BlackState.com Stop Hating on the Sisters

[Chocogurl1der]

Guys check this article out! Can you believe this sh*t!

http://www.blackstate.com/dateblackwomen.html

Let me give you the cliffnotes version

The Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Hard to Date a Black Woman by Matthew Lynch

Unlike black women who struggle against the current of the apparent man shortage, searching for eligible candidates is not an arduous task for black men, and never has been. Studies show that for every available man, there are at least seven single, willing and able Black women who are ready to be signed, sealed and delivered to the first derivable and desirable bachelor who crosses their path. Black men can just about have their pick when it comes to choices in the dating arena. Not to mention, online dating in the last 5 years has even widened their circle of choices to national and international possibilities. Still, fewer and fewer are choosing to date black women.


The list of possibilities in our search for understanding can go on forever. Thus, I conducted surveys with 5 African American males in efforts to dispel some of the negative myths created by Black women, and possibly gain true insight as to the lack of intimate camaraderie we have with them. The objective is to illustrate issues relating to our interaction – or lack thereof - with black women, and not necessarily what white women do for black men that black women don’t. Listed below are the top 10 out of 50 reasons why Black men find it hard to date Black women:

1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and regressive.
2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man.
3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships.
4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.
5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.
6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.
7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.
8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.
9. Black women’s tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.
10. Black women do not cater to their men.

Matthew Lynch is an Exceptional Education Teacher at Sykes Elementary School, CEO of Lynch Consulting Group, LLC, and a Doctoral Candidate at Jackson State Mississippi. He is also the author of Closing the Racial Academic Achievement Gap, and an upcoming children’s book, entitled Matthew and the Money Tree. Mr. Lynch is a contributing columnist for The Black Suburban Journal, Blagazine, and Emerging Minds. Born and raised in Mississippi, he currently resides in Jackson, Mississippi.

 

[january noir]

No I can't and this man is NUTZ! I can't speak for other women, only myself and I don't fit any of the 10 criteria. He's freakin' delusional...

 

[Nefertiti0906]

Umm, someone sounds bitter, lol.

Before, I used to get really upset when black men publically disrespected us, but now I really don't care anymore. Things like this just makes them look stupid, lol

I'm just laughing at the fact that this "doctoral candidate" did a survey on FIVE black men to get the black man's opinion on black women

 

[Bublin]

8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.

Ooops - thats me...i'm falling into the stereotype . I have to start soon or i will be single forever.

 

[sonce]

Somebody tell this stank negro to sit down. I swear, you give a chimp a pen and he thinks he's Wole Soyinka.

Before, I used to get really upset when black men publically disrespected us, but now I really don't care anymore.

Isn't it sad that this **** is so widespread that we don't even bat an eyelash anymore? Wake up, sistas! Someone give me a pen and ask me some questions about black men. About time a sista wrote a rebuttal to these arrogant negros ...but let me do that and it'll be the sistas I'm defending who are up in arms. I swear sistas need to get off this loyalty BS.

 

[PaperClip]

I'm just laughing at the fact that this "doctoral candidate" did a survey on FIVE black men to get the black man's opinion on black women

Um... yeah! That's what's embarrassing to me right now.... He's a doctoral candidate with that sample size? Wow....

Seriously though.... looks like I can steer clear of Miss....

 

[Nola Darling]

Um, his last name is Lynch and he's from Alabama *Picturing Uncle Ruckus & Al Sharpton hybrid*....uh.....yeah.

 

[MissYocairis]

Um... yeah! That's what's embarrassing to me right now.... He's a doctoral candidate with that sample size? Wow....

Seriously though.... looks like I can steer clear of Miss....

EXACTLY. You bring up a very valid point. That right there lets you know that he is sorely out of touch with how to even conduct valid research, has no clue how his data can be skewed based on this pitiful sample, and was dumb enough to trust in his own method to the degree of publishing the findings and standing by them. In fact, his department should be scrambling to get that press release reworded. It reflects bad on the program he is in.

 

[sharentu]

i am so tired of wack black men. either man up and get over your bitterness and move on. or just shut up.

 

[PaperClip]

So here's his photo.... I just HAD to know....

http://www.matthewlynch.bravehost.com/about_the_author.html

 

[daniemoy]

This site is proof that #7 is BS. And last I heard we age alot better than other races of women...ughh!

 

[MissYocairis]

So here's his photo.... I just HAD to know....

http://www.matthewlynch.bravehost.com/about_the_author.html

Gross. He has a NAPOLEON COMPLEX. He looks like he's assuredly no taller than 5'5"!

 

[MissScarlett]

I guess will be the bad person here

I am not going to generalize *all* black women and I'm sure this bring some LHCF fire but if you take out the negative context of what he is saiyng, there is some truth in what he is saying. These ARE things we hear and see from *some* black women, I dont think its representative of all of us and yes he's probably had a few bad experiences.

I have a few comments about some of these things....

1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and regressive

Some* black women are known to belittle their men and emasculate their men in front of others. I'm sorry I've seen it with my own eyes. A good example would be in "why did I get married" I would never 'check' dh in front of someone but I would later in private. I think the stronger we get, the more they regress.

2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man. _

In some aspects I might agree with this to an extent. We feed into stats, media, et all.. that say 'there are no good men' so we take on the I'm every woman mantra, we start believing we don't need a man, and probably b/c some men aren't stepping up, we take on that male role.

When we do find a man, we don't fuly embrace being a woman, be feminine...let him pursue you, if he throws game out there, don't accept it and ask for more, kick him to the curb and keep it moving. Don't pay for a man and start this "I'll help you out" mess, this is another way we emasculate men. LET them be men.

I see these issues combined with his statement of # 3 and 4. We see it and its often true. I don't know if its b/c black men have not been fullfilling their roles and we are trying to replace them or we are accepting less from them so they don't even try or KNOW how to be men, either way...its making us the male in the relationships now.



3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships_ .

4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.

-5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.-

I'm sorry but I know some folks out there are only looking for a baller I do'nt know if its the video era or what but we want 'material' stats on a man before we will even date them, again *some* of us. I tried to hook a gf of mine up recently, she wanted to know what he drove, where he worked, summing him up before she even met him.

There are some good men that might be intelligent and NOT degreed, perhaps they didnt' have the same opprotunities we did. Also I hear from alot of women, well I have this so he needs to have this. Ok but when a baller marries a trick with no job, its the same thing, we don't complain then, we are like "go head girl" get ya man. It seems like its OK for the men to settle for someone with less pedigree but then we won't.

6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.

7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.

*some* of us are sitting around saying "I used to be slim before I had my kids" or I don't wear makeup or I don't fix up like I used to. I also know of many AA women that look completely different than they did when they first got married, I'm like damn....what you got married and decided to fall off? We aren't marked for obesity and diabetes for no reason.

8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex-

I think I hear AA women say they don't do it but I know most if not all of us do. I tihnk the difference is, we will only do it in a committed relationship whereas other races I'm sure will just slob on anything.

9. Black women’s tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.

10. Black women do not cater to their men.

I observe this alot. I hear, I don't cook, I don't do this..blah...what's he doing for me. Yes I'm old school, I take care of dh but I also never pump my gas and expect that he pays all the bills...he's the man, he should do so. So doing little things for him IMO there is nothing wrong with that. Its just a give in take us appreciation.

*sometimes* we want alot but don't give alot at times. All men, black or green want their ego stroked, I think this just goes back to the whole loss of feminity thing in general.

 

[PinkPeony]

Some of my asian female co-workers told me that black man just want asian women that never stepped a foot in the US before b/c they like to have total control over their woman and therefore need woman that are not emancipated.

So that's not my opinion but theirs... take it as you want.
While I partially agree with MissS.,I have to say i'm pretty easygoing,laid-back and demure.
Instead of appreciating it the black men I met thought that means i'm weak and they could treat me like they want,yet at the same time those guys where *****ing about other black women that don't know how to treat a man.
Well you know what,you don't know how to treat a good woman when you see here.
Maybe black women have problems with treating a man like a king but then quite a few bm don't know how to treat a woman with respect and a lady.

Of course there are awesome black women and bm,I met many in the military for exp.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

I agree with MissScarlett

I was accused of #3 cause I am strong headed. I don't do the independent crap but I guess I put off that vibe.

i'm working on it for sure.

 

[MissScarlett]

I agree with MissScarlett

I was accused of #3 cause I am strong headed. I don't do the independent crap but I guess I put off that vibe.

i'm working on it for sure.

Its hard for me b/c my nature is to be independent but I always tone it down around dh and men in general when I was single. I realized that men don't want a loud, bossy in control woman that is taking the lead and 'running things' There is something to be said about embracing your feminity. I'm independent in my professional life but with dh I definitely step back and let him take the lead.

 

[Connie]

Somebody tell this stank negro to sit down. I swear, you give a chimp a pen and he thinks he's Wole Soyinka.

Isn't it sad that this **** is so widespread that we don't even bat an eyelash anymore? Wake up, sistas! Someone give me a pen and ask me some questions about black men. About time a sista wrote a rebuttal to these arrogant negros ...but let me do that and it'll be the sistas I'm defending who are up in arms. I swear sistas need to get off this loyalty BS.

AMEN!!! AMEN!!! AMEN!! You want a pen, Sis? I got one over here for you.

My Mother saw that NBC news report last week, particularly the one about black women dating white men, and my poor Mommy was SHOCKED at the numbers. My Mom told me, "There was a time Black women used to say that the only thing a White man could do for them was getting out of the way so they can get to the Black man. Boy...Black women really changed."

 

[Connie]

I guess will be the bad person here

I am not going to generalize *all* black women and I'm sure this bring some LHCF fire but if you take out the negative context of what he is saiyng, there is some truth in what he is saying. These ARE things we hear and see from *some* black women, I dont think its representative of all of us and yes he's probably had a few bad experiences.

I have a few comments about some of these things....

1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and regressive

Some* black women are known to belittle their men and emasculate their men in front of others. I'm sorry I've seen it with my own eyes. A good example would be in "why did I get married" I would never 'check' dh in front of someone but I would later in private. I think the stronger we get, the more they regress.

2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man. _

In some aspects I might agree with this to an extent. We feed into stats, media, et all.. that say 'there are no good men' so we take on the I'm every woman mantra, we start believing we don't need a man, and probably b/c some men aren't stepping up, we take on that male role.

When we do find a man, we don't fuly embrace being a woman, be feminine...let him pursue you, if he throws game out there, don't accept it and ask for more, kick him to the curb and keep it moving. Don't pay for a man and start this "I'll help you out" mess, this is another way we emasculate men. LET them be men.

I see these issues combined with his statement of # 3 and 4. We see it and its often true. I don't know if its b/c black men have not been fullfilling their roles and we are trying to replace them or we are accepting less from them so they don't even try or KNOW how to be men, either way...its making us the male in the relationships now.



3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships_ .

4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.

-5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.-

I'm sorry but I know some folks out there are only looking for a baller I do'nt know if its the video era or what but we want 'material' stats on a man before we will even date them, again *some* of us. I tried to hook a gf of mine up recently, she wanted to know what he drove, where he worked, summing him up before she even met him.

There are some good men that might be intelligent and NOT degreed, perhaps they didnt' have the same opprotunities we did. Also I hear from alot of women, well I have this so he needs to have this. Ok but when a baller marries a trick with no job, its the same thing, we don't complain then, we are like "go head girl" get ya man. It seems like its OK for the men to settle for someone with less pedigree but then we won't.

6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.

7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.

*some* of us are sitting around saying "I used to be slim before I had my kids" or I don't wear makeup or I don't fix up like I used to. I also know of many AA women that look completely different than they did when they first got married, I'm like damn....what you got married and decided to fall off? We aren't marked for obesity and diabetes for no reason.

8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex-

I think I hear AA women say they don't do it but I know most if not all of us do. I tihnk the difference is, we will only do it in a committed relationship whereas other races I'm sure will just slob on anything.

9. Black women’s tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.

10. Black women do not cater to their men.

I observe this alot. I hear, I don't cook, I don't do this..blah...what's he doing for me. Yes I'm old school, I take care of dh but I also never pump my gas and expect that he pays all the bills...he's the man, he should do so. So doing little things for him IMO there is nothing wrong with that. Its just a give in take us appreciation.

*sometimes* we want alot but don't give alot at times. All men, black or green want their ego stroked, I think this just goes back to the whole loss of feminity thing in general.

No Miss Scarlett, you're not the bad one, but the problem I have with articles like this is that while a LOT of black women have these characteristics, the impression given is that ONLY black women possess any or all of these traits or we possess them moreso than any other race. Now we all know that's not true, but when a white/latina/asian, etc. woman displays any of these characteristics, she's not villified by the same men who hold US accountable for all the world to see.

 

[janiebaby]

No Miss Scarlett, you're not the bad one, but the problem I have with articles like this is that while a LOT of black women have these characteristics, the impression given is that ONLY black women possess any or all of these traits or we possess them moreso than any other race. Now we all know that's not true, but when a white/latina/asian, etc. woman displays any of these characteristics, she's not villified by the same men who hold US accountable for all the world to see.

Please PREACH!!!!!!!!!!

I see these characteristics in all of the women listed.......The only thing is before a white/latina/asian woman even opens her mouth she is put on a pedestal and before black women even open up our mouth we are stereotyped it just isn't fair. Also, I've been called "acting white" and "easy" by black men for being nice....NICE...the same thing that they praise all of these other women for being what type of dogg doo is that???

 

[londontresses]

When it comes to this type of feedback I think its easy for us to be dismissive. But I do think we should take note, even if we dont agree...This is how our men feel even if we dont believe its true...when it comes to # 1, 3, 4 ,5 and 9 I think mens self-esteem plays a
huge part.

 

[PaperClip]

I guess will be the bad person here

I am not going to generalize *all* black women and I'm sure this bring some LHCF fire but if you take out the negative context of what he is saiyng, there is some truth in what he is saying. These ARE things we hear and see from *some* black women, I dont think its representative of all of us and yes he's probably had a few bad experiences.

I have a few comments about some of these things....

1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and regressive

Some* black women are known to belittle their men and emasculate their men in front of others. I'm sorry I've seen it with my own eyes. A good example would be in "why did I get married" I would never 'check' dh in front of someone but I would later in private. I think the stronger we get, the more they regress.

2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man. _

In some aspects I might agree with this to an extent. We feed into stats, media, et all.. that say 'there are no good men' so we take on the I'm every woman mantra, we start believing we don't need a man, and probably b/c some men aren't stepping up, we take on that male role.

When we do find a man, we don't fuly embrace being a woman, be feminine...let him pursue you, if he throws game out there, don't accept it and ask for more, kick him to the curb and keep it moving. Don't pay for a man and start this "I'll help you out" mess, this is another way we emasculate men. LET them be men.

I see these issues combined with his statement of # 3 and 4. We see it and its often true. I don't know if its b/c black men have not been fullfilling their roles and we are trying to replace them or we are accepting less from them so they don't even try or KNOW how to be men, either way...its making us the male in the relationships now.



3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships_ .

4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.

-5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.-

I'm sorry but I know some folks out there are only looking for a baller I do'nt know if its the video era or what but we want 'material' stats on a man before we will even date them, again *some* of us. I tried to hook a gf of mine up recently, she wanted to know what he drove, where he worked, summing him up before she even met him.

There are some good men that might be intelligent and NOT degreed, perhaps they didnt' have the same opprotunities we did. Also I hear from alot of women, well I have this so he needs to have this. Ok but when a baller marries a trick with no job, its the same thing, we don't complain then, we are like "go head girl" get ya man. It seems like its OK for the men to settle for someone with less pedigree but then we won't.

6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.

7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.

*some* of us are sitting around saying "I used to be slim before I had my kids" or I don't wear makeup or I don't fix up like I used to. I also know of many AA women that look completely different than they did when they first got married, I'm like damn....what you got married and decided to fall off? We aren't marked for obesity and diabetes for no reason.

8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex-

I think I hear AA women say they don't do it but I know most if not all of us do. I tihnk the difference is, we will only do it in a committed relationship whereas other races I'm sure will just slob on anything.

9. Black women’s tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.

10. Black women do not cater to their men.

I observe this alot. I hear, I don't cook, I don't do this..blah...what's he doing for me. Yes I'm old school, I take care of dh but I also never pump my gas and expect that he pays all the bills...he's the man, he should do so. So doing little things for him IMO there is nothing wrong with that. Its just a give in take us appreciation.

*sometimes* we want alot but don't give alot at times. All men, black or green want their ego stroked, I think this just goes back to the whole loss of feminity thing in general.

That's the point. He talked to what? 5-7 SEVEN MEN? His "research" is 99 percent RHETORIC....

Heck. Even a RUMOR has some TRUTH to it! LOL! That's how a rumor gets its strength....

Sure, you could find SOME women who align with his points. And I could located MANY women who refute these points until eternity....

 

[janiebaby]

When it comes to this type of feedback I think its easy for us to be dismissive. But I do think we should take note, even if we dont agree...This is how our men feel even if we dont believe its true...when it comes to # 1, 3, 4 ,5 and 9 I think mens self-esteem plays a
huge part.

I hear you london....BUT I am sick and tired of people putting everything on black women that I can't even think straight. I'm constantly being told to do this, that, and the third but no one is telling men that they need to step up but black women.

Now I remember someone on here, may have been Kbragg, was saying that women should tell women what they need to be doing but women shouldn't tell men because it's not our place something or other (if I took this out of context please jump down my throat Kbragg). I do agree with her because I do believe in male and female roles.

Now my pastor who I admire and like a great deal, is always talking about what women need to do and what wives need to do and in those moments he may address the men in a tit for tat fashion BUT rarely does he talk about what a man is supposed to do like lead and handle his business. Nor do I see anyone else doing it.

Are black women the only ones that see that black men aren't doing their job? NO! Black men will tell you behind the scenes but few of these men, or the media for that matter, is telling these men what they need to hear. The only thing you hear in the media is how emasculating we are and how black men are dating white women although the biggest IR groups are white men-latina/asian women, oh and you also hear about us telling our men they need to step up but that is it.

 

[firecracker]

Not this tired diatribe. I'll believe some of that **** when I start seeing the universities filled with more black men than women etc.

 

[londontresses]

@Janiebaby....so much truth in your post - I hear your frustration. When I read #9 esp I rolled my eyes. I guess its still a generational issue.

If there are no father figures etc who are setting a standard and telling black men what they should be doing, its falls on us women. Which is then received by them as some of the points on his list.

My thing is as I woman I dont want to have to be schooling my man on these things. Coz to be honest, half of them know what they should be doing - they just dont have the sense, motivation or confidence to do it!

 

[cutebajangirl]

Some of my asian female co-workers told me that black man just want asian women that never stepped a foot in the US before b/c they like to have total control over their woman and therefore need woman that are not emancipated.

So that's not my opinion but theirs... take it as you want.
While I partially agree with MissS.,I have to say i'm pretty easygoing,laid-back and demure.
Instead of appreciating it the black men I met thought that means i'm weak and they could treat me like they want,yet at the same time those guys where *****ing about other black women that don't know how to treat a man.
Well you know what,you don't know how to treat a good woman when you see here.
Maybe black women have problems with treating a man like a king but then quite a few bm don't know how to treat a woman with respect and a lady.

Of course there are awesome black women and bm,I met many in the military for exp.

I agree with you ella. I am very laid back and actually could probably be called docile in a sense in relationships. Alot of black men act a fool when they see this and have no idea how to man up when a lady has laid the way.

 

[janiebaby]

@Janiebaby....so much truth in your post - I hear your frustration. When I read #9 esp I rolled my eyes. I guess its still a generational issue.

If there are no father figures etc who are setting a standard and telling black men what they should be doing, its falls on us women. Which is then received by them as some of the points on his list.

My thing is as I woman I dont want to have to be schooling my man on these things. Coz to be honest, half of them know what they should be doing - they just dont have the sense, motivation or confidence to do it!

 

[WomanlyCharm]

*groans*

Not this tired crap again. He needs to get a life, and a brain.

And I'm embarrassed to even admit this, but I'm 99% sure this fool is a relative of mine. If so, I need to cut off that branch of the family tree.

 

[Extremus]

why did my SO say he agrees with this 1000% (and he's black too BTW) but he doesn't want a white women

 

[Extremus]

i am so tired of wack black men. either man up and get over your bitterness and move on. or just shut up.

OK! Like really! Go get your white/asian/latina women already! Shut up about us!

 

[CoCoRica]

I'm not understanding how, blk wmn are labeled gold diggers when.....

1. There tons of blk wmn who reared children on their own, when the blk man ran out!

2. Alot of Black men(maybe all men) are so unfaithful

3. When a black man becomes succesful and breaks thru that glass ceiling, the women he selects 8 out of 10 times are white or non-black. These women only with you for your $$$.

4. In these videos, half the "*****es" and "hoes", and "gold diggers" aren't even remotely black... if thats the case ..tell the story like it is


So how is this.

Culturally speaking white women are raised to marry into money or with succesful men. That's not to say maybe they started with nothing and now have it all. Asian women did this too back in war time to have better life in America.

But if black women want to secure their future or better position themselves and their offspring to have better lives....we are classifed as gold diggers.....---> Go 2 Hell!!!!!!!!!! NoNseNsE

Pleassssssssssssssssssse how many Donald Trumps do you see bagging a chick that works at McDonald's. So why should it be different for successful black women.

Common Sense and status dicatates this more than race or color of skin. How wld a doctor relate to a garbage man. How wld a devil worshipper relate to a saint.

People deal with people on their level, then you have exceptions like Britney and Usher, but will you ever see Paris Hilton with a regular Joe Blow?

Get outta here with that, if I'm a million dollar pimp then I need a million dollar hoe(sumthin like how the song goes).

As far as catering to your man, what woman does, more in more women are working FT, raising children (married or not), more families eat out today which is the reason America has the highest rates of obesity. So its not just blk women. To have a home cooked meal these days is a special occasion, back in the day going out to eat was a big deal.

Case in point people with money can sit down and eat. People with money have time and people with time have money. Women like this can pop out a baby, hire a trainer and/or nutrition or cook to drop weight.

How many couples out there working out together? How many men assist there wives in helping maintain her looks, health, and sanity but balancing housework and encouraging and supporting each other.

This is why women want a man thats succesful and this is one succesful people are attracted to each other "EQUAL BENEFITS"


...oop, I guess I fall into the black woman with an attitude category