Have you ever "stolen" someone else's man?

[chokolate miss]

This is a topic that I was talking about with my cousin the other day.

We are obsessed with Tori and Dean. Tori (Spelling) met and began dating her husband when they were both married to others. I do not condone this exactly, but have you ever done it...maybe not married but dating?

Have you ever had a man leave their SO in order to pursue a relationship with you?
Have you met someone while you were in a relationship and left that person for the new person?

Did the relationship last? I will post a response after a couple of ladies chime in.

I'm going to try and make a poll...hmmm...

 

[Renewed1]

Girl, stealing men (or cheating) is a lot of work and I don't have the mental capacity to do it.

 

[chokolate miss]

Girl, stealing men (or cheating) is a lot of work and I don't have the mental capacity to do it.

Me neither! Now don't get me wrong I have not done anything like this to date.

But what if he left his SO for you? He never cheated on that person with you (physically). The two of you just shared a mutual attraction.

I guess I am trying to understand if there is a "code" and if so, what does it say?! LOL!

Or as a woman maybe you just met someone else and the two of you clicked better, had more in common, ect...

 

[Princess Tam Tam]

Girl, stealing men (or cheating) is a lot of work and I don't have the mental capacity to do it.

And karma is a *****!

 

[tiara76]

how does one steal a person?

 

[chokolate miss]

how does one steal a person?

Girl don't be difficult!!! You know what I mean. That's why it's in quotations!!!

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Your thread title and poll is quite different from the questions you are asking in your post.

I've never pursued a man who was in a relationship, but I've had a number of men in relationships pursue me. One of my exes officially dumped his girlfriend so that he could pursue me, but I had no PROACTIVE role in that. It was all his choice. I let him charm me and we were in a relationship for a few years. Being older and wiser I'd be much more weary of a man who see's an upgrade and goes after it with reckless abandon.

The whole idea that someone can steal someone from someone else is ridiculous though IMO, no one OWNS another human being, not even those in a relationship. They are in a relationship because both parties are participating. Some women seem to need to be reminded constantly that men are not mindless objects when it comes to other women. They have a choice in whether or not they want to be 'stolen'.

 

[Renewed1]

Me neither! Now don't get me wrong I have not done anything like this to date.

But what if he left his SO for you? He never cheated on that person with you (physically). The two of you just shared a mutual attraction.

I guess I am trying to understand if there is a "code" and if so, what does it say?! LOL!

Or as a woman maybe you just met someone else and the two of you clicked better, had more in common, ect...

I would be leary of the bolded part. I wouldn't want him to leave his SO for me. If we were meant to be; there will be no "other woman".

I still consider it drama and wouldn't take part in it.

I'm really simple.

 

[Lebiya]

Not knowingly, and what goes up comes down harder

 

[tiara76]

Girl don't be difficult!!! You know what I mean. That's why it's in quotations!!!

lol I mean Im just sayin dawg....

people can't be stolen, people just choose to leave

and karma is all based off intentions

if you feel internal guilt, you will create a situation that will "punish" yourself back, but only you will blame it on somebody else, (ie, you get a man thru deceit and negative intentions easily you can lose him or another to it the same way and then say its all their fault for doing this to you)....if somebody is going after somebody's man out of spite, jealousy, competition, etc their intentions are all negative based, their karma will be "negative".....if people happen to connect and one or both are "taken" and they decide to act on love and leave who they are with to be with another their karma will be love...the way they leave will not be done in a "shady" way and their intentions to the others in their lives won't be to hurt them, they will act on honesty and truth of what they feel vs lying, hiding, pretending to "protect" (will create internal negative emotions as well)....love is the higher cause

 

[chokolate miss]

OK, sorry if I was confusing. I did not think about the difference between active participation and the opposite.

In my mind I was thinking the SO being left will consider you a homewrecker no matter what. I guess that is too simplisitc. However, I agree that you ladies that one cannot "steal" a person. We have all been given free will and the ability to reflect on those choices.

I used to say those things about karma, but now I feel like life happens. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. In psychology we called this an attribution error. The belief that an unfortunate incident occured due to some fault of the person affected. Despite my saying this here is my worry-he will leave because that is his MO, not because of karma per se. I would be afraid that this man would leave as soon as the lastest thing strolled his way. Some may still describe this as karma.

But what if you two were meant to be and you just met later...?

Now I would not tell a man that he needs to leave his SO for me. But I have wished, at certain points, that a man was single so we could possibly pursue a relationship.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Me neither! Now don't get me wrong I have not done anything like this to date.

But what if he left his SO for you? He never cheated on that person with you (physically). The two of you just shared a mutual attraction.

I guess I am trying to understand if there is a "code" and if so, what does it say?! LOL!

Or as a woman maybe you just met someone else and the two of you clicked better, had more in common, ect...

This is the situation I've been in before, and it was trial and error for me because I wouldn't be so quick to be the 'replacement' today.

It says alot about a man's character that does this. Even if he was unhappy in his relationship, I'd prefer a man who didn't need another option to present itself in order for him to leave an unhappy situation. These men usually have issues with being alone, and many other emotional/psychological issues that will show up in your relationship down the line. I doubt a person who jumps from relationship to relationship has a good relationship with themselves.

My code for that today would be to confront the pattern with the man whether I liked him or not, in DEPTH and express the belief and concern about a man that does this so he deals with the real issue inside of himself, without me acting as his new 'band-aid.'

 

[Lebiya]

lol I mean Im just sayin dawg....

people can't be stolen, people just choose to leave

and karma is all based off intentions

if you feel internal guilt, you will create a situation that will "punish" yourself back, but only you will blame it on somebody else, (ie, you get a man thru deceit and negative intentions easily you can lose him or another to it the same way and then say its all their fault for doing this to you)....if somebody is going after somebody's man out of spite, jealousy, competition, etc their intentions are all negative based, their karma will be "negative".....if people happen to connect and one or both are "taken" and they decide to act on love and leave who they are with to be with another their karma will be love...the way they leave will not be done in a "shady" way and their intentions to the others in their lives won't be to hurt them, they will act on honesty and truth of what they feel vs lying, hiding, pretending to "protect" (will create internal negative emotions as well)....love is the higher cause

You just triflin.. lolol



....j/j

 

[chokolate miss]

lol I mean Im just sayin dawg....

people can't be stolen, people just choose to leave

and karma is all based off intentions

if you feel internal guilt, you will create a situation that will "punish" yourself back, but only you will blame it on somebody else, (ie, you get a man thru deceit and negative intentions easily you can lose him or another to it the same way and then say its all their fault for doing this to you)....if somebody is going after somebody's man out of spite, jealousy, competition, etc their intentions are all negative based, their karma will be "negative".....if people happen to connect and one or both are "taken" and they decide to act on love and leave who they are with to be with another their karma will be love...the way they leave will not be done in a "shady" way and their intentions to the others in their lives won't be to hurt them, they will act on honesty and truth of what they feel vs lying, hiding, pretending to "protect" (will create internal negative emotions as well)....love is the higher cause

Hehe I know!! I read your post and they are always well thought...as is this one.

What you said makes complete sense. I totally understand karma in the way it is explained here.

I'm not trying to get my head shrink wrapped for free, but I am confused at this point. I look at Tori, realizing this is television, and see two people happilly married with children. They started off married.

My motto used to be...the way a relationship starts is how it will end. I have often found that to be true.

But as for myself I have someone who has stated interest in me and he is in a relationship. I have told him that I have NO interest in a taken man. I did not say this so he would leave her, I just wanted him to know where I stood. He says he is about to leave her...anyways on that one. I know how men can be and I want no parts of that. I told him if he is unhappy in the relationship then do what he feels is right, but do not use me as a scapegoat.

We are friends and a couple of my girls tell me that it is wrong to even be friends with him on that level. They say this because of our shared attraction to one another, and the fact that he has a GF.

Is my being friends with him being an "active particiapnt"? Maybe I should have called the thread "Has a man ever left his SO to be with you"? Ho Hum...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I used to say those things about karma, but now I feel like life happens. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. In psychology we called this an attribution error. The belief that an unfortunate incident occured due to some fault of the person affected. Despite my saying this here is my worry-he will leave because that is his MO, not because of karma per se. I would be afraid that this man would leave as soon as the lastest thing strolled his way. Some may still describe this as karma..

Good points, this discussion is sorta right on time too. At the bolded, this too would be my concern. If it was someone I felt strongly about, because lets not fool ourselves, it is possible for people to fall in love being attached to others, I wouldn't rush into a relationship with him and I'd confront him about the concern.

I know a married couple, this is his second OR third marriage and the womans first. While he was with his ex-wife this woman was around BOTH the wife and husband and knew them for years and I'm not completely clear on how it happened, I have an idea that she pursued him while he was married and preyed on a weak point she saw in their marriage, just knowing what I know of her, but I don't know for sure. Regardless, very shortly after divorcing his ex, he married his woman and they put up a brave front, but she fears that he will leave her and will do anything, even sending her daughter from a previous relationship to go live with her parents simply because her and her husband don't get along. She's extremely insecure of him being around a beautiful woman and rightly so. I have reason to believe he's cheated and I know for a fact he's been pursuing someone while he's married to her. Karma? Sounds like it, but don't really know.

But what if you two were meant to be and you just met later...?

Like Tiara said, I'd definately be sure that all intentions and actions were free of negativity and all about the love. It can be done. Some people are together and aren't truly meant to be together. There is a right way for them to part though, and timing and consideration should be given to previous commitments to dissolve on their own accord before acting on the new or truer love. That way it will be free of bad energy and karma.

 

[Almaz]

Okay NO man I repeat NO man can be stolen. I hear women say this and I am like Look you did not steal him from anyone. He is a willing a participant. Just like you THINK you took him from someone. He can just as Willing go with someone else. That they think Stole from you. Stop drinking the kool-aid these women think that they are so great. They should not be so quick to flatter themselves.

 

[chokolate miss]

This is the situation I've been in before, and it was trial and error for me because I wouldn't be so quick to be the 'replacement' today.

It says alot about a man's character that does this. Even if he was unhappy in his relationship, I'd prefer a man who didn't need another option to present itself in order for him to leave an unhappy situation. These men usually have issues with being alone, and many other emotional/psychological issues that will show up in your relationship down the line. I doubt a person who jumps from relationship to relationship has a good relationship with themselves.

My code for that today would be to confront the pattern with the man whether I liked him or not, in DEPTH and express the belief and concern about a man that does this so he deals with the real issue inside of himself, without me acting as his new 'band-aid.'

You are so on point with this! That is what I wonder about him. Maybe he just does not want to be alone. The relationship is about to hit the skids and he is prepping me to be next in line. But wrong as it may be part of me wants him to break up with her, I would never speak that to him though.

However, I believe that we share a nice connection. We are quite similar in many aspects. He is very intelligent and also fun. We want many of the same things out of life.

I'm single, but I don't know if I had an SO if I would leave for this person. That is why I wondered if any of the ladies had left their SO for another person. But I should have expected that no one would fess up hmph! LOL!

 

[runwaydream]

Girl don't be difficult!!! You know what I mean. That's why it's in quotations!!!

 

[chokolate miss]

She's extremely insecure of him being around a beautiful woman and rightly so. I have reason to believe he's cheated and I know for a fact he's been pursuing someone while he's married to her. Karma? Sounds like it, but don't really know. quote]

At the bolded...that is what got me thinking. On the episode of Tori, she was telling Dean about how insecure she gets, because when she met him he was married. At that time Dean had his eyes on the diving instructor...now that ain't right!

Even though nothing has happened, I would not feel right looking into this young lady's face knowing that I was totally feinding for her man!

I also remember a post on here from a member. She said that she and her husband recently had broken up, but she really was not that phased because she was in love with her male BF. It may be possible that the husband was not the person for her, and being with him will allow her to truely relish in the love of the new relationship. In a way you can't know good until you have tasted bad?

Okay NO man I repeat NO man can be stolen. I hear women say this and I am like Look you did not steal him from anyone. He is a willing a participant. Just like you THINK you took him from someone. He can just as Willing go with someone else. That they think Stole from you. Stop drinking the kool-aid these women think that they are so great. They should not be so quick to flatter themselves.

I agree. I do not think that my womanly wilds are so amazing that I can snake charm a man away from his woman. But do you not think that some men are so weak (to the flesh maybe), that with convincing they will leave? I mean men can get women to do some silly and foolish things. You don't think a woman can get a man to do the same. I say this still acknowledging that we all have free-will.

In other words-do homewreckers not truely exist?

 

[ANUBIS]

NO whats the point? just shows the man is a wanderer and i wouldnt want to be the next one havin to put up with his ish

 

[SvelteVelvet]

You are so on point with this! That is what I wonder about him. Maybe he just does not want to be alone. The relationship is about to hit the skids and he is prepping me to be next in line. But wrong as it may be part of me wants him to break up with her, I would never speak that to him though.

However, I believe that we share a nice connection. We are quite similar in many aspects. He is very intelligent and also fun. We want many of the same things out of life.

I'm single, but I don't know if I had an SO if I would leave for this person. That is why I wondered if any of the ladies had left their SO for another person. But I should have expected that no one would fess up hmph! LOL!

Who knows what the future holds and nothing is ever really cut and dry in these circumstances some things are meant and some things are not, but because this is such an issue for you now it could carry over into your relationship if you go into it with the notion in your head that you 'stole' him from someone else.

Just like that couple I know, I feel she was intent on breaking up their marriage, I doubt she respected her husbands ex's existance when she was his wife. Now she's in the fragile position of being paranoid that someone is trying to break up their marriage and that he will leave her, the fact that she is soo scared and will do anything to keep him is almost proof to me that their union wasn't an honorable one, even if they did run away and get married. I think it was to save face for the fact that she was pregnant really.

But anyway, like i said who knows what the future holds, just be careful with your intentions and try to clear up this 'mess of things' you are feeling before you, if you do, start a relationship with him.

 

[ANUBIS]

[/QUOTE] In other words-do homewreckers not truely exist?[/QUOTE]

yes its the person straying

 

[chokolate miss]

Interesting. I will also say that I agree with you. Man or woman.

 

[kismettt]

he was 'talking to' another girl before we got together (like borderline relationship)

no it did not last

and he ended up dating her after me :-O

 

[chokolate miss]

Ouch! Now that is what I would be afraid of too. In a way, you were the experiment to see if he really wanted to be with her or not. That time he chose her.

 

[inspiration150]

Ok if you know someone's in a relationship and you pursue them or are doing things with them that is done when one is in a relationship, That is "stealing" someone's man. Now of course you have to know that person is in the relationship in the first place. Of course no one can be taken if they don't want to. But you played a part in breaking someone's relationship up. Usually it doesn't work out anyways, because if the man has no qualms cheating than he will do it to you. The only way is to stay out of it. If he breaks up with her for you and you played no role than fine. I would still be leary about a man who would break off a committed relationship so easily. I would have to hear his reasons if he told me that. And no I haven't.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I would never "steal" someone else's man. That's just a LOW blow to me. I wouldn't want someone to do that to me either, so I wouldn't do that to someone else.

Even if a man and I had an instant attraction or chemistry, I would NOT be trying to entice him or flirt with him if either of us are in a relationship with other people. EVen if He's taken and I'm single, I would NOT do that.

I know some women feel like all men are "fair game" as long as he doesn't have a ring on his finger yet, but I don't play that. If he is in a commited official "relationship" with another person, he is OFF-limits to me.

Now, if later on down the line he and his girl break up and I'm still free, THEN maybe we can talk. But otherwise, I just keep it moving. I'm cordial and friendly, but I don't do anything that would be disrespectful to his gf, or damage his relationship with her.

 

[Ramya]

Yes and No. I didn't steal anyone but I sure made it hard for them to ignore whatever "feelings" they may or may not have been experiencing toward me. Playing on their emotions was my "wrong" but that was then.

 

[chokolate miss]

I would never "steal" someone else's man. That's just a LOW blow to me. I wouldn't want someone to do that to me either, so I wouldn't do that to someone else.

Even if a man and I had an instant attraction or chemistry, I would NOT be trying to entice him or flirt with him if either of us are in a relationship with other people. EVen if He's taken and I'm single, I would NOT do that.

I know some women feel like all men are "fair game" as long as he doesn't have a ring on his finger yet, but I don't play that. If he is in a commited official "relationship" with another person, he is OFF-limits to me.

Now, if later on down the line he and his girl break up and I'm still free, THEN maybe we can talk. But otherwise, I just keep it moving. I'm cordial and friendly, but I don't do anything that would be disrespectful to his gf, or damage his relationship with her.

@ the bolded...this is a very good point. Technically a person is single, if they are not married. I do not agree with this notion. If the shoe was on the other foot, people would not be feeling it. So what behaviors/actions are considered disrespectful to the GF?

Yes and No. I didn't steal anyone but I sure made it hard for them to ignore whatever "feelings" they may or may not have been experiencing toward me. Playing on their emotions was my "wrong" but that was then.

What did you do Ramya? I'm curious how you made things difficult for him to ignore and if it worked out in the end. Why do you think that it was wrong? Oh and I take that you would not do that again...

 

[cmw45]

No. If he cheated on her with you, what makes you think he wouldn't cheat with someone else on you. Karma is...