Dating For Marriage: Advice, Tips, Suggestions

qchelle said:
Different strokes I guess. I think it's rude to answer a text by calling the person. Especially in the get to know you stage. We have to set a time for you to call. If you don't tell me in advance, via text, that you will be calling, I am not answering the phone. In the get to know you stage, that is.
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I was going to also post my two cents, but I did not want to derail the thread. I think the point that Zaynab is trying to make is that a man who is serious about you will call. Period. Point. Blank.

All these exception to the rules and opinions can get confusing if you're just trying to get off the ground in the dating world. I think this is why only a select few were posting the advice in the thread.
 
qchelle said:
I'm one of those people who, if someone calls without warning via text, ill ignore the call and text them back with "what do you want?" :lachen:
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I can see that I guess but not quite... mine is if you show up at my house and I didn’t know you were coming I don’t answer the door. I don’t care who it is... when DH and I were dating initially he showed up at my house... I didn’t know he was coming...:look:
 
I don't like talking on the phone either, but when you are getting to know someone you need to have real conversations. In person, or on the phone, FaceTime, whatever. But not texting. I would definitely not be texting someone I just met.

I might give them a heads up that I don't text tho, because I think most people under 40 would assume that others don't want to talk on the phone. But I would say it one time and then stop responding to texts.
 
Other guy called tonight. I used to hateeeee to text 5-6 men non stop all day but I felt like I had to. I didn't want them to think that I was interested, and I also wanted to "prove" I was good enough to be taken on a date.

Now I realize it's okay to make a man work a little. I didn't want to make the courtship difficult. Now I realize I really do not have to do anything. I'm valuable enough as is. He should be proving himself to me actually!
 
GraceJones said:
Other guy called tonight. I used to hateeeee to text 5-6 men non stop all day but I felt like I had to. I didn't want them to think that I was interested, and I also wanted to "prove" I was good enough to be taken on a date.

Now I realize it's okay to make a man work a little. I didn't want to make the courtship difficult. Now I realize I really do not have to do anything. I'm valuable enough as is. He should be proving himself to me actually!
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Right. Aimlessly texting is like having a boyfriend when you're in middle School you only see at school. You're not dating, your phone buddies.

Exactly. No need to prove anything to a man who isn't married to you, it's all on him. Don't make it easier for them, all these men do is roll over in the morning, scratch their balls, send "good morning beautiful" texts to 10 women and they get 40 texts back of giggles with the woman saying "I can't wait to see you":rolleyes: These ninjas are LAZY. Don't accept it.
 
Zaynab said:
Well you first have to realize you're worth whatever you want. I have to say when people ask me for advice the confidence issue is just one I cannot really say how to build it. But I don't want to be glib and say oh well. I do believe in self talk, self praise all day everyday. I know women think men are focused on looks but I don't believe that's the case, I think it's how you present it and package it. And not to be hurtful but I see so many gorgeous single women, it's the confidence you need to go along with the face. I'm really not sure how to tell you anyone how to build confidence, I know the old adage 'Fake it until you make it" sounds silly but I still think it's a start. I also think looking good is a huge step to feeling good about yourself. I make myself look good so I can feel good and that resonates in my personality. Maybe some other ladies can chime in??
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I think this sentiment bears repeating and is probably 90% of the work. Once this is achieved the rest (positioning, dressing the part, when to respond to texts) will be super easy.

I have a good friend who did a lot of work on herself after her divorce and is now dating someone who treats her like an absolute princess as well as him being a millionaire. She also brings more than a couple kids to the relationship and has a lot of people wondering and making their snide remarks instead of asking for advice.
She would not have had the self confidence to be with him or even think he was a remote possibility a few years ago.
 
Zaynab said:
Right. Aimlessly texting is like having a boyfriend when you're in middle School you only see at school. You're not dating, your phone buddies.

Exactly. No need to prove anything to a man who isn't married to you, it's all on him. Don't make it easier for them, all these men do is roll over in the morning, scratch their balls, send "good morning beautiful" texts to 10 women and they get 40 texts back of giggles with the woman saying "I can't wait to see you":rolleyes: These ninjas are LAZY. Don't accept it.
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My friend I mentioned made it hard for the guy and he liked it!!
Somewhere on here I talked about one of their conversations where he said he had never had a woman not doing all the calling in the beginning. It wasn’t some game she was playing with him, she was just busy and had a life to live that didn’t revolve around calling up some guy. If he wanted her he would put in some work, otherwise he didn’t want it bad enough.
 
I have another update. Been dating this guy for like 2 months. He is the most sparse communicator ever. I asked to speak to him on the phone when we first met and he pretty much told me he didn't have the time for that. He would text me like once every 3 weeks to hang out. I didn't answer his text messages because I felt like he's just a lazy dater in general.

GUESSSSSS who calls me last nigh wanting to talk?? Same dude.

Ladies, this works!!! I think I only heard his voice maybe once on the phone. All of a sudden he wants to talk. Unfortunately, I was being short on the phone because I was already with friends. He said it seemed like I couldn't talk so he hung up.
 
GraceJones said:
I have another update. Been dating this guy for like 2 months. He is the most sparse communicator ever. I asked to speak to him on the phone when we first met and he pretty much told me he didn't have the time for that. He would text me like once every 3 weeks to hang out. I didn't answer his text messages because I felt like he's just a lazy dater in general.

GUESSSSSS who calls me last nigh wanting to talk?? Same dude.

Ladies, this works!!! I think I only heard his voice maybe once on the phone. All of a sudden he wants to talk. Unfortunately, I was being short on the phone because I was already with friends. He said it seemed like I couldn't talk so he hung up.
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Bye Felix!

He call for the first time in _____ and expect you to make him priority. He better try that attitude with someone else.
 
Zaynab said:
It's just a submissive/seductive napkin trick I use. I do think it should only be done on spouses or FH's though
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Dh and I went out and I was wondering what his reaction would be if I did this...
What was your dh’s Initial response?
 
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