For the Marrieds: Does your husband know...

ChasingBliss

ChasingBliss

Well-Known Member
Everything about you?

Your sexual history?
Not so cool things you may have been involved in?



Do you have the kind of husband that expects you to have been perfect patty before he met you even though he was not?

Can you talk to your husband about your past?

Does your husband think he should know your past?

I'll just answer my own stuff first and hope others can chime in:
First he's my husband to be in a few months....

No he does not know too much, even though I am waaaay mild compared to many, he couldnt handle certain things. He's already shown me that...He says he wants to know and even feels he SHOULD know but he can be somewhat judgmental and hard to talk to when it comes to stuff like this.

He tells me so much but I dont feel I can be as open.

When they become your husband, do they have a right to know?

So many questions, I know...I'm typing and thinking at the same time, I'm really quite distressed and I dont even know why?

Any input may help....thanks :sad:

I know this sounds bad, or that I may be coming across like I have some shady past, but I dont. What I do have is an unrealistic thinking FH.

Please dont quote this, I may be deleting soon.
 
Follow up (if OP doesn't mind): if you were a prostitute/"sugar baby" in your past, does your hubby know?

eta: i mean WOULD you tell... i know ain't nobody in these parts gonna fess up to something like that :lol:
 
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Happy Soon-to be Nuptial:)

My thoughts are kinda harse for this audience so I will just listen in...

I will however say that I think you are probably a wee nervous over the event...(nuptial):grin:

Let him reveal as much as hes comfortable doing so, and you as well.

But do not let his reveal push you into revealing what you are not comfortable with...
 
I am a big believer in keeping many things to yourself. Or be vague:look:. Men claim they want to know, but I don't think they can handle it if they found out.
 
CB, I see no reason why your soon to be DH needs to know every single doggone thing about you and your past. It sounds like he knows enough to want to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you. Maybe you feel distressed because you don't feel comfortable or safe telling him everything. Maybe that is the problem. IDK. Are you starting to get cold feet? But I would not tell him everything, especially if I thought he would judge me or hold it against me. Tell him he needs to chill and be happy he was lucky enough to snag you, and that he needs to leave well enough alone.
 
And to answer your question, dh knows pretty much everything about me but I had little to hide as I was only 18 when we met. But I would think any grown woman 25 or older would have a few things she'd rather keep to herself. Also, dh's are human beings so no matter how much you love and trust them, you can never completely open up like you can with God. JMHO.
 
RegaLady said:
I am a big believer in keeping many things to yourself. Or be vague:look:. Men claim they want to know, but I don't think they can handle it if they found out.
Click to expand...

That's the thing. My best friend was telling me that when a man finds the woman he wants to marry, he tends to go hard, wanting to know everything about her. He asks a gazzilion questions about everything before him and I'm like PLEASE, it's not that serious and I really dont feel comfortable sharing all that with you.


hopeful said:
CB, I see no reason why your soon to be DH needs to know every single doggone thing about you and your past. It sounds like he knows enough to want to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you. Maybe you feel distressed because you don't feel comfortable or safe telling him everything. Maybe that is the problem. IDK. Are you starting to get cold feet? But I would not tell him everything, especially if I thought he would judge me or hold it against me. Tell him he needs to chill and be happy he was lucky enough to snag you, and that he needs to leave well enough alone.
Click to expand...

I'm definitely not getting cold feet but I am realizing that marriage changes a lot of things....I'm just wondering if knowing certain things is THAT important. Is it really his business? Of course, he would tell me it is.
 
ChasingBliss said:
That's the thing. My best friend was telling me that when a man finds the woman he wants to marry, he tends to go hard, wanting to know everything about her. He asks a gazzilion questions about everything before him and I'm like PLEASE, it's not that serious and I really dont feel comfortable sharing all that with you.
Click to expand...

I don't know why that would matter unless it has an affect on the future between you two. All he needs to know is that you love him and want to be with him, etc. The details about the past is not important IMO. What exactly does he want to know? How many sexual encounters you had? Who you slept with? Why does it matter unless he wants to know if you have been sexually responsible (check up for STDs and the like). I don't think anything good really comes out of telling a man the details of your past, lol.
 
DH knows pretty much everything about me since I married him at 18 and he's been my only *ahem* bf/partner...I feel if I did have anything worth telling, I could tell him and he wouldn't mind unless I had been a prostitute or something. I don't think your whole life story is his business unless it could possibly affect him in the future like I said prostitution or sleeping around with no protection, gave a baby up for adoption or you know something major.
 
Only time I would ever say MAYBE you shuld indulge the man is IF something happened between you and a friend of his/someone in his circle..just so he knows and it doesnt come out one day during a fight or drunk session blah blah

Other than that, to the grave. if he wnats to tell on himself..good for him. you dont need to recopricate, you yourself are already aware of how he is when he's told things/ There you go
 
Thanks all. I've concluded that he knows all he needs to know about me before we met. I dont have anything crazy that he SHOULD know about from my past. Therefore I am done with this matter.

Sometimes I think he tells me things to see if I will reciprocate :lol: nice try but eh eh, nope, not happening.
 
i would probs tell him. i mean, there's pretty much no way that i would have a shameful history... i've discovered i'm just not that sex-driven... so i doubt that i will really change my current practices btwn now and marriage... which is gonna be w/i 5 yrs or so for me. so... i would tell.
 
What has he volunteered to tell you about his past? :rolleyes: I agree with the majority. Leave well enough alone. Its not about hiding info or being slick. I just dont see what you did back in 1999 has anything to do with now.
 
My husband knows a lot, but he doesn't know everything. Some people say "sharing means caring", but I think caring means respecting each other's boundaries. I wouldn't recommend sharing anything you don't feel comfortable sharing, but if part of that stems from his reaction to certain topics, I feel that's an issue you need to address (ANYTHING can come up during your marriage and, should you need to talk, you should feel like DH will provide a non-judging ear).
 
Dh knows everything about me. I hate the idea of keeping secrets. But if he were a different man, I maybe wouldn't have been so transparent.
 
Alot? yes. EVERYTHING?? umm No ma'am. As said before.. somethings are better left unsaid and taken to ur grave. :look:
 
DH and I are pretty open in communicating but I'm sure there are things that he doesn't tell me and there are things I don't tell him, not because of being secretive, but because it's irrevelent---and I believe that sometimes it's good to keep peace in the marriage instead of feeling that you have to tell everything, that doesn't necessarily make for a great marriage, it could cause more problems because some folks are not as strong handling certain info as they think they are.
 
just adding my post to increase the number saying don't tell all. I see how you could feel 'unsettled' because you are deliberately keeping some things to yourself.... I have felt the same too, but he really doesn't have to know all about you. What matters most is who you are now, and that its not something has direct impact on your marriage. I have shared too much in the past with DH [then FH] and now wish I held my tongue. Congrats on the impending nuptials.
 
My dh knows some things but not everything. He couldn't handle it if I told him all my secrets. As long as my past won't effect our future I think it's ok to take some things to the grave with u.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2
 
tolly said:
just adding my post to increase the number saying don't tell all. I see how you could feel 'unsettled' because you are deliberately keeping some things to yourself.... I have felt the same too, but he really doesn't have to know all about you. What matters most is who you are now, and that its not something has direct impact on your marriage. I have shared too much in the past with DH [then FH] and now wish I held my tongue. Congrats on the impending nuptials.
Click to expand...

Thank you. You have described exactly how I feel at times.
 
I don't have a problem telling him ANYTHING about my life but the reality is, does he really NEED to know everything? My answer is no.

-A
 
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