When is it Okay to Talk Finances??

[Ediese]

You should be talking about finances way before you start sleeping together.

That's exactly what my ex said yesterday.

 

[lexi08]

I think the man should be willing to disclose his financial position. Besides, his duty in a marriage is to be the provider. So somehow he has to show he can provide before getting married/engaged.

As a woman, I wouldn't show my hand, especially if I had a lot of money. I wouldn't expect to have to pay for major household expenses, so I don't understand why a guy would be pressed to know how much money I have. Now debt, I can understand, particularly if it's large. If I had debt, I would tell him when it got serious.

I would have no problem discussing basic philosophies and spending/savings habits in terms of percentages at the dating stage.

I agree with what you posted. I would not date a man that was pressed to now about my financial situation. I have debt which is 99% student loans, I wish a man would try to penalize me for that . My finances are none of his business IMO, I would not even tell a man what I had in savings prior to marriage. I have been on my own since 16 have always lived on my own purchased my car, paid bills and rent with no outside assistance, that is all he would need to know. I may divulge my salary after being engaged, but honestly I have never had a man ask me about my finances, credit, debt anything in the past 10 years or so. I had one 2 guys I dated back in my 20's to ask my salary, but frankly they had nothing to offer and I made more money anyway. Those dudes were looking to mooch off of woman.


I am wondering how women feel about men with student loan debt that he paid on time and was managing properly would you disqualify him because of that? Seems unrealistic to me in this day and time.

 

[HoneyDew]

We talkin about money before we are engaged.

sorry.

I need to know we have the same values on this, and other things, before we get to a point where we are thinking of marriage.

 

[jrae]

What was her response?

She was dumb founded, then she laughed because it is so ironic. Why is it easy to share body fluids but not financial info? [Then she made up her mind to get as intimate on the financial level as they are on the physical level]

 

[missann]

We talkin about money before we are engaged.

sorry.

I need to know we have the same values on this, and other things, before we get to a point where we are thinking of marriage.

I think we're all OK with discussing values and general money issues. However, a guy asking how much money you make/have may pose a problem particularly if he hasn't laid out all his financial business.

 

[a_ caribbean_dream]

I agree with what you posted. I would not date a man that was pressed to now about my financial situation. I have debt which is 99% student loans, I wish a man would try to penalize me for that . My finances are none of his business IMO, I would not even tell a man what I had in savings prior to marriage. I have been on my own since 16 have always lived on my own purchased my car, paid bills and rent with no outside assistance, that is all he would need to know. I may divulge my salary after being engaged, but honestly I have never had a man ask me about my finances, credit, debt anything in the past 10 years or so. I had one 2 guys I dated back in my 20's to ask my salary, but frankly they had nothing to offer and I made more money anyway. Those dudes were looking to mooch off of woman.


I am wondering how women feel about men with student loan debt that he paid on time and was managing properly would you disqualify him because of that? Seems unrealistic to me in this day and time.[/quote]

I am on the same page with you. Most of my debt is from my student loans and it is quite hefty.

 

[kismettt]

idk. lilly (how i met your mother) had an insane amount of credit card debt from shopping that marshall didn't know about (her husband). they went to a loan officer for a loan & had an insane interest rate. marshall was knocked on his a.s.s. i think knowing both parties financial position (in depth) is important.

 

[ladysaraii]

I need full disclosure before an engagement. It's one thing to know attitudes and general situations, but before we get married, I need to know exactly how much you make and how much debt you have. I want no suprises. marriage is at its core, a business. I wouldn't invest in a business w/o financial disclosure, why would I enter a marriage that way

I will say that I do believe in having my own secret saving acct

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I say before you are exclusive. Within 3 to 6 months of dating, I should have a ball park of your financial landscape. Why?

I dont want to get into an exclusive situation with you, find out your spending habits are jacked up, and then feel obligated to stay with a man that will put me in financial ruins. I am not going to expect you to change your spending habits because youre with me (because you probably wont).

I dont need to know everything but I need to know that your credit is ok (indicating you can borrow and pay back responsibly), your income ballpark (so I can determine if you'll be insecure if I make more), and your discretionary spending habits (are you a saver, investor, spender, or combination percentage wise).

Engagement, we're pulling out credit reports and income statements.

 

[Glib Gurl]

While I understand having a "secret" savings account, I don't quite get how your fiance or husband can not know how much you earn . . . that's strange to me. *shrug*

 

[SistaSista]

I think it's a must when you are engaged but it should be touched on lightly beforehand. Luckily my husband and I are on the same page as far as not wanting to have any debt. We had our first son before we got married so that kinda pushed the financial disclosure thing faster. I moved in with him and we both agreed on a plan to become debt free. I didn't have a problem letting him know my financial situation. This made it easier when we got married and bought a house. He knew what was on my credit and I knew what was on his. No secrets.