Ladies,
I am going to PM all who have asked for the BGO version. I am just sort of working through somethings right now.
Lord please don't let this be my next book. But I have to tell ya'll all things right now are just not what they seem. I woke up this morning and could not for the life of me get my ex off my mind. It's like he just walked into my bedroom about 3am this morning and sat down. His essence, spirit, ghost, incubus ain't left yet. Yeah on that last one.
I honestly don't know what to do. I have no shame in telling you this, ya'll gone go back and read all my posts about him anyway. I don't care. The truth is I still love this man. How do you break the spell and move on?
I want to fall in love with my new love. I really do. God knows I do. But dang if they don't look like brothers. See look. You better look fast cause you already know I'll be hitting delete in about a minute.
My ex treated me like a queen and was very well off. Very well off. But he had a dark side, he was an internet ho. I'm just going to be straight about that. This one treats me like a queen and has the potential, no he will be very well off one day. I can tell. He's very stable just not there yet. My ex was two years older than me. He just turned 46, SC is only 39.
And the crazy thing is, as much as I love sex, SC walked up to my ex and slapped the crown right off his head. While my ex was okay in bed, SC is THE REIGNING KING, no doubt about it. I mean not just off the chain good, I'm talking about off the chain, through the gate, didn't look both ways before crossing, running down the middle of the road good.
So tell me why I cannot get this ex out of my mind? SC is sweet in a genuine way. He's a nice person. My ex is too, that is until we get back in the car or until he hangs up the phone or the person walks away. Then they're all kinds of crazy ish. He will curse somebody out in the middle of Walmart like his name was Sam Walton. I guess maybe money does that to you.
That is not at all what attracted me to him because I didn't initially see that side of him. But his dark side slowly presented itself to me in a way that I was never really able to say this is bad water until it was up to my neck.
This will sound crazy but he is getting ready to contact me. I have had this feeling before and whenever I cannot stop thinking about him, he finds a way to contact me. Just to update you. We were together this time last year so maybe it's the season similiarity doing this I don't know. But anyway, he refused to talk to me or see me for 5 months after the day I left his house taking all my ish.
Then somewhere around December of 07 he starts emailing me. January he texts me and wants to see me. It was like we had never broke up. There's a post about that somewhere I'm sure. I ask him point blank after he starts calling me every Sat morning and every night after he leaves the gym, what he wants. Does he want a business relationship with me or a personal. He stammers and hems and haws and finally he says business, because he always screws up in personal.
Okay...I'm thinking well damn at least I know. But I love you, is what I was thinking.
Arrrgghh....anyway. He keeps calling but this is what I notice. He's making all these damn plans for us and this new company. "And when we hire staff", and "when we file for this" and "when we branch out into that". I mean WTF!!!. I'm thinking yeah I know what he said but why plan a life around a business with someone you don't intend to be involved with, especially when you already know how they feel about you?
Well this is what I began to notice, he leaves the gym my phone rings...."what are you doing, what did you do today....did you schedule our class....yada yada yada....hold on I need to pick up my dinner". Now he's done this about four times. Here's how the conversation goes.
Restaurant Counterperson: "Hi can I take your order"
Devil Incarnate: "Oh yeah I'm hear to pick up an order for the "Liar from Hell"
Restaurant Counterperson: "okay you had "One fish dinner, one 3 piece chicken dinner and one shrimp dinner"
Devil Incarnate: Tries to mute phone. But I already got that.
Restaurant Counterperson: "Okay that'll be $45.76.
Devil Incarnate: "Did you remember my sauce, cause the last time you forgot it.
Restaurant Counterperson: "I'm sorry here's some extra. (thinking he's unmuting phone)
Devil Incarnate: "So yeah I'm back, so let me call you back as soon as I get in the house"
Me: "Oh okay" Yeah right.
He of course does not call until the next time he's leaving the gym or its Saturday morning. So I start to suspect that the ex-wife is back. She's a nurse and nurses work nights. The only reason for him to constantly be order three dinners is they eat two and she takes one to work.
He refuses to discuss or admit to any of this. So one day my car breaks down. I call him. No answer on cell so I call his house phone. He routinely calls me from that phone so why not? Please tell me why I get a call back from a female wanting to know was anyone trying to reach MRS. Jane DOE or MR. John DOE. Now I figure for her to call me back using "their" handles and last names she must know my phone number and wanted me to know who she was. Otherwise why call back at all. It's not like I left a message. Not a word from him since. Nothing.
They got divorced two years ago, but got back together and then she left and took everything but the paint off the walls. No really, she even had someone climb up on a 20 foot wall and take down the surround sound speakers. Something that makes a woman mad enough to do that can only be another woman or women. I think she found out about his internet adventures. By the way he never took his profile down, that's how I busted his dumb ***. I set up a new profile and there he was...ready and willing.
So knowing all this and knowing what I know so far about SC, why can I not erase this ex from mind like the bad memory he is. I don't want to be just using SC to get over him either. I genuinely like SC. And I for sure don't want to start second guessing him because they look so much alike.
I know I need to just give this new relationship time, because of course the first few weeks everything is everything, you know? I just don't want to find myself again in bad water up to my neck six months from now.
When SC talks about fixing things around my house and making repairs I can't help but remember the night me and my ex stayed up till 3am, hanging blinds in one of my rent houses so that the new tenant could move in the next day. He had to go to work that morning and was so sleepy, but he finished every last one.
They just sound so much alike when it comes to me wanting to pay for anything. They have both physically taken my billfold and put it back in my purse in a store. They both shave dry with a razor. They both have that dang 3A hair. They have the same eyes. No SCs lashes are longer...smile. They both love to...Stop it. stop it. stop it.
Okay suffice it to say they have some very obvious similiarities and some truly and thank you God differences. It would seem simple, a really simple thing to do, to just forget the evil twin and keep the good twin.
The Ex. These are pics from my birthday last year, he took me away to the beach for the weekend.
Pic #1, 4 and 5 are of SC
Pic 2 and 3 are the EX.