Dating For Marriage: Advice, Tips, Suggestions

Thanks for this thread!
I need to work work on smiling at people more. I've been told I seem mean and am mean I do not agree but I've heard it so often. It must be how i come off.

Currently I just need to focus on getting experience dating and figuring out what I like and do not like. However, I guess due to my offputting demeanor I rarely get asked out directly. I'm working I it though.

Im also working on taking better care of myself even if that means my cheap Virgo self have to dig into my purse and pay for it the times when I do not have time to do myself. I'm making an appointment to get my nails, hair, and waxing done as I haven't had time to do it myself and habe been looking kind of a mess.
 
rafikichick92 said:
I don't think I come off like he's wasting my time, I just feel like he's talking and I'm just like, "oh, that's nice" then a follow up question, then "oh, really", etc through the conversation. I feel like I seem very politely interested, as opposed to genuinely interested, but I don't know if it reads that way to the guy or not. It really is me trying to act like a normal person, it just feels awkward.

I don't tend to really relate deeply to people until I know them very well (like after months of exposure). I'm that person that people are like, I thought you were like this or that before I got to know you. The phrase Ice Princess might have been used before. :look: It's not something I do purposely, but I'm aware that it happens. Usually in casual friendships I don't worry about it--if we bridge the gap, we bridge the gap, but I feel like dating is a different set of rules.
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Try some active listening techniques that will help you be better at banter and small talk. I know a lot of folks hate small talk but in the beginning of a relationship it's all you really have to go on. Personally I prefer small talk because I don't like to get too personal with anyone. If we do more than talk about work and current events then move into my personal life that means we are close and I'm very comfortable.
 
Southernbella. said:
So I love taking inspiration from random things. I used to watch Mad Men and there was an episode where they were trying to sign GM as a client. They were out at dinner having fun, drinking, laughing, and then Don, one of the partners, started talking about the Vietnam war. The whole atmosphere changed.

Later, Roger, another partner, went in on Don. He was like wth was that? We're trying to close the deal. You know that it's all about the experience. They shouldn't have a single negative thought when they're with you.

This applies to dating (and it goes back to my homegirl I mentioned in the other thread). Your first few dates are not a time for you to gauge how your date feels about Donald trump or Caitlyn Jenner or police shootings. When he goes to bed later, you want him to be happy and wanting more time with you. You don't want him associating your presence with being woke or marching or Nazis. There's a time for all that but not when you're trying to close the deal.

*One exception is if HE brings it up. But even then, don't take that time to go off and show how woke you are. Talk enough to show that you are informed, and then make sure you express how scary it all is (so he feels protective towards you).
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Tell me why I'm suddenly reminded of this meme :laugh::

me-on-the-first-date-getting-ready-to-ask-him-18756228.png
 
Zaynab said:
All my friends are introverts and that's never stoped them from getting a man because like you said, they play it up in other ways, soft, demure (like you)

Aww thank you! When DH pursued me, I was like nah. We went out on two dates and I was like meh. Then I became super unavailable, like I would call him back once for every five phone calls :lol: He was going down to number 3 actually. Finally, he said "just tell me flat out what it is about me, what am I not doing". I said, "well I'm a fun person and you aren't any fun." :look: He said well I'm attracted to you because of your energy and vibrance, and I don't want to lose that so can you teach me how to have fun? That's like music to an extroverts ears, so I said why yes I will teach you. :yep:
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mstar said:
This is classic Rori Raye advice:

Smile and hold his eye for 5 full seconds. His entire guard will drop, and he'll engage you. 5 seconds is longer than it sounds! So she recommends practicing with your butcher, gas station attendant, etc...any and all men, regardless of his physical attractiveness or station in life.

This practice also has the effect of lowering your walls, and opening up your energy to be softer, more receptive, and more inviting. It will become second nature to you after a while, and it will also really change you as you become used to a) holding more power than you previously did, and b) receiving quality attention from every man you come in contact with. New possibilities will open up.
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This reminds me of something I heard a woman say on a morning show a few years ago. She mentioned to look at the man for a few seconds and then do a double-take to make sure he catches your eye and vice versa.

She did it right quick on camera to show everyone watching what that actually looked like. You have to do it quick and be subtle, even though you're trying to get his attention and get him to notice you without trying too hard or looking pressed.

After that, nine times out of 10 he will approach.
 
Shiks said:
Ok,so first date achieved. How do you ensure you get a 2nd?
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That's a question that he should be trying to figure out the answer to...not you. I mean if you talk to him soon after the first date you can make mention of how much fun you had but quickly move on to a different topic or end the conversation altogether. This will let him know that you enjoyed his presence but are not pressed to lock him down for another date. That's his job.
 
Shiks said:
Ok,so first date achieved. How do you ensure you get a 2nd?
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1. You get a second date by actively participating in the first date in a way that lets him see and know you would be interested in a second (and third, fourth, fifth, etc.)

Men pay attention to things like how a woman responds to him.

2. If you create a lasting impression, he will want to be in your presence again. Kim K. was definitely on point in that Tyler Perry movie ("Temptation") when she said you have to make a man remember you.

3. Pay attention to your signature. I also read in a magazine back in HS that you have to put your "signature" on the sex, because everyone has a signature. :look: I'm NOT saying you need to have sex to accomplish the goal of making a man remember you.

What I am saying is I took that statement and applied it across the board to everything from the dating aspect, presentation, conversation and then when it's appropriate, the sex.

4. Remember your message. This is closely related to how you respond to a man. Forgetting your message and not responding appropriately will leave you out of getting a call back or an invite to the next date.

5. Thank him sincerely and appropriately for the date you're on, all while setting your expectations for a future date.

6. If the invitation comes for a second date, do not always be quick to respond. If you are a woman with a full social (and professional) calendar, a gracious way to accept his invitation and not look too eager/thirsty is to respond with, "oh I would love to go but I have a few prior commitments I need to wrap up first. Can I let you know?" (Or "can I take a raincheck?")

Be sincere and mean it when you're thanking him for showing you a good time as well. Don't fake that. Men want you to be honest about whether you had a good time or not. It lets them know their efforts were not in vain or it lets them improve if you honestly say you didn't have a good time.

7. DO NOT plan not nan one date, outing, excursion, road trip, etc., especially in the beginning. He needs to do all the heavy lifting at this stage. Plus, you are setting yourself up to do all the work and "emotional rowing" if it progresses into a relationship.

And you're taking away his pride and masculinity when you take the reigns and start planning everything.

There's a time and place for that, but not when it's new.

I don't want this post to get too long, but I can come back an expand on this stuff later, if you'd like. Hope this helps so far.
 
Mai Tai said:
That's a question that he should be trying to figure out the answer to...not you. I mean if you talk to him soon after the first date you can make mention of how much fun you had but quickly move on to a different topic or end the conversation altogether. This will let him know that you enjoyed his presence but are not pressed to lock him down for another date. That's his job.
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This is true as well...especially the bolded. If he continues to call or text but hasn't invited you out on another date again after you have shown you're open through your message, keep the interactions short until he gets the picture. He will figure it out quickly that he won't get anywhere with you unless he asks you out.

This is also where that rotation we constantly speak of comes in handy.

Also, it's been mentioned before that you need to date yourself. You can't be good company to someone else if you aren't interesting, well-rounded and fun on your own. It will also make you more confident with men and in life in general.

Someone asked how to build confidence earlier and I meant to respond, but this is one way.
 
Supervixen said:
I'm late to this party!!! And I'm loving this thread. Women don't give this info out to non-familial women often.

One thing I never considered mentioned here is a signature during sex, but I do have one. Lol.
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I don't have a during but I've got a couple of good seduction initiator tactics. This is the only one I can show here.

None of this comes naturally to me so I watch and read erotica for ideas. I'm more librarian than siren so it has always thrown dudes off when I go off script.
 
Kimbosheart said:
lol thanks, I got that far. But I'd still like to see it done live, like watching a dance versus reading about it. It sounds like a nice genuine gesture. Oh, I'm a people watcher. I like observing social interactions.
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Ohhh :lol: Well I do it in a seductive catering way not like a mothering/flunkie kind of way. They like it, makes them feel pumped up especially done in public like yes I'm the man. Obviously, as another man noticed it. Men want men to want/covet/admire what they have-women included. We spend too much time worried about what women think, who cares.
 
Zaynab said:
Ohhh :lol: Well I do it in a seductive catering way not like a mothering/flunkie kind of way. They like it, makes them feel pumped up especially done in public like yes I'm the man. Obviously, as another man noticed it. Men want men to want/covet/admire what they have-women included. We spend too much time worried about what women think, who cares.
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Now that you mention it, at first I was thinking of folding napkin and handing it to the man, but after reading this I am like hmm do you lay it on lap....Let me go back to OP cause now its a move that is really sensual and dude may get other idea's... :perplexed:
 
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Zaynab said:
Ohhh :lol: Well I do it in a seductive catering way not like a mothering/flunkie kind of way. They like it, makes them feel pumped up especially done in public like yes I'm the man. Obviously, as another man noticed it. Men want men to want/covet/admire what they have-women included. We spend too much time worried about what women think, who cares.
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You taught me the napkin trick!

I think the key is touching him seductively while doing it. I try to run my finger(s) seductively around his neck with one hand, while I'm placing the napkin with the other. THink like you're trying to tease him into wanting you on the table instead of the food? @Kimbosheart
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I don't have a during but I've got a couple of good seduction initiator tactics. This is the only one I can show here.

None of this comes naturally to me so I watch and read erotica for ideas. I'm more librarian than siren so it has always thrown dudes off when I go off script.
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Omg!!! I love you!
 
Supervixen said:
You taught me the napkin trick!

I think the key is touching him seductively while doing it. I try to run my finger(s) seductively around his neck with one hand, while I'm placing the napkin with the other. THink like you're trying to tease him into wanting you on the table instead of the food? @Kimbosheart
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The napkin trick is dually seductive but submissive to a man. Y'all wanna be worshipped? Add that to your aresenal :lol:
 
shortycocoa said:
This is a different beast altogether. I had to learn the hard way that people who are involved romantically shouldn't be friends on social media.

My best friend also told me this is not a good look, and I should have listened to him then but I know now.

He's married and his wife is NOT one of his FB friends. :look: :lol:

I happened to joke about it a few weeks ago because she responded to a mutual friend from college's post.

I was shocked to see that, primarily because for YEARS he said she doesn't do social media and didn't have a FB page. He told me she joined FB and made one a while back, but he ain't adding her...:lachen:

I don't even know if they have the same mutual friends on FB but I told him maybe that's a good look. :look:
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If you don't mind, can you tell us why? I haven't read the whole thread through yet, so this may have already been asked. I wanted to make sure I don't forget to ask just in case. :look:
 
Some questions people ask me (with their permission) I'm going to answer here in this thread because I think it can help others.

"I think you give good relationship advice but I also think you should be honest that your appearance gives you a greater advantage because you're attractive, you have pretty hair. What about the average girls like myself? It's sometimes hard for us to be noticed and overlooked by the pretty girls."

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Now people have hit me with this more times than I can count in life. And at this point it's almost laughable that people think that's how I can pull men. First of all, if you're average looking don't write that down, don't acknowledge that, forget the word average because that's your first problem. Figure that out first and get back to me. That goes back to confidence. I will tell anyone this 10000x if you think pretty girls with pretty hair get men easier why are so many pretty women single???? :kick2:Like everywhere I go, single pretty women. So, pretty ain't getting it girls. And most people think my hair is fake so you can buy some too.

Re looks: I think a woman is say a 4-6, can easily make herself into a 8-10 with the right look, makeup, hair styling, plastic surgery but I digress. Theres no reason for a woman to not look her absolute best in 2017. If she doesn't, she's just damn lazy AF, the end. It's too easy out here to look good as @Crackers Phinn has said over and over. Seriously, Join a gym, wash your face.

And while I may be easy on the eyes in some aspects, the thing you can't see is I have a winning personality. I won't even try and not act like that's not the absolute truth in why men like me. I'm fun, I'm energetic and while I'm super intelligent, I mean if you've ever talked to me :look: you know I just like to keep it light and breezy. Yes, I'm an extrovert but having a winning vibrant personality isn't limited to just us, my girlfriends are all introverts and they have the same great personality. Develop who you are, what you like, let that lead who you are. I have a long list of stuff, I mean lettered in debate and I have two degrees wtf cares when you're getting to know a man? And like that question is so timely because I'm chubbing it out carrying like 25lbs so I look like a pound cake too :lol: but that's another story because remember my first rule of thumb is Confidence.
 
Abibi said:
If you don't mind, can you tell us why? I haven't read the whole thread through yet, so this may have already been asked. I wanted to make sure I don't forget to ask just in case. :look:
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I sure will! That's because it is extremely easy to take a lot of things out of context or to misconstrue certain statements. Then unnecessary drama will ensue as a result.

The other reason is because it is extremely easy to tell who is interested in your man and vice versa, if you pay close enough attention to FB activity and what is being exchanged, as well as how quickly things escalate from public wall conversations to the inbox (that inbox is a different beast altogether).


It could be too much temptation for some people and lead to arguments and insecurities in a situation where there were none before.

Also, you could end up being salty if you speak up and question certain friends, posts, why they're tagged in certain pics, etc. and the response was not what you were hoping for or you want to check them and it backfires or vice versa.

I had too many issues come up...enough to where I have learned my lesson. So I am heeding my best friend's advice on this one.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I don't have a during but I've got a couple of good seduction initiator tactics. This is the only one I can show here.

None of this comes naturally to me so I watch and read erotica for ideas. I'm more librarian than siren so it has always thrown dudes off when I go off script.
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Well damn, I need to find an equivalent of milk to bring into this house. I wonder if supligen would work?
 
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