StarScream35
Well-Known Member
Just remember, if you stay in, it won't get any better............he's starting off on the wrong foot and don't think he'll magically get on the right foot!
can yall give your 2 cents
- Thread starter celiabug
- Start date
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
*comes in, sits in my recliner and lights up a newport one hunnit*
ok....carry on
ok....carry on
BostonMaria
Well-Known Member
celiabug said:
I'm so sorry
I would postpone the wedding and give yourself time to heal. The woman is going to be in his life whether she loves him or not. That's not fair to you. You'll always resent him for this too. I think that if you stay you guys will need serious counseling. Since you asked my opinion, don't marry him.
ETA: she bought him a car and gifts but he did NOT have to take it. I'm sure she didn't put a gun to his head. What kind of a man takes an expensive gift knowing he's engaged?
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celiabug
New Member
I found out about this around 4 months ago and I think what hurts the most is the fact that his baby mamma tried to rub it in my face that they were sneaking around behind my back. The first time I ever spoke to her she knew my name, where I worked, what car I drove, where I lived, what school i went too and she even knew me and him were together and she didn't care because she even said her self "I don't care if y'all stay together just know I'm going to be here" I'm really finding myself hating her and I've never felt this much anger towards someone before.
darlingdiva
Well-Known Member
^You are not directing your anger at the appropriate source. Be angry with him, not her. If any people ever deserved one another, THEY DO.
Don't worry about her because she will get hers; no wrong deed in this world goes unpunished.
Don't fall into the trap of being angry at the other woman; it just lets the trifling guy off the hook. She wasn't sneaking around with herself; she was sneaking around with him. He was a very willing participant in this mess, and that is what you must always remember.
Being angry with her isn't going to change his former and present actions, his character, or the misery that will be your life if you stay with him.
Don't worry about her because she will get hers; no wrong deed in this world goes unpunished.
Don't fall into the trap of being angry at the other woman; it just lets the trifling guy off the hook. She wasn't sneaking around with herself; she was sneaking around with him. He was a very willing participant in this mess, and that is what you must always remember.
Being angry with her isn't going to change his former and present actions, his character, or the misery that will be your life if you stay with him.
RocStar
Well-Known Member
Take that anger you have towards her and put it all on him. He was the one who you were in a relationship with.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
I'm really not trying to be insensitive, but I mean seriously. Let me break it down for you. You would be a stupid dumb fool to marry this dude. And that's the PC version. 
It's no wonder there are so many sorry men in this world. I can't believe you actually had to think about the right answer to your question.
It's no wonder there are so many sorry men in this world. I can't believe you actually had to think about the right answer to your question.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
BostonMaria said:
Postpone?? There should be no wedding. We shouldn't even hear anymore details about this story because you should stop talking to the both of them. seriously. Come on! Stop talking to him. It may be hard, but you need to cut him off and move on.
hillalicia
Active Member
for once I can type "I was here"
celiabug
New Member
I know I cant stay with him I just needed someone to put some things in perspective for me. I'm just very confused right now. He's sooo manipulative and he knows the exact time to try and come back into my life with empty promises and lies. I just can't believe all of this is happening to me. It feels unreal.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
I've been there, to an extent. Trust me. I know all about slick talking boys. don't let this Kang make you miss out on your king. Do whatever you need to do to move on.
LovelyNaps26
Well-Known Member
whooo...it ain't me and my head hurt.
There's not much to add except whatever you do DO NOT GET PREGNANT FOR THIS MAN!!!
I know someone full out in the middle of a divorce and between the packing up, cussing and moving out a baby was conceived.
Now you can leave, no strings attached. Let it stay that way!!!You shouldn't be angry with her. He knew what kind of person she was and he gave her all that ammunition to rub in your face - telling her all about you, sneaking around with her while she's laughing about how you don't know what's going on. He could have protected you from that. He could have put her in her place and let her know she couldn't disrespect you like that, but he didn't. That alone let's you know that he doesn't respect you or care at all about your feelings, even besides all the lies he's told.
Sent from my HTC Evo
Sent from my HTC Evo
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Naveah2050
Well-Known Member
celiabug said:
Hell no....4 kids???! What kind of lifestyle or future can u have with such a man....on top of the lies? Absolutely not.
Naveah2050
Well-Known Member
celiabug said:
Wtffff! His child died and he said not a word to you and was busy making plans with you to trap you into this fake *** marriage? Run girl run...
Well, all I can say is don't get married to him to "show her". Don't get caught up in ego. Some women stick with loser men because they don't want someone else to have him. Let him go, he isn't a prize.
TinyBlu
Well-Known Member
BOY = someone who thinks only of the pleasure of the moment and does not make sexually responsible concessions for the possible consequences of his actions
MAN = Spends $10 on the economy pack of Trojans JUST IN CASE
(SIGH) Disclaimer: I am very straightforward
OK... this whole thing just gets on my nerves. Ugh!!! Can we please change the channel ladies and gentlemen? Guy gets sexually aroused, gets busy, gets a girl pregnant, doesn't take responsibility...
LEAVE NOW!!! Love yourself enough to know that you deserve more than this knucklehead!
She "trapped" him? BS!!! He trapped himself!!! USE A CONDOM!! He was drunk? Gimme a break.
So... he's handsome, smart (with 4 kids?? maybe he missed the "how babies are made class in high school... doesn't sound smart to me), owns his own business (ummm... he's divorced so is ex-wifey getting some of that action?) He's a LIAR!!!! How can you conveniently FORGET to tell someone that you have two additional children. RED FLAG!!!
I get it. Dating sucks, and the pickings are slim (as evidenced by this guy), but how much are you willing to settle for? There is no excuse for this guy's ommission. PERIOD. Obviously, he doesn't like to have protected sex, so please be mindful of your sexual health, and by all means, PLEASE don't be an addtion to his baby mama list.
This is a no brainer to me, but I am old and a wee bit cynical... My $2.00 worth of advice is: Take off the rose colored glasses and really LOOK at this guy. Ask the important questions:
1) Divorced? Why? How is relationship with ex? With Kids?
2) Owns own business? What's his financial situation like? Is he supporting all 4 of his children? What were financial reprecussions of his divorce? What's his credit rating (THIS IS SERIOUS!!!!)?
3) "Hidden baby momma"? Is he SOOOO much of a commodity that she had to "trap" him to get him (chances are, he ain't that HANDSOME)? I'm still waiting for a legitimate reason for ommitting that fact...
I'm sorry... I repeat my favorite statement... He walks like a loser, talks like a loser... smells and acts like a loser... QUACK QUACK. Swim away... quickly before you drown!!!!
Buckeyecurlz
Well-Known Member
This is some real life "Steebie Jay" mess!
ambergirl
Well-Known Member
That's what tripped me out (well the worst thing that tripped me out)
The man lied, cheated, hid his children, let the side piece buy him stuff, one of his 4 children DIES, and he's still trying to run his game with you?
That's beyond Kang, that's scary.
OP, there is nothing there for you please do whatever you need to do to get him out of your life immediately.
Naveah2050
Well-Known Member
ambergirl said:
Me too, this true sociopath type behavior....could not be me...
FlyyBohemian
Well-Known Member
I don't like him.
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
A divorced man with 2 kids is NOT my the man of my dreams.
But I'll bite. That aside, dude lied. I read later dude said he was going to tell you after the wedding, WTF?!
So you leaving him would be harder than a simple "We're over?" Dude lies about this who knows what else has lied about or will lie about. Dude's a kang through and through and you should RUN!! Even if you could forgive him the babymama wants him and I would not put up with that kind of drama.FlyyBohemian
Well-Known Member
celiabug said:
Sweetie I've been there. Run before he ruins your life. It's better to be by yourself. You are a way better catch than he is but you are to blinded by the love you have for him to see it. I understand. Take this time to pray. Give your heart to God because the word of God says that where your treasure is your heart is. Your 'treasure' could be your hopes, dreams, fears, or plans you had with this man. Your happiness depends on him and that's a problem. You have probably entrusted this man with too much and like a moth and dust he will destroy it. No one on earth is worth idolizing. If you turn your heart and focus on God you'll start to see this man for who he really is.
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NappyNelle
Kinky Coily 4A, Fine Strands, WSL
to OP. I agree with everyone else. He is not worth the drama.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Damnnnnnnnn that is way too much drama. No man is worth all that bs. Get the f on and getcho life. I know you are hurt and confused by all this f'ery but stop dealing with this bs cuz it really ain't your problem. He is a sorry arse lying trif mf!!!!!
ManeStreet
Well-Known Member
If that was hidden for that long it shows a persons aptitude for concealment & deception. Sounds like the tip of the iceburg.
SelahOco
Well-Known Member
celiabug said:
I know that feeling. But remember she is only in your life because he put her there. And she knows all your business because he told her.
Threads like this are hard because you get the advice you need from women who don't feel your pain or know the bliss this man has brought you since you've known him.
You can bond with any man. Any man can be fun, make you feel special, or connect to you in a special way.
All of your good times were real. Your feelings and his were real. But that man can only give you what he has. He may care for you, but he can't give you more than he has. A person who lies and conceals like that is doing it because that's in him to do. He developed that coping mechanism way before he met you.
He will always lie to you and you will never know 100% of the truth with him. It's probably how he is wired and would only stop if he decided to address his issues and get help.
If you marry him, you're gonna be helping him pay for those kids and you're going to give your kids a father who can't provide for them fairly. Your kids will have to share his attention, finances, etc with 3 other kids.
You will regret marrying him. I know you love him and I know you're in possessive mode. But let that woman have him.
Walk away. You will heal. You will thank yourself for choosing what's best for you.
Don't get pregnant by him, no matter what.
ManeStreet
Well-Known Member
celiabug said:
Remove yourself from the situation & it wont be "happening" to you. As long as you stay in the situation, you are being an active & knowing participant.
If you didnt know about two children & a baby mama he has then you dont know enough about this individual to be marrying him with ease of mind in your decision.
IF you are still considering moving forward, before you do, please get a background check or investigation done on him. Consider that $ spent checking him out as an investment in Your future with or without him. The "man of your dreams" may truly turn out to be nothing more than a creation of your romantic fantasies & his deception.
Also have you spent time with his family?? His brothers, sisters, mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins? Do they know about the babies? How did this not come up previously?
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