all wished me a Happy Mother's Day. I don't expect gifts(unless I'm married) but any man I'm in a relationship should know what my daughter means to me and how challenging it can be as a single parent. How hard is it to send a text or a quick call?

 

[MzLady78]

How about anybody you are sleeping with?

Wishing me a Happy Mother's Day, yes.

Gifts, dinner, etc., no.

 

[MzLady78]

I dated three men after things went south with my daughter's father and those men(including my current boyfriend) all wished me a Happy Mother's Day. I don't expect gifts(unless I'm married) but any man I'm in a relationship should know what my daughter means to me and how challenging it can be as a single parent. How hard is it to send a text or a quick call?

It's not hard to send a text and I said the same thing you said, I wouldn't expect much beyond that unless it was my husband.

 

[NICOLETHENUMBERONE]

This to . I had an awful fight with SO. I was hysterical. Still got my gifts from him. His whole family too. I hate to make excuses for men. It takes no effort to acknowledge someone thru text. Yeah, we're getting played out here.

But some of the responses in this thread are an indicator as to why some men are behaving this way.

It doesn't take much to acknowledge someone, especially for such a well-known, nationally celebrated holiday.

You can't tell me, that a guy would pull this crap if he had a chance to date his dream girl, the one that he knows is the one, the one that he doesn't want to mess it up with and will bend over backwards just to make her happy. He would be much more cognizant of his actions because he wouldn't want to lose her. This is how each and everyone of us deserve to be treated by our husbands, boyfriends, family members, etc.

This is about an issue of honor...forget all the excuses about a man supposedly being obligated to acknowledge or honor only his mother or grandmother, or ex-WIFE. I never heard of such a thing. We allow people to treat us in seemingly small forms of disregard and brush it off, which in turn we end up dishonoring ourselves also.


Honor must start in the heart, but if it ends there, it isn't honor. Honor must be expressed through words, symbols, actions, or gestures. Honor is among the most incarnational of the virtues. It must have feet and hands. Douglass Wilson


hon·or
ˈänər/
noun

1. 
   
   
   • 1.
     high respect; esteem.
     "his portrait hangs in the place of honor"
     synonyms: distinction, recognition, privilege, glory, kudos, cachet, prestige, merit, credit;
     importance, illustriousness,notability;
     respect, esteem, approbation
     "a mark of honor"
   • 2.
     a privilege.
     "the great poet of whom it is my honor to speak tonight"
     synonyms: privilege, pleasure, pride, joy; More

verb

1. 
   
   
   • 1.
     regard with great respect.
     "Joyce has now learned to honor her father's memory"
     synonyms: esteem, respect, admire, defer to, look up to; More
   • 2.
     fulfill (an obligation) or keep (an agreement).
     "make sure the franchisees honor the terms of the contract"
     synonyms: fulfill, observe, keep, obey, heed, follow, carry out, discharge, implement, execute, effect;
   
   ETA: Glad everything is working out for OP!

 

[Brownie]

..

 

[Blessed&higlyflavoured]

Maybe I'll feel differently once I'm a Mother. I still don't get it to be honest.
I can't speak for everyone here but in Britain its a private celebration between Mother figures and children. Aunties, Grandmas, Stepmothers also get a Happy Mother's day but it depends on involvement I suppose.

This has been a lesson in effective communication for me (wrt OP). I think you handled it rather well.

 

[FelaShrine]

Do people only say happy fathers day to their own fathers?

Yes.

That said I do agree he should have said it to her since she is indeed a mother and the day in general is celebrating motherhood.

ETA: glad it worked out OP and I like your approach.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

His mother died when he was young!!! He's grieving on Mother's Day and not celebrating. Let that marinate before you respond.

My friend like that. He lost his mom as a teen and Mother's day is hard for him as it is 2 weeks after the anniversary of her murder and 1 week after her birthday.

If a girlfriend came at him about this she was be a ex real quick.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

Mothers Day is for the women in your life who is a mom, not just your mom specifically.

Isn't everyone allowed to have their own take on the holiday? Since I became a mother I prefer to focus on myself on mother's day.

 

[ladysaraii]

My friend like that. He lost his mom as a teen and Mother's day is hard for him as it is 2 weeks after the anniversary of her murder and 1 week after her birthday.

If a girlfriend came at him about this she was be a ex real quick.

That's sad.

Do you know what he plans to do if he gets married and has kids?

 

[LiftedUp]

My friend like that. He lost his mom as a teen and Mother's day is hard for him as it is 2 weeks after the anniversary of her murder and 1 week after her birthday.

If a girlfriend came at him about this she was be a ex real quick.

I have a friend whose father died on valentine's day. He was the oldest and only boy when it happened. He doesn't celebrate valentine's day and tells his women from the jump. He also doesn't want persons wishing him happy vday either.

 

[LiftedUp]

Isn't everyone allowed to have their own take on the holiday? Since I became a mother I prefer to focus on myself on mother's day.

I agree. For the past couple of years since we have been full adults, we've only had our mother for breakfast on mother' day . She and my godmother go to brunch and do God alone knows what for the rest of the day without us

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

Maybe I'll feel differently once I'm a Mother. I still don't get it to be honest.
I can't speak for everyone here but in Britain its a private celebration between Mother figures and children. Aunties, Grandmas, Stepmothers also get a Happy Mother's day but it depends on involvement I suppose.

This has been a lesson in effective communication for me (wrt OP). I think you handled it rather well.

I'm a mother and don't get the hullabaloo about the pizza man and the check out girl telling me HMD.

I receive acknowledgment from my kid and husband and that's what is important to me.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

That's sad.

Do you know what he plans to do if he gets married and has kids?

He does, hopefully she will understand and they will come to some arrangement. He's a super catch considering the tragedy he faced.

 

[MissNina]

I'm glad that went well for the OP, but I def would've let it go.

 

[Evolving78]

Meh. Holidays bring out the "Pick Me" in people. There's so much backstory that wasn't provided. She said she was "seeing" him for a few months. Is it exclusive? How does he view holidays in general?

I guess all of this needs to be established from the very beginning.
So now would be the time to talk about it, even though it's kinda late in the game.

Pick what's your deal breakers and let them be known upfront.

 

[Evolving78]

How about anybody you are sleeping with?

See this will take us down the rabbit hole. Lol