Can This Marriage Work? Long Post!

[Seeking8Rights]

I started the thread because I felt that the way my husband was speaking in terms of "support" was whack and many agree it was. He knows it, I know it, and I wanted validation from other women. I don't find anything I said in this forum to be "reckless" and though I wouldn't shout out that I used to be a sugar baby from the roof tops, I don't see as how this forum is any different from chatting with your close girlfriends. At least that's how I perceived it to be on the many years I've spent here lurking and or active. It's clear that it isn't so from now on I will act as I did prior to this thread and keep things to myself. It's no thing to remove your pics from a "public" forum and be done with it so to me, it's not all that reckless, nor public. Compared to some of the things said here me admitting that I was a sugar baby is a walk in the park and I'm not ashamed of my past. I took the advice you gave me earlier which was what I needed. I appreciated what you said because you being a military wife is something I can relate to. However your tone changed as well in previous posts which made me raise an eyebrow, especially the fact that you would assume that just because my husband is white, that his family was ashamed of me or didn't want anything to do with me. If that's the case, the white people in my family must not be telling me something. It's cool though. The situation at hand is being fixed, we are both happy and looking forward to a very long, fulfilling marriage. Thank you all for your help.

Yes my tone did change because the information you provided changed from being clear to murky. And, again, I am not one to censor what I think about a situation. If you wouldn't have came and cleared things up, you would be looking trifling and my response was based upon such.

Everything I type on this forum, if I met you in person, I would say the same thing. Reason being is that I take military life as a spouse very serious as you are representing your husband, his service and and other military spouses.

Again, I am glad your situation has been remedied and I really wish you the best of luck Rachel.

 

[racheljay1985]

I'm with hopeful on this. OP, you need to dig deeper and figure out the part you are playing in all of this.

My guess is that there's some part of you that is comfortable with the drama IRL and even on this board. And if in truth you are having the type of relationship you saying you're having with your mother in law it is just strange as h*ll that you wouldn't take her up on the offer to stay there for just a few short weeks over a homeless shelter. Even with the sick brother in law. And especially with your job constraints.

That choice may very well make sense to you, but from the outside it looks like unnecessary drama creation and playing mind games with your husband.

None of us know your husband or his side of the story, but based on how you've described yourself, it sounds like some of this is a pattern with you and maybe he's just tired of it.

Like hopeful I wish you the best. But, and I say this with all sincerity, you may want to consider counseling of some sort because you could be living a much better life then what you've described here.

The thing that I'm not getting is that I've tried to explain that in my line of work, noise, dogs barking, etc is not okay. All of which my in laws have. As an online customer service rep (for those of you who are so bent on knowing what it is I do) you cannot have dogs barking, loud tvs playing, music etc when you are on the phone with customers. When we move they have a call center location, so I may have a chance at moving until an actual building.

http://realwaystoearnmoneyonline.com/2011/07/call-centers-at-home.html

Please Read The Requirements To Apply Because I go through a temp agency, they do not offer direct deposit so checks are what I have to deal with. I can't even contact their payroll because I'm on contract with another company. I am not comfortable with working at my in laws on several reasons. How would you feel if someone you let stay in your home told you that they must have constant quietness and you have to throw your dogs outside far away from ear shot? You'd have to put your life on hold for them. Now that we are clear on that... I have mentioned previously that I would be willing to take counseling myself. I welcome it, and I have also mentioned that I've had issues previously with money, however I have a job and I'm not going crazy with money. All I asked was that my husband help me out until my checks were here. Take it how you want it.

 

[pookaloo83]

There's no noise at a homeless shelter and living on the streets? Maybe I'm thinking of homeless shelters as something else.

 

[ambergirl]

There's no noise at a homeless shelter and living on the streets? Maybe I'm thinking of homeless shelters as something else.

That's the question. How is a homeless shelter more private and less noisy then a private home?

 

[racheljay1985]

There's no noise at a homeless shelter and living on the streets? Maybe I'm thinking of homeless shelters as something else.

I mentioned that I only needed a place to stay temporarily until I received my money. I've already taken time off because of this whole situation. I never mentioned that I would be working in the shelter. They don't have internet, etc. Neither place is good to work in, hence why I needed money for a hotel until my checks got here. Am I the only one getting this?

Cons: I'm not comfortable with living with my in laws without my DH being there with me (until I get to know the whole family a little better)
They have 6 dogs, and 2 20 something year old sons. DH has told me many a story of their loud music, as well as them fighting, etc. and besides his mother, I don't know them like that...yet.
I don't wish to impose... Does a chick have to explain all the reasons why I feel uncomfortable with staying with them?

Besides them, I have no place to go... the shelter was my only other option. It's temporary.

 

[liberationtheory]

n/m


Best of luck.

 

[ambergirl]

The thing that I'm not getting is that I've tried to explain that in my line of work, noise, dogs barking, etc is not okay. All of which my in laws have. As an online customer service rep (for those of you who are so bent on knowing what it is I do) you cannot have dogs barking, loud tvs playing, music etc when you are on the phone with customers. When we move they have a call center location, so I may have a chance at moving until an actual building.

http://realwaystoearnmoneyonline.com/2011/07/call-centers-at-home.html

Please Read The Requirements To Apply Because I go through a temp agency, they do not offer direct deposit so checks are what I have to deal with. I can't even contact their payroll because I'm on contract with another company. I am not comfortable with working at my in laws on several reasons. How would you feel if someone you let stay in your home told you that they must have constant quietness and you have to throw your dogs outside far away from ear shot? You'd have to put your life on hold for them. Now that we are clear on that... I have mentioned previously that I would be willing to take counseling myself. I welcome it, and I have also mentioned that I've had issues previously with money, however I have a job and I'm not going crazy with money. All I asked was that my husband help me out until my checks were here. Take it how you want it.

OP, it just seems like there's a lot more going on here for you then maybe even you are consciously aware.

I suspect you're aware of some of what your challenges are, but may have a blind spot to others. And that's why they're called blind spots. We literally can't see them ourselves without a little illumination from others.

I'm glad you're open to counseling.

As for your hubby, I really don't know what to think of him and his behavior. If he really is as callous as you've said and you really haven't been driving him crazy with neediness or requests for money then maybe your concerns about your marriage are valid. It sure doesn't sound like his behavior or attitude have been stellar.

If your concerns are REALLY genuine, then it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to have a contingency plan in mind should things not work out when you move to be with him.

 

[Windsy]

OP...quit!

I'd stop answering posts, etc. the more you post it's the more people are left scratching their heads.

Just be safe and good luck!!!

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

OP...quit!

I'd stop answering posts, etc. the more you post it's the more people are left scratching their heads.

Just be safe and good luck!!!

I agree. Op, I do commend you for defending yourself. I hope it all works out for you.....

Sidenote... I have never met anyone defends who their choice to live in shelter, but you are standing firm in your convictions. *shrugs* most people talk about never going back.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

There's no noise at a homeless shelter and living on the streets? Maybe I'm thinking of homeless shelters as something else.

One time I was working at a soup kitchen and they starting fighting. All because someone skipped line, so I can only imagine how it would be to sleep there.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Double post

 

[princessnad]

I met a girl at a passion party some months ago who pretty much was doing the same thing. As she was telling her story about HIM and how is family has all this money, I begun to ask her questions about her background and the more her trifling tail spilled the beans, the clearer the picture became. She said his family decided to cut him off so long as he remained married to her. I asked why and she said because they don't like Jewish people and her being black and raised by a Jewish family intimidated them. I wanted to choke after hearing that mess.

I don't really get this post. What does her saying his family doesn't want her being around mean to make you want to choke her?

The choice to stay wherever is temporary (his parents, or the shelter) but I still have to work. Neither places are working environments. So, therefore if I am spending $480 on a months stay, since I will be working, the money would go back into the pot. It's going to be made up anyway. I will be saving as I work. I also never mentioned I made $1600 a month I just mentioned that's how much my checks were combined. The hotel and a few classes is all I will be using out of those checks give or take some food money. The rest would be stashed anyway. You are right, I started this thread so therefore the answers I get will vary. However, I don't believe I should've received some of the off the wall posts that were made. No one knows my husband like I do, and most people would assume that he was withholding things from me that shouldn't be. He didn't even mention his mother offering me a place until much later. Until I was at the bottom of the barrel. My check is almost 1.5 months late. I asked him for assistance with food 2 months ago and all I received was attitude.

I'm not going to lie, I agree that you staying at a shelter was/is selfish because there are women in dire need whose bed is taken. However, I do think that you have explained yourself. Although people may disagree with your line of thinking, I don't think you were being purposely dishonest or trying to make your DH look bad and you be the victim. From the first post you said that you used to be a sugar baby and not that great with money. I do think that you are a little too comfortable in chaos, possibly due to your upbringing. You should strongly consider counseling and try to get your husband to go also. Emphasize that it's not because you have such terrible problems, but you should go to get into the right mindset to set yourself up for a great marriage.

Best of luck