Ex-Wife wants a "tour" before child can visit?

OP I think whoever suggested the have them over for dinner thing was a good suggestion. Let her see where her kid will be sleeping and communal spots in the house only. She don't need to see anything else.
 
French Rouge said:
In the OP, it says he has been getting his daughter for years. Why didn't you meet the daughter during one of his other visits. How long did you know him before you got married?
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He gets her each summer for years. During the school year it isn't as frequent due to the distance bewtween the two of them.
 
and also...if he feels like she is being a pain and this is the start of worse things to come, it will benefit him NONE to not go to court and get visitation in writing. If he likes being laid back, he should want to do all in his power to ensure that things stay at a "cool" point.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
OP I think whoever suggested the have them over for dinner thing was a good suggestion. Let her see where her kid will be sleeping and communal spots in the house only. She don't need to see anything else.
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I am going to suggest this to him.:yep: I just hope he agrees.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
OP I think whoever suggested the have them over for dinner thing was a good suggestion. Let her see where her kid will be sleeping and communal spots in the house only. She don't need to see anything else.
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He said he will think about it:)

He stated it could be the start of an never ending list of requests from her.
 
Kalia1 said:
He gets her each summer for years. During the school year it isn't as frequent due to the distance bewtween the two of them.
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So you weren't around during the summers?

Mom is being a little extra. All she had to say was that she wants to meet you and see how ya'll living. Cause I know that is mostly what this is about.:look:
 
hopeful said:
I do not understand at all why he would not have a court order or why it would be a last resort. Should have been the first thing he did when they divorced. That makes no sense to me. And I would not let her investigate my entire home, no way.
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After the divorce he and she agreed to the visitation on their own.
He would simply inform her as to when he would like to pick her up and they would set the time and date.
 
pookaloo83 said:
So you weren't around during the summers?

Mom is being a little extra. All she had to say was that she wants to meet you and see how ya'll living. Cause I know that is mostly what this is about.:look:
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No we met last year and it was a long distance relationship til we married a few months ago.
 
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Kalia1 said:
I am going to suggest this to him.:yep: I just hope he agrees.
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You are his wife. You can make him agree *wink, wink*. I think it's in your best interest to make sure his daughter can come and spend time with her father. His ex-wife is in your life, for better or worse, so the earlier you deal with this, the easier your life will be.

Kalia1 said:
After the divorce he and she agreed to the visitation on their own.
He would simply inform her as to when he would like to pick her up and they would set the time and date.
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:nono: not good
 
@pookaloo83 your twistout looks nice:)

My mother-in-law stated that she called her today too! My mother-in-law spoke highly of me to her and just told me to "put my big girl pants on" and offer to do lunch with her.Just his ex-wife and I.

I would be cool with it but what if she is the "crazy" one:)
 
I agree totally that he should have had his visitation established.

When I moved from one state to another when my children were younger I took their Dad into court to legalize everything and to establish a new set of visitation rules.

This way he couldn't say I just took his children. We were both on the same accord as to when he would see them.
 
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I'm sorry, but she will NOT be touring my house. I think she has a lot of nerves. She is not making this ridiculous demand because she wants to know where her daughter is sleeping. Why wasn't she concerned about where her daughter was sleeping during her previous visits?
 
Kalia1 - Never give another woman that much control, i don't care who u married too and how many kids are involved.

oh, i f'got to light up a newport one hunnit...hold on.

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

so, as I was sayin.... *puff*

i'm ole school, and imma tell u some good shyt. if you let her have this one, you've lost and she has one on you. how is it that you can let another woman dictate what she is going to do in YOUR house? Explain that. I understand that you're trying to keep the peace, but phuck dat. The ex knows that her daughter is crazy about her dad and is using this as an excuse (pawn) because she can't get over da fact that they are no longer t'gether.

see, as long as they were separated, deep down, she thought that there might be a chance of them getting togetha. now she wants to come in and be nosey to see what kinda life he's givin you versus the one they had t'getha. the lady of the house always ranks supreme, queen B.

NEVER let another woman dictate what goes on in your home and NEVER give another woman that much control where she can come in YOUR house and dictate where her daughter sleeps, etc.

Now if she wants to meet you, then let it be on your turf, your terms, but not in ur house. you gotta put your foot down and let her know in so many words who da real bytch is. you can still be a woman of class, but be dat bytch at the same time.

I wish a woman would try to punk me and tell me some boolshyt bout some lemme tour ur house. phuck outta hea wif dat bollshyt. it's all about respect at the end of the day. she's trying to make this about her daughter, but fa real, it's about her and her deep twisted issues.

like diana ross said.."its my house and I LIVE HERE."

now, if you let her in and let her tour your house, be ready for more drama to come. trust me on this one. stand for something or fall for anything.

ETA - if she wanna play, take her to court and establish the visitation. teach her how to play so next time she'll know better. good luck.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
Kalia1 - Never give another woman that much control, i don't care who u married too and how many kids are involved.

oh, i f'got to light up a newport one hunnit...hold on.

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

so, as I was sayin.... *puff*

i'm ole school, and imma tell u some good shyt. if you let her have this one, you've lost and she has one on you. how is it that you can let another woman dictate what she is going to do in YOUR house? Explain that. I understand that you're trying to keep the peace, but phuck dat. The ex knows that her daughter is crazy about her dad and is using this as an excuse (pawn) because she can't get over da fact that they are no longer t'gether.

see, as long as they were separated, deep down, she thought that there might be a chance of them getting togetha. now she wants to come in and be nosey to see what kinda life he's givin you versus the one they had t'getha. the lady of the house always ranks supreme, queen B.

NEVER let another woman dictate what goes on in your home and NEVER give another woman that much control where she can come in YOUR house and dictate where her daughter sleeps, etc.

Now if she wants to meet you, then let it be on your turf, your terms, but not in ur house. you gotta put your foot down and let her know in so many words who da real bytch is. you can still be a woman of class, but be dat bytch at the same time.

I wish a woman would try to punk me and tell me some boolshyt bout some lemme tour ur house. phuck outta hea wif dat bollshyt. it's all about respect at the end of the day. she's trying to make this about her daughter, but fa real, it's about her and her deep twisted issues.

like diana ross said.."its my house and I LIVE HERE."

now, if you let her in and let her tour your house, be ready for more drama to come. trust me on this one. stand for something or fall for anything.

ETA - if she wanna play, take her to court and establish the visitation. teach her how to play so next time she'll know better. good luck.
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PREACH MAMA :yay:
 
Go to lunch together. On the way out, show her the daughter's bedroom, close the door and promptly walk her towards the front door. Never let her back in again.
 
Sorry but she wouldn't be touring my house. Can I tour hers??!! Sounds like she is trying to be nosy. Yet another reason to consider your mates and their "situations" before you get married. No, she would not be touring my home. No ma'am and then she has been "uninterested till then?" Most women would be her worst nightmare. No way would she be invading my home. Her daughter will come back and dispel enough. Courts need to be involved with arrangements like this.

Like I said, you should have figured a good amount of this out before you jumped the broom. After all, marriage came with the daughter as an addition. I was involved with a guy who had a child and I let him go asap. Couldn't process all of these parental responsibilities without actually having a child of my own (and he had no problems like you). You married him so WOMAN up. lol
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
Kalia1 - Never give another woman that much control, i don't care who u married too and how many kids are involved.

oh, i f'got to light up a newport one hunnit...hold on.

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

so, as I was sayin.... *puff*

i'm ole school, and imma tell u some good shyt. if you let her have this one, you've lost and she has one on you. how is it that you can let another woman dictate what she is going to do in YOUR house? Explain that. I understand that you're trying to keep the peace, but phuck dat. The ex knows that her daughter is crazy about her dad and is using this as an excuse (pawn) because she can't get over da fact that they are no longer t'gether.

see, as long as they were separated, deep down, she thought that there might be a chance of them getting togetha. now she wants to come in and be nosey to see what kinda life he's givin you versus the one they had t'getha. the lady of the house always ranks supreme, queen B.

NEVER let another woman dictate what goes on in your home and NEVER give another woman that much control where she can come in YOUR house and dictate where her daughter sleeps, etc.

Now if she wants to meet you, then let it be on your turf, your terms, but not in ur house. you gotta put your foot down and let her know in so many words who da real bytch is. you can still be a woman of class, but be dat bytch at the same time.

I wish a woman would try to punk me and tell me some boolshyt bout some lemme tour ur house. phuck outta hea wif dat bollshyt. it's all about respect at the end of the day. she's trying to make this about her daughter, but fa real, it's about her and her deep twisted issues.

like diana ross said.."its my house and I LIVE HERE."

now, if you let her in and let her tour your house, be ready for more drama to come. trust me on this one. stand for something or fall for anything.

ETA - if she wanna play, take her to court and establish the visitation. teach her how to play so next time she'll know better. good luck.
Click to expand...

Bout time somebody with a lick of sense speak!!!!! Thank you a million times over. That's my ****!!!!!
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
Kalia1 - Never give another woman that much control, i don't care who u married too and how many kids are involved.

oh, i f'got to light up a newport one hunnit...hold on.

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

so, as I was sayin.... *puff*

i'm ole school, and imma tell u some good shyt. if you let her have this one, you've lost and she has one on you. how is it that you can let another woman dictate what she is going to do in YOUR house? Explain that. I understand that you're trying to keep the peace, but phuck dat. The ex knows that her daughter is crazy about her dad and is using this as an excuse (pawn) because she can't get over da fact that they are no longer t'gether.

see, as long as they were separated, deep down, she thought that there might be a chance of them getting togetha. now she wants to come in and be nosey to see what kinda life he's givin you versus the one they had t'getha. the lady of the house always ranks supreme, queen B.

NEVER let another woman dictate what goes on in your home and NEVER give another woman that much control where she can come in YOUR house and dictate where her daughter sleeps, etc.

Now if she wants to meet you, then let it be on your turf, your terms, but not in ur house. you gotta put your foot down and let her know in so many words who da real bytch is. you can still be a woman of class, but be dat bytch at the same time.

I wish a woman would try to punk me and tell me some boolshyt bout some lemme tour ur house. phuck outta hea wif dat bollshyt. it's all about respect at the end of the day. she's trying to make this about her daughter, but fa real, it's about her and her deep twisted issues.

like diana ross said.."its my house and I LIVE HERE."

now, if you let her in and let her tour your house, be ready for more drama to come. trust me on this one. stand for something or fall for anything.

ETA - if she wanna play, take her to court and establish the visitation. teach her how to play so next time she'll know better. good luck.
Click to expand...

I would usually agree with this. But I think the OP situation is a little different. Looking at it from the ex wife's POV I understand where she is coming from. Op has been with her husband less than 2 years, living together for a few months, which before than were in a long distance relationship and has never met the mother or the daughter. So I can understand her wanting to see the home. Like previous posters have the ex-wife don't know OP from eve. If the circumstances were different I could understand the opposition. But looking at it from the Ex wife's POV she may also feel the husband doesn't know her to well either (not saying this is true) and wants to check out who will be spending so much time with her daughter. it's understandable for her to want to know how this woman keeps a home and who she is. I don't agree she should be allowed in the bedroom. But I think the suggestion about coming over for dinner is a good one. Hope everything works out.
 
smoothie696 said:
I would usually agree with this. But I think the OP situation is a little different. Looking at it from the ex wife's POV I understand where she is coming from. Op has been with her husband less than 2 years, living together for a few months and has never met the mother or the daughter. So I can understand her wanting to see the home. Like previous posters have the ex-wife don't know OP from eve. If the circumstances were different I could understand the opposition. But looking at it from the Ex wife's POV she may also feel the husband doesn't know her to well either (not saying this is true) and wants to check out who will be spending so much time with her daughter. it's understandable for her to want to know how this woman keeps a home and who she is. I don't agree she should be allowed in the bedroom. But I think the suggestion about coming over for dinner is a good one. Hope everything works out.
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They had invited the ex-wife in the past and she refused. Why did she wait until AFTER they got married?
 
Kalia1 said:
My husband is a real cool guy who doesn't want to involve the courts in regards to this. They have no court order in regards to visitation. He said that is a last resort.
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Get ready for the last resort. There is no way she'd be touring my house. I know a whole lot of divorced and remarried people and I AINT never heard of no mess like this. The man has had his daughter every summer and now all of a sudden, now that he has remarried she has a problem. Take that bitter bit(h to court and get this taken care of before it gets out of hand. This is not the time to try and be "real cool".


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
This is your step-daughter's mother and I would welcome her into my home, not as an inspector, but in the same spirit you would welcome any friend into your home. And it's not uncommon to give people a quick tour of your home when they come to visit. In fact, I would tell her I would be delighted to show her my home.

I would head this off at the pass by being the bigger woman and extending the same hospitality to her that you would any guest. That will make it much more unlikely that she'll come to your home with an attitude.

I'm also raising my eyebrows at how it is that you never met his daughter. Unless you guys had an incredibly quick relationship, engagement, and marriage it seems like if your husband wanted this to happen he could have found a way for you to meet her during her annual summer visit. Including flying you to where he lived if need be. Based on that, I wouldn't assume that the ex is being unreasonable. This could be a reflection of some tensions in their relationship.
 
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We tried REPEATEDLY to me with her and his daughter prior to marrying!

She was always giving excuses as to why it simply wasn't a good time.

smoothie696-I look at it from her view being a mother as well. I have no problem however it will simply be on my terms. As another poster stated we can do lunch nearby. She is free to come in see their daughter's room and the bathroom and that's it!

The dynamics of when/where/how of our marriage has nothing to do with anyone.

My husband and I simply want a peaceful summer with his daughter.

Not wanting to divulge much but my husband states that he distinctly got his daughter a cell phone and pays the bill so he can simply contact his daughter. He states that his ex-wife was always asking him personal questions in regards to his private life before he married me. He doesn't see her as a friend sadly.

He simply wants to keep it to the business of their daughter and discuss only about her. She in turn will keep the phone off and not allow the daughter to check the voicemail messages.

For example last week he called his ex-wife's line to see why there had been no returned calls. She states the phone was lost. He let his ex-wife know he was disconnecting it. The next day the phone was found in the couch.


Ladies who believe I should be checked out that's fine. I don't have anything to hide.
 
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