Can This Marriage Work? Long Post!

Is this worth fixing?

  • No, get out while you can!!

    Votes: 23 38.3%

  • Yes, it can still be fixed if proper guidance is followed.

    Votes: 37 61.7%
  • Total voters
    60
  • Poll closed .
Also you are too nice, because as a military brat you should know that the military don't look to kindly on people not taking care of their dependents. I woulda called his shirt and tell him the story all while I'm filing for divorce.
 
hopeful said:
There are certain things you don't get over. Your husband allowing you to live in a shelter is one of them. I couldn't forgive my husband for letting that happen. Like 20 years later I would still be pissed. But maybe that's just me.

Also if it were me I'd sell some of his stuff and use the money to stay in a hotel. Ain't no way in hell I'd stay in a shelter and I'm married. No way. I'd rather he be pissed 20 years later that I sold his leather coat and Jordan's than me mad about staying in a shelter.
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I don't think I would be able to respect him. :nono:
 
TamedTresses said:
I don't think I would be able to respect him. :nono:
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Hell its almost 6 years later and I've been divorced 2 of those years and I am still upset with my ex for not letting me use his car when we first got married and moved. But its cool I got him back in a worse way LOL.
 
Im sayin tho...i know brothas in jail sendin money home to their women and all they want in return is a letter and an ocassional visit erry now n then.

It burns me up cuz he got a guaranteed roof ova his head wherever they send him. She out in da streets tryna fake it til she make it and he beefin cuz he don't want to man up and take care of his wife.

I can see if he told her to go home to his parents and hold it down until he gets home, but he basically tellin her you're on your own. No marriage counselor can tell a man how to be a man and all he's thinkin about is savin for a dayum car.

I know men who were deployed to Iraq and set it up where the wife took care of everything and had access to the money.

Im not feelin dis at all. Shelta? Stay in a hotel like she on vacay? Dayum dat newlywed bullshyt. Glad she ain't have no kids by dis bama.
 
NOEChic said:
Ain't no way on God's green earth, would I be moving in a shelter while my husband had a paycheck that could cover my expenses.
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This! I just don't understand it. I normally do not post in relationship threads (maybe one or two posts here and there) but reading this truly upset me. Original poster, wherever you are right now I hope you are safe.
 
Raine054 said:
Any man that would allow his wife to move into a shelter even for one night while he has the means to take care of her is despicable. If he's comfortable with you living there OP, I say get the divorce.
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Agreed.

My DROIDX= TYPOS
 
I'm still confused as to why the huby thinks being in "training" means "separated, as in he is not responsible for you.

OP do you have family you can call? Any friends in the area? Someone you could stay with?.Are you saying you need a hotel/temp housing for six weeks until he gets back? Maybe you could find a room to rent for a month while he gets back (cheaper than hotel) but still I can't wrap my mind around it being OK to him. Before he left for training, he should have had an account you could access his.paycheck. Regardless if you were working.

And I'm a former army brat and I'm shocked, I'm sure your dad would be too. You could call his CO and they would be appalled.

My DROIDX= TYPOS
 
Zaynab said:
I'm still confused as to why the huby thinks being in "training" means "separated, as in he is not responsible for you.
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^^^this right here... i wanted to say something when this thread was 1st posted but i decided to zip it... separated... are you fcuking kidding me!:nono:
 
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OP, why do you have to wait 90 days to receive your check AND pay a $25 stopping fee? I don't understand. It is your employer's responsibility to pay you for the time worked in an orderly fashion.

I keep coming back to this thread, because I really can't believe your husband is doing you like this. :nono: How far away are you from home? Maybe you can ask your parents to borrow you enough money to get you home safely until you receive your check. Stay there for a while until you get things straightened out.
 
A women's shelter?! There's no family or anything to stay with? Is your husband penniless? Are we understanding this correctly that your husband has money to help you, but won't give it to you, and you are now checking into a women's shelter?

Okay, others have given you good relationship advice. Once you are over this hurdle in your life, or maybe even now, I'm going to recommend you get over to the Financial forum. You should not end up in a homeless shelter because 1 single check went missing. When both partners have had jobs and no kids to take care of. We have to work at building you at least a little cushion.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
*sighs* imma wait til i get home and post cuz see, right now da hubby drivin and he cant drive and its rainin...plus he done pissed me off.....he sittin ova there drivin lookin like a gotdayum crash dummy n shy * looks ova at him n rolls my eyes*

Plus i gotta keep my eyes on da road wif da crash dummy. And on top of dat dis same said dummy bought me newport regulas, not newport one hunnits....bama.

So imma hafta get back witchall n keep my eyes on da road AND i gotta make a stop at da licka sto.

*ramblin...i done took n told dis fool to pump da breaks n slow down*
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ThatJerseyGirl
You got Married?
CONGRATULATIONS!
 
Nothing more to say that hasn't already been posted, EXCEPT get direct deposit and you won't have to worry about missing checks.

I am very leary of companies that don't utilize direct deposit.
 
OP, I hope you didn't actually have to check into the shelter, and that you found alternate housing (i.e. a temporary rental). You husband sounds like he still has a lot of learning to do. I don't think he's ready for marriage, and frankly you need a man that will have your back financially when you need help. As I've always understood, Love Don't Pay The Bills - and this guy is either giving tough love or no love...
 
Agree with every one else :nono: it's appalling that he would allow you to live in a shelter. Makes me wonder if there's a history between you two that is driving this.

I can't imagine that living together would be any better. This is a character issue not a money issue.

Best to you OP.
 
SweetNic_JA said:
OP, I hope you didn't actually have to check into the shelter, and that you found alternate housing (i.e. a temporary rental). You husband sounds like he still has a lot of learning to do. I don't think he's ready for marriage, and frankly you need a man that will have your back financially when you need help. As I've always understood, Love Don't Pay The Bills - and this guy is either giving tough love or no love...
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I'm thinking OP could check around for people that rent rooms for one month, there are alot out there, especially during these hard times. I've seem some in my area for $300 a month, all utilities.
 
I'm at a lost for words that you're actually in a homeless shelter now, how can he sleep at night knowing that you're in a dire situation. I too was being optimistic about this but this right here takes the cake :nono:.

I really hope that some family members or friends can take you in.
 
I tried to simply read and exit this thread, but I feel compelled to say something.

OP, your husband is a selfish prick! "Separated"? "Take care of yourself"? WTH?! I can understand him asking you to keep a job and try to minimize bills, but to tell you to take care of yourself and allow you to end up in a shelter? Im seeing more than red flags. Bombs are going off.

I know everyone is trying to be gentle, but I'm going to tell you straight up what I think is going on. He is trying to live single and likely has another woman on base. I suggest you talk to a friend or family member to remedy your immediate housing problems, then do some soul searching. Something in the milk is not clean.
 
I would pack my stuff and leave him. If he has a "ME" mentality, he needs to re-evaluate his life and marriage. Do you have family you can go to? How does he even sleep at night knowing you're staying in a homeless shelter.
 
Had to comment after reading the OP checked into a woman's shelter. Ain't no way in the world I would remain married to a man okay with me moving into a woman's shelter while he had a roof over his head AND the money to make sure I would have a roof over my head.:angry2: And if I was, my family would have me on the ground for thinking that way.:look:

I don't like your husband's mentality that since you're apart, his duties to you as his wife don't apply. Legally, that's moot. I get he's mad at you for doing something he asked you not to but what's more important, proving he's right (and keeping his money to himself) or taking care of his wife?
 
Sounds like typical marital problems to me. Nothing out the ordinary. You all will work through it.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Did you read the whole thread? He basically said go fend for yourself and there ain't nothing typical about being in a homeless shelter while your husband is away with a roof over his head!

FlyyBohemian said:
Sounds like typical marital problems to me. Nothing out the ordinary. You all will work through it.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
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I originally voted yes that she can work on the marriage. Then I read the entire thread.

How do I change my answer to HAYELL NOOOOO *****?!?! RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!


But Opster, go to his parents house and say I need to live here for a minute.
 
I am sorry to say this but your husband is useless to you. I understand he has stresses of being in the army but I don't think anyone twisted his arm to join. As a man, he is supposed to be the head of your household and also financially responsible for you, his wife. What if you had kids? I am involved with a man currently and he makes it his business to make sure before he goes away, everything is straight. Whether that be the food in the fridge, gas in my car, utility bills paid, emergency money, et cetera. It costs to be the boss.

I am not in favor of divorce but this behavior is douche bagish! Sorry. There's no way on God's green earth would I even allow a friend of a friend to stay in a shelter. Far less my spouse!
 
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