movingforward13
I do what I want...
Interesting- Lambert simply explained that woman just wasn’t the one.
I rarely hear of men so in love with women but they don’t propose. Maybe he is more in love with what she does for him but she isn’t the one.!
Dating For Marriage: Advice, Tips, Suggestions
- Thread starter Zaynab
- Start date
I rarely hear of men so in love with women but they don’t propose. Maybe he is more in love with what she does for him but she isn’t the one.!
This all day!Completely agree with you. You have to ask yourself do I want him? This particular man? Or do I want to be happy, well-loved, peaceful, period. The first sounds very obsessive, entirely too focused on another human being instead of yourself, your happiness, your peace. Nothing good comes from obsession or over attachment to a specific outcome.
Sometimes yes The woman isn't the one true but when she's always not the one??? My point is some women can get a man and just aren't closers.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
I was with a guy for 5 years. He proposed after he realized I could and would move around. By the time he proposed, I had already checked out and moved on. Prior to that, I did a lot of talking trying to get that ring...Silly me for wasting all that time. I realized I talked too much. He needed to see action.
In romantic relationships, I started sweetly withdrawing whenever my expectations weren't met. In the period between my ex and DH, applying my new mindset, I got another proposal and another 2 dudes that still (4-5 years later) sniff up periodically to check out my situation.
I think a woman that's a closer has expectations and she can and will sweetly move around (and not look back with regrets) if her expectations aren't met. If he allows you to go, he wasn't the one.
In romantic relationships, I started sweetly withdrawing whenever my expectations weren't met. In the period between my ex and DH, applying my new mindset, I got another proposal and another 2 dudes that still (4-5 years later) sniff up periodically to check out my situation.
I think a woman that's a closer has expectations and she can and will sweetly move around (and not look back with regrets) if her expectations aren't met. If he allows you to go, he wasn't the one.
Yep. This is exactly. And thank you for sharing.
Layluh
Well-Known Member
I still think men who ask what you do straight out the gate are men to pass on. I'm not telling anyone to take this advice-it's just what I've always done and I have an advanced degree, I'm definitely not a dummy. My dad told me years ago not to date a man without facial hair and a man who asked immediately "what I do". Both have held to be true as far as character, don't ask me whyThere's no science to this.
My fiancé didn’t ask until after we got engaged why I don’t work full time. And he still didn’t really care cause he doesn’t expect me to work once we get married. Well actually once I move to Houston. I was like you lucky you didn’t ask me that when we first met or you wouldn’t be here
caribeandiva
Human being
I have a question: how secret or private should you keep your relationships? Is there a difference between secret and private? I’ve learned the hard way to keep my life very private from everyone including close friends and family. They seem to last longer that way.
Layluh
Well-Known Member
I didn’t tell anyone while he was courting me. Only my aunt knew about him and that’s just cause I live with her and some lhcf people but I didn’t go into detail. Literally no one else knew. I still haven’t announced my engagement officially to one side of my family. They’ll find out at Christmas. But the other side of my family knows cause we had a so down dinner with him. Hell I have barely announced it on lhcf. I’ve posted in a couple threads about it but didn’t make a thread.
I’ve only posted one pic on Instagram and it doesn’t show our faces.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
SO and I are private but not a secret. Everyone knows we're together (friends, family, associates) and that it’s serious but they don’t know the ins and outs.
When DH and I were dating I was private, but didn't keep it a secret. In other words, our family and friends knew we were together, but I didn't share much more than that. I didn't share that we were ring shopping or making plans for our future together. People love to give relationship advice, even when their own relationship is in shambles and misery loooooooves company. I knew early on that I would keep the details of our relationship close to my heart and to this day I still keep things private. I have one close friend that I occasionally talk to about marriage stuff, but for the most part I guard our marriage.
There's private and then there's secret. Men who press to keep the relationship secret IMO aren't ready to commit and definitely not marriage. Private just means you aren't blabbing every moment and every detail, or consulting with others about anything major, disagreements or plans, etc. I think if your friends and family don't know, that's a secret relationship.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Can you find this come hither look? I want to read. I'm intrigued lol
CarmelCupcake
Well-Known Member
Great advice! I ended up screen shotting this to my phone for future reference
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SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
When y'all were dating, what was your deadline for weekend plan confirmation? Did you bother bringing it up casually during conversation, or did you just go ahead and make other plans?
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I would just make other plans if the person hadn’t confirmed in a timely manner. People learn from your actions, not your words. And we learn from our own actions, not our words. People know they should confirm. They are just doing what they want to do, what’s easiest for them. They’re not that busy and they didn’t forget. They’re just doing them. And I know sometimes people forget stuff and get busy but when a man is dating a woman and if he is serious, he knows what he should be doing ... he just doesn’t if he doesn’t have to.
Giving men the benefit of the doubt is a slippery slope. Best bet is to stay focused on you and treat yourself how you want to be treated and don’t start working, compromising, settling at the dating stage. This should be easy peasy. Ask girl on date, confirm date, take girl on date, pay
. You should be able to sit back and enjoy. IMO when a guy doesn’t confirm that is him leaning back and trying to see if you will lean in and start putting in work.
ArrrBeee
Well-Known Member
All of this!I would just make other plans if the person hadn’t confirmed in a timely manner. People learn from your actions, not your words. And we learn from our own actions, not our words. People know they should confirm. They are just doing what they want to do, what’s easiest for them. They’re not that busy and they didn’t forget. They’re just doing them. And I know sometimes people forget stuff and get busy but when a man is dating a woman and if he is serious, he knows what he should be doing ... he just doesn’t if he doesn’t have to.
Giving men the benefit of the doubt is a slippery slope. Best bet is to stay focused on you and treat yourself how you want to be treated and don’t start working, compromising, settling at the dating stage. This should be easy peasy. Ask girl on date, confirm date, take girl on date, pay
I've been leaning back and it's as comfortable as being in a highly cushioned leather recliner.
I'm relaxed, unbothered, and living my life. It's finally sinking in that if a man really wants to be with you, he will work to get you and make you a part of his life. I'm not rushing to answer texts, I'm not making anyone's life easier, I'm just doing me.
I have a friend who I see from time to time. We made plans and they fell through for whatever reason. He contacted me for a date and I told him that I wasn't available for two weeks. He had the nerve to ask me to text him to remind him. I told him no and that if he wanted to see me, that he would remember. It felt so good to be detached and not feel like I had to control the outcome. ArrrBeee is done being a relational gymnast.
Love it!
qchelle
Well-Known Member
This is an old post of mine but thought it applied. Disclaimer: I'm not married, but me and the guy Im talking about in this post are still dating:
On me and SOs 2nd date, I remember he called a few mins before i was about to leave. (This was before I let him know my address, we were still meeting each other at our dates.) I missed the call, called him back like 2mins later. He didn't answer. I called again and texted. Still nothing. So I got undressed and proceeded to chill. A total of probably 10mins had passed and he finally called me back. He talmbout "you on your way?" Umm no. You didn't answer and I'm not leaving my house until I have verbalcommunication of our date. He said I was the 1 who initially missed the call; he was showering blahblah. I really didn't care about what he was saying
Re you mentioning you don't know his schedule yet. very good point. During our talking phase, SO let me know within the first few days that he wasn't allowed to take his phone into work and that he wasn't ignoring me all day lol. And then he initiated emails. So, idk, even if he is busy,he could still find a way to communicate, right?
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
Thanks! @hopeful, @ArrrBeee, @qchelle
This is exactly what I've been thinking. On Saturday he made soft plans with me for this weekend but he hasn't confirmed anything yet. I think Wednesday evening is a decent deadline for a Saturday date, but even then, I'm kinda turned off and annoyed. Guys quickly reveal how lukewarm they are about you once you lean back. So no reaching out over here. I'll continue to lean back and observe.
This is exactly what I've been thinking. On Saturday he made soft plans with me for this weekend but he hasn't confirmed anything yet. I think Wednesday evening is a decent deadline for a Saturday date, but even then, I'm kinda turned off and annoyed. Guys quickly reveal how lukewarm they are about you once you lean back. So no reaching out over here. I'll continue to lean back and observe.
CurliDiva
Well-Known Member
ITA, for me with age (and hopefully wisdom) I've become a much more private person. I just didn't need or seek others' opinions, approval or validation for my actions. So, my relationships are the same.
If someone made plans they had to confirm. I got more direct as I got older and would bring it up...or we doing this or nah? I realized direct worked best for me so I operated from there. We're adults, I decided I was not going to play any guessing games. If no, I'd make other plans and take notes.
I'm not bringing up whether or not we are going on a date. If they haven't immediately planned a weekend date right after the previous date, I'll make other plans and be super unavailable for the next week. Don't make it easy for these men. It's already too easy. Don't let them feel comfortable. If a man wants to feel comfortable, he can marry you and even then he needs to be on his toes.
ETA: Ladies you won't even be asking these questions regarding a man who is 1000% interested in you. Remember the pesky dudes you didn't like that won't go away? That's how persistent they will be.
I still say not to ask. You think it's being direct but it's allowing him to control the relationship by having YOU ask.
Love this so much. This is exactly it. If they want you, they'll come.
Stay away from lukewarm men. A lukewarm shower never gets warmer, it gets colder
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Stay away from lukewarm men. A lukewarm shower never gets warmer, it gets colder
Excellent point! Lukewarm anything sucks. We deserve relationships that are the way we like our soup and tea — piping hot. And if/when they lose interest it’s time to move on, not put in work.
I don't see it that way. I see it as confirming plans, but to be fair, I never had to ask anyone worth their salt.
CurliDiva
Well-Known Member
HOT is great, but this too can be deceiving..............a person can be addicted to that rush of endorphins from first meeting someone new but then they "lose interest" or "fall out of love" just as quickly when those same hormones/emotions stabilizes.
We all deserve hot passion, fun, and excitement but dating for marriage may also mean make sure he has traits that will enhance longevity. Imo, so many relationships crash and burn because there has to be MORE interest-wise than just humping once you come up for air......
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