Can you ladies date someone who doesn't have your political ideology?

[GraceJones]

I met this guy who is very kind, sweet, and generous. I always have a good time with him. He seems mannerable so far, but I'm still getting to know him. I think the problem is that I'm veryyyyy liberal. You can consider me to be "woke" as far as it pertains to human rights and black women issues (for obvious reasons). I'm trying to expand my horizons and just look for a good man PERIOD rather than a good black man. The guy I'm dating is a mixed-race Hispanic man.

We've already talked about religion, and neither one of us are particularly religious although we both have extremely religious backgrounds. I did hear him say that he was against masks, which makes me feel like he has some conservative political leanings. Or he may be a moderate, conservative in some areas, liberal in others. IDK I have to ask him. I'm wondering if we could be compatible long term.

I don't feel like this difference in political ideology is due to our difference in race or culture (even though Hispanic is not a race, I don't know if he considers himself black yet). It's not even as simple as to say, "Well, in that case just date black men.

I've dated black men who have straight out told me that they do not like talking about black issues.

I've come to realize that my viewpoints as a black woman even differ from those of black men. Ironically enough, the black men that I meet in organizations tend to espouse the same exact talking points as white supremacists such: anti-feminism, anti-lgbt rights, anti-abortion, ant-Semitism, denial of rape culture, etc.

And I live in a blue state.

And let's not talk about the way that these so-called "woke" men juggle various women ‍. Marc Lamont Hill just became a baby daddy with a younger woman. So did Van Jones. Cousin Jeff confessed how he slept with various women that he organized with. So I don't think it's as cut and dry.


I don't think it's realistic to find a man (even a black man, sadly) who will reflect my political ideology because we live in a culture that ignores the social and political needs of black women. Is it even necessary? IDK, just thinking out loud

 

[secretdiamond]

NO!

 

[NaturalEnigma]

I met this guy who is very kind, sweet, and generous. I always have a good time with him. He seems mannerable so far, but I'm still getting to know him. I think the problem is that I'm veryyyyy liberal. You can consider me to be "woke" as far as it pertains to human rights and black women issues (for obvious reasons). I'm trying to expand my horizons and just look for a good man PERIOD rather than a good black man. The guy I'm dating is a mixed-race Hispanic man.

We've already talked about religion, and neither one of us are particularly religious although we both have extremely religious backgrounds. I did hear him say that he was against masks, which makes me feel like he has some conservative political leanings. Or he may be a moderate, conservative in some areas, liberal in others. IDK I have to ask him. I'm wondering if we could be compatible long term.

I don't feel like this difference in political ideology is due to our difference in race or culture (even though Hispanic is not a race, I don't know if he considers himself black yet). It's not even as simple as to say, "Well, in that case just date black men.

I've dated black men who have straight out told me that they do not like talking about black issues.

I've come to realize that my viewpoints as a black woman even differ from those of black men. Ironically enough, the black men that I meet in organizations tend to espouse the same exact talking points as white supremacists such: anti-feminism, anti-lgbt rights, anti-abortion, ant-Semitism, denial of rape culture, etc.

And I live in a blue state.

And let's not talk about the way that these so-called "woke" men juggle various women ‍. Marc Lamont Hill just became a baby daddy with a younger woman. So did Van Jones. Cousin Jeff confessed how he slept with various women that he organized with. So I don't think it's as cut and dry.


I don't think it's realistic to find a man (even a black man, sadly) who will reflect my political ideology because we live in a culture that ignores the social and political needs of black women. Is it even necessary? IDK, just thinking out loud

It sounds like you’re still getting to know him. I would still keep an open mind and see how your political views and his play out. Based on what was mentioned so far I can’t really tell what his political preferences are. Anti-mask doesn’t necessarily mean he’s conservative. He could be anti-science. Like you mentioned, some people have a mixture of republican, democratic or liberal views. Sometimes it’s not as clean cut and dry, other times it is. Also, date whoever you want to date. You don’t need an excuse. I feel like everyone else (white people, gay people, black men) is loving who they want to love so why can’t we?

 

[Lylddlebit]

Yes. I find the political system to be faulty, corrupt and systematically evil. I have yet to experience a circumstance where politics were indicative of authenticity within a person or compatibility with me.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I don’t think I have it in me to date a conservative man. I don’t see how it could work.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

Political ideologies seem kinda fluid these days but I agree I don't see myself dating someone who would consider themselves conservative politically, like voted for Trump conservative. I wouldn't take him being against mask as conservative right off the bat. But I would think he's not very smart.

 

[Plushottie]

I would keep a good open ear and heart. Who he is will come out. I am conservative in certain respects and can care less as long as you stay in your lane on most things. I don’t like too far either way as many don’t think and just spoon fed thoughts.

 

[ckisland]

Do you have friends with different political leanings? I was super liberal in my 20s, but now I'm pretty conservative in my 30s. I'm pro-woman, pro-black women and pro-science and I still don't agree with most liberal views. My closest friends are on both ends of the spectrum (from conservative evangelist Christians to lgbtq+ practicing witches ). We've learned to agree to disagree and to not bring up certain topics around each other, and that's fine. Being liberal or conservative doesn't innately make you a good or bad person. How passionate the both of you are about your political views also matters. If you can't separate the personal from the political, then finding someone on the same page as you is going to be really important. It's unfortunate but liberal males do tend to be for the streets. At least that's been my personal experience.

People can be interesting though and be a hodgepodge mix of different ideologies. I say get to know him more before you make any decisions about who he is as a person.

 

[Everything Zen]

^^^ adding to that you never know what candidate might sway a family member or significant other’s opinions. Trust and believe Trump shook up entire households both black and white. People you would NEVER think would vote that way so it’s not necessarily always a given. Some people finally saw who he was and that’s a good thing. The bigger question is- would you break up with them if they voted for someone on the other side that you can’t stand? Are they completely off the reservation Qanon or whatever?

 

[Theresamonet]

Just being against masks would be enough to turn me off, honestly. Lol

I feel like more of an old school liberal. Liberal enough that I support social programs, women's rights, civil rights, etc… but not liberal enough to call anybody a “they/them”. People who swing too far to either “woke” side (cause both sides think they’re the ones woke) annoy me. I could get along better with a moderate conservative, than an extreme “everything goes” liberal. If you don’t have what I deem to be good common sense, regardless of politics , I can’t F wit U. There are conservatives/Republicans who used their brains (and weren’t racist) and did not vote for Trump.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I met this guy who is very kind, sweet, and generous. I always have a good time with him. He seems mannerable so far, but I'm still getting to know him. I think the problem is that I'm veryyyyy liberal. You can consider me to be "woke" as far as it pertains to human rights and black women issues (for obvious reasons). I'm trying to expand my horizons and just look for a good man PERIOD rather than a good black man. The guy I'm dating is a mixed-race Hispanic man.

We've already talked about religion, and neither one of us are particularly religious although we both have extremely religious backgrounds. I did hear him say that he was against masks, which makes me feel like he has some conservative political leanings. Or he may be a moderate, conservative in some areas, liberal in others. IDK I have to ask him. I'm wondering if we could be compatible long term.

I don't feel like this difference in political ideology is due to our difference in race or culture (even though Hispanic is not a race, I don't know if he considers himself black yet). It's not even as simple as to say, "Well, in that case just date black men.

I've dated black men who have straight out told me that they do not like talking about black issues.

I've come to realize that my viewpoints as a black woman even differ from those of black men. Ironically enough, the black men that I meet in organizations tend to espouse the same exact talking points as white supremacists such: anti-feminism, anti-lgbt rights, anti-abortion, ant-Semitism, denial of rape culture, etc.

And I live in a blue state.

And let's not talk about the way that these so-called "woke" men juggle various women ‍. Marc Lamont Hill just became a baby daddy with a younger woman. So did Van Jones. Cousin Jeff confessed how he slept with various women that he organized with. So I don't think it's as cut and dry.


I don't think it's realistic to find a man (even a black man, sadly) who will reflect my political ideology because we live in a culture that ignores the social and political needs of black women. Is it even necessary? IDK, just thinking out loud

I just married a mestizo Latino and H*** NO. I'm all for black women dating/marrying interracially if we meet our equal but I'm not about compromising non-negotiables to have a partner. What is your potential mixed with? Or is he mestizo?

Here are my thoughts:

1: Being against masks is a deal breaker in my book. I met DH on a dating app pre-pandemic and if I was dating now there's no way I'd even meet for a coffee date with a man who didn't believe in masks. Most people in my area still wear masks in public places.

2: I don't know how your potential feels about racial issues but it's important that you two are in sync. What I like about my relationship with DH is from day 1 he wanted to see racial issues through my perspective as a BW while understanding that I'm only one BW and we're not a monolith. One of our first dates was a talk on racial issues by a BW who does kinda what Robin DiAngelo does. And that opened discussion about racial trauma. DH is a therapist and shame/generational trauma are his things so he wanted to know about mine, and I wanted to know about his trauma being 1st generation and the tension in the Latino community between mestizos and indigenous people. Even still, DH admitted he started seeing racism in places he didn't expect when he started dating me.

I agree with you about feeling that your leanings differ even from black men.

3: If you consider yourself a liberal, and you think he's a conservative or moderate then you need to see where you match up and if you can live with your differences. If you're pro-choice, pro-LGBT and he's not could you be with someone who is anti-choice and anti-LGBT?

You're still in the gathering data phase. Political ideology is very fluid these days and just saying you're a conservative, moderate or liberal doesn't say much. I don't consider myself a liberal even though many of my viewpoints are. There are many issues that I do not agree with liberals on. Do thorough vetting before you get invested.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I'm sure someone will find an exception but isn't anti-mask basically anti-science? That would be a deal breaker for me. It probably sounds superior but I couldn't trust a man as head of my household who either doesn't believe in science or selectively believes when it suits him.

In theory, I could date a traditional republican who is fiscally conservative and pro-life but I don't think they exist anymore. I mean they all seem to be pro-life and only fiscally conservative when it comes to financing social issues but now there's a layer of trump-ism and Q on top with a heavy side of election result denial, belief in democratic pedophilia and replacement theory. I'd have to seriously vet someone to determine what their true beliefs are. Way too many people became trump supporters and enabled everything we're seeing today to turn a blind eye to the implications.

 

[Evolving78]

I would not date a man that does not share the same views as me in any aspect. I’m too old for that, and trying to find common ground with someone like that is a waste of time. That is called settling. I’m ok with not dating or not having a partner. I’ve been there before and it causes major issues down the line.

 

[Evolving78]

I met this guy who is very kind, sweet, and generous. I always have a good time with him. He seems mannerable so far, but I'm still getting to know him. I think the problem is that I'm veryyyyy liberal. You can consider me to be "woke" as far as it pertains to human rights and black women issues (for obvious reasons). I'm trying to expand my horizons and just look for a good man PERIOD rather than a good black man. The guy I'm dating is a mixed-race Hispanic man.

We've already talked about religion, and neither one of us are particularly religious although we both have extremely religious backgrounds. I did hear him say that he was against masks, which makes me feel like he has some conservative political leanings. Or he may be a moderate, conservative in some areas, liberal in others. IDK I have to ask him. I'm wondering if we could be compatible long term.

I don't feel like this difference in political ideology is due to our difference in race or culture (even though Hispanic is not a race, I don't know if he considers himself black yet). It's not even as simple as to say, "Well, in that case just date black men.

I've dated black men who have straight out told me that they do not like talking about black issues.

I've come to realize that my viewpoints as a black woman even differ from those of black men. Ironically enough, the black men that I meet in organizations tend to espouse the same exact talking points as white supremacists such: anti-feminism, anti-lgbt rights, anti-abortion, ant-Semitism, denial of rape culture, etc.

And I live in a blue state.

And let's not talk about the way that these so-called "woke" men juggle various women ‍. Marc Lamont Hill just became a baby daddy with a younger woman. So did Van Jones. Cousin Jeff confessed how he slept with various women that he organized with. So I don't think it's as cut and dry.


I don't think it's realistic to find a man (even a black man, sadly) who will reflect my political ideology because we live in a culture that ignores the social and political needs of black women. Is it even necessary? IDK, just thinking out loud

Date or marry? Women will put up with a lot to have some penis in their lives. If sex was taken off of the table, would a person still want to be with someone that doesn’t share the same views as them?

 

[LivingInPeace]

If I did that it would mean dating a Clarence Thomas or a Herschel Walker or a Tim Scott kind of man and I’ll pass.

 

[lavaflow99]

If I did that it would mean dating a Clarence Thomas or a Herschel Walker or a Tim Scott kind of man and I’ll pass.

When you say it like that, absolutely not. I will happily stay single with cobwebs around my P

 

[Everything Zen]

I was talking with one of my closest friends about the movie “Soylent Green” and Charlton Heston. Although he’s known for being apart the NRA, he originally backed the Civil Rights Movement and the Democratic Party when no one else would in his time. It appears that he waffled back and forth for some time:

Charlton Heston - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

I guess I’m saying do your homework obviously but you may never know how your partner could swing regarding politics. Is it worth throwing the whole relationship away if they go in a direction you don’t agree with mid course?

 

[MCMLXXXIV]

I was talking with one of my closest friends about the movie “Soylent Green” and Charlton Heston. Although he’s known for being apart the NRA, he originally backed the Civil Rights Movement and the Democratic Party when no one else would in his time. It appears that he waffled back and forth for some time:

Charlton Heston - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

I guess I’m saying do your homework obviously but you may never know how your partner could swing regarding politics. Is it worth throwing the whole relationship away if they go in a direction you don’t agree with mid course?

I loved him in planet of the apes and had no clue. Interesting read. Especially the comments made about a culture war.

 

[tibb1908]

My oldest sister and her husband had the same political views when they got married but over the course of the marriage his changed. He’s a Republican, he voted for Trump, still supports him and he watches Fox News. They’ve been married 30 years and my sister told him that they can’t talk about politics together. He didn’t want to get the vaccine or wear a mask but she told him they would live separately if he didn’t comply so he’s vaccinated and wears a mask. Yes, he’s black and he was born/raised in the hood.

 

[DVAntDany]

It's hard to say. With every relationship I've been in, my former partners have compared me to a robot or an alien. So my relationships have been full of compromises. I will tell you that I have dropped a few friends because of their political beliefs over the past few years. I didn't know how strongly I felt about certain matters until I witness ex-friends favoring things that are detrimental to me. If I'm willing to drop a friend for what I believe in, then I wouldn't hesitate to do that to a prospective love interest.

To grow into a different perspective as @tibb1908 sister's husband did is a different situation. You are going into this knowing that there will be a challenge at the very beginning. I'm pretty lenient with my friends because I don't have to go home with them at the end of the night. So for me to remove them from my life is pretty significant.

What makes him so special to you that you are willing to potentially compromise for something you believe in? For example, what would you do if you and your family wear masks but he will not? So you invite him to a family gathering after knowing he was unmasked around other who are also unmasked. One family member is somewhat sickly, but is okay with people over who mask and test. Lets say this potential guy refuses to test, rejects vaccines and protests against wearing a mask but wants to meet your sick family member on his own terms. How do you respond then?

Would you stick with him after that, but stop inviting him to family gatherings? Are there any other ways that him not wearing a mask affect your life? I mean, he will always be putting you at risk when you two are alone together. He'll be just Coviding up your air in your private and safe spaces away from the public. Will he pay for the air purification systems to ensure your safety? Will you accept a "my bad" statement if you get sick and covid makes your hair fall out in patches?

If the risk is worth it and you aren't too bothered, then go for it. It'll probably spice up your life with friendly debate and eye opening moments. However you even questioning this makes it a flag. Just take off your rose colored glasses and see if its red.