Don't mind me I'm just ranting...

[larry3344]

Now this is something that's been bothering me for a long time and I just feel I needed a release. I am 18 going on 19 and look forward on having a family later on in life, marry and STAY married. My parents are divorced but it hasn't changed my belief that marriage , once you found the right person, is sacred. I love my dad but he has done things that even the most loving person will have a hard time to forgive which brings me to the next topic.

Why is it (based on my experience) so hard for Black men to stay married and be dedicated to their children but seems a lot easier when it comes to dating women of other races. Before I get any further I am not blaming anyone here; I just want to understand why is it that all of my mixed friends (black and other) have their father in their lives while all of my black friends live with their mothers and before you say anything this is trend that I have seen anywhere I go.

I work at a movie theatre and these last three weeks there has been thousands of people who come in since it is the holiday season, and all the black kids (90%) would either be by themselves or with their mothers ONLY. All the mixed (black and other ) children would be with both parents with their fathers cooing all over them. On top of that, it is not only White women, now its asian women, arab women anyone under the sun but black women. It used to not bother 'cause we are sons and daughters of God no matter what race but the thingas although I do see other mixed children that are not mixed with black most races are still pretty faithful to their own but us... it seems to be going downhill. Like having black is not good enough.

I am West African and africans tend to marry their own but there's always that odd uncle or aunt who travelled and married someone outside of the culture and the children always end up being embraced by the entire family. Because that's the way africans are as long as there's their blood running through your veins you are family no matter what mix you are.

But as a young woman who finds herself only attracted to black guys am I going to have a harder time meeting one than women of other races? I am not trying to make this a BLACK WOMEN vs BLACK MEN issue. I truly believe, that anyone can marry anyone he/she likes but the reason why its bothering me because I can't help but notice trend especially with oour own.

 

[larry3344]

Now this is something that's been bothering me for a long time and I just feel I needed a release. I am 18 going on 19 and look forward on having a family later on in life, marry and STAY married. My parents are divorced but it hasn't changed my belief that marriage , once you found the right person, is sacred. I love my dad but he has done things that even the most loving person will have a hard time to forgive which brings me to the next topic.

Why is it (based on my experience) so hard for Black men to stay married and be dedicated to their children but seems a lot easier when it comes to dating women of other races. Before I get any further I am not blaming anyone here; I just want to understand why all of my mixed friends (black and other) have their father in their lives while all of my black friends live with their mothers and before you say anything this is a trend that I have seen anywhere I go.

I work at a movie theatre and these last three weeks there has been thousands of people who come in since it is the holiday season, and all the black kids (90%) would either be by themselves or with their mothers ONLY. All the mixed (black and other ) children would be with both parents with their fathers cooing all over them. On top of that, it is not only White women, now its asian women, arab women anyone under the sun but black women. It used to not bother me 'cause we are sons and daughters of God no matter what race but the thing is although I do see other mixed children that are not mixed with black most races are still pretty faithful to their own but us... it seems to be going downhill. Like having black kids is not good enough.

I am West African and africans tend to marry their own but there's always that odd uncle or aunt who travelled and married someone outside of the culture and the children always end up being embraced by the entire family. Because that's the way africans are as long as there's their blood running through your veins you are family no matter what mix you are. But now even africans are expanding their horizons, whatever that means...

But as a young woman who finds herself only attracted to black guys am I going to have a harder time meeting one than women of other races? I am not trying to make this a BLACK WOMEN vs BLACK MEN issue. I truly believe, that anyone can marry anyone he/she likes but the reason why its bothering me because I can't help but notice the trend especially with our own.
P.S. I must say now I understand a bit better why certain black women are resentful although it doesn't justify everything I am a bit more understanding. But what annoys me it is when advertiseer think they have filled their black person quota by putting mixed chikdren to represent black people. I don't understand it, why? Also, this not an issue of light skin vs dark skin africans have all shades or hair types for that matter and are not necessarily mixed...for me it is more of wanting to retain my cultural background and not having it diluted (mean no offense) just like some people like something different than what they've always know I want someone close to home with who I can identify, as long as the person is well travelled and not narrowminded it's fine with me.
What do you guys think? Am I exaggerating?!

 

[larry3344]

bump

 

[calm_delight]

My observations and experiences have not been the same as yours but I can certainly understand your frustration.

That said, focusing on these things and stewing in these negative thoughts is only a recipe for resentment and bitterness. This will only make matters worse; soon you will only notice the interracial couples (kind of like when you get a car, you notice that particular car on the road all the time), which will probably cause you to give the stink eye to black men (bitterness), which will give you a bad attitude, which will cause men (all) to steer clear of you.

You can't control who people are attracted to. You can't focus on why certain black men are with women of other races. You're doing yourself a disservice by swimming in all this negativity that you can't do a thing about. You can (should) only marry ONE man - to hell with the other billions of men.

 

[Paradox]

Now this is something that's been bothering me for a long time and I just feel I needed a release. I am 18 going on 19 and look forward on having a family later on in life, marry and STAY married. My parents are divorced but it hasn't changed my belief that marriage , once you found the right person, is sacred. I love my dad but he has done things that even the most loving person will have a hard time to forgive which brings me to the next topic.

Why is it (based on my experience) so hard for Black men to stay married and be dedicated to their children but seems a lot easier when it comes to dating women of other races. Before I get any further I am not blaming anyone here; I just want to understand why all of my mixed friends (black and other) have their father in their lives while all of my black friends live with their mothers and before you say anything this is a trend that I have seen anywhere I go.

I work at a movie theatre and these last three weeks there has been thousands of people who come in since it is the holiday season, and all the black kids (90%) would either be by themselves or with their mothers ONLY. All the mixed (black and other ) children would be with both parents with their fathers cooing all over them. On top of that, it is not only White women, now its asian women, arab women anyone under the sun but black women. It used to not bother me 'cause we are sons and daughters of God no matter what race but the thing is although I do see other mixed children that are not mixed with black most races are still pretty faithful to their own but us... it seems to be going downhill. Like having black kids is not good enough.

I am West African and africans tend to marry their own but there's always that odd uncle or aunt who travelled and married someone outside of the culture and the children always end up being embraced by the entire family. Because that's the way africans are as long as there's their blood running through your veins you are family no matter what mix you are. But now even africans are expanding their horizons, whatever that means...

But as a young woman who finds herself only attracted to black guys am I going to have a harder time meeting one than women of other races? I am not trying to make this a BLACK WOMEN vs BLACK MEN issue. I truly believe, that anyone can marry anyone he/she likes but the reason why its bothering me because I can't help but notice the trend especially with our own.
P.S. I must say now I understand a bit better why certain black women are resentful although it doesn't justify everything I am a bit more understanding. But what annoys me it is when advertiseer think they have filled their black person quota by putting mixed chikdren to represent black people. I don't understand it, why? Also, this not an issue of light skin vs dark skin africans have all shades or hair types for that matter and are not necessarily mixed...for me it is more of wanting to retain my cultural background and not having it diluted (mean no offense) just like some people like something different than what they've always know I want someone close to home with who I can identify, as long as the person is well travelled and not narrowminded it's fine with me.
What do you guys think? Am I exaggerating?!

I don't think you are exaggerating.
I wonder how the black race will be doing in 50 years. lol!
A house divide cannot stand.
Ha!Oh well, I have so much to say on the issue, but it will go to deaf ears on longhaircareforum, so just realize that usually the women on here are going to tell you that you are imagining things, that perhaps something is wrong with you, or maybe you have low self esteem,or that you are a self hating black women.I think the younger generation is more aware of the issues, I am also 19 years old, maybe we are more realistic, each generation gets smarter, I bet my kids are going to be way smarter than me. This reminds of the situation in Germany, before the Holocaust, the son told his parents that they needed to leave because he saw an issue, but they refused. Later on in a concentration camp, they sent him a postcard that said you were right, and of course they died. Very sad story, it shows how denial can have horrible effects. I also think that pride could be a cause of black women claiming that this is not occurring,when statistics SHOW that this is true, and had been true for a number of years. But what makes me confused is that someone will tell me that statistics don't apply individually, WHAT?ok.
But like I said before, I can't wait to see us in 50 years.
*wish you well and exits thread*

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I don't think you are exaggerating.
I wonder how the black race will be doing in 50 years. lol!
A house divide cannot stand.
Ha!Oh well, I have so much to say on the issue, but it will go to deaf ears on longhaircareforum, so just realize that usually the women on here are going to tell you that you are imagining things, that perhaps something is wrong with you, or maybe you have low self esteem,or that you are a self hating black women.I think the younger generation is more aware of the issues, I am also 19 years old, maybe we are more realistic, each generation gets smarter, I bet my kids are going to be way smarter than me. This reminds of the situation in Germany, before the Holocaust, the son told his parents that they needed to leave because he saw an issue, but they refused. Later on in a concentration camp, they sent him a postcard that said you were right, and of course they died. Very sad story, it shows how denial can have horrible effects. I also think that pride could be a cause of black women claiming that this is not occurring,when statistics SHOW that this is true, and had been true for a number of years. But what makes me confused is that someone will tell me that statistics don't apply individually, WHAT?ok.
But like I said before, I can't wait to see us in 50 years.
*wish you well and exits thread*

I concur with everything you said. Its sad but hey, that's life. The best advice I can give the OP is to try living for yourself until that special person, regardless of color, comes around. I know you like black men but maybe you need to open up different avenues for you to explore and increase your odds. Again, no you're not imagining things(although people will try to say otherwise) as I see this in a lot of places all the times as well but what can you do?! Live your life and prepare for the harvest that will be. You have your whole life ahead of you and thats a very good thing. Good luck.

 

[antisocial]

I understand what you're saying but at the same time you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Just because you see a black man with a woman of another race does not mean he's "faithful" and "devoted" and everything is all good. From what I've seen a lot of white women will put up with waaaay more bs than I would EVER be able to deal with. I'm kind of glad that they are keeping some of these men off the market....keeps me from wasting my time and energy.

 

[drasgrl]

There is a black man out there for you believe that. Don't focus on the black men that won't stay married focus on the ones who are willing. If you focus on the negative that's all you will get. Don't worry about what other people are doing. Live your life the best you can and do the things you want to do.