He Did Not Contact Me For Mother's Day

sunnieb said:
I see where this is going.

However, when a grown woman says she is just seeing somebody, that tells me it's not a serious relationship yet or it's very early in the relationship. Boundaries haven't been set. OP could be different, IJS.

Some posters are describing relationships that are well established. The man knows the deal. That's why I wanted to know if she let him know it was a big deal to her. If he ignored her feelings then..... :look:

For me, it's my birthday. That day is a national holiday in this household! :lol:

Dh has known that since 1989. I don't play when it comes to celebrating the day I was born.
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I honestly do not believe I'm being extra when I say that it costs nothing to wish somebody a happy mothers day. If the OP had said that she was expecting a box of candy, flowers and a Miss America style sash saying happy mothers day, then I would be the first to be like "slow down", but three words on a holiday that everybody knows is going on is asking too much?

Quite frankly, every instance that I've read of this scenario reeks of negging/setting up women to have low expectations in how they get treated early on. If the few months she's been seeing dude includes Valentines Day, I'm wondering if he don't believe in that neither. If not, he's definitely on some PUA b.s.
 
@Crackers Phinn it doesn't matter what dude believes in. What matters is how the OP wants to be treated and demands to be treated.

I'll say it one more time. Did OP tell dude how special Mother's Day is to her? Not beat him down, but mention it.

Is this the first special day they've had as a couple? Are they a couple or just hanging out here and there? Were they together on Valentine's Day? How did he act?
 
ForestRose said:
but how would the OP do that though. If they are just seeing each other then making him aware of something that some of us consider pretty minor could turn him off.
If a guy I was seeing mentioned about me saying happy Father's Day to him then I'd be a bit standoff-ish after. Honestly I wouldn't like it.
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If it is important to her, then it is not minor. It doesn't matter what other people think. Major and minor issues are not a universal thing. Each person and each relationship defines the terms and what is important to them.

And if it turns him off...boy bye!
 
ForestRose said:
but how would the OP do that though. If they are just seeing each other then making him aware of something that some of us consider pretty minor could turn him off.
If a guy I was seeing mentioned about me saying happy Father's Day to him then I'd be a bit standoff-ish after. Honestly I wouldn't like it.
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That's a good question. To be honest, I've never been concerned about whether or not my true feelings turns a man off. I am a very understanding and loving person, but if something is bothering me, while I may not make a huge deal about it on the first offense, I WILL make my stance known. If a man can't handle it or feels standoffish after I gently correct him, than he is not the man for me period.

I would approach it like this or at least this is how I approach things with my husband who learned very early in our relationships what I expect:

ME: Hey I noticed that I never heard from you yesterday. I was looking forward to your Mother's Day greetings.

HIM: Oh man, I totally forgot! Well, I was super busy getting ready for work plus this is a hard day for me with me losing my Mom at an early age and all.

ME: I see...I'm sure days like this aren't easy and can't imagine the pain you feel this time of year. Is this something you feel comfortable with talking to me about?

HIM: Baby I'm good. I just need to take some deep breaths and I'll be ok.

ME: Ok...Well know that I am here to listen whenever you are ready to open up and don't let another Mother's Day go by without me hearing your deep sexy voice. I may not be your child's mom but I am still a mom and recognition from you is extremely important to me.

HIM: My bad. I seriously did not know. I will make sure to not forget again.

ME: Alright, we will see now won't we? Anyway...When will I get to bless you with my presence again? There is this new spot I've been dying to try....(blah blah blah)

As you can see, I like to take the "cool as a cucumber" approach and he may not know it but after I've communicated, I sit back and deeply observe him. How did he handle my concern? Was he defensive, angry, or uninterested? Did he seem to care about my feelings? Did he remember the next holiday? I'm more concerned about those deeper things and OP's situation is a perfect opportunity to get to know him a little better.
 
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I despise that saying "you're not his mother, sooo...." we say happy birthday to one another without it being our birthday. If he says happy mother's day it doesn't mean she is his mother, it means that she is a mother. I understand people that may have some type of trauma ignoring the day, but aside that issue I just don't understand the problem. Personally, I think he might be showing you an immature, insensitive side, not everything we wish has to have a person relationship with us.
 
I posted a happy Mother's Day gif in my GroupMe chat with my close friends (8 of us in the group, 4 are mothers) and I text my stepmom. My mom is currently in Europe on a cruise (that I paid for) or else she would have received a call. Other than that, I don't say it to strangers or contact aunts, cousins, coworkers, whomever.

I overheard a woman in Trader Joe's on the phone today. Randoms kept wishing her HMD all day yesterday, and she burst out crying at a store in the mall after one too many comments. I didn't hear her say why, but I figure she lost a child, or lost her mother. Try not to assume that everyone views Mother's Day the same as you do.

On my birthday, once I've arrived wherever I'm going and communicated logistics with whoever I'm meeting, I turn off my phone. Empty HBDAY messages from hundreds of people does nothing for me. It's nice they took the time I guess, but I could care less. Now a heartfelt, unique message? Those I appreciate.

As others have mentioned, ask him about it.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Do people only say happy fathers day to their own fathers?
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Yes ma'am. And my grandfather, when he was alive.

I tell older people at work that I know are moms or dads to "enjoy their mothers/ Father's Day" and that's only when they ask what I'm doing with my parents.

I truly had no idea that people say "happy Mother's Day" to strangers. I celebrate with my mother, aunt, and grandmother and keep it moving.

Now I wonder if people I smiled at and said hello when I was passing them on the street thought I was rude?!?

But I do thinks it's rude to not say happy Mother's Day to the mother of your kids.
 
onyxdreams said:
I despise that saying "you're not his mother, sooo...." we say happy birthday to one another without it being our birthday. If he says happy mother's day it doesn't mean she is his mother, it means that she is a mother. I understand people that may have some type of trauma ignoring the day, but aside that issue I just don't understand the problem. Personally, I think he might be showing you an immature, insensitive side, not everything we wish has to have a person relationship with us.
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I think it's a matter of perspective. Maybe bc I'm not a mother, I dont understand why I'd care to hear it if i didn't give birth to you or carry your child. I see birthdays differently, but even then there are limits.

Eta: I had to think about whether I would say happy fathers day if I was dating a man who had kids. I probably wouldn't. Not out of maliciousness, it just wouldn't occur to me.
 
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Ditto I am not a mom but countless men said it family/friends/strangers. A guy I'm dating not saying at bare min via text Happy Mothers Day- is veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy odd to me and YES I would be bothered by that lack of care. wtf

RoundEyedGirl504 said:
I dunno. I would find it a little strange, random people on the street will tell you happy mother's day, so I would assume a guy I am dating would as well. But I am particular about those types of things.
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I don't know about this one. On the one hand I would say it's not that deep, because y'all are not on that level yet. On the other hand I would say, he could have at least sent you a text message to acknowledge the fact that motherhood is now part of your identity.
My male friends wish me a happy mother's day so I may be spoiled.
ETA: I just saw that you two discussed it. Good job, Mama!
 
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PrettyBrownEyes said:
She was! In a normal tone, I told him that I was surprised that I didn't hear from him and that I thought he would have been the first man to tell me that day. :p
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Yesssss girl! You did so well! A good dude wants to do right by you and will see the error in his ways when you simply state your position. I noticed that the more calm I am with my husband, the more he "hears" me and the better he responds.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
I dunno. I would find it a little strange, random people on the street will tell you happy mother's day, so I would assume a guy I am dating would as well. But I am particular about those types of things.
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ITA with this entire post. You do not have to be someone's mother for them to say "Happy Mother's Day" that is PURE crap. I tell every female I encounter or interact with, leading to and on that day HMD and they aren't my Mother. I'm sure many of you did the same and would feel awkward if you didn't, so why should it be different for men? I most cases it isn't, as male strangers extended well wishes for a HMD and my male casual friends, called and text me HMD greetings. We're not suggesting purchasing a gift or being taken to dinner, but expecting someone to utter a simple, meaningful greeting is not asking much at all.

The distinction in this situation, is if it were wrong or not. I don't think there is a right or wrong in this situation, but a question of respect. The OP guy may have issues with Mother's Day, due to losing his Mother at a young age, so I may give him a pass. However if he decides to get married and have a family, would he not acknowledge the Mother of his children?

But, my expectations of men are HIGH and RESPECTING me as a Mother, is on my list of expectations. If you expect, accept and settle for "anything" - then that's what you'll get! If you're a Queen act like one and demand to be treated like one. Don't expect the King to hold court with a person who entertains the "jokers and paupers". And ...

... If a person tells or shows you who he/she is "BELIEVE THEM"!
 
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I only mention Mother's Day and Father's Day to close family members. Never dated a man with children and I'm not that big on holidays anyways so it would be odd for an SO to hear it from me.

ETA: That being said, I probably would expect an SO to say it to me if it applied (bc I'd be hearing it from a ton of other people too). Not sure that I would be upset if he didn't though but I'd note it. I like that OP's SO will make it up to her.

ilong said:
ITA with this entire post. You do not have to be someone's mother for them to say "Happy Mother's Day" that is PURE crap. I tell every female I encounter or interact with, leading to and on that day HMD and they aren't my Mother. I'm sure many of you did the same and would feel awkward if you didn't, so why should it be different for men? I most cases it isn't, as male strangers extended well wishes for a HMD and my male casual friends, called and text me HMD greetings. We're not suggesting purchasing a gift or being taken to dinner, but expecting someone to utter a simple, meaningful greeting is not asking much at all.

The distinction in this situation, is if it were wrong or not. I don't think there is a right or wrong in this situation, but a question of respect. The OP guy may have issues with Mother's Day, due to losing his Mother at a young age, so I may give him a pass. However if he decides to get married and have a family, would he not acknowledge the Mother of his children?

But, my expectations of men are HIGH and RESPECTING me as a Mother, is on my list of expectations. If you expect, accept and settle for "anything" - then that's what you'll get! If you're a Queen act like one and demand to be treated like one. Don't expect the King to hold court with a person who entertains the "jokers and paupers". And ...

... If a person tells or shows you who he/she is "BELIEVE THEM"!
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Why do you say that to every woman you meet? You don't know if they have children or not. I got that from a ton of people (mostly strangers) this year and it is so odd and off-putting. First of all I'm confused since I don't have kids and second it's just weird (kinda sexist, is that the right word?) to assume that it applies to every woman that you meet. It doesn't compute to me. You do the same thing on Father's Day too?

As someone else mentioned, saying that to someone who lost a child or who can't have children may bring up a lot of feelings on an especially hard day.

I also don't care for Happy [insert religious holiday] greetings unless you know that person's religious beliefs. I just say thank you and KIM when someone says that to me.
 
I'm actually shocked at the ppl who would encounter a woman who is a mother on mothers day and because they are not their mother they wouldn't say anything, like who raised you?

Clearly people were raised very differently. Its not a culture thing, its a being raised right thing.

I say happy mothers and fathers day to any man or woman who fits that description. takes nothing to be nice and courteous.


Crackers Phinn said:
Do people only say happy fathers day to their own fathers?
Click to expand...
 
sunnieb said:
I see where this is going.

However, when a grown woman says she is just seeing somebody, that tells me it's not a serious relationship yet or it's very early in the relationship. Boundaries haven't been set. OP could be different, IJS.

Some posters are describing relationships that are well established. The man knows the deal. That's why I wanted to know if she let him know it was a big deal to her. If he ignored her feelings then..... :look:

For me, it's my birthday. That day is a national holiday in this household! :lol:

Dh has known that since 1989. I don't play when it comes to celebrating the day I was born.
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Virgo season in 98 days :toocool:
 
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