Do you think a man should put in extra effort if he likes you?

[Bublin]

Do you think a potential boyfriend should pull out all the stops to prove how much he likes you?

Have you made anyone 'chase' after you and how did it work out?

My recent experience is that i met this guy and he works all the time, he insisted that he really wanted to see me/go out on dates but because of work it was near on impossible.
I expressed a concern at him calling me at unsociable hours and twice he had to cancel a date. I told him i wasn't happy at all and not used to this sort of laid back attitude from men (i was bit cheeky and thought i had come across as very demanding and spoilt - which i am )

I backed off from him and i also don't want to stand in the way of man and his work.

Well, he called me the other day and said that he really really likes me and that he has decided to cut back on work to make a go of things. He is working excessively and recognises this. Other people have told him this and my 'telling off' had put things into perspective.

He is self employed so he can choose when he works.

Already he calls me at more sociable hours AND more often and has bought tickets to a concert and booked a table for dinner.

He joked and said that he hopes i don't dump him after all the hard work he is going to put in!

 

[Colliecole]

Do you think a potential boyfriend should pull out all the stops to prove how much he likes you?

Yes...a man will make time for what he really wants. Not making time for me, you don't really want me. I was more demanding of my SO when we first got together. 3 yrs later he let his belly out:::rolling eyes::: so I'm not as much as a priority i.e. he's not missing work, ignoring important phone calls for me...But that's expected I do think the extra effort is manditory in the honeymoon part of the relationship.

 

[Determined22]

Yes yes yes.

The best advice that I ever got was "A man who wants you will make it known, and he will do everything in his power to show you that and to get you."

 

[bluediamond0829]

ITA ^^^^ if a man wants to show interest he's going to go out of his way to show that he is thinking about you....

 

[Poobity]

Yes...a man will make time for what he really wants. Not making time for me, you don't really want me. I was more demanding of my SO when we first got together. 3 yrs later he let his belly out:::rolling eyes::: so I'm not as much as a priority i.e. he's not missing work, ignoring important phone calls for me...But that's expected I do think the extra effort is manditory in the honeymoon part of the relationship.

I'll admit it. It took me the LONGEST time to learn this (the bolded). When you know better, you do better right? I'm doing better, lol. People really do what they really want to do.

 

[chichibean]

No doubt about it! I not only think that they should, but they actually will put in extra effort if they like you! Men like a challenge and if they really like a woman they will make the effort.
If he doesn't try hard and step up when you let him know that he isn't making enough of an effort (like Bublin) then "he just isn't that into you". Women should value themselves more... make sure you let the man know that you are interested, but after that he needs to step up and treat you like a princess... especially at the beginning!

So way to go Bublin!

 

[envybeauty]

hmmmmmmmmmmmm.......


I don't think what you described is extra work at all. To me, it is the norm. A man who wants to date me will call me at reasonable hours, take me out, pay for it, and call me again to make future plans. He will spend quality time with me. What is so special about that?

If he had been treating you good from jump, it would not seem like extra.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

hmmmmmmmmmmmm.......


I don't think what you described is extra work at all. To me, it is the norm. A man who wants to date me will call me at reasonable hours, take me out, pay for it, and call me again to make future plans. He will spend quality time with me. What is so special about that?

If he had been treating you good from jump, it would not seem like extra.

I agree. Also, whenever I was dating someone that wasn't that into me it showed. But I was too naive to notice. These guys that were not that into me were always late, always wanted to do "blockbuster movie night" instead of going out and spending a little change, broke dates, etc. I only went through this twice and then I woke up. My brother told me once, a man will only do what you allow him to do. Kudos to OP for standing your ground and making that man do the right thing.

 

[HoneyDew]

I don't really think so. Most of the men I have ever dated and even my current man of 4 years have all had busy productive lives, just like me.

When I was younger yeah, I was used to guys doing it up to show me they were interested.

But, with professional men, men with kids, men that travel for work, whatever it is easy to think they are not "really" interested if they are not doing cartwheels for you.

There are the little things that these men doo that show you that he is interested. And that is good enough for me because I hope he does expect any cartwheels from me, either. I got bills to pay, a house to take care of and responsibilities at work!

I think in many cases it would be silly and irresposible to put your love interests ahead all other things.

But, that can go to the other extreme, as well. I would not want his work and hobbies to be his ENTIRE life.

 

[cocoberry10]

Yes...a man will make time for what he really wants. Not making time for me, you don't really want me. I was more demanding of my SO when we first got together. 3 yrs later he let his belly out:::rolling eyes::: so I'm not as much as a priority i.e. he's not missing work, ignoring important phone calls for me...But that's expected I do think the extra effort is manditory in the honeymoon part of the relationship.

I agree with everyone else. Yep, he has to chase this

 

[HoneyDew]

Yes yes yes.

The best advice that I ever got was "A man who wants you will make it known, and he will do everything in his power to show you that and to get you."

I don't think that is true with all men. These days more men have become proud and tired of doing a bunch of stuff to get a woman's attentions only to end up having to deal with some drama more often then not.

Especially older and/or established attractive eligible men that have careers, wealth, businesses, etc. Yeah he will let you know he is interested, but he is not going to be all up on you being pressed.

Maybe because those guys do have "choices" when it comes to women. He does not have to be pressed. He can go out with you on a level playing field and have good conversation with you, talk to you about business, politics, family etc.

And, because you were so irresistibly charming, he can even call you back that same night to see when you can get together again. But, these days there is really no reason for a guy to be pressed or to have to pay for dinner and dates all the time.

Personally I think so many woman want to be treated equally as men, but not quite all the time.

 

[Bublin]

I don't really think so. Most of the men I have ever dated and even my current man of 4 years have all had busy productive lives, just like me.

When I was younger yeah, I was used to guys doing it up to show me they were interested.

But, with professional men, men with kids, men that travel for work, whatever it is easy to think they are not "really" interested if they are not doing cartwheels for you.

There are the little things that these men doo that show you that he is interested. And that is good enough for me because I hope he does expect any cartwheels from me, either. I got bills to pay, a house to take care of and responsibilities at work!

I think in many cases it would be silly and irresposible to put your love interests ahead all other things.

But, that can go to the other extreme, as well. I would not want his work and hobbies to be his ENTIRE life.

Honeydew - i agree with your post. This is how i feel and don't begrudge a man that works hard. I mean, i work hard too and have responsibilites.

I have always gone out with men that work long hours - the guy i went out with for 8 years was flying abroad for work.

I don't want him to jump hoops for me i just could tell we could have something here so told him how i felt.....he had been single for 2 years and was on auto-pilot, concentrating on work all the time.

I didn't want to be immature and dump the brother without telling him how i felt.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

And, because you were so irresistibly charming, he can even call you back that same night to see when you can get together again. But, these days there is really no reason for a guy to be pressed or to have to pay for dinner and dates all the time.

Personally I think so many woman want to be treated equally as men, but not quite all the time.

Boy I really hope the bolded is not true. I just started seriously dating again so...we shall see...

 

[HoneyDew]

Honeydew - i agree with your post. This is how i feel and don't begrudge a man that works hard. I mean, i work hard too and have responsibilites.

I have always gone out with men that work long hours - the guy i went out with for 8 years was flying abroad for work.

I don't want him to jump hoops for me i just could tell we could have something here so told him how i felt.....he had been single for 2 years and was on auto-pilot, concentrating on work all the time.

I didn't want to be immature and dump the brother without telling him how i felt.

Well, he needs to make some time, really.

I remember once I was dating a guy that tended to be kinda needy. At the same time I was having some CRAZY stuff going on at work. I was so exhausted one Friday night and we had plans to watch movies at his house that night. I ended up calling him to cancel and he got so mad! Telling me that I am just too busy for him, and that he was so excited and had been to the movie store and got popcorn blah blah blah. I really liked him, too. Well that made me be a little more respectful to him. So I think it is very important to let the person know. I do think he should have been nicer to tell me his feelings - he did it in a angry whining way.

 

[HoneyDew]

Boy I really hope the bolded is not true. I just started seriously dating again so...we shall see...

Well, I think a guy should pay for the 1st date, but they really appreciate and feel special if you pick it up the 2nd time. Unless he is one of those Alpha Male types that does not even want you to open the door for yourself. But those guys are not my style.

 

[OneInAMillion]

hmmmmmmmmmmmm.......


I don't think what you described is extra work at all. To me, it is the norm. A man who wants to date me will call me at reasonable hours, take me out, pay for it, and call me again to make future plans. He will spend quality time with me. What is so special about that?

If he had been treating you good from jump, it would not seem like extra.

ITA!!! Unfortunately some men don't see it like that, but I just try to keep in mind that those are the ones that I likely would not want to end up with. BTW, it's really promising that he's making an effort and recognized the error of his ways.

Funny story - I recently met this guy at the airport and we talked during our flight, had a good conversation, found that we have family in the same area. Long story short, we decide to meet up for a date. This man calls the morning of the date, and asks me for gas money so that he can make the 1.5 hr trip to come see me. I politely declined because I thought it was a ridiculous request for a first date. He then proceeded to tell me that I must not really want to see him if I couldn't help him out. I was like, I guess not. Funny thing is, I'm a graduate student with a wack income and he has a job . So after that, he called to make up the date, but told me that this wasn't the 1960's and that I better not expect him to pay for a date. I told him that I didn't think a date was a good idea anymore...

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

Well, I think a guy should pay for the 1st date, but they really appreciate and feel special if you pick it up the 2nd time. Unless he is one of those Alpha Male types that does not even want you to open the door for yourself. But those guys are not my style.

Ooo pay for the 2nd date? Hmmm I'll have to think on that. I guess I prefer the man to pay most of the time. The so called Alpha Males are the ones that I've had probs with. Can't the other male types pay for everything too?

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

Funny story - I recently met this guy at the airport and we talked during our flight, had a good conversation, found that we have family in the same area. Long story short, we decide to meet up for a date. This man calls the morning of the date, and asks me for gas money so that he can make the 1.5 hr trip to come see me. I politely declined because I thought it was a ridiculous request for a first date. He then proceeded to tell me that I must not really want to see him if I couldn't help him out. I was like, I guess not. Funny thing is, I'm a graduate student with a wack income and he has a job . So after that, he called to make up the date, but told me that this wasn't the 1960's and that I better not expect him to pay for a date. I told him that I didn't think a date was a good idea anymore...

whoa that man has problems. he could have at least paid for his own doggone gas.

 

[OneInAMillion]

whoa that man has problems. he could have at least paid for his own doggone gas.

I know right! I refuse to believe that I'm asking for too much but some people .

 

[HoneyDew]

Ooo pay for the 2nd date? Hmmm I'll have to think on that. I guess I prefer the man to pay most of the time. The so called Alpha Males are the ones that I've had probs with. Can't the other male types pay for everything too?

From my experience, I think many guys assume they have to pay so they do it. But if a guy is with me long enough and gets to know me, he will realize that that I do okay financially, too. Why would he have to pay all the time!? We all have financial responsibilities and I think it is unfair for him to have to pick up the dates all the time. Besides, they really do feel special when you pull out the Visa sometimes.

It is funny though, my BF told me that he did not like what I did once. We had been out and he paid for dinner and everything. We decided to walk down to a club nearby. As we show our IDs and they tell us the cover charge, my BF pulls out his cash and I stopped him and said "I got it. You pay all the time." The bouncers were like "hey we like that!". But later my BF said that at first he did not like that I did that in front of other guys. It was not until they looked at it positively, that he was into it. Men!

 

[HoneyDew]

ITA!!! Unfortunately some men don't see it like that, but I just try to keep in mind that those are the ones that I likely would not want to end up with. BTW, it's really promising that he's making an effort and recognized the error of his ways.

Funny story - I recently met this guy at the airport and we talked during our flight, had a good conversation, found that we have family in the same area. Long story short, we decide to meet up for a date. This man calls the morning of the date, and asks me for gas money so that he can make the 1.5 hr trip to come see me. I politely declined because I thought it was a ridiculous request for a first date. He then proceeded to tell me that I must not really want to see him if I couldn't help him out. I was like, I guess not. Funny thing is, I'm a graduate student with a wack income and he has a job . So after that, he called to make up the date, but told me that this wasn't the 1960's and that I better not expect him to pay for a date. I told him that I didn't think a date was a good idea anymore...

Wow! That guy is just a jerk!! I want to guess that he NEVER gets to far with women! a$$hole!

I always think it is great for the woman to pay sometimes. But, I would never go out with some guy that says it's not "the 1960's and that I better not expect him to pay for a date".

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

From my experience, I think many guys assume they have to pay so they do it. But if a guy is with me long enough and gets to know me, he will realize that that I do okay financially, too. Why would he have to pay all the time!? We all have financial responsibilities and I think it is unfair for him to have to pick up the dates all the time. Besides, they really do feel special when you pull out the Visa sometimes.

It is funny though, my BF told me that he did not like what I did once. We had been out and he paid for dinner and everything. We decided to walk down to a club nearby. As we show our IDs and they tell us the cover charge, my BF pulls out his cash and I stopped him and said "I got it. You pay all the time." The bouncers were like "hey we like that!". But later my BF said that at first he did not like that I did that in front of other guys. It was not until they looked at it positively, that he was into it. Men!

I don't mind after we've been together for a bit. But in the beginning I'd rather the man pay... to me it shows his interest too. And anyway, I do alright financially however I'm still working on getting to Oprah status.

 

[OneInAMillion]

Wow! That guy is just a jerk!! I want to guess that he NEVER gets to far with women! a$$hole!

I always think it is great for the woman to pay sometimes. But, I would never go out with some guy that says it's not "the 1960's and that I better not expect him to pay for a date".

I do too...after the first couple of dates or so. But honestly, I always offer to pay for myself because that's just how I am. And then when we're seriously involved, I still offer to pay. I've been really blessed in the past two relationships that this was NEVER an issue. They always paid, whether to make sure I got home safely or for dinner. I would have to beg to pay for a dinner, and I did it to show that I appreciated them. But anyway, this fool will never get to see that...

 

[chichibean]

Ooo pay for the 2nd date? Hmmm I'll have to think on that. I guess I prefer the man to pay most of the time. The so called Alpha Males are the ones that I've had probs with. Can't the other male types pay for everything too?

I am dating this guy right now. He's not really the alpha male type but he paid for our 1st two dates. Both somewhat expensive. During both dates I took my money out to pay for drinks, club cover etc. and he said "why do you keep pulling your money out?" and I was like "well I don't want you to think that I expect you to pay for everything" and he told me not to worry about it because I had driven out to see him and that was enough (not exactly equal). But on our third date I invited him over and made him dinner and baked him a pie. I didn't spend much and he loved it! I think in a lot of cases, it's not even about the money, there's an equity thing that exists... if he's going to show you how much he enjoys spending time with you, taking you out... he wants to know that you feel the same way. In other words if he's willing to do cartwheels (even if he does them 1st) are you willing to do them for him also.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

I am dating this guy right now. He's not really the alpha male type but he paid for our 1st two dates. Both somewhat expensive. During both dates I took my money out to pay for drinks, club cover etc. and he said "why do you keep pulling your money out?" and I was like "well I don't want you to think that I expect you to pay for everything" and he told me not to worry about it because I had driven out to see him and that was enough (not exactly equal). But on our third date I invited him over and made him dinner and baked him a pie. I didn't spend much and he loved it! I think in a lot of cases, it's not even about the money, there's an equity thing that exists... if he's going to show you how much he enjoys spending time with you, taking you out... he wants to know that you feel the same way. In other words if he's willing to do cartwheels (even if he does them 1st) are you willing to do them for him also.

That was really sweet. And I agree, it's a two way street.

 

[Determined22]

I don't think that is true with all men. These days more men have become proud and tired of doing a bunch of stuff to get a woman's attentions only to end up having to deal with some drama more often then not.

Especially older and/or established attractive eligible men that have careers, wealth, businesses, etc. Yeah he will let you know he is interested, but he is not going to be all up on you being pressed.

Maybe because those guys do have "choices" when it comes to women. He does not have to be pressed. He can go out with you on a level playing field and have good conversation with you, talk to you about business, politics, family etc.

And, because you were so irresistibly charming, he can even call you back that same night to see when you can get together again. But, these days there is really no reason for a guy to be pressed or to have to pay for dinner and dates all the time.

Personally I think so many woman want to be treated equally as men, but not quite all the time.

I'm not speaking about being pressed; I'm talking about courting and showing a woman that you're interested.

If I'm doing all the calling, trying to set up a time for us to get together all the time, etc that's a sign to me that he's not interested. A guy that wants to get to know you and spend time with you will make that happen, even if he has work/school/kids/other things going on. Even if its just a 5 minute "how's your day going" chat. He's gonna say "I like you and I want X, Y, and Z" instead of leaving you guessing on your relationship status, cause he wants you for himself. That's what I'm talking about, not some guy that follows behind you every second cause he has no life of his own.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Do you think a potential boyfriend should pull out all the stops to prove how much he likes you?

Have you made anyone 'chase' after you and how did it work out?

My recent experience is that i met this guy and he works all the time, he insisted that he really wanted to see me/go out on dates but because of work it was near on impossible.
I expressed a concern at him calling me at unsociable hours and twice he had to cancel a date. I told him i wasn't happy at all and not used to this sort of laid back attitude from men (i was bit cheeky and thought i had come across as very demanding and spoilt - which i am )

I backed off from him and i also don't want to stand in the way of man and his work.

Well, he called me the other day and said that he really really likes me and that he has decided to cut back on work to make a go of things. He is working excessively and recognises this. Other people have told him this and my 'telling off' had put things into perspective.

He is self employed so he can choose when he works.

Already he calls me at more sociable hours AND more often and has bought tickets to a concert and booked a table for dinner.

He joked and said that he hopes i don't dump him after all the hard work he is going to put in!

I love it.

And yes, they need to invest.

 

[Laginappe]

Funny story - I recently met this guy at the airport and we talked during our flight, had a good conversation, found that we have family in the same area. Long story short, we decide to meet up for a date. This man calls the morning of the date, and asks me for gas money so that he can make the 1.5 hr trip to come see me. I politely declined because I thought it was a ridiculous request for a first date. He then proceeded to tell me that I must not really want to see him if I couldn't help him out. I was like, I guess not. Funny thing is, I'm a graduate student with a wack income and he has a job . So after that, he called to make up the date, but told me that this wasn't the 1960's and that I better not expect him to pay for a date. I told him that I didn't think a date was a good idea anymore...

I feel sorry for the women he comes across that think that behavior is ok.

 

[Bunny77]

I'm not speaking about being pressed; I'm talking about courting and showing a woman that you're interested.

If I'm doing all the calling, trying to set up a time for us to get together all the time, etc that's a sign to me that he's not interested. A guy that wants to get to know you and spend time with you will make that happen, even if he has work/school/kids/other things going on. Even if its just a 5 minute "how's your day going" chat. He's gonna say "I like you and I want X, Y, and Z" instead of leaving you guessing on your relationship status, cause he wants you for himself. That's what I'm talking about, not some guy that follows behind you every second cause he has no life of his own.

Yep, exactly.

And my experience has shown me that even the wealthiest, busiest, oldest, most attractive, blah blah blah, men will make an effort to show their interest if they're really into a woman. So that's what I expect.

 

[Browndilocks]

Absolutely! Not only should a man put in extra effort if he likes you, but I'm convinced that regardless of his own personal conflicts, etc. HE WILL put in the extra effort...effortlessly. Traveling, changing his call schedule and rearranging his previous plans mean nothing to him if he's really trying to get to know you better.