Dating For Marriage: Advice, Tips, Suggestions

Zaynab said:
This happens so much. I've heard this story over and over. Even people who are currently IN these dead ass relationships say and think "Well it's different with us because...." No. No. It's not. Move on.
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...deep down I think most ppl in these situations know (intuition is powerful) but they're scared to leave.

I think women have to be brave and leave dead-end situations and be ok with the fallout, what can be worse than more wasted time and years?
 
mrselle said:
Why roll up on the other woman? The issue is with the husband and the fact that he didn't think enough of the vows he took to respect his wife and the life they built together. If the wife did roll up on the other woman why apologize? She is sleeping with someone's husband. Apologize to her for what?
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ITA!........................but, I'm a leo and from b-more so EVERYBODY would get cursed out just because. :evil:
 
Ok, on a happier note - let's post our favorite movies suggestions that show healthy, positive "marriage-oriented" dating or relationships?

Bonus points, if cast is black, but please take inspiration where you find it!

One of my all-time favorite is Under the Tuscan Sun (starring Dianne Lane) - she a late-30 something woman that had to start over after her husband divorced her. Loved that she was adventurous enough to shake up her whole existence by moving to a foreign country, and following a new dream (renovating a villa) that no one else saw ...........................when she became OK with not being in a relationship from a few fail starts, BAM it happened. (so this is more about the woman's mindset than the actual relationship, but I think this is a greatly important step.)
 
@CurliDiva I liked the movie Daddy's Home with Will Ferrell. They make fun of him for being corny but he's a good guy and very devoted. As the movie goes on you can see that he is a real man.



Also, I watch HGTV's Fixer Upper with Chip and Joanna Gaines. I used to think he was so silly but over time I noticed that his number one goal was to support her and make sure her dreams came true. She knows she can count on him day in and day out. He is also a very hands on dad. He is not cool or hip and that doesn't matter one bit in the long run.

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hopeful said:
@CurliDiva I liked the movie Daddy's Home with Will Ferrell. They make fun of him for being corny but he's a good guy and very devoted. As the movie goes on you can see that he is a real man.



Also, I watch HGTV's Fixer Upper with Chip and Joanna Gaines. I used to think he was so silly but over time I noticed that his number one goal was to support her and make sure her dreams came true. She knows she can count on him day in and day out. He is also a very hands on dad. He is not cool or hip and that doesn't matter one bit in the long run.

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I love Chip and Joanna!! Chip is so in love with Joanna and gives no if everyone knows. It's so fun to watch him with her. :2inlove:
 
I like the movie Family Stone with Sarah Jessica Parker and Diane Keaton. While it's not the central plot of the movie, I loved the dynamic between Diane Keaton, the matriarch of the family and Craig T. Nelson, the father. The entire family is extremely close and I think the strong marriage between the parents is a big part of the reason why they were so close and in tune with one another as a family. Think about the challenges parents face raising children. These parents raised a son who was hearing impaired and gay and they were loving and supportive. Again, not the central plot of the movie but something I always notice when I watch it.

I like Chip and Joanna, but the dynamic between the two of them seemed a bit off this past season. She seemed more serious than previous seasons and annoyed by his antics. I couldn't tell if it was the pressure from the bad press they received, tired from filming, raising children, running a few different businesses or just the regular ebbs and flows of marriage.
 
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LoveisYou said:
...deep down I think most ppl in these situations know (intuition is powerful) but they're scared to leave.

I think women have to be brave and leave dead-end situations and be ok with the fallout, what can be worse than more wasted time and years?
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I have an aunt who was married for about seven years. Over the course of their marriage he cheated on her and she had made up in her mind that she would be able to live with that as long as he kept working and paying the bills. Well, when he stopped working that was when she decided that it was time for him to go. She kicked him out, got the house and the car in the divorce settlement. This was in the late 70s/early 80s. We talked about her marriage years later when I was in college and she said what really moved her to divorce him was seeing her own mother spend a majority of her life depressed because she stayed in an unhappy marriage longer than she should have. She wanted a better life for herself so she created one. There was backlash, but she had a small support system. What she was able to achieve on her own as a single black mother in a small, southern, predominately white town amazes me. She went on to earn her degree, she advanced in her company, owned several rental properties and had another side business. No way she would have been able to do that if she had stayed in that marriage.
 
Love and Basketball, Two Can Play That Game, Brown Sugar, and Something New!

MVP- Love Jones - the sexy banter, great soundtrack, spoken word and intelligent dialogue. A one-night stand develops painfully into love. "I'm the blues in your left thigh... trying to become the funk in your right. Is that all right?"
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
I have seen so many SM relationships go up in flames...people that should be old enough tot know better but they refuse to grow up. You can add him as a friend if you like but not until you are exclusive. When become exclusive don't start making post about him your #1 way to pass the time. My sister has a friend that acts like she has never had a real boyfriend before..in all honesty this may be the case because she was always creeping with others folks man or dudes that would not claim her publicly:look:. Be that as it may ...it comes across as so sad and desperate. I do not know how the guy deals with it. She is acting like a 12 yr old with her first crush, saying things that honestly she should keep to herself. Do not post 5011 pics of you 2 cheek to cheek on a vacation, minute to minute updates on said vacation, etc. As my granny used to say, "Act like you been somewhere even if you ain't neva left the yard". :lachen:
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Do we know the same person? Lol. I know a handful of black women over 30 that act like this. One person even post pics of them doing foreplay or after they've had sex. I wish I was joking.
 
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Supervixen said:
Honestly,I DO think there are a lot of BW >30 out here that have never had an official boyfriend.
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I have a friend who is 31 and has never had a boyfriend. She doesn't really even date that much, but it is so strange Bc in college sooooo many guys liked her (she's gorgeous and super smart). She found something wrong with every single one. Black men with great careers now as engineers, attorneys, etc.

Now they are all getting married and she always is like, "OMG so and so got married! I missed my chance haha"...well, yeah lol then she feels really bad about it. She ends up liking these guys that initially think she's fine, but then they see how quirky she is and how uber intellectual her convos are & immediately friend zone her. But at least they respect her enough to tell her upfront.
 
MissNina said:
I have a friend who is 31 and has never had a boyfriend. She doesn't really even date that much, but it is so strange Bc in college sooooo many guys liked her (she's gorgeous and super smart). She found something wrong with every single one. Black men with great careers now as engineers, attorneys, etc.

Now they are all getting married and she always is like, "OMG so and so got married! I missed my chance haha"...well, yeah lol then she feels really bad about it. She ends up liking these guys that initially think she's fine, but then they see how quirky she is and how uber intellectual her convos are & immediately friend zone her. But at least they respect her enough to tell her upfront.
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My daughter is like your friend, just a younger version. She is pretty and people think she is dream! Lol but when she starts talking they notice she is very quirky, she is very intelligent, and she gets super excited about topics she is interested in that, the interactions and conversations become one sided. Add in that she can only take interacting with people for so long, so she has to go into self and needs to be alone. Friends have trouble with that and feel she is ignoring them and not being a good friend. My DD by the way is a high functioning ASD person. She is a child, but she is already aware that she doesn't see herself being married and having kids. She knows her limits. She said she will have a pet.. (I don't know about that one either...lol)
 
shortdub78 said:
My daughter is like your friend, just a younger version. She is pretty and people think she is dream! Lol but when she starts talking they notice she is very quirky, she is very intelligent, and she gets super excited about topics she is interested in that, the interactions and conversations become one sided. Add in that she can only take interacting with people for so long, so she has to go into self and needs to be alone. Friends have trouble with that and feel she is ignoring them and not being a good friend. My DD by the way is a high functioning ASD person. She is a child, but she is already aware that she doesn't see herself being married and having kids. She knows her limits. She said she will have a pet.. (I don't know about that one either...lol)
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My cousin was like that growing up and a bit like that now. However she is not on the spectrum. She's doing well in her field (MD/PHD), she's married with a child already. She did marry a young man who seems to be a lot like her and he's not black but she's very happy.
 
shortdub78 said:
My daughter is like your friend, just a younger version. She is pretty and people think she is dream! Lol but when she starts talking they notice she is very quirky, she is very intelligent, and she gets super excited about topics she is interested in that, the interactions and conversations become one sided. Add in that she can only take interacting with people for so long, so she has to go into self and needs to be alone. Friends have trouble with that and feel she is ignoring them and not being a good friend. My DD by the way is a high functioning ASD person. She is a child, but she is already aware that she doesn't see herself being married and having kids. She knows her limits. She said she will have a pet.. (I don't know about that one either...lol)
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IMO, the fact that your DD already acknowledges it may not happen for her and is comfortable with that means it most likely WILL. Plenty of quirky women find their matches in odd, least expected places.

I'm not quite sure why, Bc this really goes against all my beliefs in LOA, but women with personalities like my friend who desire & assume they will get married and have babies typically have the hardest time manifesting it. Idk if the reality of their personas misaligns with their desire or what, but it's really a LOA contradiction and it boggles my mind. Maybe she can't really visualize it happening even tho she talks about it in the affirmative? IDK, man. Weird.
 
MissNina said:
IMO, the fact that your DD already acknowledges it may not happen for her and is comfortable with that means it most likely WILL. Plenty of quirky women find their matches in odd, least expected places.

I'm not quite sure why, Bc this really goes against all my beliefs in LOA, but women with personalities like my friend who desire & assume they will get married and have babies typically have the hardest time manifesting it. Idk if the reality of their personas misaligns with their desire or what, but it's really a LOA contradiction and it boggles my mind. Maybe she can't really visualize it happening even tho she talks about it in the affirmative? IDK, man. Weird.
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It might be a push and pull sort of mental thing. Her mouth says one thing, but her mind says another. And we know a positive can't be in alignment with a negative.
 
MissNina said:
I have a friend who is 31 and has never had a boyfriend. She doesn't really even date that much, but it is so strange Bc in college sooooo many guys liked her (she's gorgeous and super smart). She found something wrong with every single one. Black men with great careers now as engineers, attorneys, etc.

Now they are all getting married and she always is like, "OMG so and so got married! I missed my chance haha"...well, yeah lol then she feels really bad about it. She ends up liking these guys that initially think she's fine, but then they see how quirky she is and how uber intellectual her convos are & immediately friend zone her. But at least they respect her enough to tell her upfront.
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That's why pretty never cuts it like people think it does.
 
She's getting friend zoned for other unknown reasons to you all OR these guys are losers who can't see a diamond, so no loss there.
I say losers because IF they were looking for something serious, being smart and beautiful is a damn good start. I mean how quirky is she? lol
But really, I think something else is going on....but what do I know?
 
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