DateAWhiteGuy.com

[ChasingBliss]

I think the preference is more common in certain economic classes.

Definitely agree here....

 

[rozlips]

I don't think any of their points are that heinous. I've made some of the same points on this board myself.

Most of my friends are educated Black women (graduate degrees, own their own homes, etc) and they look down on dating white men. Many feel that they are already losing some of their "ties to the Black community" because they are educated, home owners, with great careers they don't want to distance themselves even further from their race by dating a white man.

I think this one in particular are troubling to black women. I mentioned something like it in another thread. IMO, black women and white men are far more heavily invested in their respective communities than their counterparts of the opposite gender. Despite the fact that black women overwhelmingly carry the black community, our acceptance and support there is far more tenuous than that of black men. A black man can marry a white woman, deal drugs, even murder somebody and the community will still have his back. A black woman who marries a white man risks having everything she does from that day forward be filtered by the color of who she pulls cover with. Its a major deterrant, and one that won't be overcome anytime soon.

They don't want to date a white man and cause blacks to think that they have self hate issues or think that they aren't black.

I had nothing to lose with this one. I'm a multi-degreed feminist who questions organized religion and used to be a Marxist. I'm not getting much love in the black community anyway.

They feel like white men may have "slave" fantasies about black women. It brings back too many memories of black women being raped by white slave owners. I really don't get this one but to each her ownerplexed

I've heard this one before, but no, I don't get it either. Any white man with these type hangups are unlikely to hang around for a decent relationship. Besides, those folk have fetish clubs.

Some of them feel they can't be themselves around white men.

Interesting.

They resent that they will have to teach white men about black culture.

I don't think this is any different from teaching a man about women, period. I haven't had to teach my dh all that much, and in any relationship there'll be an information exchange, or at least I hope so.

They also think White men are corny and that they don't have empathy for what black women go through in this country/world.

Some do, some don't. I've yet to meet a black man who has any empathy for what black women go through in this world. Most of them are much more interested in talking about how rough they have it. I've spent a helluva lot of time trying to teach them, and yeah, I resented the hell out of it.

 

[Bunny77]

I am always asking my girlfriends about this topic, below are some of the reasons that were given to me as to why they don't date white men:

• I had a black girl friend of mine tell me that dating a white man is like a last resort for her. It is when she is down and out and has lost all hopes for finding her IBM (Ideal Black Man) that she would give up and "settle" for a white man. She told me in disgust after we went to see "Something New" I think that this is sad, I would never be with anyone I had settled on.

• Most of my friends are educated Black women (graduate degrees, own their own homes, etc) and they look down on dating white men. Many feel that they are already losing some of their "ties to the Black community" because they are educated, home owners, with great careers they don't want to distance themselves even further from their race by dating a white man.

• They don't want to date a white man and cause blacks to think that they have self hate issues or think that they aren't black.

• They feel like white men may have "slave" fantasies about black women. It brings back too many memories of black women being raped by white slave owners. I really don't get this one but to each her ownerplexed

• They want black children.

Some of them feel they can't be themselves around white men.

They resent that they will have to teach white men about black culture.

They also think White men are corny and that they don't have empathy for what black women go through in this country/world.

I know that this is not right, but this is how they feel, just thought I would share. No stones Puhleeze

No stones! You're just quoting folks!

I've heard the same things from many black women. Personally, I don't care if black women choose to date only black men or aren't interested in men of other races... it's their choice and they have to do what makes them happy. If dating a white man is settling, then don't settle. Hold out for what you want.

HOWEVER (I always have a however, don't I?)... if you make this type of decision DON'T COMPLAIN if you find that your selection of dateable men is limited. That's a limit that YOU chose on your own, and many black men do not make the same choice. So knowing that, don't say a darn thing about all the black men who date out of their race and how it's so hard to find someone who fits your preference. I mean, sure, we're all frustrated at times, but if you're so obsessed where all you can talk about is all the men that don't want you, then Houston, we have a problem.

I have my preferences and there are certain types of men that I won't date. Now let's say I go to a party and all the men I meet there have that characteristic that I don't like. It would be silly of me to then complain that I can't find anyone, because I had plenty of choices at that event... I just chose not to consider any of them because they possessed a characteristic that I freely admit that I don't like.

So sure, it's fine to have a preference and if black men-only are it, then fine... but again, if that's your choice, be a woman and suck it up if it potentially makes your dating life more difficult.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I am always asking my girlfriends about this topic, below are some of the reasons that were given to me as to why they don't date white men:

• I had a black girl friend of mine tell me that dating a white man is like a last resort for her. It is when she is down and out and has lost all hopes for finding her IBM (Ideal Black Man) that she would give up and "settle" for a white man. She told me in disgust after we went to see "Something New" I think that this is sad, I would never be with anyone I had settled on.

• Most of my friends are educated Black women (graduate degrees, own their own homes, etc) and they look down on dating white men. Many feel that they are already losing some of their "ties to the Black community" because they are educated, home owners, with great careers they don't want to distance themselves even further from their race by dating a white man.

• They don't want to date a white man and cause blacks to think that they have self hate issues or think that they aren't black.

• They feel like white men may have "slave" fantasies about black women. It brings back too many memories of black women being raped by white slave owners. I really don't get this one but to each her ownerplexed

• They want black children.

Some of them feel they can't be themselves around white men.

They resent that they will have to teach white men about black culture.

They also think White men are corny and that they don't have empathy for what black women go through in this country/world.

I know that this is not right, but this is how they feel, just thought I would share. No stones Puhleeze

I think these are legitimate reasons. My personal opinions though. There is no denying that white people are different. I mean yes, we are all human with the same emotions yaddi yah, but my customs and things of that nature tend to vary from white people's. Everything from the way I cook to the type of music I like, I don't know where I am trying to go, just saying that i can understand the differences not being 'desirable.' And of course I know not all white people are the same.

I just always wonder about how I could mesh our customs and styles together.

 

[Deluxe]

"However it was more fascinating for me to note the men’s reactions to the black women who showed by their reactions to and around white men, that they were not closed. They reserved a particular kind of respect for them and took them seriously. These women also elicited a kind of negative response from the black men who tried to run them down, malign them and push them out of ‘Club Black’ (fascinatingly the men reserved their own membership regardless), if they went as far as got too cosy with white men. This brings me to the other side of my argument, that of people being afraid to see black women being normal around white men, even if they are engaging is non-sexual interactions or simply relating generally. They too like me and us all, understand even subliminal that if you can be ‘normal’ with white men, you can date them! "

I agree with this, black men definately get to keep their black card .

My uncle and my father drove from Missouri to Colorado to visit me and my family. They talked stuff from the time they hit the door until the time they left. Comments like, Surprise acts like one of them white girls; Don't forget and say that surprise lives in a black neighborhood because she will correct you and say that it is racially mixed; and Surprise don't forget to tell you children that they are black.

I could not wait for them to leave and I will never invite to my house again. My husband is mixed, they know this. He is very often mistaken for being totally white but my family knows whats up. I could not for the life of me figure out what the problem was I felt so much animosity, then my quiet DH hipped me to the fact that they had put him in the white boy category. He said that my family made some stupid comments toward tipping around the idea that my black card is about to expire and will not be renewed. These men in my life must be crazy, lets keep in mind that all eight of my dad's brother are married to very fair black women, some who are biracial.

 

[CaramelMiSS]

I am always asking my girlfriends about this topic, below are some of the reasons that were given to me as to why they don't date white men:

• I had a black girl friend of mine tell me that dating a white man is like a last resort for her. It is when she is down and out and has lost all hopes for finding her IBM (Ideal Black Man) that she would give up and "settle" for a white man. She told me in disgust after we went to see "Something New" I think that this is sad, I would never be with anyone I had settled on.

• Most of my friends are educated Black women (graduate degrees, own their own homes, etc) and they look down on dating white men. Many feel that they are already losing some of their "ties to the Black community" because they are educated, home owners, with great careers they don't want to distance themselves even further from their race by dating a white man.

• They don't want to date a white man and cause blacks to think that they have self hate issues or think that they aren't black.

• They feel like white men may have "slave" fantasies about black women. It brings back too many memories of black women being raped by white slave owners. I really don't get this one but to each her ownerplexed

• They want black children.

Some of them feel they can't be themselves around white men.

They resent that they will have to teach white men about black culture.

They also think White men are corny and that they don't have empathy for what black women go through in this country/world.

I know that this is not right, but this is how they feel, just thought I would share. No stones Puhleeze

I am sorry to say this but your friends are living in a bubble and living a world full of sterotypes, how in the world can you be less black if you are: successful, have money, and have a degree? That's basically saying that in order to be black you have to be poor, lack an education, and not attain your goals. Being black is about standing up for yourself and proving people wrong who say you can't make it. I really dislike people who have this train of thought that being black is one think or another, some with any other race who sterotypes their race.

 

[TempleGirl]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

[tallnomad]

Surprise--I know what you are saying. My friend invited me to be her date at her best friend's wedding. The bride's father and ALL of his 8 brothers and their sons (a big family) were all married to white women, except for one of the brothers--he had a black wife but she looked basically white. I looked like this the whole time I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Everyone was nice, but I felt very uncomfortable. I was just in awe.

And I heard one of the sons say his mixed daughter "bet not bring home a white man." My friend and I were like erplexed . i couldn't believe he said that and he was serious.

my friend and i were talking to the bride the night before the wedding. the bride (who is all Black) said that she accepts it, but she still resents the fact that her Dad left her family for a white woman and she acknowledged that all of them don't want their daughters to marry white men. That is insane!

 

[Ayeshia]

I think these are legitimate reasons. My personal opinions though. There is no denying that white people are different. I mean yes, we are all human with the same emotions yaddi yah, but my customs and things of that nature tend to vary from white people's. Everything from the way I cook to the type of music I like, I don't know where I am trying to go, just saying that i can understand the differences not being 'desirable.' And of course I know not all white people are the same.

I just always wonder about how I could mesh our customs and styles together.

And you thought of reasoning is why I am open to dating outside of my race. I am the type that is very much so attracted to the complete opposite of myself. Even if he were black. I mean who do I have more common ground with a white boy from the hood or Carlton from fresh prince?

 

[Radianthealth]

I am sorry to say this but your friends are living in a bubble and living a world full of sterotypes, how in the world can you be less black if you are: successful, have money, and have a degree? That's basically saying that in order to be black you have to be poor, lack an education, and not attain your goals. Being black is about standing up for yourself and proving people wrong who say you can't make it. I really dislike people who have this train of thought that being black is one think or another, some with any other race who sterotypes their race.

It is a shame but this is how many of us were treated. I can't tell you how many times I have been acused of acting white by Black people because I made good grades and speak proper English

My friends have had similar experiences, growing up in the Black community and trying to make yourself better sometimes means to other Black people that you are trying to be white.

Eating healthy foods=White
Speaking proper English=White
Making Good Grades, reading books=White

I never understood this and I still struggle with it today because the same Black people that accuse me of this are the ones that can't tell you a thing about their history.

This is not a stereotype, it seems to be common at least in my circle of friends.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

There doesn't have to be, but I think it would certainly help the situation. I think black women would be more receptive to the idea of IRing if more men of other races made their interest clear. I don't think black women are going to release the old paradigm until they're shown that its in their best interests to do so.

I've come across groups on Yahoo made by white men so they're out there. But just like black women who aren't receptive to IR wouldn't find that ramdomly I don't think white men interested in IR would be looking for a blog like that, either.

 

[Shimmie]

this is interesting. thanks for posting. I sent the links to three of my friends--two prefer to date only white men and me and my other friend are reluctant about it. i just recently went on a date with a white guy. i've always held out for a black man and made statements that "I would NEVER date a white man. . ." but I took a chance with a white guy and had so much fun. He asked me if I had dated a white guy before. when I said no, he seemed a bit "hurt" and asked why. I told him mostly because they didn't approach me, but that was a fib because many have and those that give me those long stares, I usually make it very obvious that I'm not interested. I'll be very cold, aloof or will avoid eye contact.

My date told me that many of his white friends want to date black women but don't know how to go about approaching it. He said that he often encourages many of them to do so. I thought that was interesting getting it from a live in my face white man. He was sincere and that really helped to change my perspective.

I don't want to feel limited by anything and although I LOVE Black men and that's my preference, I refuse to wait around and feel embarrassed about why I feel the urge to go rock climbing or why I speak a certain way. I really want to be open to as many positive experiences as possible, so I'm open to whomever is open to what the world has to offer.

Beautiful experience, Tiffcurl. As I shared in my earlier post, White men are very interested in Black women. From my own personal experience and that of many of my friends, I know that God is blending and mending the races.

In error, I used to think that White men were 'better', because they treated me better, but I was wrong. Deep down, I still believe in 'our' men. I don't want to give up on them the way that the 'world' has. Neither do I want 'our' men to give up on themselves. With my White experience, I know that I refuse to put them 'over' 'our' men. Who else will believe in them if we don't?

 

[Bunny77]

In error, I used to think that White men were 'better', because they treated me better, but I was wrong. Deep down, I still believe in 'our' men. I don't want to give up on them the way that the 'world' has. Neither do I want 'our' men to give up on themselves. With my White experience, I know that I refuse to put them 'over' 'our' men. Who else will believe in them if we don't?

I don't know if you're making a general statement or just speaking from your own personal experience, but I don't think that dating white men has anything to do with not believing in black men or thinking that white men are better.

I've dated white, black and Hispanic men and I never thought one group was better than the other. For about four years, most of the men I dated were white, but I never had a problem with black men at the time. My current crushes all happen to be black, but that doesn't mean that I won't consider a man of a different race in the future if none of these men pan out.

I think too many black women turn this into an either-or situation or see dating a non-black man as a sign that she's "given up" on black men, which is totally not the case. I could end up with a wonderful black man as a husband and I'd still be in favor of interracial dating for other black women. I could marry a white man and still love my brothers.

I think if more black women looked at it this way and not as a "rejection" of black men, they might be more open to dating out of their race.

 

[Shimmie]

I don't know if you're making a general statement or just speaking from your own personal experience, but I don't think that dating white men has anything to do with not believing in black men or thinking that white men are better.

I've dated white, black and Hispanic men and I never thought one group was better than the other. For about four years, most of the men I dated were white, but I never had a problem with black men at the time. My current crushes all happen to be black, but that doesn't mean that I won't consider a man of a different race in the future if none of these men pan out.

I think too many black women turn this into an either-or situation or see dating a non-black man as a sign that she's "given up" on black men, which is totally not the case. I could end up with a wonderful black man as a husband and I'd still be in favor of interracial dating for other black women. I could marry a white man and still love my brothers.

I think if more black women looked at it this way and not as a "rejection" of black men, they might be more open to dating out of their race.

Bunny you are correct. For me (because of past hurts) I gave up on 'Black Men.' As I live in a White world I have been showered with more attention and respect from White men than from Blacks. I also found that I am not the only Black woman who 'felt' this way. In actuality, we truly were being treated better and we were and still are loved by Whites.

But Bunny as a Christian, you personally know when you are being 'convicted' by the Holy Spirit when we are in error; and this I was. I will always support interracial relationships for anyone who finds love there for whatever reason. My (White) experience is one that I will always cherish.

But as you stated so correctly above, it should not be an either/or situation. I know now that I do not wish to discredit my Black brothers any longer. They do not deserve such an injustice. Should I marry Black or White, it will be out of love, and that we 'belong' to each other, placed together by God; but no longer by rejecting or accepting the other for who he is in color.

 

[CurleeDST]

I have absolutely no interest in white man romantically. For the most part, if I find a white man attractive he is extremely ethnic looking and dark. I do believe people should date and love who they want - this is America after all, but I am totally against folks who act as if black men are the worst thing on the planet and a white guy is their saving grace.

There are just as many dogs who are white males as there are black men.

 

[Bunny77]

Bunny you are correct. For me (because of past hurts) I gave up on 'Black Men.' As I live in a White world I have been showered with more attention and respect from White men than from Blacks. I also found that I am not the only Black woman who 'felt' this way. In actuality, we truly were being treated better and we were and still are loved by Whites.

But Bunny as a Christian, you personally know when you are being 'convicted' by the Holy Spirit when we are in error; and this I was. I will always support interracial relationships for anyone who finds love there for whatever reason. My (White) experience is one that I will always cherish.

But as you stated so correctly above, it should not be an either/or situation. I know now that I do not wish to discredit my Black brothers any longer. They do not deserve such an injustice. Should I marry Black or White, it will be out of love, and that we 'belong' to each other, placed together by God; but no longer by rejecting or accepting the other for who he is in color.

Gotcha. I'm glad to know that your hurt is gone and you can accept all men, regardless of race, for who they are!

 

[JamericanGurl]

I don't know if you're making a general statement or just speaking from your own personal experience, but I don't think that dating white men has anything to do with not believing in black men or thinking that white men are better.

I've dated white, black and Hispanic men and I never thought one group was better than the other. For about four years, most of the men I dated were white, but I never had a problem with black men at the time. My current crushes all happen to be black, but that doesn't mean that I won't consider a man of a different race in the future if none of these men pan out.

I think too many black women turn this into an either-or situation or see dating a non-black man as a sign that she's "given up" on black men, which is totally not the case. I could end up with a wonderful black man as a husband and I'd still be in favor of interracial dating for other black women. I could marry a white man and still love my brothers.

I think if more black women looked at it this way and not as a "rejection" of black men, they might be more open to dating out of their race.

This may apply to you (cuz you seem to have good sense)...But not the slew of other women to seem to think white is right! Somewhere out there is this mythical White Man, that does no wrong. You see Bunny when God created white men he equipped them with different functionary things that no other man has. Yeah sure on the inside all men may look the same....but no! There's jus a lil extra something special underneath that white skin. Unfortunately this blogger rubs me the wrong way. Persoanally as long as you are well grounded in who you are who you date is of no relevance to me.

However, it has become increasingly popular that some think IR dating is a status symbol. I mean really who the hell needs a website to encourage IR dating? It sounds extremtly thirsty to me. How about a website that teaches women to have high self esteem, become better personalities, and better woman. The type of woman that could snag "any" man.

 

[Shimmie]

Gotcha. I'm glad to know that your hurt is gone and you can accept all men, regardless of race, for who they are!

Thanks Bunny . It's nothing like being 'free' from the past. Not loving a Black man is worse than the smell of Shapely's MTG...

 

[rozlips]

You know JG, I keep hearing about these women who feel this way, but damned if I ever meet them. And when I say meet I'm talking OL or IRL. Most of the black women I meet are hesitant, leery and/or downright fearful of any intimate contact with white men. I suppose it could be regional, at least the IRL stuff, but even my OL contacts seem to skew the same way. And these women come from all over the world. In the years I've been on the internet I'll bet I've had hundreds of contacts with black women who feel this way. I may have met fewer than a handful of the type you describe and some of them were trolls.

This may apply to you (cuz you seem to have good sense)...But not the slew of other women to seem to think white is right! Somewhere out there is this mythical White Man, that does no wrong. You see Bunny when God created white men he equipped them with different functionary things that no other man has. Yeah sure on the inside all men may look the same....but no! There's jus a lil extra something special underneath that white skin. Unfortunately this blogger rubs me the wrong way. Persoanally as long as you are well grounded in who you are who you date is of no relevance to me.

However, it has become increasingly popular that some think IR dating is a status symbol. I mean really who the hell needs a website to encourage IR dating? It sounds extremtly thirsty to me. How about a website that teaches women to have high self esteem, become better personalities, and better woman. The type of woman that could snag "any" man.

 

[JamericanGurl]

You know JG, I keep hearing about these women who feel this way, but damned if I ever meet them. And when I say meet I'm talking OL or IRL. Most of the black women I meet are hesitant, leery and/or downright fearful of any intimate contact with white men. I suppose it could be regional, at least the IRL stuff, but even my OL contacts seem to skew the same way. And these women come from all over the world. In the years I've been on the internet I'll bet I've had hundreds of contacts with black women who feel this way. I may have met fewer than a handful of the type you describe and some of them were trolls.

Rosalind (sp) some are on this board and there are several clank, clank posts to prove it. As for these women that are fearful...They need to work on themselves! It's amazing how responsive people are when you feel good about yourself,

Sorry I'm Turkey typing...pecking

These sort of sites put me in mind of Elmer Fud...Hunting Whyte Boy

 

[rozlips]

Rosalind (sp) some are on this board and there are several clank, clank posts to prove it. As for these women that are fearful...They need to work on themselves! It's amazing how responsive people are when you feel good about yourself,

I guess I must've missed them. I agree about the feeling good about yourself. I think that's the key to attacting ANYBODY

Sorry I'm Turkey typing...pecking

Oh boy do I understand. I just put my little guy to bed. I swear, typing while holding a 35 pound toddler should be an Olympic sport!

 

[StrawberryQueen]

This may apply to you (cuz you seem to have good sense)...But not the slew of other women to seem to think white is right! Somewhere out there is this mythical White Man, that does no wrong. You see Bunny when God created white men he equipped them with different functionary things that no other man has. Yeah sure on the inside all men may look the same....but no! There's jus a lil extra something special underneath that white skin. Unfortunately this blogger rubs me the wrong way. Persoanally as long as you are well grounded in who you are who you date is of no relevance to me.

However, it has become increasingly popular that some think IR dating is a status symbol. I mean really who the hell needs a website to encourage IR dating? It sounds extremtly thirsty to me. How about a website that teaches women to have high self esteem, become better personalities, and better woman. The type of woman that could snag "any" man.

ITA! That is the truth right there.

Rosalind (sp) some are on this board and there are several clank, clank posts to prove it. As for these women that are fearful...They need to work on themselves! It's amazing how responsive people are when you feel good about yourself,



Sorry I'm Turkey typing...pecking



These sort of sites put me in mind of Elmer Fud...Hunting Whyte Boy

Annnnd right there. And I have seen said threads and was like But oh well, to each her own.

 

[rozlips]

Here's a post I just made over on DAWG (interesting acronym, wonder if she's noticed?)

See, here's the thing. I used to be on some of those Yahoo! groups. A bigger freak show you're unlikely to find anywhere on the planet. The 'lot of groups' you find there is really just one guy who used some type of computer trick to add folks to his groups whether they joined or not. There were similar groups on other boards, but its pretty much the same story. A bunch of really strange white guys. Most of whom had beef with white women and were looking for black women as a consolation prize. Believe me, it was pretty darned scary and I got out of there with a quickness.

Keep in mind, I'm married to a white man and have dated white men for years. Are there white men out there who are interested in individual black women? Most assuredly. But I've been searching for ten years for NORMAL white guys online who are willing to state their interest in black women, and haven't found it.

I get emails all the time from black women who've posted ads on the various dating sites. They're concerned because they get responses from white guys, but when they look at the guy's profiles they've listed every ethnic group on the planet EXCEPT black. I mean, if you're open to dating a black woman why not list it on your profile? Especially if you've listed a half-dozen other ethnicities? I just think its strange that these men will then turn around and 'wink' at black women.

There are lots of them. But the minute a white man says he wants to meet a black woman, someone will almost always ask, "Do you have a fetish for black women?" So, I'm certainly not surprised that more white men are not direct and open about their interest in black women.

And? Are they not capable of answering a simple question? I think, given our history in this country it is reasonable that a black woman would question whether a white man has a fetish. Do you have any idea of the type of questions I've been asked over the years about my IR relationships???? Folk have even asked if my husband minds the texture of my pubic hair? So please, being asked if he has a fetish shouldn't faze a white man if he's really interested in dating IR. Personally, I think its damned strange that the same race of men who instituted wholesale slaughter on two continents suddenly become wimpy when it comes to their attraction to black women.

Until they man up, I think its absurd to keep encouraging an interest in black women. Many of us have already dealt with an unreciprocal relationship with black men. No point in adding white men to the roster. Better to love the one you with.

 

[CarLiTa]

Let me first say... I haven't read the replies so maybe my opinion right now won't be appropriate

but Rozlips' post had me thinking:

although I agree with you that we shouldn't close ourselves to the other races, it just seems like in all this, black men are getting left behind. What I mean is, although I agree that we shouldn't sit on our butts waiting for those of them who don't have their act together to get it working,

I think we are forgetting that it's just going to be a slippery slope for them. I wish there were MEN (because they'd most likely listen to each other) telling each other to do something better with themselves (those who aren't), to go to college like black women are doing, or vocational schools, anything! and stop thinking of "the life" as hustlin' or whatever else.

It's good that we aren't waiting for them, but someone also needs to encourage them to do better with themselves

Oh and recently, we were watching all these documentaries about African countries, and in most of them, the youth there IDOLIZE none other than 50Cent! It's sad that it's what they see when they think of black men in America, living like Fiddy... yes that was unrelated to the topic but just a thought.

 

[rozlips]

Don't mean to sound short Carlita, but if you want to discuss the plight of black men, perhaps you should start a thread of your own. IMO, black women have expended far too much time, energy and precious resources trying to elevate black men. Sometimes to our own detriment. When all is said and done black men are men, and its incumbent upon them to elevate their own goddamned selves.

 

[CarLiTa]

Don't mean to sound short Carlita, but if you want to discuss the plight of black men, perhaps you should start a thread of your own. IMO, black women have expended far too much time, energy and precious resources trying to elevate black men. Sometimes to our own detriment. When all is said and done black men are men, and its incumbent upon them to elevate their own goddamned selves.

yes, i wish they would too.

 

[live2bgr8]

I think what she stated is true. It is harder for Black women to date white men and still keep their "Black Card". Black men can date White women and still be "Down". This isn't always the case, but usually from what I have seen it is

I think that the reason this statement seems to be true is because we still live in a male dominated society. The undercurrent is "men are the head of the household".

So I find the opposite is also true, when a white woman marries or dates a black man, she'll most often be "kicked out" of the white club... or --at the very least-- get odd stares. Many a white father has cried over his daughter's choice of a black spouse or boyfriend... However, it's more hidden because white people don't want to be called racist for this type of attitude. Whereas many black people would just consider this attitude as preserving their heritage...

Anyway, alienation has happend to some degree with some of my white associates who have married/dated black men... And ultimately my sister in law couldn't handle it so she dumped my brother and went back... BTW- her father was one of the criers...

 

[chica_canella]

Um, that blogger of dateawhiteguy.com makes some very good points.

 

[rozlips]

So I find the opposite is also true, when a white woman marries or dates a black man, she'll most often be "kicked out" of the white club... or --at the very least-- get odd stares. Many a white father has cried over his daughter's choice of a black spouse or boyfriend... However, it's more hidden because white people don't want to be called racist for this type of attitude. Whereas many black people would just consider this attitude as preserving their heritage...

She may be kicked out of the white club, but unlike black women in the reverse situation, she'll be welcomed to the black club with open arms as a trophy wife. She can leverage her whiteness to get a much higher caliber black man than she ever have gotten had she stayed in the white club. I've had fat white women tell me that they'll start dating black men because they can still get a good quality black man despite their lack of physical attractiveness. We saw this play out on Kirstie Alley's tv show. Do you really think she would've had Mark Curry spanking her ass back when she was still a 'hottie' on Cheers? She wouldn't have given a black man the time of day, even in a comedy skit. And therein lies the difference.

 

[Qetesh]

I think that the reason this statement seems to be true is because we still live in a male dominated society. The undercurrent is "men are the head of the household".

So I find the opposite is also true, when a white woman marries or dates a black man, she'll most often be "kicked out" of the white club... or --at the very least-- get odd stares. Many a white father has cried over his daughter's choice of a black spouse or boyfriend... However, it's more hidden because white people don't want to be called racist for this type of attitude. Whereas many black people would just consider this attitude as preserving their heritage...

Anyway, alienation has happend to some degree with some of my white associates who have married/dated black men... And ultimately my sister in law couldn't handle it so she dumped my brother and went back... BTW- her father was one of the criers...

I completely agree on this one. I also have a cousin who’s fiancée left him after her father did his crying thing over her dating a black man. So with women it happens both ways. My cousin also told me when I was dating white men that I need to stop because its not right so I asked him what the difference was since he only dated white women, and he said it looks good when I do it, but it doesn’t look good when you do
Overall I find that there are good white men out there, and nearly all white men are interested in black women at some point, its just some of them are not interested in long term. Believe it or not from the BET image of black women some young and dumb white men seem to think we are all sex crazed sluts, and what man wouldn’t be interested in that at some point? My point is finding a white man who is genuinely interested in settling down AND someone you have a lot in common with is actually in my opinion harder than finding a black man with this ish together and would be good for you.
I dated a few white men and I don’t have a problem with them at all, but honestly for me personally I felt like their level of understanding of ME was not the same as my relationship with my black fiancée, I cant say this is only because he is black but I feel like that barrier makes things a lot more relaxed. Also dealing with other people in an IR really stresses your love, so it has to be that much stronger and I personally never felt a love that strong for a white man. I think the comments on black women seeing white men as the ultimate prize is seriously out of line? What black women really think something like that? To me black men are the ultimate prize they are seriously the most copied despised and coveted male on the planet. (Maybe I am just a black male lover??) I dated white men because they were around and SEEMED like a better option than the black men I had around asking me out. Upon further dating I found there are plenty of good black men out there they just are not sitting at my feet like the not so good ones and white ones were. Regardless of how far we have come in race relations there is still that taboo, and as racist as this might sound I personally feel like I have more in common with men of all other races besides white.
I also have slowly and steadily become less and less attracted to white men, as I matured. I guess it has something to do with me truly loving myself my skin, hair features, and then just not liking the opposite as much as I once did, I wouldn’t say I ever hated myself, but I did conform to white standards (straightened my hair, didn’t LIKE my nose, wore contacts), I have since grown out of that and find myself attracted to the blackest of black men.